Chapter Nineteen

Gideon was dead.

He lay on the floor of my living room, a raw open wound in his chest, blood soaking the floorboards. His Afro was more disheveled than he’d ever allow, and I had the irrational urge to comb it for him, make it look good, make him look more like himself.

As though that would make a difference.

Toji screamed in pain, sobs wracking his body as I held him, tears streaming down my cheeks. He clutched Gideon’s blood-splattered glasses to his chest. Ashe threw her head back and howled, then lay down next to Gideon’s body. Kinari was huddled against me, scared and confused.

Callan knelt between us and Gideon’s body, absolute shock on his face.

“No, no, no, no,” Toji kept saying over and over. “My Gi…my love. No…no!” He screamed, begging and pleading with the universe to breathe life back into Gideon.

I held him while he fell apart, not sure how I was even held together myself.

Everything had gone so, so wrong, and Gideon had paid the ultimate price.

It was my fault. I should have made him stay. I should have found some other way to help Kinari instead of bringing my friends into danger.

I felt numb, like someone had punched a hole straight through my heart. I hadn’t known I was capable of producing so many tears. I didn’t care if the world fell apart tomorrow. I didn’t want to be the hero anymore. Playing the hero got my best friend killed.

The world could burn.

“Penn, Penn…what do we do?” Toji raised his tear-streaked face to mine. The anguish, pain, and sorrow on his face cut me to pieces even more. “My Gideon can’t be dead, please…tell me there’s something you can do.” His chest was heaving, and I held him tighter.

What the hell could I open my mouth and say?

“Toji…” My voice cracked, my tears fell harder. I didn’t have to say anything more.

He could see on my face that I had nothing to offer him. Sobs wracked his body again as he buried his face against my chest.

“There might be a way…” A hush fell over all of us as we turned our attention to Callan.

Toji raised his head. “A way to bring him back?” he said, voice hoarse.

Callan looked tense and uncertain. He met my eyes. “A Chronsphere. The same way my father and the others brought magic users back.” He indicated Kinari, who remained still and quiet at my side. I had one arm around her. “Chronspheres work by reversing time on a person or object. With Kinari, they needed centuries of time to restore her body to the last time she had been alive. But this happened recently. Gideon’s body could be restored using a few hours.”

“You can use those Chronspheres you were going to barter with,” Toji said quickly. He moved away from me and over to Gideon’s body, taking his hand and staring at his face.

He looked like he was asleep. I wanted so badly to believe he was asleep. I held myself very still, not allowing myself to hope until Callan said everything he had to say.

“Yes…” Callan said slowly. “But those Spheres have about a day and a half stored. That would be enough to undo the last hour or two, but it would give him only about a day and a half to live. Once the time runs out, his injuries will catch up to him again and he…”

“Will die again,” I finished softly.

“You wouldn’t want to bring him back only for a day,” Callan continued. “It would work best if there were years of time stored in the Chronsphere…”

“What about me?” Toji said. “You could take years from me and give them to him.”

I didn’t think I could feel more heartbroken, but another wave of emotion came over me hearing Toji say that.

“I could, but if I took, say five years from you, that would revert you five years and give him only five years to live,” Callan said gently. “You would also forget the last five years of your life.”

“I met Gi four years ago…”

“Right. You would…you would forget him. And Penn. And everything you learned about yourself and your family last night.”

“There has to be a way!” Toji shouted. “Take all my years, damn it. Give them all to him, just bring him back, please. Please…I don’t want to live without him anyway.”

I didn’t, either. A world without Gideon wasn’t one I wanted to live in. He was the closest friend I’d ever had, in this lifetime and the other. I understood why Toji would give up his entire life to bring him back.

I crept forward and lay my hand on his shoulder. “But Gideon wouldn’t want to live without you,” I said. “Can you imagine what it’d be like for Callan to revive him, just for him to learn it was because you sacrificed yourself? He would want to die all over again, Toji. And give your years back to you. Otherwise he would live in misery for thirty-two years.”

“But there has to be a way!” Toji turned to Callan. “Why would you say anything if there wasn’t a way!”

“I…”

“Take my years,” came a voice from behind us.

I turned, stunned, and looked at Kinari, who sat with her hands in her lap, sadness in her eyes. She met my gaze and offered me a small smile.

“Kinari…what…” I moved closer to her and took her hands in mine.

“Take my years to save your friend,” she said. “I was given fifty years to live. Plus the seventeen I was brought back with. So that’s sixty-seven. More than enough for a long life, right?”

“Yes, but…” I turned to Callan and Toji, who were still and quiet as they listened. I turned back to my sister, who looked down at her tightly balled hands.

“I know you’re usually the one who says and does the brave thing,” she said.

“Kinari, if this is about proving you’re brave…”

“It’s not…” She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t want to die again. I don’t want to make you sad, make you cry for me again. But am I really alive, Penn?”

“Kinari…” I squeezed her hands. I wanted to tell her of course she was alive, but I knew what she really meant.

“I can’t be tied to a Mortalstone because I have no soul. And without a Mortalstone, if I use my magic, I will become unstable like the others did, and my own magic will kill me. Plus…” She looked out the windows. “Maybe I could have grown to like the world the way it is now, and I wish I’d gotten to see more of it, but I don’t think I’d ever truly fit in.” She looked at me again, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I might be okay as long as I don’t ever use my magic…but do you know how that feels? Like I can breathe, but only sometimes. It’s…it’s too hard, Penn. I shouldn’t have been brought back in the first place…”

“You shouldn’t have died in the first place,” I said fiercely. “That bastard…what he did to you and Ma…”

“I know,” she said. “But my journey didn’t end there, neither did yours. Three hundred years later, we got to be together again.”

“But it’s not enough,” I said, tears brimming in my eyes. “It won’t ever be enough.”

Ashe came over and nuzzled Kinari, licking the tears from both our cheeks.

“We got to live twice,” Kinari said. “That’s more than anyone else gets. And now, I can give that gift to Gideon.” A pained look came across her face. “I can’t give back the time to those it was taken from, but this way at least there can be some good that comes from the damage done.”

“Kinari.” I could barely see through my tears. I pulled her into my arms and held her tightly as we cried.

She was right, we both got to live twice, but what kind of second lives had we really had? There’d still been suffering and isolation for both of us. Ashe wrapped her body and warmth around us. She howled again, softer, but still full of pain.

When I pulled back, I studied Kinari’s face.

I wanted to fight against this, wanted to tell her I would find another way to fix everything, and tell Toji we’d find another way to bring Gideon back. But I knew they would be empty words. That I would be fighting against the inevitable.

Kinari’s sacrifice was the only way out of this.

I had to let my heart break for her all over again.

“Okay?” she asked softly, tentatively.

“Okay,” I replied, just as softly. The word felt like glass cutting across my tongue as I said it. She smiled through her tears, and my already broken heart felt like it reformed just to break all over again.

Kinari looked around my apartment, focusing on my houseplants. “I want to feel my magic again before I go,” she said. “Can I…?”

“Do whatever you want, love,” I said. “Turn this place into the Botanic Gardens for all I care.”

She smiled, and Ashe kept her company while she went around the apartment.

Her magic tingled across my skin as she made my plants bigger and more luscious.

I’d been struggling to get my Rhaphidophora tetrasperma to thrive; it was a sunburned, scraggly thing, but under Kinari’s magic the browning leaves healed and the plant grew about two feet taller. Healthy, fenestrated leaves unfurled, not only from the main stem but from three others Kinari coaxed from the dirt, making the plant bushier. It was finally tall enough for the trellis I’d ambitiously stuck in the pot, and she gently attached the stems to it.

She looked so happy as she put the plant down and moved over to the golden pothos hanging in the window, running her hands through the vines that trailed a few inches over the edge of the pot, and extending them until they almost touched the floor. The leaves grew twice as large, and their green and yellow patterns were more vibrant.

She moved on to the Thanksgiving cactus on the windowsill and made it flower months ahead of its season. Just because she could.

It was good to see her use her magic, yet it pained me to know it would be her last time. From the touch of her magic, I knew I could never pay attention to the plants again and they’d thrive for years.

“Penn…” Toji was beside me while Kinari worked on my plants. “I can’t ask your sister to do this. I can’t put you through that again.”

I took his hand. “You’re not asking. It was her choice.”

“But still…after you told us how she died, and now you get a second chance to have her back…”

I sighed. “Don’t think for a second that I didn’t want to fight. But she’s right about the Mortalstone problem. She’d be alive, but she wouldn’t really be living. I would be making her suffer and she would smile at me and pretend everything was okay and she was happy because she got to be with Ashe and me. But…” I shook my head. “She is braver than I could ever be. And I am so proud of her.”

“I will never forget this,” Toji said.

We hugged, then he got up to go talk to Kinari, starting by giving her a hug as well.

About an hour later, Kinari said she was ready.

My apartment was truly the definition of an urban jungle, and I was comforted by the feel of Kinari’s magic that lingered—the faint smell of petrichor combined with the heightened natural scents she’d drawn out from the plants that was somehow not cloying.

I wasn’t ready for this, but there was no point in delaying it. Kinari and I knelt on one side of Gideon’s body and Ashe lay behind us.

Toji was on his other side, and Callan was next to Kinari, holding an empty Chronsphere. He held his hand over it the way I’d seen before, and his magic whispered across my skin. He looked up at us, a solemn look on his face.

“Once I touch the stone to Kinari, it will start to collect her years,” he said gently. “After I transfer the time to Gideon, she will…”

“Right,” I said, a hitch in my voice. She would die.

Kinari and I turned to each other.

We’d spent the last hour talking and saying goodbye every way we could, but now that it was down to the last minute, it felt like there should be so much more to say. No one else could say they got to spend time with their loved one in two different lifetimes, but I was selfish.

I wanted more than this and the time we’d spent in the community. I thought I was all cried out, but fresh tears fell again, mirrored in Kinari’s eyes. Ashe raised her head and Kinari put her arms around her. When she pulled back, she gently squeezed Ashe’s cheeks between her palms and Ashe flicked out her tongue to lick her nose.

“Take care of my sis,” Kinari said to her.

Ashe made a sound of agreement and rubbed her head against Kinari’s cheek. I then drew Kinari into my arms and ugly cried on her. I didn’t want to let her go, didn’t want to accept that to get my best friend back, I had to lose my sister. Again. Why the hell was life so unfair?

When we drew back, Ashe licked both our faces.

“I love you, little sister,” I said. “You will live in my heart, always.”

“I love you, too,” she said.

We hugged one last time, and I almost couldn’t let her go. But I did.

Then she turned to Callan and nodded. I held one of her hands tightly while she offered Callan the palm of her other. Callan looked at me over her head, and I knew he wished there was some other way. Same as I did.

He took a breath, then gently placed the Chronsphere on her hand. He then held his palm above hers and once again, the thrumming beat of his Temporal magic rose. It was all I could do to hold still and not knock the Chronsphere away, save my sister from being embraced by the fathomless dark again.

Something occurred to me then.

“Wait.” Everyone turned startled looks to me. Toji looked like he would crack apart if my next words had to do with calling this off.

“Gideon’s soul,” I ventured, brow furrowing as I looked at Callan. “It won’t be brought back, right?”

Callan frowned as well. “I don’t know what happens to the souls of non-magic users when they pass,” he admitted. “Don’t know how they journey to the Afterlife. I can restore his life, yes, but his soul…”

“But he’s not a magic user, so he won’t become unstable,” Toji said quickly. “Right? He should be fine.” He looked from Callan to me. “Right?”

We both hesitated. Neither of us knew what problems could arise for a non-magic user without a soul, but as I looked at Toji’s face again, I realized it didn’t matter right now.

“We’ll figure it out,” I said. “He’s not Talented so he won’t have the issue Kinari does. We’ll bring him back then figure out where his soul is. Okay?”

Toji looked as though he would collapse with relief. “Okay,” he agreed. Callan looked at him, then me, and I nodded. I brushed Kinari’s hair back and she gave me a small smile before offering Callan her palm again, on which the Chronsphere sat. He once again held his hand over hers. The air around their hands vibrated as his magic connected with the Chronsphere.

The minutes that passed felt like torture. Tears brimmed in Kinari’s eyes as she tried to maintain a wavering smile.

Finally, Callan gently took the Chronsphere off Kinari’s palm and lay it on Gideon’s chest. My eyes were glued to the tiny Sphere that contained my sister’s entire life as Kinari shifted closer to me, our hands still tightly gripped, as she too watched Callan’s movements. I wanted to tell her not to look, but what difference did it make?

After Callan placed the Chronsphere, he held his palm over it and released his magic.

Kinari turned to me. Our eyes locked and we both knew it was almost over. She squeezed my hand one last time.

Then she collapsed into my arms.

I wanted to collapse, too, but I made myself sit up and hold her. A scream ripped from my throat. I ached. There were no words to describe what it felt like to once again be holding the lifeless body of my little sister.

I felt the same helplessness I did three hundred years ago.

Why couldn’t I have saved her?

I gathered her body and moved farther away, leaning against Ashe and stroking Kinari’s hair. Ashe stayed close, giving me comfort through her nuzzles, but it’d be a long time before I would heal from this. If ever.

I stared down at Kinari’s closed eyes, unable to believe that moments ago they’d been open and she’d been talking to me. Tears were still damp on her cheeks.

I felt chaotic inside. I wanted to see Gideon open his eyes, wanted to see his chest rise and fall as he breathed, wanted to see Toji holding him because he was alive, not a corpse Toji was crying over. But with my sister’s corpse in my own arms, I couldn’t settle on any one emotion.

Toji watched tensely, his hands clasped in front of his face, since Callan had told him to let go of Gideon’s hand while he worked. After a few minutes, Callan’s magic quieted, and a hush fell over the room as he picked up the now empty Chronsphere. Toji grabbed Gideon’s hand, his eyes glued to his face.

I held my breath and waited. Callan moved back, coming closer to me.

It felt like an eternity was passing. Like the sun was rising and setting in a continuous loop outside as we waited.

In reality, it was less than a minute until Gideon gasped, opened his eyes wide, and sat up straight into Toji’s arms.