SALLIE BEAUMONT was smiling as she stopped her car on the forecourt of the village medical practice. It was a bright spring morning and everywhere had been bursting into life as she’d visited those who hadn’t been well enough to attend the surgery.
There’d been splashes of colour in cottage gardens, fresh green leaves on the trees, and the sun beaming down onto the place that was so dear to her heart was like a blessing from the serene heavens.
She was always happy to see the end of winter. The loneliness was easier to cope with on bright days, instead of on dull afternoons and long dark nights. But that was the last thing on her mind today.
Part of the huge gap in her life was about to be filled. A temporary arrangement maybe, but for the next six months there would be a child in the apartment above the practice, the baby of a single mother who had been offered the chance of a lifetime that she couldn’t afford to miss. But it was going to mean leaving her baby behind.
A niece of Sallie’s by marriage, Melanie had become pregnant while in a disastrous relationship that had foundered once the father-to-be had realised the score. The country doctor had known nothing about it until there’d been a phone call one day to say that the twenty-one-year-old was in hospital having given birth to a baby boy, and would she like to visit? She hadn’t needed to be asked twice, and it had been the beginning of a friendship that had deepened as the weeks had gone by.
The girl’s parents had died some time previously and until Sallie had appeared on the scene she’d had no one to turn to. But Melanie was a fighter, independent, ready to take a risk, and when she’d been offered a six-month contract as a dancer in a show in America, she’d asked Sallie if she would have little Liam until she came back.
‘You know I love dancing,’ she’d coaxed. ‘It’s my life, Sallie. I’ve trained, worked at it, and dreamt of something like this turning up, but I couldn’t leave my baby with anyone else but you.’
‘I don’t have to be persuaded,’ Sallie had told her. ‘Of course I’ll look after Liam, and between Hannah and myself, we’ll cope. She loves children, too. We’ll take good care of him.’
And today was the day when the lonely apartment above the surgery was going to come to life. Melanie was bringing Liam round that evening and flying out to New York in the morning, and every time Sallie thought about it she found herself smiling. There hadn’t been much to smile about in her life over the last three years, but this was something to be happy about.
However, before that there was the late afternoon surgery to get through. She would be taking one and Colin Carstairs, the senior partner at the practice, the other. He had seemed distracted of late, and when he’d seen off the last of his patients he came into her room and perched himself on the corner of her desk.
She looked up enquiringly and he said casually, ‘Do you ever hear from that husband of yours, Sallie?’
‘I had a card from Steve at Christmas,’ she told him, startled by the question.
‘Where is he based these days?’
‘I don’t know. It had a Gloucester postmark on the envelope. The year before it was Cornwall. The year before that London. So it would seem that he’s moving about all the time. But why do you ask?’
He answered her question with another of his own. ‘How would you feel about him coming back into the practice, if he was willing?’
How would she feel? How would she feel if the only man she’d ever loved came back into her life. It wasn’t an easy question to answer. She would be eager to see him again, but apprehensive after the way they’d parted, and not prepared to have her life torn apart again when she’d done nothing wrong.
But Steve was proud and stubborn. Whatever it was that Colin had in mind, she couldn’t see Steve coming back after all this time unless he had got over his despair.
‘When the pair of you joined the practice, I thought it was my birthday,’ Colin was saying. ‘Two young graduates, husband and wife, keen and able. Stephen was a like a flash of light around the place and you were his anchor.’
Not any more, she thought miserably.
‘Why are we on this subject?’ she asked flatly. ‘And why would you want Steve back in the practice? I know we are very busy but—’
‘Jess and I are moving to Canada.’
‘What?’
‘You know that David and his family are out there and they are forever trying to persuade us to join them. Needless to say, Jessica is pining for her grandchildren so we’re going to take the plunge. I know I’m only in my late fifties, but I feel ready to retire and enjoy the good life.’
Then Colin sighed and patted her hand. ‘But, Sallie, I don’t want to go and leave you coping with some stranger. You are the best, and so is Stephen. The village folk love and respect you and if he came back they would be well suited. But how about you? How would you feel?’
‘I would have mixed feelings,’ she said with a strained smile. ‘He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and nothing is going to change that, but apart from the Christmas cards he hasn’t been in touch in three years. That would take some forgiving and, in any case, how do you know he would want to come back?’
‘I don’t. But there’s no harm in asking.’
Her heartbeat was thudding in her ears. His parting words had always prevented her from doing that. ‘Forget about me, Sal,’ he’d said harshly. ‘I need some space. Find yourself some other guy who can give you children.’
‘I don’t want anyone else,’ she’d cried above the noise of the car engine on a dark November night. ‘I only want you.’ But he hadn’t heard her and she knew he wouldn’t have changed his mind if he had. As far as Steve had been concerned, he’d wanted out.
‘So it’s all right with you if I put out some feelers?’ Colin was asking. ‘I don’t want to cause him any embarrassment by going through official channels to locate him. I have a friend who practises in the Gloucester area. I’ll give him a ring and let you know if I come up with anything as I’m not going to Canada until I’ve spoken to Steve.’
‘Yes, whatever you say,’ she agreed weakly, and, gathering up her belongings, she went upstairs.
As he’d watched her go Colin had thought that for once the practice wasn’t his main concern. He was using it as an excuse to try and bring two people that he held in high regard back into each other’s lives.
If ever he’d thought a marriage solid it had been theirs. They’d adored each other until the time that Stephen had seen one of his most precious dreams put in jeopardy and Sallie had been faced with the painful fact that her loving support was not enough.
He, Colin, was looking forward to the new life that he and his wife were planning, but felt that before he went he had to try to bring about a reconciliation between Sallie and Stephen.
It had been three years since Stephen had left the practice and he had watched Sallie cope with her misery as best she could. She had been blameless. Ready to support her clever, impatient husband in every way. But he’d still gone, and if he hadn’t met anyone else, or put down roots somewhere, maybe he might have calmed down and be ready to see sense. But first he had to find him.
Colin’s revelation that he wanted Steve back in the practice before he went to Canada had been a week ago, and as she waited for him to come up with some news of him, the only thing that was saving Sallie’s sanity was Melanie’s baby.
At two months Liam was a contented little mite with soft golden down on his head and eyes as blue as a summer sky. Every time she held him Sallie knew how much she ached for children of her own, but they would have to be Steve’s children, too, and the likelihood of that was remote, due to the long-term effects of his illness and the fact that she would be wary of having her heart broken again.
Theirs had been the happiest of marriages until he’d been diagnosed with testicular cancer and everything had begun to fall apart. For one thing, the timing of it had been catastrophic. It had come when he had been desperate for them to start a family. So much so that it had caused difficulties in their relationship because she’d wanted to wait a while, having worked hard to get where she was, and in that unsettled state of affairs had come the cancer. She had supported him all the way, but it seemed it hadn’t been enough. Instead of bringing them closer, it had driven them apart and in the end, after months of angry frustration on Steve’s part, he had gone and she hadn’t seen him since.
Hannah Morrison had been their housekeeper ever since they’d arrived in the village eight years ago and was a plump, motherly, sixty-year-old. Her children were now leading their own lives, and Hannah looked after Sallie as if she were one of them.
When she’d been told about the baby coming to live in the apartment above the surgery, she’d smiled her delight. It would be like the old days, having a wee mite to cuddle, she’d said, and thought that it would give the lonely doctor something to love. The housekeeper often wondered how Sallie kept so calm with no husband, no children and a busy practice always making demands on her. She never once complained.
In the week since Liam’s arrival Sallie had developed a routine. Up early to give him his six o’clock bottle, then, when she’d had her breakfast, it was bathtime. When Hannah arrived at just before half past eight she was ready to take off the mantle of stand-in mother and become the village doctor, reverting back again once the late surgery was over.
She was loving every minute of it, but at the back of her mind all the time was the thought of Colin trying to find Steve and what might, or might not, come of it. He hadn’t mentioned it since, and she wondered if he’d given up on the idea.
He would tell her if she asked, but every time she thought of it her insides began to churn. If Steve came back, what would it be like? They’d been apart for such a long time.
There had been a lot of interest among the village folk when the news had got around that the doctor was looking after someone else’s baby. Some said it was a pity it wasn’t her own and what was Stephen Beaumont playing at? The reason for his departure had never been general knowledge. Colin had protected Sallie from the gossip as much as he’d been able to, and gradually it had died down.
It was six o’clock, Hannah had just left and after a busy day in the practice Sallie was feeding Liam when there was a ring at the side door downstairs that led to the apartment. Hannah must have forgotten something, she thought.
Lifting Liam up into her arms, she placed the bottle on to the table, and as he began to howl in protest she carried him carefully down the steep staircase that led to the surgery below. There was a smile on her face as she unlocked the door, but it was wiped off by sheer amazement as she saw that Hannah hadn’t forgotten anything.
Steve was standing on the mat, and as the shock of seeing him hit her she clutched the baby to her and took a step back.
‘Hello, Sallie,’ he said, as she stood transfixed in front of him. ‘Can I come in?’
Speechless, she moved to one side to let him pass and as he brushed against her the dark, compelling gaze that she knew so well was fixed on the baby.
‘I see you did as I suggested,’ he said levelly. ‘Found someone who could give you a child.’
She was adjusting to the shock of seeing him. Her mind was working again, her speech coming back. Pointing to the staircase, she suggested, ‘If you’d like to go up.’
‘After you,’ he said in the same tone, and, still holding the crying baby tightly in her arms, she led the way.
‘As usual, you’re jumping to the wrong conclusions,’ she said quietly, as the hurt that his opening comment had caused settled around her heart.
He was standing in the middle of the sitting room, looking around him, and raised a dark eyebrow. ‘In what way?’
‘Liam isn’t mine. He belongs to your niece, Melanie, who was living with some guy who disappeared when he discovered she was pregnant. At present she’s working in America and I’m looking after her baby for her.’
‘What? She should have come to me. You shouldn’t be lumbered with my family’s problems,’ he exclaimed.
‘Oh, yes? There would have been the small matter of Melanie having to find you first, and I am not being lumbered at all. Liam is adorable and I love having him.’
Trying to stay calm, she picked up Liam’s bottle and started to feed the now quiet infant. She could feel Steve’s gaze on her and decided to change the subject.
‘So why are you here, Steve?’ she asked coolly. ‘Has Colin been in touch?’
He went to stand by the window and looked out onto the village and the peaks beyond. ‘Not with me, but a colleague of mine told me he was looking for me. So I decided to come and find out why.’
After the way he’d behaved in the past, he couldn’t face telling Sallie that when he’d heard Colin was seeking him out, he’d immediately thought that there was something wrong with her and he’d come rushing from Gloucestershire in fear and dread, only to be faced with the sickening anticlimax of her appearing in front of him with a baby in her arms. And as usual he’d been too quick off the mark with what he’d said when he’d seen it.
He’d heard a baby crying as he’d rung the doorbell, but had thought it came from outside the practice building rather than inside. When she’d opened the door with the crying infant in her arms, he’d felt as if someone had struck him a hard blow to the chest.
Sallie was taking in every detail of him now that she’d got used to the shock of his arrival. He looked older, tired, as if his batteries needed recharging. The long, lean length of him was thinner, the dark pelt of his hair seemed to have lost its gloss, but he was still a man who would stand out among other men. A man that women looked at twice, some of them three times, and once he had been hers.
Legally he still was. Neither of them had ever filed for divorce and incredibly he was here, back where he belonged, but not because of her. He’d come to see what Colin wanted of him and would probably turn on his heel and go back to where he’d come from once he knew.
‘So what does Colin want me for?’ he asked, as his gaze moved again to the countryside that he had loved as much as she did.
‘He and Jessica are going to live in Canada and he wants you to come back into the practice so that he can leave with an easy mind.’
His heart was leaping with thankfulness as he listened to what she had to say. A way to make amends to her was opening out before him, but he wasn’t going to let her see his joy, not yet. Sallie might not want him back in her life and if that was the case, who could blame her?
‘I’m surprised to hear that after the way I went storming off,’ he said dryly.
She knew this man, Sallie was thinking. Knew him better than she knew herself. Knew his virtues and his failings, and when it came to those, pride was top of the list.
‘He understood in part what you did. So did I. But I had more to lose than Colin had, much more. But, Steve, this isn’t the time to talk about that. It isn’t about us. It’s about the practice. I’ve learned to cope without you, so don’t let what happened between us affect your decision when he asks you.’
‘So you aren’t bothered whether I come back or not.’
Liam had finished his feed and was ready to be burped, and as she raised him gently upright she told Steve, ‘It would be good for the practice if you did. Colin says you were the best, and I agree. I’m sure the patients would be pleased to see you back.’
And she would be walking on a tightrope she thought, afraid of falling off and finding herself back where she had been when Steve had left her. But she reminded herself that he hadn’t travelled from Gloucestershire on her account. Curiosity had brought him, and if anyone could persuade him to rejoin the practice, it was the man who was about to depart from it.
‘Colin has gone home,’ she told him. ‘He locked up down below and left just before you arrived, but I know he’d love you to go and see him.’
‘I suppose I might as well hear what he has to say now that I’m here,’ he said with assumed easiness.
‘Where are you working at the moment?’ she asked. If it was something challenging and exciting, he wasn’t going to want to come back to country life.
‘I’ve been doing some floating around as a locum. Killing time, really, until I found something that I wanted to stick with.’
‘So you didn’t veer off into a hospital environment.’
‘I thought of it, but general practice is what I do best. So I’ll pop round to see Colin and no doubt he’ll let you know the outcome of our meeting.’
It was the outcome of their meeting that she was concerned about, she thought painfully. From what Steve had just said, he didn’t intend calling back after he’d seen the senior partner, which didn’t sound hopeful.
‘Bye, Sallie,’ he said at the door. ‘Take care of yourself and Liam.’
She nodded and turned away. It had been on the tip of her tongue to say that the comment was somewhat overdue. That she’d had a lot of practice at taking care of herself.
From the window she watched him go, driving towards Colin’s house and out of her life again. Once his car was out of sight, reaction began to set in and she felt weak and disorientated. If anyone had told her an hour ago that Steve would be standing in that very room before the night was out she would have laughed.
As the minutes ticked by she found herself wandering from room to room. Was Steve still with Colin? she wondered. Or had their meeting been brief and he was on his way back to Gloucestershire? Would the senior partner let her know what had been decided tonight, or leave it until the morning?
She made a meal but couldn’t eat it. When the doorbell rang a second time she ran down the stairs and flung the door open, but it wasn’t Steve on the step this time. It was Colin, observing her with a satisfied expression.
‘He’s coming back, Sallie,’ he said. ‘What do you think about that?’
‘To be honest, I don’t know,’ she breathed. ‘Are you happy about it?’
‘Yes, I’m delighted. He didn’t need much persuading. Said he’s been working in inner cities since he left and has really missed village life. He’ll have to fulfil his commitment to the practice where he’s working at present and will join us in a month’s time.’
So he’d missed village life, but not his village wife, she thought wryly. But at least he was going to be where she could see him every day, talk to him, even if it was only about the patients. Would he want to come back to the apartment or find a place of his own? she wondered as her mind leapt from one possibility to another.
‘You are happy about it, aren’t you, Sallie?’ Colin asked.
‘Yes, of course I am. You’ve created an opportunity for Steve and I to put things right between us, Colin, and I thank you for it. But I have to say it won’t be easy. Three years is a long sentence for someone who did nothing wrong.’
‘Yes. I know, my dear,’ he said gravely. ‘All I can say to that is Steve was in deep despair, and me asking him to come back is because I hate to see you apart when you had such a good marriage. If his return should prove that it is mendable, I will be a happy man. I want the best for the practice, but I want to see the two of you back together even more.’
When Colin had gone, Sallie sank down onto the sofa and tried to sort out her thoughts. She had come alive during the last few hours. The husband she’d loved more than life itself had appeared at her door and she was still in shock. But what had happened to them wasn’t going to be wiped out like a bad dream. It would always be there. She could live with it, but if Steve hadn’t moved on during their separation there wasn’t really anything to rejoice about.
He had told her to find someone else who could give her children on that never-to-be-forgotten night when he’d driven out of her life, but he’d still been uptight at seeing her with Liam in her arms. It had been there in his glance for the briefest of seconds and then it had gone.
She went into the bedroom and stood looking down at the sleeping baby. ‘I’ve seen Steve today, Liam,’ she told him. ‘He was near enough to touch. He looks older, tired, yet the magnetism is still there. But I am not going to let him hurt me again…ever.’
There was no comment forthcoming, just a windy little smile that said all was right with his world.
While Sallie’s had been wistful thoughts about the past, Steve’s were very much in the future as he drove back to his rented flat in a busy market town in the Midlands.
Colin’s proposal that he rejoin the practice and run it jointly with Sallie had opened the doors that he, Steve, had shut behind him in the trauma of three years ago. He was being given a second chance and hadn’t needed to be asked twice.
This was where he belonged, he’d thought. In the beautiful Cheshire village that he should never have left in the first place. Here Sallie would be back in his life again. Not as before maybe. He didn’t deserve that, but he would be able to see her, speak to her and work with her once more.
He would have liked to have gone back to the apartment and told her himself that he’d agreed to Colin’s suggestion. It would have been another opportunity to see her, if only briefly. A chance to gauge just how enthusiastic she was going to be about the new arrangement, but common sense had said it would be pushing it, foisting himself onto her twice in one day.
She hadn’t given a straight answer when he’d asked how she would feel about him coming back, and he could hardly blame her for that. She’d almost dropped the baby when she’d seen him standing on the doorstep, while he had immediately thought wretchedly that he’d left it too late.
When she’d told him the child wasn’t hers he had sent up a silent prayer of thanks. It had been followed by another when he’d heard what Colin had to say. And now he was going back to the place where he’d worked for the last nine months to tie up loose ends and prepare for the move, and if it meant waiting a few more weeks before he saw Sallie again, he could endure it. Compared to three years, it would be like a moment in time.
Colin had suggested that instead of he and Jessica putting their house up for sale, Steve could rent it if he wished. He’d hesitated. For one thing it was a large family house and a family was something he hadn’t got. And for another, if there was the slightest chance of Sallie being prepared to have him back in the apartment, he wouldn’t want to miss out on that.
‘Think it over for a couple of weeks,’ the senior partner had said. ‘You’ve made the most important decision—the rest will fall into place.’
The practice side of it might, he’d thought wryly. But his marriage wasn’t going to suddenly resurrect itself, and he had only himself to blame for that.
He’d gone to the local garage to fill up the petrol tank before setting off on the return journey and had seen another face from the past at the petrol pumps.
Anna Gresty and her husband had a farm on the road that led out of the village. When he’d been around previously it had been a prosperous, well-run establishment with a farm shop and stables. But from what she’d had to tell him, life was not now so good for the Grestys.
After she’d expressed her pleasure at the sight of him and been even more pleased to hear that he was coming back to work in the practice, Anna had told him soberly that her husband, Philip, was no longer the fit man that he’d been. That he’d been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and the illness was taking its toll.
The two men had been good friends. With no parents of his own, Steve had felt that the burly farmer had filled the gap that the loss of his father had left, and sometimes they’d gone walking together or played golf.
He’d been desperately sorry to hear that his friend had succumbed to something so debilitating and had told Anna, ‘I’ll be back permanently in just a few weeks’ time and that man of yours will be my first priority. Who’s been looking after him, Colin or Sallie?’
‘He’s been one of Colin’s patients,’ she’d told him.
‘And Colin is moving away, so now Philip will be mine.’ He smiled. ‘Well, I need to get going, but it was good to see you. Tell Philip I’ll see him soon.’
‘Take care, Steve.’
‘You, too, Anna,’ he’d replied, and after giving her a swift kiss on the cheek he’d driven away from the pumps and out onto the road that led to the motorway.
Anna hadn’t asked about Sallie and he was glad. Time enough for that when he knew where he stood with his wife. The news about Philip had brought him up with a jolt, taken the edge off his elation. It was another stick to beat himself with, that he hadn’t been there for the man when he’d needed him
It was gone midnight when he arrived back at the drab flat that had been his home over recent months, and Steve had already decided that if he wasn’t going to see Sallie again until the date of the transfer, he was going to allow himself the pleasure of hearing her voice again. But it would have to wait until the morning as she would almost certainly be asleep.
He rang early the next day. When she answered he could hear the baby crying in the background and asked, ‘What’s wrong with Liam?’
‘Nothing,’ she told him coolly. ‘Except that he’s just woken up and wants his breakfast. So what do you want, Steve?’ Now there was a chill in her voice.
He winced at the other end of the line. He’d got off on the wrong foot again by mentioning the baby.
‘I’m phoning to ask if Colin has told you that I’ve agreed to come back and share the running of the practice with you.’
‘Yes, he’s told me.’
‘And?’
‘Better the devil one knows, I suppose,’ she said with the same lack of warmth.
‘I see,’ he said slowly. ‘So I’m going to be tolerated. I was going to ask if I could move back into the apartment, on a strictly business arrangement, of course, and only if you’re comfortable with it. Colin has offered me his house to rent and I’ve told him I’ll think about it, but it would be easier from a working point of view if I was based above the surgery.’
Sallie slumped down onto the chair near the phone. She felt as if her legs were going to give way. He hadn’t changed, she was thinking. No sooner the thought than the deed. But he was going to have to stew for a while.
Steve had returned to the village out of curiosity, because he’d heard Colin was looking for him. He hadn’t come back because he couldn’t stay away from her any longer. So far there had been no mention of the day when he’d turned her life into a mere existence.
Surely he didn’t think that by coming back he had blotted it out. She had cried into her pillow for nights on end and exhausted herself in the daytime, coping with the gap he’d left in the practice, and now it felt that he was contemplating returning as if nothing had happened.
There was silence at the other end of the line and Steve thought he’d blown it. Why couldn’t he have waited a few days before asking if he could come back to live in the apartment? Yet he’d known all along that if he ever saw Sallie again he would be lost. That the firm resolve that had kept him from her would disappear, and he hadn’t been wrong. He wanted her back with every fibre of his being and he was going the wrong way about it. Sounding pushy and confident when he was feeling anything but.
‘I’d have to have a long think on that one,’ she was saying into the silence. ‘I’ve got used to living on my own. One can get used to anything in time. And now I have Liam to brighten my days. It’s only temporary, but it would be a strange set-up, an estranged husband and wife living under the same roof with someone else’s baby.’
‘All right,’ he agreed. ‘Whatever you say. I’ll probably tell Colin that I’ll accept his offer to rent his house.’
The baby was exercising his lungs again and Sallie said, ‘I’ll have to go, Steve. I’ll be in touch when I’ve given your suggestion some thought.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said. ‘Bye for now, Sal.’
As she put the phone down her eyes were awash with tears. Theirs had been the strangest of separations. There’d been no one else involved, just the two of them…and cancer.
Steve had been strong and resilient and had tried to take it in his stride. But when it had affected his chances of fatherhood, he had hit rock bottom.