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The lesson had gone well. It always astonished Darcy how quickly the apprentices picked up the knowledge he gave them.
“I will see you tomorrow at the same time. Practice as much as you can with each other.”
The handful of apprentice mages burst from the room chattering and laughing. They would not practice, of course, despite constant reminders that there was a war going on.
“See you tomorrow, Mr. Darcy.” The cheerful voice, freckled face and big ears of Lord Thetford always made Darcy smile. He was like a little elf, sprite and light and full of mischief. With time, he would become a powerful Warder.
Darcy enjoyed tutoring the young mages. It was the only part of his day that was still familiar. Losing himself for two hours teaching The Compendium gave him the illusion that nothing had changed.
With a few minutes to spare until the dreaded Council Meeting, Darcy stopped to see how Bingley was doing. As he walked through the corridor, he spotted Lady Hazelmere coming towards him. He prepared to ask her the usual question, and hear the usual answer: nothing has changed. He hated those words, but he knew it could be a good deal worse.
“I was just coming to find you, Mr. Darcy. I have excellent news.” She beamed. “Mr. Bingley has woken up!”
Darcy could hardly believe his ears. Until now, he had done his best to stay numb and not to speculate on what could happen. He had not allowed himself to hope, but he had never given up, either. Since Bingley’s injury, he had been living in a constant state of dread that drained his spirits.
Bingley had woken up. He would live, after all. His friend was restored to him. Remarkable what a few words could do.
He set out in a half-trot towards the corner where Bingley’s bed had been moved. The huge burden of guilt lifted from his shoulders. All that worry had been for nothing. Bingley was recovered, and all was well.
Darting behind the screen that ensured Bingley’s privacy, Darcy prepared to tease Bingley for oversleeping.
There was Bingley sitting up in his bed, smiling. He was looking thin, but otherwise, he looked much like his old self. It was the most welcome sight in the world.
Darcy could have wept.
“Bingley! Thank Heavens! You are recovered.”
Bingley continued to smile but did not react.
Darcy frowned. There was something wrong. The sense of elation disappeared. He swallowed down his disappointment as Lady Hazelmere caught up with him and stood by his side, looking down at Bingley.
“How long has he been awake, Lady Hazelmere?”
“No more than half an hour. He has eaten some broth.”
It was a beginning. It was a good beginning. He would recover slowly. He was now able to eat and drink. It was progress.
“I was starting to explain to you that he was not yet fully aware of his surroundings when you took off like a hare.”
A hare? He did not care for the comparison. Or perhaps he no longer fully trusted Lady Hazelmere.
“I apologize, Lady Hazelmere, but I am sure you understand my enthusiasm.”
She bowed her head graciously.
“So do you have any idea when he will return to normal?”
“Since we do not know the course of the affliction, we cannot say what or when the next stage will be. So far, we are still unable to reach him. Mr. Bingley is awake, yes, and he is physically unharmed, but the sense of emptiness we encounter each time has not changed.”
He did not need to be a Healer to recognize that Lady Hazelmere was right about this. Bingley’s smile was vacant. There was a gaping void behind it. Darcy could not even tell if Bingley recognized him.
Deflated, Darcy sank into the chair at Bingley’s bedside.
“Well then, Mr. Darcy. I will leave you to it, but he is awake now, which means he has made progress. At least he can eat now. We were at our wit’s end when he was not eating or drinking.”
Darcy nodded. He had to believe that Bingley would continue to improve. Why should he despair now, when there was far more reason to hope? It was simply a matter of time, and time was not quite as urgent now.
Lady Hazelmere’s footsteps retreated.
“I have no idea if you can hear me, Bingley. If you can, give me a signal.”
Nothing in Bingley’s expression changed.
“Any sign will do. Move one of your fingers. Blink. Make a sound. Anything.”
Watching Bingley’s fingers intently, Darcy waited for something to happen, but there was no sign of movement. It had been a mistake to ask Bingley to do too many different things at once. He might have blinked while Darcy was looking at his fingers.
“Bingley, blink if you can hear me.”
Bingley blinked. Darcy’s heart leapt up in hope and he sprang forward with a cry.
“Good! Again.”
Bingley blinked, then, after a few seconds, blinked again. Darcy’s hope waned. It was normal blinking, nothing more. Bingley was not trying to convey that he understood.
But he was alive, and moving, and hopefully at some point other things would happen.
At that moment, Caroline Bingley ran into the room. Darcy stood up heavily. After what had happened to Elizabeth, he was not certain he wanted to talk to her, but Bingley was his friend, and he owed it to him to be considerate to his sister.
“Congratulations, Miss Bingley. Your brother is awake, but he still has some way until he is fully recovered.”
He wanted to avoid her experiencing the same disappointment he had, but she brushed past him, ignoring him.
Just as well. She had spared Darcy the effort of having to talk to her.
Besides, he had to go and tell Elizabeth the news.
***
ELIZABETH WAS DELIGHTED when Darcy came to find her in the library, but she was at a loss to understand why Darcy was so lukewarm when he told her the news.
“From the expression on your face when you entered, I thought something terrible had happed. This is wonderful! Yes it is disappointing that he did not jump out of bed and resume normal life just to oblige you, but he will do so when he is ready, and not before. You are too impatient, my love.”
He gave a wave of his hand, then dropped down onto the armchair. He looked like he might fall asleep right then and there.
“I suppose I am.”
Her heart went out to him. He was worn out and desperately needed to rest.
“Do you have anything to do now? Could you take a short nap? You may feel more refreshed afterwards.”
“Perhaps I will.”
His head was drooping. She doubted he would be able to get up even if he wanted to.
Then suddenly, he jerked to his feet and straightened his cravat.
“What am I saying? I cannot. I have a meeting.”
“A meeting?”
“The Council has called a meeting.”
“I did not hear of it. That is what comes of spending the day in the library. I will come with you.”
From the way his ears turned pink, she could tell she had embarrassed him. Obviously, they had not wanted to include her.
“Not everyone is invited. Only the Council members.”
“But you are not a Council member.”
His face shuttered. Clearly, he did not want to talk about it.
“I thought you did not approve of the Council.”
“I have changed my mind.”
In mere seconds, he had turned back to that arrogant gentleman, the one who did not like to share his thoughts with her.
“I suppose you did not consider that we should discuss this before you joined?”
His gaze narrowed. “Be reasonable, Elizabeth. I cannot consult you on every decision I make.”
She wanted to shake him out of that haughty superiority, to do anything that would bring back the man he had been in the carriage. There must be a way of reaching him.
Perhaps she would have better luck if she asked him a specific question. “Just explain to me why you did it and I will leave you alone.”
“I am tired of having to depend on my uncle telling me what is happening. It would be easier if I attended the meetings myself.”
She had understood his objections to the Council. She had even admired him for his stance. It took a certain type of strength and integrity to resist the type of power it represented. Yet here he was, providing her with a remarkably flimsy reason for him to abandon his good principles.
“Easier? When the Council embodies everything I have been fighting against since I arrived at the Royal Mages? We discussed this. I thought we were in agreement.”
“I know, Elizabeth, but sometimes situations change. Come, let us not quarrel. You are new to all this. You do not yet understand the intricacies of the system. The Council has functioned for generations to keep the true bloods from being at each other’s throats. More than ever, we need to maintain that tradition. It is what holds the Royal Mages together. Twelve members. Twelve powerful mages from powerful families, and the power structure is held in balance.”
Elizabeth ground her teeth in frustration. “Since when were you so eager to be part of that power? Have you forgotten that the Council expelled me from Founder’s Hall? Or do you suddenly agree with them?”
“How can you say such a thing when I abandoned my post, my duty, to protest their actions?”
“I have been asking myself why you did that for some time. It would have been far better if you had not, because now you seem determined to bend over backwards to prove yourself one of them. If you had condescended to ask me my opinion before storming off to brood in Pemberley, I would have discouraged you. Sadly, you did not deign to consult me.”
“Consult you?” he sputtered. “Why would I have written to consult you?”
She stared at him in dismay. So it had not even occurred to him to write to her? And yet he claimed to love her? Clearly love and respect had nothing to do with each other.
“Because I am your wife. Because I am your Janus Twin. Because you respect my opinion. Do you need more reasons?”
He stared back. The confusion in his expression told her everything she needed to know. He did not have the slightest idea what she was talking about.
Tears sprung to her eyes. She was too proud to let him see them. She turned and stumbled away, ignoring his hurt expression.
What did love matter if it did not improve their relationship? She was not naïve enough to expect equal footing, but she had believed love would bridge the gap between them. However, Mr. Darcy of Pemberley had not changed one bit from the cold arrogant gentleman she had first met. A few kisses and embraces made no difference at all.
She had deluded herself. It had been a terrible mistake to rejoin the Royal Mages. There was no place for someone like her here. Papa had understood that. He had left the Academy, and she could now understand why.
“I wish you luck, my Lord Council member. Let us just hope your skills on the Council are better than your skills in the domestic sphere.”
She swirled round and left, hardly aware of where she was going, but wanting to get as far away from Darcy as possible. It was a poor shot, but it relieved some of the fury and disappointment that burned through her.
***
DARCY WAS ALREADY LATE for his first meeting. He told himself he should go, but he could not bring himself to do so when the Council had opened such a deep chasm between him and Elizabeth.
She was right. His skills were seriously lacking. The words might have wounded him, but he was fair enough to admit that she was right. He did not have the slightest idea how to make this marriage work. He wanted to, but he had no experience of such situations. The Academy had always been the center of his life, and it had been a long time since he had lived anywhere else, among normal, everyday people. He knew nothing of domestic life.
However, he was certain of one thing. He did not want a loveless marriage. He did not want to fail at this. It was the only part of his life that brought him joy, and he would not give that up. He loved Elizabeth. He would not do anything that made her miserable.
If she felt so strongly about it, he would not join the Council. Even though, in actual fact, he had joined the Council because of Elizabeth.
He hurried after her. To his relief, she had not gone far. Maybe he could make things better between them.
“Elizabeth. Please let me explain.”
She stopped and turned around to face him, her eyes bright with emotion.
“I am sorry, Elizabeth. I did abandon my principles, and you were right to challenge me about it.”
An apology was all very well, but he owed her more than that. He owed her an explanation.
“I really had no choice but to join the Council, but I should have spoken to you about it before I made my decision.”
For some reason, saying the words made him feel better. He ran his hands through his dark curls, trying to work out what he should say next, how he could justify his choice.
“There was an opening— the position vacated by Lady Alice. I would have said no, but I believe that what happened earlier—the way Lady Alice treated you— could have been prevented if I had a voice on the Council. My uncle also convinced me that it was important to have someone who was not under Lady Alice’s influence. They had already suggested someone I did not respect. I could not abdicate my responsibility and allow him to have sway over the others, not when there are so many crucial decisions to be made. The fate of the Kingdom could rest on what we do in the next few weeks.”
He hesitated. He was still not telling her the real reason. He owed her the truth.
“And I had another motive, a selfish one. I believe joining the Council is the only way I can defend you against people like Mr. Westwood and those who cast doubt on your abilities. I did it for you.”
She shut her eyes and was silent for a long moment. He waited anxiously for her verdict.
“If you had just told me this earlier, I would not have objected so strongly.” She shook her head. “Why did you have to come up with that ridiculous explanation about balancing the families and power?”
“Possibly because it is easier to utter words you have heard a thousand times than look into yourself and find the answer. You will have to be patient with me, Elizabeth. I am not accustomed to baring my soul, and I have so many concerns at the moment. I am so worried about Bingley—”
Elizabeth put her hand to his cheek and looked at him with eyes full of love.
“It is time for you to realize that you are no longer alone— that you have someone you can share your burdens with. I know you do not have much time to think of me, but I want you to know that you can feel free to talk to me— if nothing else.”
“Not much time to think of you?” He laughed at the irony of her statement. “If only you knew how often I think of you! How much I long to toss everything aside and spend every moment of the day with you. But I cannot allow myself to indulge in my emotions. You must understand this. I know this sounds like a platitude again, but—"
“—the fate of the Kingdom rests on your shoulders. Yes I know.”
Her eyes were dancing. She gave him a little push.
“Go, then. Hurry up. You must not miss your Council meeting.”
She kissed him lightly on the lips, and he took it as a sign that he was forgiven.