Okay, here we go.
I go to Brooks Elementary School here in Acorn Falls. I just finished fifth grade. There was a zombie outbreak at my school a while ago. I’m pretty sure it was the first time we ever had zombies.
Last year I was in the fourth grade, and we didn’t have zombies. Mrs. Wimberley wouldn’t stand for zombies in her class. She’d have sent them to the office.
Third grade, no. That was the year Michael Murphy wet his pants in assembly and had to sit for nearly an hour in those same wet pants. Not a zombie to be seen.
There might have been some in second grade, but I don’t know. We only moved here that summer.
Anyhow, my school got zombies, and it was a real problem.
My name’s Larry Mullet, and I’m a zombie hunter. So’s my best friend, Jermaine Holden, and so’s Francine Brabansky, when her mom lets her out of the house. Her folks are pretty strict. Plus she has cheerleading practice after school most days. Or she did, before all the cheerleaders turned into flesh-eating ghouls. Tell you about that later.
I’m ten-and-a-half years old.
My sister Honor wants to be a zombie hunter too, but I think she’s too young. She’s in third grade. We have a dog called Mr. Snuffles. He wants to be a zombie hunter as well. I think it’s something to do with the bones.
I sorta hope the whole zombie thing is over, after what happened.
My mom and dad didn’t know about it. My zombie hunting, I mean. They thought I was going to the library, or to Little League practice. Acorn Falls is a small town, so kids can walk or ride their bikes to the ballpark, or anywhere around town. That’s one of the reasons my mom says we moved here, ’cause it’s what she calls “a safe environment to raise children.”
I guess that doesn’t include having a zombie outbreak at the elementary school. (I think “outbreak” is the right word. I looked it up on Wikipedia.)
ZOMBIE TIP
(by Kyle, editor, aged ten)
“Outbreak” is the correct technical term for the first sighting of zombies in an area. “Infestation” is used when the zombies take over a whole zone or region. Not that that will ever happen. Please remain calm.
Actually, my mom and dad didn’t seem to understand about the zombies at all. Or maybe they did, but just didn’t talk about it to us kids. It’s like the time I asked my dad how much he weighs. I never got a straight answer, but I could tell it was something I wasn’t supposed to be talking about. Same as when I asked my mom how much money she makes at her job. Heck, how am I supposed to know what I should do when I grow up if she won’t tell me stuff like that? Does a certified accountant make as much as a shortstop for the New York Mets? I need to know these things if I am to choose a career. Aside from the whole zombie fighting thing, I mean.
So I think maybe the grown-ups knew about the zombies but didn’t wanna talk about it around us kids. You know, like we’d be scared. I don’t know, though. Having the walking dead staggering around the hallways was pretty darn scary whether we talked about it or not.
ZOMBIE TIP
If the living dead are in your hallway, do not try and squeeze past them. They are not like regular kids. They will detect your presence and attempt to bite you. I mean it.
I mean, they bite people and turn kids you know from gym class into drooling mindless creatures. (Although some of them are pretty much that way to begin with.)
| KYLE: | So, why you? Why are you the one who gets to fight zombies? I mean, there’re bigger kids than you. |
| LARRY: | It’s like in baseball. You have the designated hitter. I’m the designated zombie hunter. |