ZOMBIE TIP
A lot of people think that chainsaws are ideal weapons for fighting zombies. It’s more accurate to say that people who like fighting zombies are the same people who like operating chainsaws. But we’ll get to that later.
“Why do you think Chainsaw Chucky could help us?” I asked Jermaine.
“Wait ’til we get there!” Jermaine replied. “He’s our man!”
“Isn’t he, uh, kinda crazy?”
“Oh yeah.”
We rode our bikes all the way along the main highway out of town. It’s maybe three miles. I had my bat in a bag over my shoulder. Jermaine had left his BB gun at home. We pulled into this scrubby yard in front of what looked like what happens if you let an old farmhouse and barn fall down. There was a big sign out front:
CHAINSAW CHUCKYS
CHAINSAWS FOR SAIL, FIXED, RENTED
“You’ve been here before?” I asked Jermaine.
“I came out with my dad once,” he replied. “Trust me on this, okay?”
Jermaine led the way onto the porch. It was pretty rickety. I’d seen it before. It’s the same porch in the TV commercial. He pulled on a string and a bell rang. He grinned at me.
“Kin ah hep yew?” asked a voice. It was an old lady voice, croaky. The screen door opened, and a tiny woman stood in front of us. She smelled of mothballs and Marlboro cigarettes. I knew they were Marlboros ’cause she had a new pack in her wrinkly hands.
I’d seen her singing on Channel 148.
Jermaine gave her his most polite smile. “Good morning, ma’am. We’d like to see Mr. Chucky, if we could.”
“Is it about a chainsaw?” she asked.
Obviously, we didn’t have a chainsaw with us. Ten-year-olds don’t have chainsaws. I said that earlier, right?
“In a way it is,” said Jermaine.
She led us around the house, past a beat-up truck with a lot of rust on the side, to a big timber shed. “Hey! Chucky!!!” she yelled. “Got customers!”
A man’s voice came back. “Send ’em in!”
Jermaine grinned at me again. We walked into Chainsaw Chucky’s workshop.
It was full of chainsaws. Big ones, little ones, gas-operated saws and ones that run off an electrical cord. Chainsaw parts hanging everywhere. From the ceiling. On a table. On a bench. On the floor.
On the walls, Chucky had movie posters. Evil Dead. Zombieland. Army of Darkness. They all showed people fighting zombies. With chainsaws. The people, I mean, not the zombies.
ZOMBIE TIP
A lot of people think that chainsaws are ideal weapons for fighting zombies. It’s more accurate to say that people who like fighting zombies are the same people who like operating chainsaws. But we’ll get to that later.
Jermaine jogged my arm. I turned around. Chucky was in the room with us. He was real tall and lanky, but he had big arm muscles. Tattoos as well. Big beard. Lots of hair.
“What kin ah dew for yew young fellas? Is it about chainsaws?”
He grinned. Not many teeth.
“Mostly it’s about zombies,” said Jermaine.