17

DEIRDRE HAD NEVER BEEN HAPPIER to see her home. When the bedraggled party entered the parlor where the family had gathered to pray for everyone’s safe return, her throat tightened in gratitude.

Gratitude for their survival, and gratitude for the love and prayers of her family.

Thank you, Lord, for keeping us alive and allowing us to bring Sean safely home.

Brianna leapt up from the sofa and rushed toward them. Tears flooded her cheeks as Gil delivered Sean into her waiting arms. She rained kisses over her son’s face and head and squeezed him until he squawked in protest.

Deirdre swiped the dampness from her own eyes.

“How can we ever thank you, Dr. Clayborne?” Brianna gathered Matthew in a fierce hug.

He stepped back, brow furrowed. “Actually, the greater thanks must go to your sister.”

At his admiring look, heat infused Deirdre’s cheeks. “I only did what anyone would do in the same circumstances.”

Standing behind his wife, Gil placed a hand on Brianna’s shoulder. “Let’s take the children home. I can have the horses hooked up to the sleigh and ready to go in no time.”

Lines of concern marred Brianna’s forehead. “I don’t think we should take Sean out again so soon. I’ll give him a bath here and see how he feels after he’s had some of Mrs. Harrison’s chicken soup.”

Gil scratched his head, a bemused expression on his face. Deirdre figured that even if he didn’t agree with his wife, he wasn’t about to argue after the ordeal she’d been through.

“Very well, Mrs. Whelan,” he said with a gentle smile. “I’ll collect the girls from the kitchen and take them with me to feed the animals.” He kissed her cheek, patted Sean’s head, and then strode out.

Once Brianna took Sean upstairs, Connor went back to the barn to see to the horses. Mama claimed fatigue and, after more hugs and kisses, Daddy took her to her room—leaving Deirdre alone with Matthew.

“I’d better go and change,” she said, suddenly at a loss for words. “Then I think I’ll take a long nap.” Her muscles groaned in protest as soon as she moved.

Matthew shifted his stance by the door. “I’ll do the same once I let Phoebe know I’m okay.”

Deirdre paused, oddly reluctant to leave his presence. Sharing the ordeal of rescuing Sean and then being holed up in the cabin together had forged a bond she didn’t wish to lose. Matthew had opened up to her in a way he never had before, and she feared that come the morrow, he’d revert back to his reserved self, safely concealed behind the walls he’d erected.

Her feelings for him didn’t make sense, didn’t fit with her goals for her life, yet she couldn’t seem to shake them.

She moved closer and laid a hand on his arm. “Thank you again, Matthew. We couldn’t have gotten through it without you.”

“You’re welcome.” He stared down at her, the blue of his eyes more vivid than ever.

Her pulse sprinted at the intensity darkening his gaze. Did she sense a similar longing in him? She’d never know if she didn’t act.

Deirdre reached up and laid a soft kiss on his lips. His whole body tensed, his muscles solidifying. But he didn’t move. Didn’t take her in his arms as she’d hoped.

Had she been mistaken the times she’d thought he meant to kiss her?

She pulled back an inch to peer at him. He stood still, eyes closed, a pained expression pinching his features. Deirdre’s heart squeezed. Once again she’d given in to impulse—and done the wrong thing.

Matthew opened his eyes. The agony shining within them seized her breath.

“I’m sorry, Matthew. I had no right—”

He cut off her apology by crushing his mouth to hers. Strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her so close she didn’t know where her heart ended and his began. After several seconds, his lips gentled on hers, caressing her with exquisite tenderness. His mouth moved to her eyelids, her cheek, her temple, and back to claim her lips once again. She clutched his shoulders, fearing the storm of emotion rioting through her would cause her to swoon.

This was the sensation she’d dreamed of. This was how she’d imagined love would feel. Just when she thought she might burst with the enormity of the heady sensations coursing through her, Matthew gently drew away.

“Deirdre.” He breathed her name with such sorrow that her chest constricted. “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Please don’t apologize.” She blinked at the moisture gathering in her eyes.

His tousled hair fell over his brow. “It wasn’t fair to you. Not when I can’t give you what you deserve.”

She longed for him to sweep her back into his arms and kiss her again. Yet the lingering pain that haunted his features told her he wouldn’t. No matter how much he might care for her, he was trapped by memories of an unhappy marriage.

She shook her head. “I have no one to blame but myself.”

He smiled sadly and reached out to brush one finger against her cheek, a world of regret in his eyes.

And then without another word, he walked away.

Later that afternoon, Connor hefted a bale of straw into an empty stall and attacked it with a pitchfork in the hopes that some hard physical labor would calm the turmoil in his mind.

Now that Deirdre and Sean had returned home unharmed, Connor could no longer avoid the other matter haunting him.

What was he to do about Josephine Miller?

Yesterday she’d arrived in her male get-up and continued to work as though nothing had changed. Though he admired her tenacity, it didn’t change the situation. If Connor hadn’t had to leave with Daddy and Gil for the city, he would’ve raised the issue of her needing to find new employment. However, there hadn’t been time for a proper conversation.

Then when they’d returned from the city, concern over Sean and Deirdre had taken top priority. A long, cold search in the dark, followed by a sleepless night and a fresh trek in the morning, had left Connor exhausted and cranky. He knew enough not to confront the girl in his present state. He’d need a clear head to tackle that problem, and to keep his reaction to her in check.

No doubt about it—Jo was a distraction he didn’t need.

Connor worked until the straw was spread evenly across the floor, then continued on to clean a few saddles in the tack room. Once he’d run out of mindless chores, he realized the sun had started to dip behind the trees to the west.

Good. Jo would already have headed home, so he wouldn’t have to worry about running into her today.

Coward.

He strode out of the barn and over to the fence surrounding the racetrack, inhaling the crisp air. Leaning his elbows on the top rung, he gazed out at the serene landscape. Everything lay still beneath the new blanket of snow.

The crunch of footsteps sounded and a figure came up beside him.

“Thought I might find you out here.”

Connor smiled at the sound of his friend’s voice. “Caleb. What brings you by?”

“Heard about Sean, and I wanted to . . .” He trailed off.

Connor took his attention from the pasture and squinted at his friend. “Wanted to what?”

Caleb’s brown eyes held a hint of embarrassment. “Ma made cookies to bring over.” He gave a sheepish shrug and lifted the basket he held. “I thought I’d pay a call on Dee to make sure she was all right.”

Connor took in the fact that Caleb’s usual messy brown hair was combed neatly over his forehead and he’d exchanged his overalls for his Sunday clothes. “Don’t tell me you still have it bad for my sister.”

“What if I do?” The challenge in Caleb’s voice rang out.

“Then I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed all over again, my friend. Dee hasn’t changed her mind about becoming a doctor.”

“You never know if you don’t take a chance. A friend gave me that sage piece of advice long ago.”

“Yeah, well, he was wrong.” Connor started down the path toward the house, his footsteps crunching over the snow. “See how far it got me with Clara. She married Silas Baldwin anyway.”

“You got over Clara years ago.” Caleb kept an easy pace with him. “So what else is stuck in your craw?”

Connor stopped at the base of the porch stairs. One thing about his friend, he could always tell when Connor had a problem. He exhaled in a cloud of white. “It’s one of our hands.” He hesitated. “Can you keep something to yourself?”

“You know I can.”

“Turns out this particular hand”—he lowered his voice—“is really a girl.” Connor wouldn’t mention Jo’s name, seeing as Seth Miller was working for Caleb. “Now that I’ve found out, I don’t know if I should keep her on.”

“That is a quandary.” Caleb shifted the basket.

“If the other guys knew, they’d refuse to work with a woman. But she seems desperate for a job. I don’t know what to do.”

Caleb scratched his jaw with his free hand. “Maybe see if your mother knows of any positions in the area. I can ask around, too, if you’d like.”

A trickle of relief wound through Connor’s tight muscles. He clapped Caleb on the back. “That’s a great idea.” If Mama was able to find Jo another job, Connor wouldn’t feel so guilty for having to fire her.

Caleb grinned at him. “Thanks. In the meantime, how about you invite me in to warm up before I head back?” He lifted the basket. “We can bribe your mother with these.”