CHAPTER VING-DEUX
Draper’s face was inches from mine, red-flushed and furious. Sky was a few doors down, prepping for his Tonight Show appearance. Why oh why didn’t I just lie?
“It was a good meeting. She’s sorry Sky’s been in the hot seat because of her.”
“So she called and you just went, without escort, without legal counsel. Of all the gullible… ” Draper trailed off into mutterings and curses.
“She just wanted me to know the truth.”
“The truth?” Draper scoffed. “I’ll give you the truth. She’s filed a restraining order against you. Just the fact she filed it makes you look like a vengeful wife. With your reputation of tackling photographers, the damage is done!”
He continued huffing and pacing. “Should have sent you back to the farm. Of all the stupid…”
“Look, I did the right thing. She’s scared and hurting. About time somebody showed her some kindness.”
“What if your kindness sends Sky to jail?”
That shut me up.
“Great! Things were just beginning to turn in our favor, now more damage control. Gotta remember you’re not in Podunk anymore, Sweetheart. Can’t do stupid here and get away with it.”
“That’s enough.” My face burned with shame.
“Gotta have thick skin, Doll. You’re playin’ with the big boys now.”
“Big boys should outgrow name-calling.” I stood taller though my body trembled with anger.
Draper laughed. “Quaint. Your feelings are hurt while we’ve probably got hundreds of thousands ahead in lawsuits.”
“I didn’t start this. Who did the hiring in Vegas? Was it you? Did you set Sky up on purpose to protect your contract?”
His eyes narrowed. “Watch it you little… ”
It felt wonderful to finally put him on the defensive. “Look, I’m sorry. That was below the belt.” Draper’s clenched fists relaxed. “True,” I blurted, “but below the belt.”
Draper stepped closer. “Baby, you’re in way over your head.”
I crossed my arms and stared into his too-tan face. “Maybe, Doll.”
One eyebrow went up. “So, you’ve got some backbone after all. Good. You’ll need it.” Draper leaned against the desk behind him. “Here’s what you’ll do. No talking to the press. No more impromptu meetings… ”
His condescension droned on. I would dress right, keep my mouth shut, smile, blah, blah, blah. I could practically feel the leash tightening around my neck. Or was it a noose? I rubbed a hand over my aching eyes. To my surprise, a fully formed picture was already there as if a movie played and my lids were the screen.
A small boy cowered in the dark. One arm was raised over his head as tears streamed down dirty cheeks. Above him, a figure cast in stark relief approached. A strap dangled, gripped in a large hand. “No, Daddy! No! No! No!” The boy screamed as the hand dragged him to his feet.
My eyes flew open. Draper was still talking—smug and demeaning.
Understanding dawned. Draper was that little boy. I grappled with this realization as pity for him welled up inside. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
“Excuse me?” Draper frowned at the interruption.
Intimidation was gone as the child’s screams echoed in my mind. I laid a hand on Draper’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry he beat you.”
Draper shrugged off my hand as if it burned him. “What the… ”
“God loves you. You don’t have to be a bully like your father.”
~~
It’s strange when life hands you a jump cut. Like a movie—when a chunk of film attaches to the next bit with no logical progression. One moment I was looking at Draper’s angry face, the next—jump cut—I’m lying on the floor surrounded by shouts and concerned faces.
First reaction: embarrassment. Why was I sprawled in the floor? I moved to sit up but the room spun, my head throbbed and everything became blurry. There was an ocean wave somewhere, rushing closer, growing louder. The flood drowned out the voices of those around me.
Then Sky was there, eyes wide. I started to move again but he shook his head “no.” Sky held my shoulders. His gentle grasp made me lie still. “What happened?” His words sounded far away as the wave washed over me and everything went dark.
~~
I was warm, peaceful, and quiet. Someone was with me. I felt their presence, but didn’t see anything. I didn’t need to see. What was real pressed in, beyond my understanding, but perceived nonetheless. There was no fear and no need. I was embraced by wholeness and absorbed into pure love therefore I was whole. I relaxed in that embrace.
~~
There were sounds. Voices. Beeps. Footsteps.
No, thank you. The silence was nice.
What’s that? Ah! Raindrops. I like rain.
I took a deep breath, stretched a leg and reached to scratch a tickle on my head. Something was on my arm, in the way. The something rattled against metal so my other hand reached what I wanted to scratch only to touch a mound of something where my hair should have been.
“Esther?” It was Sky’s soft voice. I reached toward the sound and a hand wrapped ‘round mine. I sank back to sleep.
The next waking was not so pleasant. My head throbbed, my body ached and too many people poked, prodded and spoke. After the deep peace, every sound and movement grated as if I was a big exposed nerve. I opened my eyes and shut them tight against a harsh glare.
Again I was detached, floating in oblivion, somewhere between semi-consciousness and the real world. In this ongoing twilight I grasped for what was real as faces came and went—some near and dear, others unfamiliar, and still others that repelled me. Through it all, I longed for the peace I had felt before the distractions and pain.
Slowly the twilight receded. My throat was burning. I opened my eyes to a sparkling glow as if I was wrapped in dazzling cloud. As my eyes adjusted, the glow pulled back until it blended with a light peeping through a window. The moon hung, perfectly framed by window blinds, a kind eye making sure all was well. I gazed at its light, the first light that has not hurt in—however long.
Questions flooded in. Why am I here? What’s going on? Why the pain?
As if answering back, the moon’s gentle light soothed my mind. I absorbed its peace and mirrored its quiet assurance.
“It’s okay. Breathe. Rest. No energy to fret. No energy to waste.”
A fragment of scripture whispered through my mind, a gentle, compelling command: “In quietness and confidence will be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15 NIV) I watched the moon as it dissolved behind another building. All the while the sky lightened until it was a gentle, Mourning Dove gray.
A nurse bustled in, checking machines, writing on a clipboard. When she noticed me watching, she gasped. “Hon, when did you decide to join us?”
I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. My throat felt blocked. The nurse offered me a drink of water as she pushed a button. “Yes,” a static voice replied close to my ear.
“Patient is awake,” the nurse answered.
In no time, familiar faces surrounded me. I wanted to respond, to say whatever would erase their concern but words refused to obey my thoughts.
When Sky took my hand, everyone else left the room. Again, there was much to say but nothing would come out. Why? I felt the questions in my eyes. Sky held my hand and said he loved me, that everything would be fine, but his words didn’t explain what was wrong. Frustration mounted. I felt my eyes widen with panic.
The nurse came in again. She fiddled with the bag-thing on the pole by my bed and I slipped into quietness once more.
~~
I heard quiet voices. I remained still, eyes heavy, as the quiet conversation continued.
“These things just take time, Dear Heart.” It was Gram Helena’s sweet voice.
“Even if Esther heals, how will I?” Sky’s voice was muffled, probably speaking into his hands. “I feel like a volcano, ready to explode.”
Helena spoke again, slow and steady. “My love, you are carrying more than you can bear.”
“I thought God would never give me more than I can handle.”
“Pshaw! Life always gives more than I can handle. But, I can take it to God. He doesn’t cause the pain, but, in His hands, even the worst life brings can become something beautiful.”
Helena giggled. The sound danced around the room, chasing away heaviness. “Something beautiful I’ve already seen in this? You’ve become fearless, my boy. I heard what you said to those reporters yesterday. Let’s see, ‘Frankly, I don’t care what everyone thinks right now. My wife is fighting for her life. Reputation be damned.’” Another giggle. “I jumped up and cheered!
“You have maturity and focus and confidence that would have taken twenty years—or many mistakes—to learn without this tragedy. Also, you’re a warrior in prayer. Heaven help whatever or whoever gets in the way of those prayers. They are full of selflessness, humility and surrender. I’m so proud I could bust.”
Sky sniffed. “Thanks, but I don’t see it. Every day it feels like I walk to the edge of a cliff and freefall as I pray. Can I even call it prayer? I’m not just a cracked jar of clay, I’m shattered. Some of that bravery you hear is simple despair—well, and disgust. Their performing monkey is gone. If I want to write a song that is pure praise to God, then I will. If it’s a simple love song or a story I find interesting, whatever, I’m writing from the heart. They can either deal with that or jump ship.”
I peered through my lashes to see Sky, leaning forward, hands clutched tight. Helena put an arm around his shoulders. “You’re a warrior, my Love. Through fire and pain, you’re just shining brighter, growing more fierce for what you were put on this earth to do.”
Helena smiled. “I was watching ‘Rocky’ the other night. You know how that movie inspires me and, well, that Stallone is quite the stud… ”
“Gram!” Sky mock-admonished.
“Anyway, that’s you, Lester. Life has dealt blow after blow, thinking you’d quit. TKO. But, Lord-o’-mercy, if you’re not waking up! Release the bitterness. Forgive. Cling to what is good. Let the fire melt those chains once and for all so when Esther wakes up—mind you she will wake up and heal—she will find a man who’s prepared to fight for what God wants… prepared to fight for her.”
This speech was followed by peaceful silence, as if all needed to soak in the truth of the moment. “Come now, sing me that song. How does it go? His eye is on the sparrow?
Together they worked through the words of a verse and chorus until Sky’s clear voice joined Helena’s aged crackle.
“When Jesus is my fortress.
My constant friend is He.
His eye is on the sparrow.
So I know He watches me... ”
I wanted water something fierce and my head felt swollen to three times its size, but I reveled in that golden moment. I’d learned much that raised even more questions but, from what I’d heard, God had been hard at work while I’d been sleeping.