She knew Jason had noticed something had shifted since their afternoon tryst the day before. Joy had withdrawn, trying to insulate herself from the pain she knew was coming. Jason tried to get her alone to talk to her, but there were too many people around, and it was impossible to get a moment alone. She had to get through Thanksgiving dinner and the rest of the weekend, and then it was time to end their engagement.
It was the best Thanksgiving she’d ever had. Throughout the meal, Joy watched her parents interact with Jason’s family. Dinner was loud and boisterous, and the warmth and affection in the room was palpable. Sitting with Jason at her side, she realized she’d done what she said she wouldn’t do, she’d fallen in love.
She went through the motions, trying to act like her whole world hadn’t been rocked with her realization. She helped clear away the food, forcing herself to make small talk and act normal. Everyone made their way into the living room after the food was put away and the dishes were done. Standing by quietly while they started picking teams for their traditional post-Thanksgiving game of charades she wished she could get away, and have some time to herself.
Jason’s sisters started fighting over which team Joy’s dad was going to be on. Douglass was an instant hit with his family. She glanced over to where her pops and Jason’s dad were already ensconced in two overstuffed chairs in the corner of the room, continuing their discussion from dinner on 3D printed housing for third-world countries. It touched her heart to see how well the two families got along. At the same time she felt a fresh pang of guilt that the situation that brought them all together was fake. Overwhelmed with dismay, her mind raced trying to figure out how to harden her heart.
“That’s not fair,” Melissa protested.
Nick put his arm around Holly and kissed her temple. “Yes, it is. You can’t ask couples to play against each other.”
Amanda put her hands on her hips. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to end up sleeping on the couch if Holly loses.”
“But think about how much fun you’ll have making up,” Melissa said, wagging her eyebrows.
Holly looked at Nick with a smile. “She has a point.”
Nick held Holly’s face in his hands and gave her a tender kiss that brought unexpected tears to her eyes.
“Ugh, stop it already.” Amanda threw a pillow at them.
“Come on, let’s get this show on the road,” Jason said, taking Joy by the hand and leading her over to one of the two overstuffed sofas that faced each other with a large coffee table between them.
“Fine, but then Nick and Noelle, you have to be on the other team,” Melissa grumbled.
Nick and Noelle took a seat on the sofa opposite them.
Shawn came over and took a seat next to her. She threaded her arm through his and leaned her head on her pop’s shoulder. She inhaled the scent of cranberry sauce he made for dinner combined with the faint cedar scent of his cologne and swallowed back the tears closing her throat.
“It’s been nice having you here, Pops.” she whispered with a slight tremor in her voice.
He kissed the top of her head. “It’s been wonderful to spend this time with you.”
There was an odd number, so Jason’s father volunteered to be the judge for any disputes. Holly and Nick ended up with Beth, Amanda, and Joy’s dad on their team. Jason’s mom, Melissa, and Shawn made up their team.
“Your family takes game night seriously, don’t they?” she leaned over to whisper in Jason’s ear after his dad had to arbitrate yet another dispute.
He chuckled. “My parents almost got divorced over a game of Monopoly. They have banished the game from our house to keep the peace.”
It was Nick’s turn. Jason put his arm around Joy’s shoulder. She looked up at him, trying to figure out why he seemed so nervous about a game of charades.
Nick stood up in front of everyone and held up four fingers.
“Four words,” Holly shouted.
Nick nodded and held up one finger.
“First word,” Holly said.
Nick held his hand to his ear.
Joy’s dad started to say something when Amanda elbowed him and shook her head.
“Sounds like…” Holly started guessing while Nick acted out different ways of dying. “Strangle, stabbed, murder.” Nick shook his head and put his hand to his ear again. “Sounds like… kill.”
Nick nodded and waved at her to continue.
“Hill, fill, um… will!” Holly shouted excitedly.
She was so engrossed in the game, she didn’t notice that no one else was guessing. Joy looked at Jason with her eyebrows raised. He took her hand in his and winked.
Nick nodded, putting his finger on his nose. He held up two fingers.
“Second word.”
He nodded and pointed at Holly.
“Me?” Holly guessed. Nick shook his head and then pointed at himself. “You?”
Nick nodded and held up three fingers.
Joy realized what was going on and stifled a gasp.
“Third word,” Holly said, still not clueing into what was happening.
Holly wrinkled her forehead, repeating the first two clues to herself. Her eyes flew open and she gasped, covering her mouth. Nick came over and took Holly’s hand, pulling her off the sofa, he led her to the front of the room.
Holly let out a soft sob when Nick reached into his pocket, pulled out a small velvet box, and went down on one knee.
“Holly Williams, you’re my best friend. You’re the person I want to celebrate every holiday with, and that includes International Civil Aviation Day, Chocolate Covered in Anything Day, and National Call a Friend Day.” His voice grew gruff with emotion. “I want to celebrate all of the holidays with my best friend by my side.” Nick cleared his throat and blew out a shaky breath. “I knew I couldn’t ask you to marry me without my family… our family… here. Will you spend the rest of your life looking at the thorns and seeing the rose with me? Looking at the night and seeing the day with me? Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and celebrating all the holidays, especially our anniversary, with me?” He opened the box to reveal a beautiful oval diamond encircled by a ring of smaller diamonds. Nick slipped the ring on Holly’s finger when she nodded, tears streaming down her face. He stood up and gathered her in his arms and kissed her tenderly, murmuring something that the rest of them couldn’t hear but which brought a smile to Holly’s face as he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumbs.
There was a beat of silence that was broken by the sound of sniffles before the entire room erupted. Jason jumped up and slapped his brother on the back before pulling Holly into a hug. The rest of the Andersons engulfed the couple.
Joy’s parents were standing arm in arm, watching the celebrations with tears in their eyes, beaming at the newly engaged couple.
It was a beautiful moment that she was so happy to have witnessed. A wave of heartbreak dampened her delight. She wanted what Nick and Holly had found. She couldn’t help it. The longing she felt was different now. In the past, she had thought she knew what she wanted, that picture-perfect postcard she’d imagined herself in last Christmas. But this was what her heart had really been longing for—someone to share life’s milestones. She looked over to where Jason’s sisters were ooh-ing and ah-ing over Holly’s ring.
“I’m so happy for them,” Joy said when Jason returned to her side.
“My brother’s a lucky guy. He couldn’t ask for a better partner and best friend to spend his life with than Holly.”
She wiped her eyes and backed out of his reach.
“I’m sure my makeup is a mess,” she said with a shaky laugh.
Suddenly it became hard to breathe, Joy rushed out of the room. She needed fresh air or the weight pressing on her would stifle her.
She didn’t know where she was going, she only knew she needed to put distance between herself the man she’d fallen in love with. She kept going until she made it outside and walked all the way down to the dock. Shivering in the night air she felt ashamed for running out. She wanted what Holly and Nick had and she wanted it with Jason. Even with her best efforts she’d completely failed at having a fling.
Joy made her escape without a jacket, and the chill seeped through her sweater. She hadn’t planned on running, but she had to get away. Holly deserved a happy life with Nick. They were perfect for each other, and Joy couldn’t be happier for them, so her feelings of sadness mixed with jealously caught her off guard and made her feel ashamed. She wrapped her arms around herself, staring at the blur of Christmas lights on the boats cruising the waters of Lake Washington, kicking off the annual Christmas Ship Festival. The faint sound of Christmas carols drifted across the water, adding to the festive atmosphere.
“Joy, what are you doing out here?” he asked.
She jumped and spun around. “I didn’t hear you coming.”
Jason walked down the dock, taking the blanket he had over his arm and wrapping it around her shoulders. “What’s going on?”
Joy took a deep breath and swallowed. “Jason… I think it’s time for us to end our engagement.”
He stepped back, his expression grim.
Joy continued, “The thing is, I don’t think we should drag this on through Christmas. This time with you has been…” She swallowed, willing her voice not to break. “I’ll never forget this fall, but winter is here, and I think I’m ready to graduate from boyfriend lessons.”
He reached for her hand, brushing her knuckles with his thumb.
“You’re freezing out here.” He enveloped both of her hands between his and lifted them to his lips to blow on them.
She closed her eyes and swayed slightly toward him before taking a deep breath and stepping away. “It’s time, Jason. You have a tour to get back to. We said we were going to do this with no strings attached. You don’t have to announce that the engagement is over right away, but I—I’m going to sleep at my place tonight.”
He opened and closed his mouth before he finally said, “Of course. That will give my PR team time to draft a statement.”
They both looked up at the sky. The clouds had returned. Tiny snowflakes began to fall, clinging to his eyelashes and dotting his hair with silvery crystals.
Joy wiped the snowflakes from his cheek. “See? Like I told you, fall is over and winter is here.”
Jason turned away, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to miss this place,” he said in a low, gruff voice. She knew he was really saying, he was going to miss her, and it was enough.
She walked away. This time, she wasn’t going to make the same mistake she’d made in the past, clinging to something that wasn’t real. Straightening her shoulders, Joy took a deep shuddering breath, reminding herself she should be proud of herself for taking everything she’d learned since last year to heart and walking away. Somewhere out there was the perfect guy for her, and this time she wasn’t going to misread the signs, even though her heart yelled it was the man standing on the dock.
He came to her while she was packing her things. Jason leaned against the doorway, watching her for a few minutes before he said in a hoarse whisper, “Don’t go.”
Joy froze, squeezing her eyes shut. She kept her back turned. “You know this is what we both need to do.”
He sighed heavily. “One more night?”
He moved behind her, pressing his body against hers and kissing the top of her head. She sighed and leaned back, trying to imprint the solid feel of his body against hers. She turned and cupped his cheek, her eyes searching his.
“One last time,” she whispered.
A small sigh escaped her lips when he lowered his mouth to hers. She refused to regret giving into temptation one more time.
Joy inhaled, committing to memory his smell and the roughness of his beard against her cheek. She ran her hand over his shoulder and over his stomach and tugged at the hem of his shirt.
He released her mouth just long enough to pull his shirt off before claiming it again. Her fingers dug into the skin on his back, pulling him closer. She wiggled under him when he lowered her to the bed. Jason deepened the kiss and reached between them to palm her breast through the soft fabric of her camisole.
They were both impatient in their need for each other, each touch and kiss became more urgent.
“I need to see you,” he said in a low voice.
He pulled back, and she lifted herself off the bed far enough to yank her camisole over her head. Jason grasped at her panties, and she shifted her hips, helping him pull them off.
“Your turn,” she said, reaching for his jeans and shoving them over his hips.
They both groaned with satisfaction when they were finally skin to skin.
He laid her back against the pillows on the bed and framed her face with his hands, looking into her eyes.
“I don’t want you to regret—”
She stopped him, nipping at his bottom lip. “I want this… want you for one more night.”
He pressed his forehead to hers for a second and then began dropping light kisses over her face, making a trail down her neck, over her collarbone, to the valley between her breasts. Her body ached to connect with his, but she held back, wanting to savor this moment and commit every kiss, every touch, and every murmured whisper to memory. Throughout the night they reached for each other in the darkness. At times with a frantic urgency, but the last time as the sky turned light gray was slow, and Joy engraved every moment on her heart. Afterward, they returned to where they started, with their legs entwined and Joy’s head on Jason’s shoulder. She watched him fighting to stay awake. Her breathing synced with his as his eyes drifted closed. Joy twisted a strand of his hair between her fingers and pressed a whisper of a kiss to his lips before she left the comfort of his arms.