“I was wondering when you were going to pick up the phone,” Nick said when Jason answered.
“Sorry, man. I’ve been… busy.”
Nick snorted, indicating he wasn’t going to fall for Jason’s lie.
Jason sighed. “I messed up.”
Nick was silent on the other end of the line, waiting.
“I fell in love with Joy,” Jason blurted out.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take you to figure it out. You want to tell me what happened?” Nick asked.
“Not really.”
“You know Mom’s itching to give you the third degree.”
His family had given him a wide berth after Joy left. It unnerved him more than if they’d been their usual busybody selves. There were no lectures from his mom. She didn’t even read him the Rumi poem she always recited when any of her children were having trouble with navigating relationships.
“So why hasn’t she?” Jason snapped.
There was a beat of silence, “Because this time it’s different.”
“What am I supposed to do? I’m going back on the road. I can’t ask Joy to sit around waiting for me and to be satisfied with a night here and there.”
“That’s an excuse, a bad one. What’s really going on?”
“I don’t know. I made her a deal, I promised I’d stick to our agreement, we both did, and that’s what I’m doing.”
“I’m sorry, man. I really thought there was something between you two.”
“She deserves someone who can give her better.”
“Is that what you think, that you’re not good enough?”
“No, it’s not that.” Jason stood up and leaned against the railing of the porch of his Nashville home. This time he felt even more isolated and alone when he came back. “Look at me, I’m on the road most of the year. What if something happens and I’m on a stage in Germany again?”
“Jason, what happened with Mary was terrible, but your relationship wasn’t perfect. You were both young and ambitious. You’re not exactly an easygoing guy, and neither one of you were willing to give up your passions. Hear me out,” Nick said when Jason started to object. “The two of you were too similar, and neither one of you were willing to give up what you thought you wanted. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you were both being selfish and, well… I hate to say it, but you still are.”
Jason clamped his jaw shut, frowning at his brother’s words. They hurt, he could admit that, but he still couldn’t bring himself to accept that his brother was right.
“You can’t always be in control, Jason. Look at the situation you’re in now. The more you’ve tried to manage the story and control what happens with this engagement scheme, the more complicated it becomes. Take a chance, Jason, and tell Joy how you feel.”
“I can’t do that to her. She needs to find someone who will be here for her, not someone who spends months on the road.”
“You’re wrong Jason. I hope you understand that before it’s too late.”
After his call with Nick, Jason sat back down and pulled Rusty into his lap. His fingers hovered over the strings, but he didn’t strum a note. The music had been gone since he left Seattle and went back to Nashville after Thanksgiving to nurse his wounds. He knew Paul had been in touch with Joy. Jason had asked his manager to check in. Even though he hadn’t asked, Paul managed to drop a couple of comments here and there to let him know she was okay.
Since he’d left, he’d gone to bed every night wanting to hear her voice and woke up every morning missing it. The life he’d been so sure he was going to live seemed uncertain now. Jason didn’t know how he was going to make it through the next leg of the tour with a broken heart.
“Dude, you look like shit,” Paul said when he walked into the studio.
Jason set Rusty aside and got up from the stool he’d been occupying for the last couple of hours in the recording studio.
His parents had tried to convince him to come back home to Florida with them instead of going back to Nashville, but he wanted to get back to work, hoping it would get Joy off his mind. Only the songs didn’t come. He’d spent hours in the studio with Rusty perched on his knee, staring at the wall.
“You know, we can postpone restarting the tour if you need more time off,” Paul said.
Jason snorted a laugh. “No, we can’t, but thanks for making the offer.”
The older man came over and put his hand on his shoulder, giving him the same concerned look he’d been giving him since Jason returned from Seattle. “Yes, we can. There’s only six dates left. There’s nothing more important than your health, both mental and physical. You know I’m not one of those managers who’s willing to sacrifice my client to make a buck.”
“I do, and thank you. I don’t know how I would have gotten through these last couple of months if I didn’t have your support. It means a lot to me. You supported both Joy and me through the mess I made.”
“Yeah, well, I was never a fan of Madison being on the tour either. Your instincts were right about her being trouble, but the label insisted. I let you down. I should have insisted. It won’t happen again.”
Jason smirked. “The suits still trying to make it right?”
“I told them you didn’t want them to send any more gifts.”
Jason eyed the brand-new Martin guitar they’d send over that morning. It was beautiful, but it could never replace Rusty, and it certainly didn’t excuse the fact that they knew Madison had a secret Twitter account and was the one behind all the hateful messages Joy had received. She’d been encouraging his fans to do the same. A friend of Jason’s who had a cybersecurity firm had uncovered the truth. The revelation that the record label knew about it and had tried to cover it up made it easy for Jason to decide it was time to sever his contract and move on. It would be messy, but his lawyers were confident he was on solid legal ground. Paul made sure the word got out, and Madison’s rise to fame had come to an abrupt stop. She’d be back though. Fans had short memories, and she’d find another way to revive her career, but she wouldn’t be able to do it using Jason as a rung on her ladder to the top.
“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat before those pants start falling down,” Paul said.
Thirty minutes later, a waitress slid a plate of ribs and coleslaw in front of him.
“Eat up. You’re getting too skinny.”
Jason sighed and picked up his fork. He managed a couple of bites before he pushed his plate away.
“I don’t know what to do or how to move past the time I had with Joy.”
Paul frowned. “Why do you think you have to?”
“You know why. We’ve talked about this.”
Paul huffed, clearly exasperated with Jason’s lack of understanding.
Jason held up his hands. “Please, no more lectures. Let’s talk about Ember. It’s their first tour, and I want to make sure they have the support they need.”
Part of the label making amends was agreeing to whatever opening act Jason wanted for the last dates of his tour. He’d been keeping his eye on a performer he’d seen busking around Nashville for the last couple of years and insisted on Ember as his opening act. The label wasn’t happy with the idea of a nonbinary country singer, but Jason knew that with the right backing, Ember was poised to make their mark on the music industry.
“Don’t you worry, I have every intention of making sure my new client is taken care of,” Paul said.
Jason smiled, happy to hear Ember had taken his suggestion and approached Paul to manage them.
“I heard you offered to produce Ember’s record.”
Jason eyed his manager. “You okay with that?”
“You’ve got a line of folks wanting to work with you. I’ve been telling you for a while now. I think starting your own label is a good idea.”
“I wasn’t ready before, but I’m ready to take the risk now.”
Paul gave him a sly look. “Is that the only thing you’re ready to take a risk on?”
“Paul,” Jason said between clenched teeth. “Leave it.”
“Okay, okay, don’t get all ornery. Your personal life may be in the shitter, but your career is fine. If that’s enough to keep you happy, then it’s enough for me.”
It wasn’t enough, but it would have to be. Jason didn’t have any other choice; he had to do what was best for Joy.
“You take a look at any of those offers I sent you yet?” Paul asked.
The word was already out that Jason had opted out of his contract, and they’d already received several offers. Some were very tempting.
“I’m going to take my time. I figure we can decide after Christmas.”
“Take all the time you need. Those offers aren’t going anywhere. Are you heading home for Christmas?” Paul asked.
“I don’t know. I was thinking about hanging out here.”
Paul wadded up his napkin and threw it on his plate. “You’re seriously going to spend Christmas moping around here instead of with your family?”
“What are you going to do? You spend every holiday working in the studio,” Jason shot back.
“Well, this year I’m going to my sister’s house. Assuming my brother-in-law and I don’t blow ourselves up deep frying the turkey, it should be a good time. I’m gonna sit on the couch and watch football while my nieces and nephews unwrap presents.”
Jason ran his hands through his hair. “I shouldn’t have made that crack about the studio.”
“I do spend most holidays working, but lately I’ve realized I wanted more in my life. My nieces and nephews are growing up without their uncle as a bad influence. I can’t let them miss out on that,” Paul said with a chuckle.
Jason couldn’t fight the tug of a smile. “Am I going to need bail money?”
“Always a good idea to have an emergency fund stashed away.” Paul leaned forward. “I invited Ember. It turns out they don’t have any family to spend the holidays with. How anyone could turn their back on a child because they don’t fit what they want them to be is beyond me. I know your situation is different but if you don’t want to go home, you know you’re welcome to join us.”
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. Paul had a good heart, and he was grateful to have him as a manager, mentor, and friend. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”
Paul waggled his finger at him. “Stop moping around, or I’ll call your mama on you.”
Even without Paul calling, Jason knew it was only a matter of time before he heard from his mother. He braced himself when she called, but instead of a lecture, she only said she was checking in and asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about. For the first time he could remember, she didn’t argue when he said no. It lulled him into a false sense of security and he wasn’t ready when the ambush came.