Matt was aware that he was conscious – well, sort of. He could hear some muffled noises around him and yet was still unable to open his eyes. It was as if he were deep beneath the sea, trying to swim through the cold darkness to the surface. With each passing moment he became more alert, but even though he tried, he couldn’t seem to make his body obey his commands.
He was floating in a cocooned blackness. It wasn’t unpleasant; in fact, Matt felt supported and warm. But he still had no idea where he was, which was disconcerting to say the least.
Matt willed himself once again to open his eyes. Nothing happened. A flare of panic ignited. Perhaps my eyes are already open and I’m trapped in the dark? He tried to remember how he had come to be wherever he was, but his mind seemed to be as empty as the dark which surrounded him.
He took a breath and listened to the sounds he could hear. There were footsteps and the low murmur of voices. Matt strained his ears but he wasn’t able to make out the words. He wondered if the other people were trapped in the dark just like he was.
Something squeezed his hand. He concentrated for a second and then managed to squeeze back – at least he wasn’t alone, which was kind of comforting.
‘Matt . . . Matt. I’m here and everything is going to be alright.’
The voice sounded familiar but in that moment he was unable to place it.
‘Matt, it’s me – Jules. You’ve been in an accident but you’re okay. Can you hear me, big brother? You’re going to be okay.’
Brother . . . Jules . . . It took him another moment until his brain kicked into gear and he realised that it was his sister who was sitting next to him. He struggled to focus on her hand in his, and slowly managed to surface and blink open his eyes. He was in a cool grey room in a narrow bed. Two large curtains were pulled across to separate him from what he assumed was the rest of the room. Light shone in from a large window to the left, which silhouetted the woman who sat by his side.
‘Hey, there you are – you had me worried,’ Jules said.
Matt blinked a couple of times to refocus his eyes. His sister was leaning on the bed, her hand still wrapped around his own. Her dark hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and she looked tired. Her eyes were red rimmed, as if she’d been crying, and Matt wondered why.
‘Hey,’ he managed to croak out. ‘Where . . . ?’
‘You’re in hospital. You’ve had to have surgery on your leg, but it was successful and you’re going to be fine.’
‘What . . . what happened?’
‘You don’t remember?’ Jules’s eyes became overbright. ‘You were in a car accident . . . you and Leanne.’
As soon as Matt heard Leanne’s name the images of the accident rushed back, engulfing him. He could smell the rain mixed with blood, and the sound of her scream seemed to echo around his head. He closed his eyes and hoped he could block it out.
‘Matt, it’s going to be alright, I promise. I’m here and we’ll get through this together.’
Matt opened his eyes and stared at his sister. ‘Is she okay? I need to know that she’s alright. Is she nearby?’
Jules was silent for a moment too long and a heavy stone began to settle in Matt’s gut.
‘No, Matty, she isn’t. I’m so sorry, but Leanne didn’t make it,’ Jules whispered. ‘The paramedics tried so hard, but there wasn’t anything they could do.’
Matt stared past Jules to the window and willed the blackness to come back and swallow him up. He didn’t want to think, to feel, to hurt – he just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. He heard Jules calling his name, but he couldn’t find his voice to answer.