Chapter Seventeen

“No, I’ll do it.” Harper leaned back in her chair, gaze lowered. “I was Joe’s informant. He’d come to me when you wouldn’t give him updates on the case, and I’d do my best to acquire the information he needed.”

Caleb did a double take and flushed red in the face. “For fuck’s sake, Harper! I wasn’t talking about you!” Shaking with fury, he pointed to Lucas. “I was talking about Sullivan! He’s dirty and worked with Whitman!”

Distracted, Marnie waved Caleb silent. “You’re late to the table, Caleb. Lucas was working with Internal Affairs. Dane knew all about that and explained it a few minutes ago. But you—” She focused on Harper. “What the fuck?”

Harper’s heart sank. This was not how she’d wanted to confess her sins. “He was at the precinct every day.” Harper directed her remarks to Dane, sneaking a peek at Lucas to see how he was taking it. Lucas was staring at his beer, frowning, lost in thought.

“Harper,” Dane said, “I don’t understand.” He kept shaking his head, confused.

Harper’s words rushed from her mouth. “You know Joe was paying a price for being friends with us. He wanted to help. Rather, he said he was trying to help. He fooled me, too.”

“Not so fucking fast,” Caleb said. “Why do you believe Sullivan? Cause he said so? I have damning evidence—” He threw a neon-yellow flash drive on the table.

Harper stood so quickly it knocked her chair back. She pointed at the flash drive. “That’s it! That’s the flash drive that was in the safe-deposit box.”

Lucas looked at Harper, at Caleb, and then at the flash drive, then he, too, stood. “I was undercover. Why do you have the flash drive?”

Dane’s focus was unwaveringly on Harper. He stood. “You reported to Joe?”

Too much was coming at her at once. Lucas was upset. Dane was upset… “Joe said you were trying to protect him. You said it, too. A lot. You kept him in the dark, trying to protect him. You do that, Dane. You know you do that. You do it to me, too. Well, it’s hard to stand on the sidelines and do nothing. Joe said he wanted to help, and dammit, I did, too!”

“He killed Alice!”

“I know!” Harper yelled back. “I messed up! I know! I’m sorry.”

“Smith!” Lucas’s voice boomed, echoing in the kitchen. “Why do you have the fucking flash drive?”

“Harper, you should have told us when we discovered he’d murdered Alice.” Marnie seemed more baffled than angry.

Everyone was watching Harper, waiting for her to reveal something that would make everything okay. Everyone but Lucas. His eyes were narrowed to slits, his attention on Caleb. With the bruises and cuts swelling his face, he was a scary sight to behold…and he looked ready to pounce.

She knew there was no explanation that could make it all better. “Joe lied to me, too. All I can do is ask forgiveness.” Dane couldn’t hide his pain, and Marnie was shaking her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” Lucas said. He didn’t even look at her. “Sorry. Good. Good to hear that. Problem solved.”

Harper couldn’t fault him for his frustration. “I was trying to help.” She couldn’t have felt worse.

Caleb gave a frustrated snort. “You’re such an easy mark, Harper.”

His derision cut her at her lowest. It was unkind. “Caleb, why do you have this flash drive? And where is Peter Thompson?”

Dane closed his eyes and shook his head. “This is my fault.”

“No, this is Harper’s fault,” Caleb said. “I bought into her good-girl image, and when she insisted Sullivan babysit her, I balked, but you were all fine with it. Well, my sources said he was dirty, and they were reliable, so I put my men on her house, watching her just in case he didn’t behave. Who knew she was dirty, too?” He scowled at Lucas. “I have questions.”

Lucas hunched his shoulders, as if preparing to rush Caleb. “You don’t get to question me. And I’ll be damned before I’ll allow you to call Harper dirty. You’re not fit to wash her feet. You’re a criminal, born in the gutter, who oozes out when he sees a profit to be made. Explain why you thought it was okay to Lo Jack Harper and risk killing her with chloroform to steal that flash drive!”

Dane’s eyes widened and his teeth bared. “You allowed my sister to be under the protection of a dirty cop—”

“Hey!” Lucas slammed his palm on the table. “I’m not dirty!”

Dane stood, pumped and looking for a fight. “Well, he didn’t know that!”

“I assured Harper’s safety, didn’t I? You should be thanking me.” Caleb shrugged. “I also had an ace in the hole, knew what was going on at all times. All seeing. That’s me. These two love birds didn’t even hiccup without me knowing about it.”

“What do you mean?” Harper feared she wouldn’t like his answer.

Caleb’s smile widened. “I was the one who sold Charlotte the monitoring device under your scalp. She was convinced Harper had the list, and I knew she’d do something stupid if I didn’t help her, so I supplied it. That way Charlotte was placated, sidelined until she was convinced you didn’t have the list, and I could log into twenty-four-seven monitoring of the Harper and the Dirty Cop Show. How was I supposed to know Harper really had the list?”

“Well, I didn’t know, either,” Harper said. “Wait, what? Are you saying you knew Charlotte was going to drug me, tag me, and leave me for dead?”

“Huh?” Smith frowned. “Well, I wouldn’t put it like that.”

“Smith, you bastard.” Dane glared, rested his hand on his holster.

“What?” All Caleb gave them was an arched brow, as if they were being difficult. “I had it under control. Charlotte’s favorite thing to do is cause Marnie trouble, so I kept Marnie out of it.” He glanced at Marnie, defensive, as if he cared how she was taking his news. “When Sullivan followed Harper to the bank, I became worried and made a few calls. Found out Peter Thompson had been tapped to steal the list, so convinced him to double cross Charlotte.”

“And?” Lucas’s lip curled.

“He was kidnapped in the parking lot,” Harper said.

Caleb shook his head. “He was paid handsomely for an afternoon of hijinks. Kidnapping was a cover story so he wouldn’t lose his job, and Charlotte wouldn’t come after him. Once I had the flash drive, the device they tagged you with allowed me to keep track of you and Sullivan to make sure I wasn’t missing something. And if things got hairy, I could send the cavalry.” He waved, wiggling his fingers. “Meet the cavalry.” Caleb reached into his pocket and tossed a small earpiece onto the table. “It went dead. I’m assuming someone found it.”

“I killed it.” Marnie scowled. “How was I to know it was you? Or mom? Damn, this is bad, Caleb.”

“It was expensive,” Caleb said.

“Charlotte almost killed us, you bastard!” Lucas lunged at Caleb. Marnie stepped between them, making Lucas back off while Caleb went to the refrigerator, opened it, and grabbed a beer, never showing a moment’s concern during the commotion.

“You should have said something, Caleb,” Marnie said. “And you should have known you couldn’t control my mother.” She kept her hand on Lucas’s heaving chest, stopping him from attacking, but Harper could tell he was barely tethered to reason. And she didn’t blame him. It had been Lucas tied to that chair, Lucas who’d suffered the blows.

Caleb opened his beer and took a pull.

“She’s right,” Harper said. “Marnie’s right, Caleb. Bad on you. Bad.” Harper couldn’t remember the last time she was this angry. “I defended you. I said, no way Caleb could be involved in this!”

“Why did you take the flash drive?” Marnie said.

“I was afraid Sullivan would make it disappear.” Caleb shrugged. “And Sullivan has it all wrong. I had no part in Charlotte gathering a crew and coming here.”

Lucas glared. “She had access to the monitoring device. She tracked Harper here. I’d say you were involved.”

Smith shrugged, only now looking a bit guilty. He nodded toward the living room. “I’m assuming they did all the redecorating?”

The couch that she and Lucas had made love on had been shredded by Charlotte’s crew in their search for the journal. Then it hit her and her cheeks flushed. Caleb’s revelations…and their implications…sank in. She replayed every conversation she’d had with Lucas since the bank, gasping when it occurred to her that her and Lucas’s lovemaking had been overheard by whoever had been listening in while the implant was under her scalp.

She glared at Caleb. He had the decency to blush. Harper wanted to die. “What did you do, sell popcorn?”

“How was I supposed to know you’d knock boots with a dirty cop!” He nudged the neon-yellow flash drive toward Dane. “We needed the list to keep Harper safe. I got it. I can’t be expected to do everything around here.”

Lucas still glared at Caleb. It was as if he couldn’t help himself. “Who is Charlotte working for?”

“I don’t know,” Caleb said. “Believe me or not, I don’t. I tried to find out. Best guess, she was looking to set up shop, maybe form an extortion scheme of her own. And, really, would that be so bad? Separating dirty cops from their money?”

Harper shook her head, not buying it. “When Charlotte approached me at Lucas’s apartment—”

Lucas swung his head around to pin her with his gaze. His shock and anger was almost comical.

Harper threw up her hands. “A lot was happening, all right? The FBI had just pulled a gun on you! I cut my hand. And you…” She pointed at Lucas. “You had a picture of me!”

“What?” Marnie seemed confused.

“Fuck.” Lucas turned from them, pressing his palms against the wall, leaning as if he couldn’t bear the weight of his rage.

Harper tried not to allow Lucas’s reaction to distract her. “While he was talking to the FBI agents tailing us, Charlotte was inside his apartment asking me for the list.”

Lucas stood ramrod straight, shocked, facing her. “You let her in?” Harper thought his attitude insulting.

“No! She was just there, and then she was gone.”

“It’s not your fault,” Marnie said. “Mom does that.”

Harper nodded. It certainly wasn’t her fault. That woman was scary. “She was convinced I had it. Said people wanted it. That they’d kill me for it.” Harper peeked at Lucas, but he was shaking his head, avoiding looking at her. “Whatever.” She turned to Caleb. “The safe house is burned because of your device. Not cool. And they beat Lucas.”

“Improved his looks.” Caleb’s remark didn’t improve the mood in the room.

Marnie dropped her face in her hands, shaking her head. “And you didn’t tell me and Dane because?”

“Dane wasn’t supposed to be involved.” Harper’s words were falling on deaf ears. “And I didn’t want Dane to know…that Joe had betrayed him again. That I helped him.” Didn’t they understand? She’d trusted Joe, and he’d betrayed that trust. Betrayal only worked against people who trusted you, and… Then it hit her. They felt betrayed by her, because they’d trusted her, and she had, no matter her good intentions, betrayed them.

Lucas faced Caleb. “So you want us to believe you have nothing to do with Charlotte and her crew beating the shit out of me to steal the journal.”

“I didn’t. And I had no idea she’d visited Harper. I was afraid of what you’d do, not Harper. You were the one my people were protecting her from.”

“What about the feds?” Lucas’s eyes narrowed, his suspicion obvious, but Harper had no idea how Caleb could be connected with the FBI. So…what about the feds?

Caleb smiled. “I ratted you out.” He took a pull off his beer, allowing that bomb to percolate. “I told them you could lead them to the ‘lost’ Whitman money, and in return, they were on you like white on rice. When you and Harper weren’t at the house, watched by my men, the feds were following you, keeping you in line and Harper safe.” He nodded to Marnie, as if he expected her to be impressed.

Marnie glared back. “It would have been nice to be given a heads-up. I got in trouble for trashing an unmarked car.”

“Technicalities.” Caleb seemed extremely pleased with himself.

“Why would the FBI believe you?” Lucas said.

Marnie scowled. “He has friends in low places.” Caleb winked at her.

Harper felt like a fool…her flaws and naïveté exposed for all to see. Poor Harper didn’t even know her boyfriend was a dirty cop. But he really wasn’t. Or was he? And then finding out that she’d not only been Joe’s pawn, she was Caleb’s pawn, too! For her own good, no less! Feeling as if she were about to sob uncontrollably, Harper instead ran from the room, escaping upstairs, pushing through the door to the spare bedroom, as she struggled to catch her breath.

Then she saw the baby paraphernalia—crib, changing table, even a white rocking chair—and a sob did escape. Marnie had started a nursery at the safe house. Marnie, who trusted no one, had created a bug-out place for her baby that wasn’t even born yet. It was a stark reminder of how the MacLains protected their own. Family. And Harper couldn’t even do that right.

Heavy footsteps clomped on the stairwell, and she didn’t have to guess who it was. “Leave me alone, Lucas!”

He pushed open the door and entered, despite her protests. Fists jammed in his pockets, he glared at her. “Do you love me?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” She rushed to confront him, poking his chest. “Loving you changed nothing a year ago! The real question is do you love me, because if you love me, you’ve done a piss-poor job of showing it!”

He leaned in until his face was level with hers, and the dried blood and angry bruising on his beautiful face mirrored the wretched pain in his eyes. “Why did you leave me last year?”

She scowled right back. “Because I have plans, and you don’t fit into them.” Yes, she’d messed up, but that didn’t mean she was always wrong. She’d be settling if she allowed Lucas to take all the love she had to give and didn’t expect in return the basic commitment of marriage and family he knew she wanted. Here, standing in Marnie and Dane’s nursery, there was no better stage to make her case. “Can you honestly claim you don’t feel the same?”

“So love doesn’t matter.” Eyes flashing, his chest lifting and falling as if he’d just run a mile, she couldn’t tell if he was angry or hurt.

“Like I said before…” It was hard to hold his gaze. “Love has never been our problem, but it’s never mattered either. Admit that, at least. If it did, we wouldn’t be standing here, fighting.” It had been a year since she was forced to acknowledge Lucas would never change. It only now occurred to her that Lucas didn’t realize that about himself.

“I love you, dammit!”

“But you’d prefer not to, because I want a family and children. Admit it.”

“Harper, I loved you in Boston, and you had to know that. And if you didn’t, it wasn’t from lack of trying. I also know you loved me, too. But you left anyway.” Lucas glanced behind her and flinched. “What the hell is that?” He pointed to the corner of the room.

“A crib. It’s what people buy when they’re going to have children. Marnie is pregnant.”

“I know what a crib is!”

“Marnie married the man she loves and now she’s having a child with him. That’s what people do.”

“Not all people.”

“No,” Harper said. “Not all people. But it’s what I want. You know that.”

“So what’s stopping you?” He stood in front of the baby paraphernalia and waved his hand to indicate it all. “Where’s this dream man who can fulfill all your wishes and desires?”

“He’s out there,” Harper said. “Do you think he’s not out there? Do you really think you’re the only man I could love?”

“Ha!” Lucas rushed forward and pulled her into his arms. “Love? Maybe. But desire?” He kissed her, and kissed her until her toes curled and her arms had snaked around his neck, and her fingers were threading their way through his thick hair. When her legs lost their strength and he had to steady her on her feet, he broke the kiss. “Now THAT you will never find outside my arms, because Harper…” He was breathing fast and heavy. “I’m in your blood just as you’re in mine. Together we burn, but apart…” He shook his head, and his frustration was clearly mixed with fear. “It’s like death.”

“Lucas.” She hung on him, soaking in the heat of his body, knowing what he said was true, but not knowing what to do about it.

“You want me to marry you, have kids, but I know that is the only thing that could kill what we have together, and I need it. I need you.”

Harper recognize truth when she heard it. Lucas had always been generous with his truths, and this one was no less brutal for its sharing. She pushed out of his arms, shaking, unsteady on her feet, desperate to keep her pride. When she stopped walking, she found herself leaning on the crib, staring at the pastel farm-animal mobile, wondering if she could give up her dream of having a house full of children to love and guide through life. Could she stop wanting the traditional events of a relationship; the proposal, the wedding, honeymoon, and living in holy matrimony? The rites of passage she’d always seen herself achieving in life? With Lucas. He wanted none of that. Instead, he wanted…what? Her, but without the trappings? She loved him enough to be tempted.

Harper turned her back on the crib, but kept her hands on the smooth lacquered railing. Lucas was waiting for a response. He was hoping…she could see it on his face. He would settle for nothing less than total capitulation to his version of a future together. Well, screw that. They were fighting in circles. Rehashing the same fight, hoping for a different outcome. She was done. Harper surrendered. “You don’t get to have me.”

She turned from him, intending to walk out of the room, but he stepped in front of her, stopping her. “Don’t you understand? I already have you, and you me. That’s why this hurts so much.” Then he rushed out of the room, turning his back on her, not giving her an opportunity to deny his words…not that she could. He was right.

When the front door slammed, she startled, and her heart sank, assuming it had to be him, off on a tear. He drove her crazy. And though his words infuriated, the emotion behind them brought her to tears. If they’d been moving toward some understanding these last few days, it was shattered now. He’d done the one thing she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle, the thing she left him a year ago to prevent. “He left.”

A discreet cough at the room’s entrance startled her. Smith was leaning on the nursery room door’s casement, studying her. “Well, what did you expect?” Arched brow, his mouth quirked in a knowing way, the man looked as if he’d been there, done that.

“What I got.” She nodded behind him. “How mad are they?” She used the back of her hand to wipe a tear and flinched when the bandage tugged, hurting her wound.

“Who cares?” He shrugged. “You screwed up, but your intent was good. In the end, you have to live with your actions. You’re doing that. Good for you.”

“Yeah. Hooray for me,” she said. “I’ve lost everything.” Dane’s and Marnie’s good opinion. Elizabeth would eventually find out. And Lucas. Talk about closure… Well, he got his.

“If you lost anything over this, you never had it.” Caleb was showing more sangfroid than she thought appropriate.

“I’m going to hate you for a while.” Harper’s chin quivered.

Caleb frowned. “You were safe. I needed that more than I needed you to like me.”

Harper walked to him, this bad guy, criminal, guy that nearly got her killed, and rested her forehead on his huge chest because he was all that was available and she needed someone…and a good cry. Caleb took it like a man, his discomfort painfully evident. Like Marnie, it was part of his damage, but he was who he was…and he’d been trying to take care of her because she was family. His family, because Marnie was a MacLain now.

When she was done, she stepped back and hid her face. “I’ll forgive you,” she said. “Not yet, but soon.” She wiped her tears and sniffed, then turned toward him. “But now I need a ride.”

Caleb grimaced, shifting between his two big feet, and watched her from behind dark locks of hair obscuring one eye. He hid behind his hair, too. But he couldn’t hide his relief that she wasn’t crying on him anymore.

“To where?” he said.

His hesitancy made her want to tell him she didn’t need him, she’d find her own way, but damn…she did need a ride. The last thing she could handle was a long drive in the car with Dane and Marnie. “Don’t worry. I don’t have more evidence hidden away. I just need to pack.”

Caleb shook his head, exuding more intimidation in that one tiny adjustment of his head than she had in her whole body. “Not a good idea. I’m on babysitting duty.”

“Elizabeth?” Harper found that hard to believe.

“You. Dane and Marnie want me to stay here with you until they come back.”

“Why? Where’d they go?” Once again, Harper was outside looking in, only this time she deduced it wasn’t for her protection. They didn’t trust her.

“With Sullivan. They’re rounding up Marnie’s mom. I do not like that woman. She is not right in the head. Impossible to manipulate with any sort of reliability.”

“Yet you do business with her.”

He arched a brow, revealing suspicion. “Your point?”

That was the problem with any extended conversation with Caleb. It was as if they spoke different languages. Sometimes she thought he had no concept of right and wrong. Well, that wasn’t where Harper lived. She was an elementary school teacher who wanted to spend her life molding the young minds of students. Teaching finger painting and cursive and complaining about Common Core math. “I’m leaving. Take me or I’ll call a cab.”

Caleb sighed and then pushed off from the door’s casement as if she were asking him to play Barbies. “I’m on my bike, so you’ll have to wear a helmet.”

“Deal.”

“Why do I have a feeling this won’t end well for either of us?”

Harper snorted. “Because past is prologue.”

They hurried out of the farmhouse and down the porch stairs, and as she left, she thought of Dane and Marnie and the baby coming. They’d be okay. They had each other. The best thing she could do was back off and give them peace.

But there’d be no peace for her. She loved a man and couldn’t have him.