“I thought you’d never get here, Uncle Caleb.” Lily gave him a dark look. “Christmas is only seventeen days away.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He smoothed the dark hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Mia thought that was to avoid her condemning look. “I got busy.”
“Too busy.” Lily’s dark blue eyes filled with reproach.
“Uncle Caleb is here now and Joel has the sleigh outside, so let’s go get that tree.” Mia avoided Caleb’s glance, a little shy around him after his intense kiss by the snowman a week ago. She felt confused, at odds. One minute he was kissing her; the next she didn’t see him for ages. What was going on?
There was no time to dwell on Caleb’s odd behavior as she handed him a thermos of hot cocoa, a plastic container with treats and blankets to cover Lily and Hilda. Joel had cleared a wide path from the house. With him on one side and Caleb on the other, Lily and Hilda walked slowly over the path to the sleigh and with both men’s help, sat on the backseat. Mia would have joined them, but Caleb insisted she sit up front between him and Joel.
As a buffer? she wondered. But since both men were working hard to avoid all contentious issues, she didn’t ask.
“Isn’t it fun, Mia? I never had a sleigh ride before.” Lily chatted nonstop, clearly excited. She pestered Caleb by asking constantly if the tree they were passing was their Christmas tree. At first he tried to explain, then simply shook his head no.
“Wait, sweetie,” Joel urged her. “We’ll come to the best ones pretty soon.”
Lily launched into her Christmas solo and then they all joined her in a round of Christmas carols. By then they were deep into the woods.
“Just a bit farther,” Joel said almost under his breath.
“You’ve been out here before?” Caleb asked with a frown.
“I had to make sure it was okay for the sleigh,” Joel said. “But I’ve walked almost every inch of Riverbend.”
“Why?” Caleb demanded.
“Thinking, praying. Enjoying God’s creation. Now, Lily, what do you think?” He drew the two horses Mia had inherited to a halt and smiled as Lily, wide-eyed and finally silent, gazed around the clearing. “See any Christmas trees you like?”
“All of them.” Lily pointed left then right, her excitement growing. Mia touched her arm.
“Take a good look, honey, because we need exactly the right tree for our Christmas. Okay?” She smiled when Lily nodded.
Joel drove them around the clearing, turning this way and that so they could see the trees from every angle. Finally Lily pointed.
“That one. Right, Mia?”
Mia nodded, unable to speak because of the joy she found in this moment.
“I’ll come back tomorrow and cut it down,” Joel promised. “While you’re at the mall in Calgary.”
“And next summer we’ll come back here and plant a new one to take its place.” What would next year bring? she wondered. Would Caleb have forgiven his father by then? Would Lily be able to run through the meadow among the trees?
Would God have answered her plea for Caleb to love her?
Thrusting away the doubt that bubbled inside, Mia asked if Joel could park the sleigh near their chosen tree.
“I think we should have a winter campfire,” she said.
“I’ve never done that before.” Lily’s eyes grew huge when Caleb lifted her from the sleigh. “What if I fall, Uncle Caleb?” she said, her fear evident.
“Then, you’ll get up.” He chucked her cheek. “That’s what we all do, darlin’.”
Mia saw Joel glance at him, saw Caleb’s expression tighten.
“If you men will build the fire, I have hot chocolate and some treats we can enjoy.” She glanced at Hilda. “There’s a bare spot under the massive pine tree. It might be a good place to collect those pinecones you wanted.”
“It certainly is.” Hilda pushed forward in the sleigh and held out a hand. “Joel, would you mind helping out an old woman?”
Joel almost sprinted forward to offer his hand. Mia blinked, astonished by the sweet glance that passed between the two. She hadn’t given a thought to Joel and Hilda building a relationship, but it was obvious as he escorted her across the snow and helped gather the acorns she wanted that they’d grown very fond of each other.
“That’s your doing?” Caleb’s mouth tightened into a grim line.
“Me?” Mia shook her head. “I had no idea. But I’m very happy for both of them.”
“Nothing can come of it.” He glared at her. “He’s not to be trusted. I need to tell Ms. Hilda that.”
Furious that he would allow his grudge against his father to ruin the happiness these two obviously might find together, Mia let her anger spill out.
“Are you so selfish that you can’t allow anyone to be happy, Caleb?” She kept her voice low so Lily, who was making snow angels a few feet away, wouldn’t hear. “Will that make your mother’s death more palatable? Would she have approved of this vendetta you seem determined to carry out?”
Mia stomped away to join Lily. With that child’s joy in life, goofy jokes and unstoppable laughter, Mia’s anger quickly dissolved. She let Caleb build the fire, and when Hilda and Joel returned with their stash of pinecones, she spread out her picnic and poured a cup of hot chocolate for everyone. Though she sensed Caleb’s glance, she refused to meet it. But her heart ached.
If only...
“‘My help comes from the Lord,’” she reminded her sagging spirit.
The sleigh ride home was a lively affair. Hilda told them of her plans to use pinecones to make old-fashioned wreaths to decorate Riverbend. Lily fussed over what to wear for her solo performance while Joel pointed out chickadees, partridges, a snowy owl and a spruce grouse that flapped its wings angrily before moving out of their path.
Mia smiled and pretended nothing had changed, but for her the joy had gone out of the excursion. Caleb, too, seemed introspective. Joel disappeared with the sleigh after helping Lily and Hilda inside. By the time Caleb had brought in some wood for the fireplace Lily wanted lit, Joel had returned, the chosen Christmas tree in the back of the sleigh.
“Can we decorate it tonight?” Lily begged as she danced around Caleb and Joel, who had finally managed to get the tree inside the house and into its stand.
“Not tonight,” Mia said, hating the disappointment that filled Lily’s face. “The branches must warm up because they’ll droop a little and we’ll need to trim it.”
“That’s where the term ‘trim the tree’ came from,” Hilda explained.
“Tomorrow?” Lily pleaded.
“Maybe, if we’re not too tired when we get back from Calgary,” Mia temporized, worried Lily might push herself too hard after a day at the mall. “We have to pick out your Christmas dress, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” Lily’s face brightened. She turned to Caleb. “You’re coming with us, too, right, Uncle Caleb?”
“I’m afraid I have to cancel. I’ve taken on a new case and I have a lot of preparation,” he said to Mia over Lily’s protests.
“On Sunday?” she murmured, arching one eyebrow, suspicious that he was simply trying to get out of his promise.
“Yes, because my client has been ordered to make a court appearance tomorrow morning,” Caleb said softly. “I’m sorry, but—”
“You can’t make the trip to Calgary,” Mia finished, surprised by the rush of disappointment welling up inside. They’d had such a wonderful time on their last visit to the city.
“I really am sorry,” Caleb said in a soft voice when Lily had wandered away grumbling.
Mia nodded as she struggled not to show how let down she felt. “I’ll handle it.”
“On your own?” His frown did nothing to mar his handsome good looks.
“I’m strong, Caleb. Remember?” she said to remind him of his own words. She shrugged. “Joel will come with us. We’ll be fine.”
“I do worry about you, Mia.” His silver eyes met hers directly. She thought she saw a hint of softness there, but a second later it was gone and his tone was all business. “The van will be here with the driver at nine. He’ll drive you to and from Calgary and anywhere else you want to go.”
“Thank you.” There seemed little more to say. Apparently Caleb realized it, too, because a moment later he was driving away from Riverbend while a hole opened up inside Mia’s heart.
“Father?” she whispered helplessly.
Whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord.
“This is my lesson on trust, isn’t it?” she said, staring into the twilight outside, watching Caleb’s taillights disappear. “Keep me strong, Lord.”
Caleb deliberately did not visit Riverbend in the days following Mia’s Calgary trip. Oh, he called several times during the week, just to make sure everything had gone well, that Hilda and Lily were no worse for wear. But mostly he called simply to hear Mia’s voice.
“We’re fine, Caleb. Preparing for Christmas. In fact, we’re baking cookies this afternoon if you want to join us.”
Did her careful, polite tone hold just a hint of longing? For him? She’d said she loved him. Did she still, or had she given up on him?
“Never mind,” Mia said when he didn’t answer. “I know you’re busy. You can taste the fruits of our labors whenever you’re able to stop by. Just call first in case I’ve taken Lily to practice her solo. You haven’t forgotten the Christmas program Sunday night, have you? Or my party after?”
He hadn’t forgotten. How could he? Everything about Mia was implanted on his brain: the way her hair curled and waved around her lovely face; the way she smiled, wholeheartedly, unabashedly inviting the world to join her; the wide-ranging plans she devised to bring as much joy to those around her as she could manage.
No, he hadn’t forgotten anything about Mia Granger, though he’d tried to.
“Caleb?” Her gentle voice brought him back to the present. “I’m sorry. I’m prattling on and disturbing your busy day, aren’t I? I’ll let you go. Feel welcome to join us anytime.” She hung up before he could tell her he would never be too busy for her.
Caleb avoided visiting Mia because seeing her and not holding her, not kissing her was too hard. He knew he would only hurt her. The desperate hunger in his soul to be part of her life had finally sent him to his knees, to beg God to take away the anger and misery his father’s presence had brought. He’d prayed hard and long to be free of the past, yet the cold, hard lump of unforgiveness still sat in his stomach like a lead-weight reminder of all he’d lost.
Seeing Mia, being with her, watching her joy in life fill her lovely face only made Caleb realize anew that she was all the things he wanted. She made his life worthwhile. She made him a better man. But after hearing her voice today, Caleb finally accepted that for all his daydreams about a future with Mia, he would never enjoy sweet, precious moments with her again unless he could find a way to let go of the past and reconcile with his father.
“But how, God?” he said as the familiar rush of bitterness rose inside. “He doesn’t deserve forgiveness.”
He had to find a way, because Caleb suddenly realized that the law he loved was no longer enough to fill his heart. Mia did that.
Because he loved her? Yes, his heart screamed. He loved Mia. She made his world interesting, fun and worthwhile. He couldn’t imagine a world where he couldn’t see her, where he couldn’t be near her to share her worries and her joys. This soul-deep yearning to share every one of Mia’s tomorrows with Lily no matter what happened had to be love.
For a moment he dreamed it was possible.
Then Joel’s face filled his mind. Joel embracing Lily. Joel sharing a smile with Mia. Joel and Hilda. In an instant indignation shoved out his love for Mia. What could he possibly offer her with this lump of forgiveness lodged in his throat? Nothing.
Except maybe some freedom from the past.
For a long time Caleb sat in his empty office alone. Then he got to work on a very special Christmas gift for Mia.