“I thought you’d be happy, Caleb.” Abby Lebret sat in his office, brow furrowed as she studied him several days later. “Mia wants to adopt Lily. That child could have a wonderful new home with a woman who clearly loves her very much. Why aren’t you smiling?”
Because I won’t share it with her. Because I’m jealous of a child Mia is showering with love. Because I want to be part of it.
“Surely you don’t object to Mia adopting Lily?” Abby’s gaze narrowed. “You’re her guardian and of course you can object, but why would you?”
“Because he’s living there.” The words seemed to squeeze out of Caleb despite his intent to keep them to himself.
“From what I’ve seen, Joel is adding immensely to Lily’s life.” Abby shook her head. “I’ve done a thorough assessment, Caleb. I’ve talked to everyone involved and looked at this adoption from every angle. I can’t think of anything better than Mia’s adoption of Lily, and for Joel to be part of it.”
“I thought you’d say that,” he admitted.
“It’s not just me. I have a hunch that if you tried to stop this adoption and Mia went to court, a judge would see it my way, too. Joel has done nothing wrong,” Abby insisted.
“Except kill my mother.” Why had he said that? Now Abby, the owner of Family Ties and committed to finding loving homes for needy children, looked at him with pity. Caleb didn’t want anyone’s pity. Ever.
“How long are you going to drag that around, Caleb?” Abby’s dark eyes held sympathy, but her voice remained firm. “This is Lily’s chance. Please don’t let your issues with your father spoil it. It’s time to get over the past.”
Why did everyone keep telling him to get over the past, as if he could simply wipe his mother’s cruel death out of his mind? Maybe because Mia did it with Harlan’s perfidy? said an inner voice.
“Not forgiving Joel doesn’t hurt him as much as it hurts you.” When he didn’t respond Abby sighed. “I need to go. Think about what I’ve said.” She rose, handed him her written report, then left.
The intercom buzzed.
“Caleb, Mr. Joel Crane would like to speak to you.”
I’ll bet he would.
Caleb knew he couldn’t put off the confrontation forever, but as tension washed over him, he wanted to refuse to see his father. On the other hand, he wanted to face Joel and demand to know why he was still here in Buffalo Gap. But he was not going to do that in front of his secretary or any of his clients.
“Show him in, please,” Caleb said, exerting rigid control as his secretary escorted his father into his office. He did not get up to welcome his guest as he usually did. Instead, he remained seated, jaw tight, waiting until his secretary closed the door behind her.
“Thank you for seeing me, Caleb. I know you’re busy.” Joel shuffled his feet when Caleb didn’t answer, then asked, “May I sit down?”
“If you must.” Caleb studied the man he’d despised for so long and noted his father looked old and tired. There was a droop to his shoulders that he’d not noticed before. Gray streaks covered Joel’s head, leaving barely any of them the same brown shade as Caleb’s.
“I wanted to talk to you about Lily’s adoption,” his father said quietly.
“I am not at liberty to discuss a client,” Caleb informed him in a curt tone. “Is that everything?”
“Is it asking too much for you to just listen?” Joel said. “Please?”
Caleb exhaled, then shrugged.
“Thank you.” Joel visibly relaxed. “I know you’re her guardian, Caleb. I also know that you care about her very much. So do I. She’s sweet and good, everything you think I’m not. I couldn’t love her more if she were my own grandchild. I think Lily loves me, too.”
“You don’t deserve to be loved,” Caleb said bluntly.
“None of us deserve that.”
The words reminded Caleb of Mia and her comment long ago that no one “deserved” God’s love. Joel seemed to read his mind.
“It’s by God’s grace that I live and breathe. I know that.” He leaned forward. “I didn’t kill your mother, Caleb. I know you think you saw me do that, but that is not what happened.”
“I’ve heard all this—” Caleb began, but his father interrupted his brush-off.
“I was drunk, yes. I was angry, yes. In fact, I was in a rage. Booze did that to me. Most of the time I blacked out, but I didn’t that day. I was arguing with your mother and I saw her step back. I reached out to grab her, to save her, but she backed away. And she fell.” Tears coursed down Joel’s cheeks, but Caleb ignored them.
“That’s your story?’ he said in his most scathing voice.
“That’s the truth,” Joel insisted. “I didn’t push her, but in a way I did cause her death. She wouldn’t have fallen if we hadn’t been arguing. Nothing can change that. I will bear it on my conscience for the rest of my life. But I did not push your mother.”
“What does any of this have to do with Lily?” Caleb said when the silence stretched too long.
“I love Lily. I want that precious little girl to have a home where she is loved. She loves you, Caleb. She believes you will do the right thing for her. I believe you will, too,” Joel said, his gaze intense as it held Caleb’s. “So let me help you help her.”
Caleb’s radar went up. What was his father after?
“If having me in Lily’s life is a barrier to you allowing Mia to adopt her, I will leave Riverbend and Buffalo Gap. I will not allow anyone else to suffer because of my actions.” Joel rose. Funny how he looked so dignified now, shoulders back, eyes clear, body poised.
On the other side of his massive desk, Caleb felt small.
“If that’s what holds you back from approving Mia’s adoption of Lily, say the word and I’ll be gone.”
“Really? You’d leave, just like that?” Caleb didn’t believe it.
“Just like that. I love that little girl as much as I once loved you, still love you,” Joel said, meeting his gaze with a clear stare. “That’s why I will not do anything to hinder her future.”
“What about your vow that you wouldn’t leave until what’s between us is settled?” Caleb asked. Why did he feel that he’d lost the advantage here?
“I’ll leave that to God. I can’t do any more.” Joel turned to leave, paused, then turned back. “I’m sorry I ruined your life, Caleb. I’m so sorry you lost your mother, your home, your life. But now you’ve been given a precious gift. Mia loves you. Don’t throw that away because of our past, because of me.”
There were a thousand things Caleb wanted to throw at him. And yet hadn’t there been enough words?
“Let me know,” Joel murmured, his eyes wet. “It won’t take me long to pack.” He quietly slipped out of the room.
And Caleb, who was used to being in control in his own office, knew he’d won his case but lost the most important battle of his life.
“I know you’ve been avoiding me.” Three days later Mia stood, hands on her hips and she glared at Caleb. She’d bearded him in his office out of concern for Lily. At least that was what she told herself. “You can avoid me all you want, but there’s a little girl who desperately misses you and I’m done making excuses for your absence. Go see Lily.”
She turned and stalked to the door. But before she could grab the doorknob he spoke.
“I have been avoiding you. And it’s been awful. Can we be friends again?” Caleb’s amazing eyes twinkled, sending her heart rate into the stratosphere.
“What does being friends mean?” she asked cautiously, afraid to trust his words when he’d told her he couldn’t love her.
“It means helping you get this Christmas extravaganza you’re planning under way. Deal?” He held out his hand.
“Okay.” Mia slipped her hand into his for a moment, then drew back. She’d exposed her heart and he’d rebuffed her. That hurt far worse than anything Harlan had done. She would not allow herself to be that vulnerable again. Caleb had been right. She was strong. She had to handle being around him without letting herself dream he was offering anything other than friendship.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“You’re a bit late getting on board.” Mia loved the way he looked at her, as if she were more than just a friend. “We’ve already done a lot, but there’s still the trip to the mall for Lily and Hilda.”
“Monday? I haven’t much on my schedule that day, so it’s easily cleared. The crowds won’t be so bad then, either. I’m pretty sure I can arrange a van rental in time.” He lifted one eyebrow, waiting for her decision.
“Fortunately Lily’s still doing her schoolwork at home, so yes, that works. Then we’ll need to get a tree. Joel’s rebuilt an old-fashioned sleigh so we can take Lily and Hilda for a ride to choose the right one.”
“How’s she doing?” he asked softly. Mia knew he meant Lily and not Hilda.
“Very well, according to her physiotherapist. It helps that she has a solo with the kids’ choral group for the Sunday-school program they’re performing on Christmas Eve. Lily insists she’s going to walk onto the platform unaided. Joel built her an apparatus to help her manipulate stairs.”
“Good.” Caleb nodded. Mia’s breath caught in her throat at his intense gaze.
“I’m afraid she’s pushing too hard, but her physiotherapist says to let her work as hard as she wants.” She was babbling and she knew it, but her mind was replaying his kiss and every part of her wanted to repeat that experience. “Joel and Hilda and I each keep a close eye on her.”
“You haven’t had your cookie-making session yet, have you?” Caleb looked so disappointed when she nodded that Mia made a snap decision.
“We’ll need to have another, though. I’m going to throw a Christmas party at Riverbend after the Sunday-school concert. I’ll invite anyone who wants to come.” As she said it, Mia felt a rush of satisfaction. A party was exactly what everyone under her roof needed.
“Count me in for the baking day,” he said.
“Okay, but before that I need to get my Christmas lights put up outside. I was planning to get some in Calgary, but the hardware store here had such a wonderful supply that I just bought a ton.” She glanced at him sideways. “Joel and I are going to put some of them up tonight, I hope. I want the ones that hang from the eaves to go up first.”
“You’re not going up a ladder to hang Christmas lights, Mia,” Caleb said, just as she’d hoped he would. “If you feed me dinner, I’ll help hang the lights.”
“With Joel?” she asked, studying him.
Caleb slowly nodded. “If he has to be there.”
“He does. Thank you. I’ll appreciate your help. Now I’d better get home and start preparing dinner.” She turned to leave. Caleb’s hand on her arm stopped her.
“I spoke to Dr. Frank this morning, Mia. He told you Lily’s recovery is a little slower than he’d expected?” He waited for her nod. “What if she doesn’t get complete mobility? What do we do then?”
“Where’s your faith, Caleb?” Mia heard the sharpness in her voice and modulated it. He was only speaking her fears. “Whatever happens, Lily will still be Lily and I will always want to adopt her. Is that what you’re asking?”
“Not exactly, but thank you for clarifying.” He shook his head.
“What?”
“That faith of yours, doesn’t it ever weaken?” he asked.
If only he knew how hard it was to keep trusting God to work things out, to keep believing that He’d given her this deep love for Caleb for a reason.
“It’s taken a hit lately,” she said, holding his gaze with hers until she knew he caught her meaning. Summoning the faith he’d praised, she quoted, “‘I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.’ God knows what He’s doing, Caleb. Remember that.” She waggled her fingers at him in a wave. “See you later.”
As Mia drove the snow-covered road home, she recalled a sermon she’d heard long ago.
From time to time it’s good to review the past so we can see what God has done, how He’s worked things out in ways we could never imagine.
Mia thought of Harlan and the life of deceit she’d endured at his hands. That had ultimately led her here to Buffalo Gap, where she’d found joy and a child to love. That move had also given her the opportunity to make the house where she’d endured loneliness into a place of joy for Arthur and his kids.
Because of Caleb, Mia had not filled it with all the lovely furniture she’d imagined. Instead, she’d consulted Arthur about what he’d prefer and together they’d bought only a few serviceable pieces because he’d chosen to bring many of his own possessions. Some were damaged, but he’d insisted he could fix them. At first dubious, after her visit with him yesterday Mia realized those old things were what made the house exactly what she’d wanted—a home where old memories could be built on. Her former house was now a place where love prevailed.
“You worked it all out,” she murmured, turning into her driveway and pulling into her garage. “So I’m trusting You with Caleb, too. Please work on his heart, work out his issues with Joel. And help Lily and Hilda recover fully. Please let this Christmas be a truly joy-filled one, for all of us.”
It was up to God now. All she had to do was trust Him to soften Caleb’s hardened heart so love could fill his life. Her love.
“I’ve eaten so much I don’t know if I can climb up the ladder again,” Joel said, pushing away from the table.
“Again?” Caleb frowned. Though it had almost melted now, sleet had pelted the valley earlier. He’d had to use his four-wheel drive to get to Riverbend. He couldn’t imagine climbing a ladder outside in such weather.
“I hooked the clips on the eaves troughs to hang the lights. I thought that would be easier in daylight.” Joel met his gaze without rancor, then thanked Mia for the meal. As he hugged Lily good-night, Caleb watched his father’s eyes close and saw the look of pure bliss fill his face. “Sweet dreams, sweet one,” Joel whispered.
“Good night, Pops.” Lily clung to his hand for a minute, letting go only after he kissed her cheek. Pops? When had that happened?
“I’m going to do the dishes,” Hilda announced. “Without help,” she insisted, shooting Mia a look that said don’t argue with me. “I’m looking forward to seeing those lights up when I come back from prayer meeting tomorrow night.”
“Our cue to get to work.” Caleb rose, carried his dishes to the counter by the sink, then walked to the front door to don his coat, boots and gloves. To his surprise, Mia dressed to go outside, too.
“You didn’t think I’d let you do this on your own, did you?” she teased. “I have a plan.”
“Of course you do.” With her masses of hair bound inside a knitted green cap that matched her eyes, Caleb thought she looked adorable. A matching scarf around her neck was tucked inside her cream jacket. On her hands she wore bright red mittens. “You look like a goofy Christmas elf,” he teased as he tucked an escaping tendril of hair behind her ear.
“You may pay for that later,” she warned with a grin, then went outside.
Caleb had dreaded this time of working with Joel. He’d only agreed because he knew how much Mia wanted to make her long-cherished Christmas dream come true. But in actuality, it was fun to hang the gazillion icicle lights.
“Did you buy out the store?” he asked when the strands were finally hung and sparkled their soft white glow into the night.
“Pretty much.” She winked at him. “I had to. I have a big house.”
“Understatement,” Joel muttered with a sideways grin at Caleb. “What’s next?”
“Lights on some of these gorgeous spruce trees,” Mia said cheerfully.
Caleb insisted on being the ladder man. But the trees were huge. Even the extension ladder wasn’t long enough to reach the top. It took some persuasion for Mia to agree to decorate the shorter ones. She reiterated her dream of lighting the large trees.
“Say, I met a fellow in town with a ladder truck who was decorating that big tree in the town square,” Joel remembered when they’d finished decorating five smaller spruce trees. “Maybe you could hire him to string lights on your larger trees on either side of the house.”
“Don’t encourage her,” Caleb begged, descending from the fifth and final tree. A second later he felt the cold, wet smack of a snowball against his neck. “Hey!”
“This is where I say good-night,” Joel said, and quickly strode across the snow toward his bunkhouse.
“Good night, Joel. Thank yo—ach!” Mia spat out the mouthful of snow and glared at Caleb. “I warned you,” she said before hurling a snow missile with incredible accuracy and speed. It caught him squarely on the forehead.
“Okay, I give. I give,” he yelled after Mia had targeted him several more times. He dodged more missiles and finally threw up his hands. “You win.”
“Yes, I do.” She approached him, grinning from ear to ear. “Just call me the queen of snowball fights. Let’s build a snowman.”
Caleb was chilled and ready to go inside, but he just couldn’t deny her the simple pleasure. He would have slapped the thing together just to get it done, but Mia had precise expectations and produced a kitchen knife to make the snow creature fully rounded from all aspects.
“Good enough?” he asked, sure there was not an edge left anywhere.
“Almost.” Mia pulled a soft black hat out of her pocket and perched it on the snowman’s head. She added a carrot nose and something dark for snowman eyes. Finally she took her green scarf and wrapped it around his neck. Then she stood back and surveyed their work, her breath mingling with his. She linked her arm through his and tilted her head to the right so it rested on his shoulder. “Perfect. You build a good snowman for a lawyer, Caleb.”
Somehow Caleb couldn’t stop himself from sliding his arm around her waist and drawing her against his side.
“Teamwork,” he said, now perfectly content to stand in the cold and stare at the light show he’d created with this most amazing woman.
“Look up,” she whispered.
He did and saw Lily watching them. He waved and she waved back. Then her bedroom light went out.
“Minx. She’s supposed to be asleep.” Mia chuckled. “You probably woke her up when you bellowed over getting a little snow in your face.”
“Probably.” He knew what she was doing. She was keeping things light to avoid the intimacy they’d shared when they were last together. Part of Caleb was relieved, but part of him wanted to throw caution to the wind, pull her into his arms and kiss her until she asked him to stop. Part of him wanted to look forward to a host of Christmases to come.
“Tomorrow I’m going to build a fort,” Mia said. “Lily wants one.”
“And what Lily wants, Lily gets. You’re going to be a doting mother,” he said, surprised by how saying those words brought sweet delight to his heart.
Mia twisted to look at him, her face mere inches from his.
“Am I going to be Lily’s mother, Caleb?” she asked in that breathy tone that told him she was thrilled by the prospect but afraid to let her hopes get too high. He guessed she’d feared he’d use Bobby’s death against her. Because she didn’t trust him.
“I think you’re made for each other,” he said so quietly she had to lean near to hear.
“Oh, Caleb, thank you.” In a flash she curled her arms around his waist, stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his. A second later, much too soon for his taste, her kiss ended. “Thank you so much. I promise I will always love her.”
“That’s why Lily belongs with you.” Her face shone with joy in the glow of the Christmas lights. No matter where he went in the future, Caleb knew he’d always remember the deep rich green of her eyes, the smooth curve of her cheek and the tendrils of hair that had escaped her cap and now framed her lovely face.
“I’m not sure about a lot of things,” he admitted. “But I know with certainty that God brought the two of you together. No one could take better care of her, love her more deeply or work harder to make her happy. You are her mother.”
“Oh, Caleb.” Her sweet voice caressed his soul while her eyes begged him for—something. The temptation was too great.
Caleb bent his head and covered her lips with his, loving the tiny shiver Mia gave but knowing that taking the love she so freely offered was wrong. He would only hurt her again.
Slowly, gently, he broke off their kiss and stepped back, repressing the urge to reach out and stop her arms from leaving his waist.
“Hot chocolate?” she whispered, her voice slightly hoarse.
“I better go home.” He couldn’t stop himself from trailing a finger down her velvety cheek. “Thank you for a wonderful evening, Mia.”
“Come again,” she invited, her lips curving in a sweet smile.
He would. That was the problem. Caleb couldn’t stop coming back to Riverbend, even though he knew he’d run into his father, even though he knew he’d have to struggle to resist kissing Mia.
But that wasn’t love. It couldn’t be, because love didn’t intentionally hurt, and despite knowing how much both Mia and Lily cared for him, Caleb had every intention of asking Joel to leave Riverbend and Buffalo Gap. It was the only way he could expiate his need to avenge his mother’s death.
But for Mia’s sake he would wait until after Christmas.