I peered around the edge of the door at Matt, scowling. “I need another towel. Why don’t you keep towels in here?”
He laughed and shrugged. “No storage space. Hang on and I’ll get you one.”
I waited as he walked away and tried to peek down the hallway to see if Sam was nearby. Unlike any normal person who’d been through what I had, I didn’t have nightmares of fire. No, my dreams had been plagued, the entire night through, by one hot fireman. The things my subconscious mind had cooked up starring sexy Sam, weren’t even remotely close to normal.
“Sam?” Matt’s voice called out as I heard a truck start outside.
I shut the door and hurried over to the window. I pulled the curtain aside and watched as Sam’s truck turned around and left. Tendrils of disappointment snaked through me, even as I told myself it was for the best.
“Sam stopped by to check on you, but he left. Which is just as well, because you and I have some things to discuss about last night. Matt opened the door a crack and shoved a towel inside with his hand over his eyes. “Hurry up and get dressed. I’ll make us some breakfast.”
I reached for the towel and did as he asked. I dried off and then hurried to the guest room to drag on the same clothes I’d worn to bed the night before. Matt had washed them for me, so they were clean and didn’t stink of smoke, but the oversized T-shirt and shorts wouldn’t last me for long.
I had a little money saved from work at the vet clinic, but I intended to give that to Matt for graciously letting me stay with him. I closed my eyes and took a moment to allow the panic to wash over me. While growing up in the flock, we were taught as women to bury our feelings and emotions. Stuff them down deep, and don’t let them surface. Always be sweet. I’d learned when I was younger that it was better to go through them than try to bury them. Ignoring things didn’t work for me. Of course, I couldn’t let anyone know, but I’d developed my own coping technique. I embraced the panic and visually pictured strings attached to it, leading back to what was causing it.
My thoughts raced to Sam and then veered to Father. I couldn’t help but think about his reactions to my choices. I knew he would be appalled by my wanton and lustful reaction to Sam and it was hard to not feel his disapproval like a backhand to the face.
With no money to replace my clothing, I would need to return to Macon’s Edge and retrieve the last of my things. I’d only been away for a few weeks, but I felt as though I had already changed so much. I knew Father would notice. He would see that I had become more worldly, a sin against his teachings. It scared me and angered me at the same time. I wanted to be able to live my life, but his shadow was far-reaching.
Matt knocked at the door. “Food’s ready. You coming?”
I opened the door and looked up at him. “I could use a hug.”
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight to his chest. “Poor thing. Let me feed you and then we’ll talk. You can cry if you want.”
I pulled away and smiled at his generosity. “I’d rather not. I’m trying to leave that part of me behind.”
“The part that cries?”
I nodded. “I want to be tough and street smart. I’d say independent, but that bus drove off the cliff last night.”
“You’ll figure something out. Don’t worry so much right now. Let’s just tackle one thing at a time. Right now, it’s breakfast.” He pressed a kiss to my hair and grinned. “Then, we’ll tackle the next question. Why Sam is sniffing around you, even though he thinks we’re a couple.”
My face burned. “He’s not sniffing around me.”
“I know sniffing when I see it. My cousin is sniffing.”
I sat at the table, in front of the plate that Matt had already prepared for me. I shrugged. I didn’t know why Sam had come over. Probably to visit his cousin. It couldn’t be for me. He thought I was Matt’s girlfriend. I’d handled that situation. Hadn’t I?
Matt let me eat in silence. I took small bites of my food, stretching it out, trying to find the words to explain to him why I’d made him lie to his cousin the night before. I couldn’t say that I was a chicken and had felt so sexually charged by his cousin that I’d leaped at a chance to hide from that feeling. I couldn’t say that I’d been seconds from humping his cousin like a dog so I’d jumped at him instead. I couldn’t say that my heart raced every single time I thought of Sam. I couldn’t say that I’d thought the feelings would fade overnight, after the stress of the fire faded, but they hadn’t.
So, by the time I finished my last bite of food, I had a long list of things I couldn’t say and nothing to say that made any sense. I rubbed my stomach and pushed my plate away. “That was really good, Matt. Thank you.”
He sat with his chin in his hand and a bored look on his face. “You ready to talk yet?”
I swallowed my negative reply. I owed Matt everything, at the very least, an answer for why I’d made him lie. When I opened my mouth to talk, though, a knock sounded at the front door.
Matt jumped and then frowned. “We will be having this conversation, Presley. I can’t believe I didn’t hear anyone coming.”
I grabbed our plates and started doing the dishes while he and Mabel went to see who’d come by. Loud female voices echoed through the house, and I heard Matt say that I was in the kitchen.
I turned and dried my hands on a dishtowel just as several women rushed me. I recognized them from town, among them, Ophelia Barns. My face blanched and my shame made itself known like an old friend slinging its arm over my shoulder.
Ophelia was dating Sterling, one of the only two men that I’d slept with in my entire life. After finding out that Kyle had been cheating on me for the duration of our relationship, I’d been broken, shattered. I, of course, had to hide my pain at his betrayal from my family and the flock. But it was less than twenty-four hours before Father found out and brought his wrath down on me with a vengeance. He beat me and tossed me out of our family home, telling me he never wanted to see me again, at least not while I was still standing on two feet.
Having just been brutally tossed aside, not only by my fiancé, but by my own family, I was so hurt and angry that instead of being the good girl Father had tried to raise, I’d rebelled. I headed to Burden and, for the first time in my life, set foot in a bar. If that wasn’t heathen enough, I ordered myself a cocktail. Although I’d only drunk half of it, I was feeling a whole lot better, and when a handsome man began showering me with attention, I didn’t try to stop him. I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong then, too, but something inside me so strongly craved kind, caring attention in any form, that before I knew it, we’d ended up in bed together. His name was Sterling, and our night together hadn’t meant anything to either of us, outside of drowning us both in shame and guilt. Apparently, nothing is a secret in Burden, because Kyle found out the very next day and told anyone who would listen that I’d cheated on him and broken his heart.
Ophelia and I had known each other over the span of months that Kyle and I had been courting, but she worked in Nashville, and I only ever left Macon’s Edge occasionally. As far as I knew, we’d both had a fondness for one another, being the two women in Kyle’s life. That ended when I had not only hurt her brother, but slept with Sterling, the guy that she later turned out to be madly in love with. It was a small world and I’d dipped my toes into one too many ponds to be able to stand tall in front of her.