None of the following songs were harmed in the telling of this story:

 

Where Were You?
The Mekons
(Written by Jon Langford)
Available on Fast Product Records, 1978

 

The Model
Kraftwerk
(Written by Hutter, Bartos, Schult)
Available on EMI Capitol Records, 1981

 

Should I Stay or Should I Go
The Clash
(Written by Headon, Jones, Simonon, Strummer)
Available on CBS Records, 1982

 

I Can’t Help Myself
Orange Juice
(Written by Edwyn Collins)
Available on Polydor Records, 1982

 

Let’s Stick Together
Brian Ferry
(Written by Wilbert Harrison)
Available on E.G. Records, 1976

 

Thirteen
Big Star
(Written by Alex Chilton and Chris Bell)
Available on Ardent Records, 1972

 

The Message
Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five
(Written by Ed ‘Duke Bootee’Fletcher, Grandmaster Melle Mel and Sylvia Robinson)
Available on Sugarhill Records, 1982

 

Beat Surrender
The Jam
(Written by Paul Weller)
Available on Polydor Records, 1982

 

House of Fun
Madness
(Written by Mike Barson and Lee Thompson)
Available on Stiff Records, 1982

 

September
Earth, Wind & Fire
(Written by Maurice White, Al McKay and Allee Willis)
Available on Columbia Records, 1978

 

Run, Run, Run
The Velvet Underground
(Written by Lou Reed)
Available on Verve Records, 1967

 

Roadrunner
Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers
(Written by Jonathan Richman)
Available on Beserkley Records, 1972

 

B-Movie
Gil Scott-Heron
(Written by Gil-Scott Heron)
Available on Arista Records, 1981

 

I’ll Never Fall in Love Again
Bobbie Gentry
(Written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David)
Available on Capitol Records, 1970

 

Galveston
Glen Campbell
(Written by Jim Webb)
Available on Capitol Records, 1969

 

What Difference Does It Make?
The Smiths
(Written by Morrissey and Marr)
Available on Rough Trade Records, 1983

 

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Culture Club
(Written by Culture Club)
Available on Virgin Records, 1982

 

Stoned out of My Mind
The Chi-Lites
(Written by Eugene Record and Barbara Acklin)
Available on Brunswick Records, 1973

 

Relax
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
(Written by Gill, Johnson, Nash, O’Toole)
Available on ZTT Records, 1983

 

Love Song
Simple Minds
(Written by Simple Minds)
Available on Virgin Records, 1981

 

Blue Monday
New Order
(Written by Gilbert, Hook, Morris, Sumner)
Available on Factory Records, 1983

 

Perfect Skin
Lloyd Cole & The Commotions
(Written by Lloyd Cole)
Available on Polydor Records, 1984

 

The Beautiful Ones
Prince and the Revolution
(Written by Prince)
Available on Warner Brothers Records, 1983

 

Get it On
T.Rex
(Written by Marc Bolan)
Available on Fly Records, 1971

 

I’m Falling
The Bluebells
(Written by Robert Hodgens & Ken McCluskey)
Available on London Records, 1984