It’s been twenty minutes since Cal closed the door to his study and there hasn’t been a word from him or even a sound from his study. I can’t stand the tension any more and as I’m about to barge in on him, Cal walks into the sitting room.
My heart almost leaps out of my chest and I spring up from the sofa. He holds his tablet down by his side. His face is pale. ‘It’s her,’ he says.
‘You’re sure?’
‘I’ve seen the photo. She’s grown, she’s thinner, but it’s her. There’s a photo of her grandfather on the email too, with her.’
‘Cal. That’s amazing. It’s fantastic news.’ I launch myself on him and finally he hugs me back. I kiss him and he holds me tightly and finally there’s a smile on his face. ‘I was so worried when you didn’t come out of the study. I thought it wasn’t her or you’d heard bad news.’
‘She’s safe. She’s alive … I’m sorry I didn’t come in to tell you. I wasn’t sure how I’d react, whether it was good news or bad, and then I kept having to check the photo against an old one of mine. I knew immediately but I couldn’t accept it after all this time searching. Then I called Kit and Carolyn.’
‘How did Kit find her? Did she turn up on the Red Cross or Facebook sites?’
‘No. Kit made enquiries among his colleagues who cover human-interest stories in the Middle East. One of the journalists had been doing some features on families escaping Syria and moving into Europe. She did some digging and spread the word about Esme’s family: names, ages, etc.’ Cal drags his fingers through his hair, still looking totally shell-shocked.
‘A few days ago, the journalist heard from a man in a camp in Northern Greece who thought he’d met Esme and her family while he was on the road. He’d definitely heard her name and even spoken to some of her relatives. She seemed the right age and the family circumstances matched.’
‘So she’s with her family? That’s a hundred times better than her being alone.’
‘If she’d been alone, I doubt she could have survived.’ He hugs himself as if he’s cold. ‘Kit’s journalist friend actually spoke to Esme and her family and they remembered me. My God, Esme remembered me.’
‘Why wouldn’t she? You were good friends.’
‘I – I don’t know … You know Kit didn’t want to pass on the news until he was absolutely sure but this evening his colleague emailed the photo to him. He wondered all day what to do but then said he realised he had to risk disappointing me.’
He holds out the tablet. ‘Would you like to see her? I’ve got some old photos of her and Soraya of my own. I wanted to compare them with this new picture, to make sure because I don’t trust my memory any more. I haven’t been able to look at these or show them to anyone until now. Demi … you need to understand that I’ve been trying to forget it all and put the past behind me.’
‘I know that. I even understand the way you feel. When I left home, I thought I could run away from my family and the past, but it was impossible. I tried to lock the bad memories away and live on my own with Mitch as if they didn’t exist but it didn’t help me. Maybe the breathing space helped me for a little while but the guilt and the grief didn’t go away. In the end, my family and the memories found me. I’m glad they did and I’m glad you found Esme.’
We sit next to each other on the sofa. Cal lifts the cover of the iPad and taps on the photo in the email. A little girl stares back at me through wide, dark eyes. My heart jumps into my mouth. You don’t have to know Esme’s story to see what she’s been through. Her lost gaze says everything, despite her smile.
‘She’s so young.’
‘She’s nine now. She’s grown so much, but she’s thinner.’
‘She’s smiling.’
Cal smiles briefly too. ‘I guess she was relieved to have something to smile about but Kit’s colleague says she’s attending the camp school a few mornings a week. She loved school until everything fell apart out there. I remember her showing me a picture she’d drawn of her with her mum and grandparents.’
‘What made you become close with that family in particular?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe it was Soraya’s bravery that stood out for me, or Esme’s. Soraya could have left the city months before when her hospital was destroyed but she wanted to stay and help her people. We were very grateful for an extra pair of skilled hands. You know, Esme told me she wanted to be a nurse like her mother? Even after witnessing the horrors that she did, she still wanted to be like her mum.’ Cal stares at the photo, silent for a few moments, as if he’s been transported back to the war zone.
I slip my arm around him and lay my head on his shoulder as the tablet wavers between his hands. He runs his finger over Esme’s face.
‘And now she’s asked to see me. Her family are being moved on to another camp in a couple of days, though no one’s told them which yet.’
‘So soon?’
‘Yes. I can’t go, of course. I haven’t told Kit’s colleague yet but I can’t take off out there, not with the wedding.’
I don’t know what to say. The thought of losing Cal now, at one of Kilhallon’s biggest moments, makes me go cold. Yet the thought of keeping him away from someone and something that means so much to him is unthinkable. I can’t do it to him, or Esme, no matter how much I want and need him.
‘Cal. You have to go while you know where they are. You might lose touch again if you wait.’
Immediately he shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says firmly. ‘I can’t leave you, not with this wedding to orchestrate.’
‘There will be lots of weddings, but this could be your only chance to meet Esme. You’ve waited so long and she’s asked for you after all this time and searching. How can you let her down now?’
He rubs his hand over his face. ‘A dozen reasons. You need me, the business needs me …’
‘That’s only two reasons.’
He puts his head in his hands and then lifts it. ‘What if she hates me for her mother’s death? What if her family blame me?’
‘They wouldn’t have asked for you if they did. You have to face them and talk to them. You’ll never be happy at Kilhallon unless you do. We’ll manage here somehow. Can you get a flight tomorrow?’
He shakes his head. ‘I guess so. Hell, I don’t know. I haven’t even thought of how to get out there.’
‘I’ll get on the airline sites now while you set up the meeting with Kit’s friend and Esme’s family.’
‘If you’re sure … but I’ll be back in time for the wedding. I’ll fly out first thing tomorrow and I’ll be back on Saturday.’
‘I’ll do my best to find a flight. Cal, you realise that you’re going to have to tell Polly and Robyn where you’re going and why? You don’t have to share all the details but they’re going to want to know why you’ve left Kilhallon before the wedding.’
He groans. ‘Shit. I never thought of that.’
‘You’ll have to trust them with some of the story because I’m not lying for you. It’s too big a secret.’
‘You’re right. OK, I’ll speak to Polly and I need a lift off Robyn tomorrow so I’ll talk to her on the way to the station. You’ll be too busy here, Demi. Thank you for this. I don’t know what to say.’
‘You don’t need to say anything. Just go.’