Dana’s emotionless expression drove a stake into Rich’s newly beating heart.
When he’d first walked into the kitchen, she’d lit up the way he’d imagined she had last night when he’d kissed her, as though he was the only man in the world.
But then, ever so slowly, the impervious shell slipped into place, and she looked past him as though he was a stranger she hadn’t kissed the night before.
It was almost more than he could bear.
Without a word to her or to Emily, he passed through the kitchen, the frustration he’d felt last night at her rebuff simmering to the surface. He might have a life story to write, but the theme was likely he would never be enough. He hadn’t been vigilant enough to save Fitz, hadn’t been strong enough to save Amber. He wasn’t valuable enough to win Dana. Her job was bigger. It would always be bigger, which meant there would be no room for him in her life. He’d allowed himself a moment to dream about the future, and look what it had earned him.
More pain. It came wrapped up in a pretty Christmas package with a bow and everything, but the contents were nothing but heartache.
He walked straight out the front door, down the wide porch steps and onto the expansive front lawn. The snow-covered ground sloped gently to a narrow beach, where the St. Lawrence iced along the edges. Rich turned his face to the sky, to the sun that failed to warm his skin through the December air. I thought this would be different, Lord. After what Web said, after I let myself open up, I thought...
He’d thought he might have the capacity to fully live again. To take a step forward and write this story. He’d tried. He’d failed.
It hurt. Bad.
His eyes widened. Wait. It hurt.
Dana’s rejection stung. Wounded his pride. Pinched his anger.
He felt something other than numb calm. Something other than emptiness.
Something other than grief.
“Dude, are you out here pouting?” Web’s feet crunched in the snow beside Rich. “You walked straight through the kitchen without acknowledging Dana or my wife.” He glided his hand through the air as if to indicate an airplane taking flight, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Kind of rude, if you ask me. And kind of not like you, considering there were fresh cookies on the table. Ginger cookies, even.”
“You didn’t bring me one?”
“Nope. I don’t think you deserve one. I actually came to warn you Dana is probably right behind me. She was determined to find you.” Web slapped him on the shoulder. “Tell her you’re feeling things, man. Then fight for her. Go and make yourself a Christmas miracle.” He sauntered to the side yard and disappeared around the house.
Feeling things? Had the man inhaled too much sawdust?
“Rich?”
His name in Dana’s voice, and laced with concern, jolted electricity through the center of his chest. His eyes slipped shut. What if Web was right? What if he maybe sort of did have feelings for her?
What good would it do him?
“Yeah?” He wasn’t trying to be standoffish or rude. It was literally the best he could do when her presence choked his air.
She appeared beside him in the same spot Web had just vacated, standing a respectful two feet away. “You’re angry.”
Rich stopped himself from inching closer to her. He crossed his arms and watched the river lap at ice on the shore. A denial would be simple. It would require one word that would hopefully end the discussion, but they’d both know it wasn’t true. Especially after he’d acted like a bratty teenager when he’d walked away from her last night and just now in the kitchen.
He owed her the truth, not some lie he made up on the fly. They’d been through too much for him to disrespect her by hiding from her. “I’m a little angry. Upset might be a better word.” He shook his head and finally dared to face her.
She wore her hair in one of those messy bun things like Amber had worn sometimes, a look he hadn’t seen on Dana. It made her seem softer. A little more vulnerable with those wispy pieces around her neck and her cheeks. But it was her expression that got to him.
Her eyes held a sadness he hadn’t seen before. She’d been all wild determination the past few days, punctuated by moments of doubt. Never had she succumbed to outright sadness. Not like this.
Sadness that had something to do with him. It sparked the slightest hope that maybe...
Maybe there was a chance she’d be able to build a new identity for herself. One outside her job. Maybe she felt something for him and could include him in her new life, even after she managed to clear up the misunderstanding with the government.
He couldn’t push her, and he couldn’t push himself. He wasn’t even sure he trusted these feelings, they were so new and so different.
He’d loved Amber to the best of his ability as a broken man searching for a constant. He’d carry part of her with him forever, but Web was right. He had to continue living.
With Amber, he’d been grasping for safety, selfishly thinking he could be all she needed and she could somehow complete and heal him. This feeling with Dana was different. Less frantic. More intense. Deeper.
Overwhelming in a way that both scared and exhilarated him.
“I hurt you last night, and I’m sorry.” Her hand reached for his elbow, hovered for a second, then fell to her thigh. “I don’t know who I am anymore, and until I figure it out...until you figure you out, we’d be doomed for failure. I’m never a fan of failure, and I’m even less of a fan of failure when it comes to you.”
She turned away and stared down at the river, same as he’d been doing when she showed up. “There’s too much to think about and too many unknowns. I mean, what if we never figure out who’s after me? What if this run for my life stretches on for months? Years? I’ve seen it too often in WitSec. Sometimes people have to forge whole new lives. Sooner or later, you have to go back to Mountain Springs. You can’t hide with me forever or live your life looking over your shoulder. I won’t ask you to.”
If she did, what would he say? “I promise you this.” Rich turned and stepped around so he faced her head-on, forcing his hands to keep to himself. “We will not let this go on and on. And...” Okay, so he knew the answer to the question she refused to ask. Knew it with a certainty he couldn’t deny. “And I won’t abandon you.”
“You can’t make that promise.”
“I can do whatever I want. You told me I have my own life to live. Guess what? I get to live it the way I choose.” He kept talking so she wouldn’t find a sliver of silence in which to wedge a protest. “I helped Wyatt protect Jenna. I helped Sam protect Amy. I will not leave you, of all people, to defend yourself alone. I can’t.” Rich dug his teeth into his tongue. He’d said too much. Wyatt and Jenna, Sam and Amy... They’d fallen in love. They were now married. Had he shown her too much of his heart?
“Did you hear what you just said?” Dana stood taller, challenging him, meeting him nearly eye to eye. “You protected Jenna and Amy. Successfully. I don’t know much about Jenna’s story, but from what I’ve read in the reports, Sam and Amy are both alive today because of your actions.” Something in her expression softened. “I don’t know everything about Amber’s murder, but I know you were with her. I know losing her wrecked you in ways I will never be able to imagine. When are you going to look at yourself and realize you are not a failure? If it was time for Amber’s story to reach a conclusion, there was nothing you could have done to stop it.”
You’re still here. Amber was a part of your story, but not the whole story. Web’s words circled, almost visible in the frigid air.
“You’ve had my back even though there’s no reason for you to be here. If you hadn’t come after me at the wedding, hadn’t been with me at your house, at my apartment...then my story would be over.” Her words fell to a whisper.
It was too much at once. First the emotions, now the idea he might be free from the guilt of Amber’s death, truly free to...
He shook his head. The things Dana was saying... Somehow she’d shifted the focus from her life to his.
The need to be alone swamped him. There had to be a way to unpack everything he was feeling, everything God was saying, everything the people around him were insisting.
No, that was too abstract. He needed something analytical. Something tangible. A problem he could solve outside of himself.
As if he’d cued it, his cell phone vibrated. Rich pulled it from his pocket and glanced at the screen.
Isaiah. The preview on his lock screen might have just saved them both. Got the results back on the image you sent of the knife. It’s from...
He handed the phone to Dana. “Isaiah knows who’s after you. We can finally make a plan.”
She blinked twice and her head jerked back, almost as if he’d slapped her.
Rich couldn’t blame her. The change of subject had to come like a right hook.
“I... Okay.” She took the phone and read the message. Her expression shifted, back to the one Rich recognized. The one blending training and capability, whether she felt it or not. “Let’s move on this. I’m going to need computer access. We’re also going to need backup, although with me cut off from my team, I’m not sure who it will be. You can call Isaiah. Ask him if there’s any way for me to be involved in this legally. I want to be there at the end.”
The longing to take her in his arms, to hold her close and shut out the world for one more second, was strong. They were about to go into battle. Who knew how it would end or if she’d walk away from him when it was over?
He kept his hands at his sides as Dana turned and headed toward the house.
It had to be this way. Otherwise, his emotions might kill him.
And the bad guys might kill Dana.
Dana settled her ice water onto the kitchen table and slid into her seat. The tremor in her hand said she’d pegged the caffeine meter. That was something she’d never have guessed would happen.
Around the table sat their makeshift war council. Emily sat to her left. Rich was to her right, and Web waited across from her. Dana slid the laptop Web had purchased for her earlier across the table and logged in. She’d spent the afternoon configuring the machine to mask her location. She’d also set up the necessary systems to anonymously access the dark web. It was her least favorite part of the job, trolling the depths of human depravity, but experience proved any answers she needed likely lived deep below the surface.
It was time to go to war, and Dana was the commander. They needed information in order to develop a strategy to end this madness, and a feat squarely in her technological wheelhouse. While Isaiah had assured Rich the feds were hard at work, there was no way she could continue to sit still.
“According to the intel Isaiah sent to Rich, the knife is handed out to higher-ups in the Hernandez cartel out of Venezuela.” She tapped a few keys and pulled up the photo Rich had sent over from his phone. “The markings contain the family crest and are modified to indicate how many kills each assassin has. We’re definitely dealing with professional hitters here.”
“Who have yet to kill.” Rich sat back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “They earned those notches and, judging by the reaction of our friend at the restaurant when he knew I had his knife, there are consequences if they fail to carry out a hit. I’m not so sure what their end goal is.” He shook his head and shifted in his seat.
He could cover all he wanted, but violence and death this close was eating away at him. One more reason to keep her distance.
“I’m not so sure, either.” The incongruity of her continued existence had been looping in Dana’s mind for days. When she’d tried to catch a nap while Web made his run for her laptop, the pieces locked into place. “If they wanted me dead, it would have happened at the wedding. They’ve had multiple opportunities since then, too.”
Rich sat taller, and his fingers dug deeper into his biceps. Dana winced. After last night’s kiss and his reaction to her putting the full stop on what was happening between them, there was no doubt he cared. Seeing her with a knife to her throat after what had happened to Amber...
She opened her mouth to apologize, then shut it again. She never should have put him in that position, but now wasn’t the time to address it, not when they had witnesses who may or may not know the depths of his pain. She wanted to touch him, but reaching out might be perceived as a promise she couldn’t keep. Part of what had kept her from sleeping this afternoon was Emily’s story. You might have your identity placed in something now instead of something forever.
She tapped the keyboard and forced herself to focus. If they didn’t find answers soon, her life might be more temporary than any of them imagined. Ignoring a knowing glance between Corey and Emily, Dana returned to her work. “A surface search won’t give us anything, but the dark web may tell us what we need to know.” She stopped and looked at the Websters. “Like I warned you, I had to make some tweaks to your system.”
Corey leaned back in his chair but clunked forward again after he received a warning look from his wife. “Long as no black helicopters start circling overhead, I’m good.”
“I’ll vouch for you if law enforcement comes calling.” She hesitated with her fingers on the keys. “You do realize I’ve never been traced, right?”
Rich’s eyebrow arched and he shot her an amused look. “Pride goeth before a—”
“Not pride if it’s true.” She basked in his smile for only a second, then accessed the browser designed to take her into the deepest dregs of society. Drugs, weapons, hits for hire. Videos and images that would make most people recoil. This was her life, and she always came out of a dark search feeling like there weren’t enough showers in the world. There were nights where sleep eluded her and she spent extra time with her Bible, trying to remind herself the truth would never change and God would win in the end.
It took longer than usual to locate and hack into a message board frequented by the cartel’s members scattered around the globe. Without her typical bag of tricks, she had to resort to experience and what little she knew of the Hernandez cartel, but she made her way in. “Found it.”
Like an overacted scene in a cheesy movie, everyone at the table leaned toward her. It would have been funny if the stakes weren’t so high.
“What are we up against?” Of course, Rich was the first to ask.
Corey flexed his fingers as though prepared to do battle in his kitchen with whatever had popped up on the screen.
“I’m the target, but there’s a no-kill order. It’s a notch on their knives if they bring me in, same as if they marked a kill. We’re talking high stakes. Valencio Hernandez wants me alive.” She scrolled through the messages sent back and forth among the far-flung members of the cartel, searching for a why. There was none.
She sat back and let her gaze roam the three who watched her expectantly, trying to remember all she could about the Hernandez cartel. Because her team had never guarded any witnesses in hiding from them, there was little to recall. “Anyone have working knowledge of South American drug cartels?”
The men shook their heads, but Emily shifted her gaze to the side as though trying to remember something.
Dana waited, not wanting to interrupt the flow of memory. It was tough not to urge her to think faster. She dug her fingernails into her palms and fought to keep still.
“I can’t tell you much or even how I know, but the unclassified part is there’s a major player in northern South America who’s looking to expand into arms dealing and human trafficking. Could be Hernandez.”
“Then he’d either want to wipe out or absorb the competition.” Rich clasped his hands on the table. “The easiest would be for them to join forces and create a syndicate, but if Marquez denied him because he doesn’t want to share, then things could get ugly.” He locked eyes with Dana. “Does the Marquez family have any other heirs? Because if you’re the only one and Hernandez found out you exist...”
“I have no idea.” She’d never considered there could be a brother or sister. Did she want there to be? Because if she had a sibling, they were in danger, as well. She switched browsers and went to Google. Some things were in the public domain. A quick search listed no other children. There was no hint Rachel and Jairo had ever had a single child. According to records about the Marquez family, Dana didn’t exist.
She clicked back to the dark web. Had they searched for her? Put out any sort of hit on the Santiagos? The Marquezes were smart. They were bound to realize who’d taken their daughter, even if they didn’t know where she’d gone.
There was nothing. No hits, no inquiries, no nothing. They really hadn’t wanted her. Had no apparent concern for her whatsoever.
Despite their evil, the truth that her blood parents hadn’t cared for her at all sliced through Dana’s chest.
“Dana?” While Rich and Corey talked quietly, Emily watched her. “You okay?”
“Fine.” She resumed her search. “It’s good to have people to bounce ideas off. I usually work alone at this stage.”
“Yeah, because that was what that face was about.” Emily kept her voice low and offered a look saying she knew Dana was deflecting.
Frankly, she was tired of talking about her emotions when she didn’t even know what to feel. All she wanted was her life back. She turned her attention back to the screen and did her best not to take in the worst of what she saw there. “Maybe the Hernandez cartel figured out I exist and their goal is to take out the Marquez successor. Jairo and Rachel aren’t as young as they used to be. It’s possible the cartel thinks they know I’m alive and are hiding me for my own safety and for the future of their organization.”
“They want you as a bargaining chip.” Rich broke away from his conversation with Corey and squared off to the table again. “Like you said, there’s a no-kill. The only reason they’d go through the trouble to keep you alive and risk transporting you to South America is if you were the leverage they needed to make Jairo and Rachel cave in.”
“They think my parents care if I live or die. They got that one wrong.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. “There’s no torque in that leverage.”
An uncomfortable silence settled around the table.
Corey broke the tension. “Okay, we operate on the assumption you’re the linchpin to their plan for global domination. Our first move has to be based off their next move, which is...?”
“Easy to find out.” Dana offered her first genuine smile in what felt like years. “They’re largely communicating on the dark web through a system of coded messages. It keeps the intel off their devices if they’re taken into custody. It’s tough to trace communications because they mask their locations and IP addresses. All we have to do is crack the code.”
Corey linked his fingers and held them palm out in front of him. “Good thing for you, there’s an intel expert in the house.”
So that’s what he’d done on Rich’s Special Forces team. She made screenshots of the latest posts then printed them so Corey could check them out while she continued to comb through message boards.
Intense silence reigned before Rich looked across the table at Emily. “I feel useless.”
She pushed away from the table. “We’ll be the lackeys and make dinner. These two can clean up afterward.”
Dana wrinkled her nose then smiled. If nothing else, she’d found a bit of the camaraderie she’d missed the past few days while cut off from her team and—
Her hand froze over the touch pad on the laptop.
Rich looked down at her. “Dana?”
She shook her head, eyes glued to the screen. A new message had popped into the message board. A photo of her mother getting out of Javi’s truck and into a smaller SUV at the truck stop. The time stamp indicated it was the night of her flight.
There was a message addressed to Dana. We know you’re watching. We know where your mother is. Come out of hiding, or it’s her life instead of yours.