Whatever Dana was up to, Rich didn’t like it.
He paced the narrow living room to the Christmas tree by the front window, pivoted on one heel and walked to the kitchen door. His footsteps creaked on the hardwood and set the ornaments on the tree into a dance.
Across the room near the entrance to the hall, Dana talked in low tones to Isaiah on Rich’s phone. She’d shut him out since her face went white at the kitchen table, refusing to discuss what she’d seen.
She’d been too slow, though. Rich had spotted the picture before she closed the laptop. He knew her mother was involved.
While one hand held the phone tight to her ear, the other moved with jerky motions. Every once in a while, she’d glance over her shoulder to make sure Rich hadn’t drawn close enough to hear, then she’d drop her voice lower. Whatever the plan was, she knew he was going to argue.
Which meant he had a pretty good idea of what was coming. Rich marched back to the Christmas tree and flicked the rotor on a small helicopter ornament. For a couple who’d recently married, they had a lot of sentimental stuff on the tree. Photo frames and travel souvenirs weighed the branches among fat old-school Christmas tree lights.
When had he last decorated a tree? Oh, yeah. At Amber’s parents’ house not long before she died. Well, her family had decorated while he watched, heavy with anger and guilt after Fitz’s death. It had seemed futile to celebrate. Futile to seek happiness in a violent world.
He should have helped her family, laughed with them, joined in the Christmas singing.
But he hadn’t.
His mother had put her foot down this year and arrived at his house, driving over an hour to decorate his tree while he was on patrol. She’d insisted it was time to start living again.
Maybe she was right, but it was harder to do than it was to say.
Especially when Dana Santiago had scrambled everything about his carefully ordered world. She insisted on leaping into danger when she should be hiding. She spun up emotions he hadn’t realized he still possessed. She made him want to dream.
Dreaming about the future was a highway to pain. In the end, all it got you was—
The room grew silent. Dana was no longer speaking. Rich stalked back to the kitchen door, steeling himself for whatever bomb she was about to drop.
She stared at the phone, her profile toward him. Her index finger tapped the back of the device, then she squared her shoulders and faced him.
Ready for battle.
She extended the phone and waited for him to draw near.
Rich accepted the device, careful not to touch her. If he did, he’d lose all restraint and pull her into his arms. He hoped he was wrong about the lengths she would go to restore her job and protect her mother. “Well?”
“I’ve been reinstated for this mission. It’s probationary due to extenuating circumstances.” Her resolute expression chilled Rich straight through.
His grip tightened on the phone. “Dana, you can’t do this.” Extenuating circumstances could only mean one thing. She was the only option they had to bring down two notorious crime families. They were willing to sacrifice her as a means to their end.
But he was not going to allow her to put herself out there as bait. “All it takes is one trigger-happy rookie out to make a name for himself with the cartel, and there’s a bullet flying in your direction.” One he wouldn’t be there to block.
Her gaze was steely. “They use knives.”
“This isn’t funny.” Fear raged through him. She’d cracked the wall around his heart and now she wanted to walk into danger? He’d listened to Amber when she didn’t want to hide, and it had signed her death warrant. He couldn’t let Dana shut him out and die, as well.
She was bound to be able to read the sheer terror he fought hard to wrestle into submission. He’d once been a methodical, unshakable soldier. Yet here he was quaking at the thought of a mission he couldn’t control. This was who he was now. A man who hesitated. Broke. Failed.
The granite wall of Dana’s resolve crumbled. Her lips drew down as her eyes filled with uncertainty. A softness at the edges hinted she felt the same emotions she’d unlocked in him.
Hope flooded Rich, but it ebbed when she drew her shoulders back and pulled herself to her full height. “I don’t have a choice. They tailed my mother. They know where she is. If I don’t respond within ten minutes, they’ll kill her. I have my team behind me along with a task force across several agencies. I can do my job. I can save my mother.” She held her breath then released it slowly, almost as though she had to plan her next sentence. “I know this is hard for you, but—”
“Don’t.” Rich’s voice cracked under the strain. “You have no idea. You’ve never had someone you love die in your arms because you were too stupid, too arrogant, to insist they go into hiding. You’ve never had the blood of someone you love on your hands. I won’t let it happen again.”
Her head jerked back, and her feet followed a step. “You won’t let what happen again?”
Had he...? Rich stopped breathing. Had he really dropped the L word to her?
Did he L-word her?
It didn’t matter. Even if he did, love wouldn’t stop what was coming. Dana’s heart and mind weren’t in a place to reciprocate, so there was no sense in pursuing the discussion. He dug deep, swamped his emotions and let his heart freeze. “I won’t let another innocent person die on my watch.”
A brief flicker of hurt flashed, then Dana nodded slowly. “According to Isaiah, this is the first clear shot the task force has had at higher-ups in the Hernandez cartel. They won’t waste it, and neither will I. I’m not some innocent bystander, Rich. I’m a trained agent these scumbags made the mistake of putting into play. That makes all the difference.” She started to turn but hesitated as though she thought he might cave and agree with her. When he didn’t flinch, she walked out the door, headed toward the kitchen where her laptop waited for her to respond to killers who had the power to end her life.
Rich hit the door frame with the side of his fist and stomped back across the room, a caged animal trapped with rising panic. He had to keep her from moving forward. There had to be a way to put an end to this before she got herself killed.
He stopped by the tree and wanted to shake it until the ornaments fell off. Futile. All of it. Love, joy, future plans... They never lasted. Like Christmas, they came and went. That whole God and the book thing? It just meant Rich had no control.
He was tired of death and grief and being left behind in never-ending pain. As he turned to stalk the room again, the ornament on top of the tree wobbled. He instinctively reached to catch it, but it righted itself and stayed in place.
The topper wasn’t a traditional star or angel. It was a hand-carved cross, probably Web’s handiwork. A baby nestled at the base, and a wooden ribbon wound around the cross with a date from this past September carved into it.
Interesting. It wasn’t the Websters’ anniversary. They’d been married almost two years. Why would that date merit a place of honor on—?
Oh, no. The thing Web had stopped himself from saying in the workshop. About them losing something... There’s a future here. Future dreams. I’m going to be a dad someday, when God’s ready. One way or another.
The tight frown...the hesitation in Web’s voice. They’d lost a baby. A child they’d planned for and dreamed for. A child they’d loved.
Rich’s panic and grief evaporated. His heart seized for his battle buddy, a man who’d witnessed horror right alongside him and had endured a different kind of pain without him, one Rich couldn’t imagine.
Yet a man who continued to dream. Who continued to live. Who’d suffered unspeakably with his wife and survived with the hope that life waited on the other side.
Rich was acting like he was the only person who’d ever grieved. Like he was the only one who hadn’t been able to protect someone he loved. How self-centered could he be? In the shop, he’d blocked Web at every turn in the conversation, so focused on his issues that he couldn’t see anyone else’s. He’d missed the grief of his loved ones.
The floor creaked behind him. “You okay?”
Web. Like a good battle buddy, he’d known Rich needed someone by his side. Still, this wasn’t entirely about him. He pointed at the cross. “I’m sorry. What happened?”
Web walked over and straightened the cross, letting his fingers rest on the base. “Em was three months along. We were just about to tell everyone, and one day...” He sniffed. “You and I, we know what it means to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but, well, it’s worse when your wife’s in pain. Worse when there’s nothing physical to fight and somehow you still lose.”
“You said you’re still going to try.” To know wrenching heartache and to try again. It seemed impossible. Even more impossible than planning a future.
Web gave him a side-eyed perusal, then leaned closer. “I get it. You’ve seen awful things.” His jaw clenched. “We’ve seen awful things. It makes no sense, but we have to trust the process. Trust God’s telling the truth when He says He’s planned all of our days and knows the end from the beginning. Trust there’s a purpose, even when the purpose feels like...well, like it’s going to kill us.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Want to know what I’ve noticed?”
Rich shrugged.
“I look back on the hard times with Fitz and with Amber and with...with our baby, and I see where God set things and people in place to get us through, to make something new, even. That retreat you went on—you think it was an accident? God had that ready for you because He saw what was coming.” He exhaled heavily. “I don’t know why He allowed the bad things, but we live in a messed-up world where horrible stuff happens. What I do know is He set up ways to heal and ways to use those bad things for good if we’ll let Him. It’s part of Him writing down the story.”
Again, Rich shrugged. Sounded like preaching to him. Still, if Web could believe it after all he’d been through, then perhaps anything was possible.
Web’s low chuckle was out of place given the weight in the room. “Dana really has you off the rails, doesn’t she?”
“What?”
“I’ve never seen you act like this. You’re the rock. Remember how many times you had to focus me when it was time to go full battle rattle?” Web crossed his arms. “You’re different with Dana. It’s kind of good to see you not thinking you have it all together.”
No, it wasn’t. It was awful.
“I know I don’t have as much at stake as you do today, but don’t count a battle brother out. And don’t count out whatever God’s doing. There’s a purpose. Even Jesus suffered. He chose to. It totally threw His disciples off, but there was a really big reason.”
Rich drummed his fingers on his thigh. A purpose. Jesus suffered.
He’d suffered so Rich wouldn’t have to. What if Dana and Rich had to suffer so two cartels were wiped out and innocent people didn’t die?
It was a huge purpose. He’d sworn to die defending his country if necessary, and Dana had likely taken a similar oath. Just because those oaths collided with his pain, that didn’t mean they could turn back. Jesus hadn’t. His suffering had saved countless millions for eternity.
Rich shifted his focus to where it needed to be. Not on himself. Not on the selfish man who focused on his own pain. He shifted it to God.
He surrendered. To whatever God called him to do. Even if he had to walk with Dana through the valley of the shadow of death.
Dana leaned forward and adjusted the vent in the truck, trying in vain to chase away the chill in the air. The cold had nothing to do with the nighttime temperature and everything to do with the distance between her and the man beside her. It had been icy since she walked out on him in Corey and Emily’s living room to set up the meet with the cartel.
It seemed like he’d said he loved her.
Love was a new brand of insanity in this mess. Rich hadn’t said much after, had simply walked into the kitchen and stepped into combat mode with the rest of their makeshift team. He’d been tense, although he hadn’t argued the way she’d assumed he would. His silence was loud, speaking of fear and pain.
Pain she had inflicted and continued to inflict.
Outside the truck window, glimpses of the St. Lawrence River flashed in the moonlight between houses and trees as they headed toward Alexandria Bay. Agents from the nearest federal office were already there, waiting for the next step in a complicated plan. The task force was broad, made up of agents from the FBI to the DEA to the ATF. They wanted the Hernandez cartel taken down before they could solidify their toehold in the United States. Evidence said they already had. The question was where.
Dana was the key to the answer. If she turned herself over to them, they’d likely carry her straight to their headquarters. And if the Marquez family sent higher-ups to bargain for her, then there was a good chance this op would lead to the end of two cold-blooded killing families.
Given the questions about her past, Dana was shocked they hadn’t sent a helicopter to whisk her off the Websters’ island. That they’d agreed to her plan spoke volumes about the government’s determination. Yet their insistence on being close by was a sharp indication they still weren’t certain they trusted someone who’d supposedly lied on her background clearance.
She’d wanted to drive herself tonight, but Rich had insisted on playing chauffeur. Even though she’d shut him out completely, he still stood by her. “Why?”
“What was that?” He glanced her way, but only for an instant. She’d watched him earlier, and his eyes never stopped roving between the mirrors and the road in front of them.
Corey trailed them about a mile behind, a second set of eyes to alert them to danger.
For the immediate moment, though, her biggest problem was she’d spoken her thoughts about Rich out loud. “Nothing. It’s not important.”
He kneaded the steering wheel, then cranked the temperature dial into the red. “I made a decision.”
“Okay?”
“You don’t get to slam the door in my face.” He didn’t look at her, but his voice was resolute.
He’d fight her to the end.
No. He’d fight for her to the end.
The emotion behind his words rendered Dana speechless. It filled the truck and cut off her oxygen.
He kept talking. “We’re both walking this road. We were both on the dock last night. We were both involved in that kiss. I was there just like you were.”
“I know.”
“Well, then you also know there was more to it than a minute of thoughtless, emotionless...” He waved his hand into the air as if she should be able to fill in the rest of the words.
She could. Their kiss, this thing running between them, it meant something to him. That made everything even harder. Dana could fight her emotions, but she was fairly certain she was no match for his.
Rich gripped the steering wheel again. “I don’t want to watch you do this.” His voice was low, heavier than the tension in the truck.
“I don’t want you to have to watch.” Dana stared out the front window, watching the headlights of an approaching vehicle as they briefly illuminated the truck’s interior. “You can’t be a factor in my decisions. Not right now.” Could he be a factor later? Their careers and lives lay in two different places. That hadn’t changed, no matter how much her feelings had shifted.
“I know that, too. This is your story, and I have to trust it’ll go the way it’s meant to go.”
There was the story thing again. The idea God knew the beginning and middle and end. That He’d allowed everything...even this.
“Dana, I’m telling you this. You’re part of my story now, and I’m part of yours. When this is over and you’re safe, you don’t get to make all the decisions unilaterally. We’ll talk. We’ll make them together.”
Oh, how she wanted to sink into the warmth and passion behind his declaration, but there were no decisions to make. Once she glued the pieces of her life back together, she’d return to climbing the ladder at WitSec. The job would take over again.
What if she didn’t want it to? Could she, as Emily had suggested, have it all?
Rich kept talking. “At the moment, we need our heads in the game, not our hearts. You were right to walk away from me earlier, but not to keep me out of the loop. I’m with you until the end. If the feds kick me out, then I’m behind you out of their range. I’m good at being a ghost. I did it for years.” He flicked the slightest of grins in her direction. “Even the cartel knows it.”
Espectro. The ghost. The man who appeared out of nowhere and protected Dana.
“I’m not going anywhere.” His low whisper wrapped her in warm electricity. He wasn’t just talking about this mission.
But the mission was the focus right now, which meant switching this conversation to tactical matters that didn’t involve either of their hearts. “If this goes the way it’s been planned, two major criminal organizations will see the beginning of their end tomorrow.”
Rich’s thumb tapped the steering wheel. She could tell their game plan went against everything in him, everything he’d trained to do and every instinct he had as a protector. The situation had to trigger his guilt and his grief.
His shoulders tensed, but then he seemed to relax. “The feds really think they’ll send the big guns to take care of a job like this? We’ve already got three of their men in jail in Oswego. According to Isaiah, they’re silent.”
“I’m a high-value target who’s already proven tough to take. Hopefully, they’re past the point of trusting their lieutenants to try and fail again. If they don’t send the big fish...” She shrugged. If they didn’t send high-ranking cartel members, then this was all in vain. “I may never get my life back.”
Rich’s phone rang, echoing loudly in the truck. He pulled it from the cup holder and passed it to her, but it stopped before she could glance at the screen. She thumbed it back to life. “It was Corey.”
“Something’s going down. This is a mission. He wouldn’t mess around.” Rich glanced into the rearview. “I’ve got headlights coming up fast.”
Dana twisted in the seat to look out the back window. About a quarter of a mile back, a car approached at a reckless speed given the curves along the river. “You’re sure it’s not Corey?”
“Not driving like that.” His voice held an edge. “Could be a teenager in a hurry to beat curfew since it’s almost midnight.” His tone held zero conviction.
Dana’s heart picked up the pace along with the truck as Rich accelerated to put distance between them and the rapidly approaching vehicle.
Dana drew her lips between her teeth as the cab of the truck grew brighter from the approaching headlights. “Definitely not Corey.”
“No.” Rich’s grip on the wheel tightened, and he straightened in the seat. “Brace yourself.”
Dana hardly had time to react. The truck lurched. Metal ground against metal as Rich fought to keep the truck on the road. If he lost control, they’d roll down the embankment into the river or careen off the other side into the trees.
The engine roared as he fed it more gas, putting distance between them and their pursuer. “They’re going to take us out. We can’t avoid it any longer.”
Another impact from behind, harder this time, sent the phone from Dana’s hand onto the floorboard. Her head jerked. Her neck screamed. The truck shimmied between white and yellow lines.
Another impact smashed the truck, slamming her head into the side window.
Glass shattered. Rich shouted. Dana screamed.
Then silence.