BIG FLUFFY SNOWFLAKES fell around them, adding a gentle softness to the world and smoothing out the rough edges. Finn continued to hold Holly’s hand, enjoying the connection. When they reached the car, he used his free hand to open the door.
She paused.
“Holly?”
When she looked up at him, tears shimmered in her eyes. The words lodged in his throat. There was nothing in this world that he could say to lessen the pain for her.
Instead of speaking, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. With the car door ajar between them, he couldn’t pull her close like he wanted. Instead he had to be content with this simple but heartfelt gesture.
With great regret he pulled back. “You better get in. The snow is picking up.”
She nodded and then did as he said.
Once they were on the now snow-covered road, Finn guided the car slowly along the streets. He should have been more insistent about putting off this visit, not that Holly would have listened to him. When she set her mind on something, there was no stopping her. Although after meeting her family, he could understand why she’d want to get that visit out of the way.
As the snow fell, covering up the markings on the street, his body tensed. This must have been how it’d been the night his parents died. The thought sent a chill through his body.
“Are you cold?” Holly asked.
“What?”
“I just saw you shiver. I’ll turn up the fan. Hopefully the heat will kick in soon.” After she adjusted the temperature controls, she leaned back in her seat. “What were you thinking by offering up those tickets to the ball? I don’t have any connections.”
“But I do. So don’t worry.” He didn’t want to carry on a conversation now.
“You...you shouldn’t have done it. It’s too much.”
“Sure, I should have.” Not taking his eyes off the road, he reached out to her. His hand landed on her thigh and he squeezed. “I wanted to do it for you. I know how much your family means to you.”
“They shouldn’t, though. I know they don’t treat me...like family. I just wish—oh, I don’t know what I wish.”
“It’s done now so stop worrying.” He returned his hand to the steering wheel.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not related to them.”
“But they are related to you and the babies. Therefore, they are now part of my life.” He could feel her eyeing him up. Had that been too strong? He didn’t think so. Even if he never won over her heart, they would all still be one mixed-up sort of family.
“You do know what this means, don’t you?”
His fingers tightened on the steering wheel, not liking the sound of her voice. “What?”
“That you and I must go to the ball now. And it’s a well-known fact that you make a point of never attending the ball.”
“For you, I’ll make an exception.” The snow came down heavier, making his every muscle tense. “Don’t worry. It’ll all work out.”
“I’ll pay you back.”
Just then the tires started to slide. His heart lurched. No! No! No!
Holly reached out, placing a hand on his thigh. Her fingers tightened, but she didn’t say a word.
When the tires caught on the asphalt, Finn expelled a pent-up breath. This was his fault. He promised to take care of his family and protect them like he hadn’t been able to do with his parents and brother. And already he was failing.
Finn swallowed hard. “If you want to pay me back, the next time I tell you that we should stay in because of the weather, just listen to me.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. And then ever so softly, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d get this bad.”
His fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he lowered his speed even more, wishing that they were closer to his building.
Just a little farther. Everything will be all right. It has to be.
His gut twisted into a knot. It was going to take him a long time to unwind after this. The snow kept falling, making visibility minimal at best. The wipers cleared the windshield in time for more snow to cover it.
His thoughts turned back to Holly. The truth was that no matter how much he’d fought it in the beginning, he’d fallen for Holly, hook, line and sinker. He couldn’t bear to lose her or the babies. From now on, when they went out, he’d plan ahead. He’d be cautious. He’d do anything it took to keep them safe.
From here on out, they were a team. He had Holly’s back. And he already knew that she had his—the success of Project Santa was evidence of it. Now he just had to concentrate on the roadway and make sure they didn’t end up skidding into a ditch or worse.
* * *
What an utter disaster.
Back at the penthouse, Holly didn’t know what to say to Finn. He’d been so quiet in the car. He must be upset that she let him walk into such a strained situation and then for him to feel obligated to come up with those tickets to the ball. They cost a small fortune. She didn’t know how she’d ever repay him.
Now she was having second thoughts about telling Finn that they had to go to the ball. She didn’t know how she’d explain it to her family, but she’d come up with a reason for their absence. Besides, it wasn’t like she even had a dress, and the ball was just days away.
When she stepped into the living room, she found Finn had on the Rangers and Penguins hockey game. That was good. After the cleanup on the island, the work at the office and then meeting her family, he deserved some downtime.
She sat down on the couch near him. “I hope you don’t mind that I ordered pizza for dinner.”
“That’s fine.” His voice was soft as though he was lost in thought.
“Tomorrow I’ll work on getting some food in the fridge.”
He didn’t say anything.
She glanced up at the large-screen television. She had to be honest, she didn’t know anything about hockey or for that matter any other sport, but she might need to if these babies were anything like their father.
“Who’s winning?”
He didn’t say anything.
What was wrong with him? Was he mad at her? She hoped not. Maybe he was just absorbed by the game. “Who’s winning?”
“What?”
“The score. What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
He didn’t know? Wasn’t he watching the game? But as she glanced at him, she noticed he was staring out the window at the snowy night. Okay, something was wrong and she couldn’t just let it fester. If he had changed his mind about her staying here, she wanted to know up front. She realized she came with a lot of baggage and if he wanted out, she couldn’t blame him.
She placed a hand on his arm. “Finn, talk to me.”
He glanced at her. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Whatever’s bothering you?”
“Nothing’s bothering me.” He glanced away.
“You might have been able to tell me that a while back, but now that I know you, I don’t believe you. Something has been bothering you since we left my father’s. It’s my family, isn’t it?”
“What? No. Of course not.”
“Listen, I know those tickets are going to cost a fortune. I will pay you back.”
“No, you won’t. They are my gift. And so is your dress and whatever else you need for the ball.”
“But I couldn’t accept all of that. It... It’s too much.”
“The ball was my idea, not yours, so no arguments. Tomorrow we’ll go to this boutique I know of that should have something for you to wear. If not, we’ll keep looking.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Good. Don’t say anything. I just want you to enjoy yourself.”
“But how am I supposed to after tonight? I’m really sorry about my family. It’s complicated with them. I was less than cordial to my stepmother when she married my father. I blamed her for breaking up my parents’ marriage since he had an ongoing affair with her for a couple of years before he left my mother.”
Finn’s gaze met hers. “And your mother didn’t know?”
Holly shrugged. “She says she didn’t, but I don’t know how she couldn’t know. He was gone all the time. But maybe it was a case of she didn’t want to know so she didn’t look.”
“Sometimes we protect ourselves by only seeing as much as we can handle.”
“Maybe you’re right. But I think my mother’s happy now. I just want to keep her that way, because she did her best to be there for me and now it’s my turn to be there for her.”
“And you will be. I see how you stick by those you love.”
“You mean how I still go to my father’s house even though I’ll never be one of them?”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay. I realize this, but as much as they can grate on my nerves, I also know that for better or worse, they are my family. I just insist on taking them in small doses. And I’m so sorry I let you walk into that—I should have made it clearer to you—”
“It’s okay, Holly. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But you didn’t talk on the way home.”
“That had nothing to do with your family and everything to do with me and my poor judgment. I’m forever putting those I care about at risk.”
Wait. Where did that come from? “I don’t understand. You didn’t put me at risk.”
“Yes, I did. And it can’t happen again. We shouldn’t have been out on the roads tonight. We could have...”
“Could have what? Talk to me.”
He sighed. “Maybe if I tell you, you’ll understand why I don’t deserve to be happy.”
“Of course you do.” She took his hand and pressed it to her slightly rounded abdomen. “And these babies are proof of it.”
“You might change your mind after I tell you this.”
“I highly doubt it, but I’m listening.”
“It had been a snowy February night a year after my brother died. I’d been invited to my best friend’s birthday party, but I wasn’t going. I was jealous of my friend because my Christmas had come and gone without lights and a tree. I’d been given a couple of gift cards, more as an afterthought.”
Holly settled closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder as she slipped her hand in his. She didn’t know where he was going with this story, but wherever it led, she’d be there with him.
“My birthday had been in January—my thirteenth birthday—I was so excited to be a teenager. You know how kids are, always in a rush to grow up. But my parents hadn’t done anything for it. There was no surprise party—no friends invited over—just a store-bought cake that didn’t even have my name on it. I was given one birthday gift. There were apologies and promises to make it up to me.”
Her heart ached for him. She moved her other hand over and rested it on his arm.
“When the phone rang to find out why I wasn’t at my friend’s party, my mother insisted I go and take a gift. Our parents were close friends, so when I again refused to go, my mother took back the one birthday gift that I’d received but refused to open. She insisted on delivering it to the party, but the snow was mounting outside and she was afraid to drive. My father reluctantly agreed to drive, but not before calling me a selfish brat and ordering me to my room.”
Finn inhaled a ragged breath as he squeezed her hand. She couldn’t imagine how much he’d lived through as a child. The death of his brother had spun the whole family out of control. No wonder he was such a hands-on leader. He knew the devastating consequences of losing control.
Finn’s voice grew softer. “They only had a few blocks to drive, but the roads were icy. They had to cross a major roadway. My father had been going too fast. When he slowed down for the red light, he hit a patch of ice and slid into the intersection...into the path of two oncoming vehicles.”
“Oh, Finn. Is that what happened tonight? You were reliving your parents’ accident?”
He nodded. “Don’t you see? If I had gone to that party, I would have been there before the snow. My parents would have never been out on the road. And tonight if I had paid attention to the forecast, I would have known about the storm rolling in.”
“No matter how much you want to, you can’t control the future. You had no idea then or now about what was going to happen. You can’t hold yourself responsible.”
“But you and those babies are my responsibility. If anything had happened to you, I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself.”
“You’d lean on your friends.”
He shook his head. “I don’t have friends. I have associates at best.”
“Maybe if you let down your guard, you’d find out those people really do like you for you and not for what you can do for them.” Her mind started to weave a plan to show Finn that he didn’t need to be all alone in this world.
“I don’t know. I’ve kept to myself so long. I wouldn’t know how to change—how to let people in.”
“I bet it’s easier than you’re thinking. Look how quickly we became friends.”
“Is that what we are?” His gaze delved deep into her as though he could see straight through to the secrets lurking within her heart. “Are we just friends?”
Her heart thump-thumped. They were so much more than friends, but her voice failed her. Maybe words weren’t necessary. In this moment actions would speak so much louder.
Need thrummed in her veins. She needed to let go of her insecurities. She needed to feel connected to him—to feel the love and happiness he brought to her life. She needed all of Finn with a force that almost scared her.
He filled in those cracks and crevices in her heart, making it whole. And not even her father’s indifference tonight, her stepmother’s coldness or her stepsisters’ rudeness could touch her now. In this moment the only person that mattered was the man holding her close.
So while the snow fell outside, Holly melted into Finn’s arms. She couldn’t think of any other place she’d rather be and no one else she’d rather be with on this cold, blustery night.