‘I’m so sorry,’ Anita whispered, with a hand pressed to her stomach. ‘It’s all my fault. I did not mean for any of it to happen, but I should have known that Roscoe would see me through the glass and start barking. It wasn’t his fault or the peacocks. They are animals, simply doing what animals do.’
Upon seeing her descending the staircase, Myles had excused himself from Wilmington and Green, letting the men enter the parlour while he’d waited at the bottom of the steps for her arrival. He took a hold of her hand. ‘What are you talking about? What did Roscoe and the peacocks do that has you so upset?’
She stood on the first step, making them eye to eye. ‘You have not heard of the mishap?’
‘No. I just came in from the stables.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘What happened?’
‘Did you sell a horse to Mr Green?’
‘I did. A filly. I’ll show you which one later, because it won’t be delivered to his home for a couple of days. Now, tell me what happened.’
Her gaze cast up and down the hall, before she leaned closer to him and whispered, ‘After you left the parlour, I suggested a visit to the greenhouse. Where I foolishly stood near the glass. Roscoe saw me and started barking, which made the peacocks squeal. That startled the ladies, and evidently, Lady Brockholder accidently tossed a pot in the air, covering both her and Diana in dirt.’ She let out a distressed sigh. ‘So much dirt.’
‘Diana and her mother?’ he asked.
‘Yes. They are upstairs. I just checked on them. None of their clothing appears to be stained and is being brushed clean. So is their hair.’
It was not funny, for someone could have been hurt, but just the same, Myles used a single fist to hide his smile at the image forming in his mind of Lady Barbara being showered with dirt, for it seemed fitting. She hated the country as much as her daughter.
Anita didn’t miss the action and gave his arm a slight slap. ‘It’s not funny. Someone could have been injured.’
‘You are correct.’ He inspected her from head to toe, concentrating on looking for dirt and not getting caught up in her beauty. ‘You did not get any dirt on you?’
‘No. I was near the window, and your mother was near the ivy and holly. She said she would explain the event to you and Viscount Wilmington while I was seeing to the ladies.’
He nodded, using the action as a response while he determined his options. Their options. His mother would have the retelling of the mishap under control, and the maids appeared to have everything under control upstairs, and he was just as certain others were taking care of the greenhouse; therefore, he suggested, ‘Shall we go check on Roscoe and the peacocks?’
Anita’s lips parted in a small O shape before pursing together as she shook her head.
‘I assumed you would be worried about them,’ he said. That was true, but in all honesty, he was thinking about kissing her again and would prefer a touch of privacy for that.
She drew in a breath before whispering, ‘I already checked on them. Roscoe is in the kitchen and the peacocks are in the barn. Where they will all remain until our guests have departed.’
The pride, the happiness, that filled him was quite remarkable. Though he hadn’t doubted it, his new duchess was certainly more capable than she imagined. ‘Well, then, my dear, you have everything under control. There is only one thing left to do.’
‘What is that?’
He took a step back and continued to hold her hand as she stepped off the stair, then lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. ‘For me to thank you for handling the mishap so proficiently.’ No longer concerned about privacy, he pulled her closer to kiss her lips, and took his time in doing so.
Anita had never been so relieved to see a carriage depart in her life. She was certain that both Diana and her mother were relieved to be leaving, too. Neither woman had looked worse for wear when they’d come down from upstairs, thankfully, but Anita could only imagine the tales that they would tell about their visit to Redford. Her mind had conjured up all sorts of versions of what happened. From past experience, she knew how easily things could be turned around and how easily people found someone to blame. Namely her. Barely a thing had gone wrong at Brunswick that hadn’t been blamed on her, but this time, it truly had been her fault.
If she hadn’t suggested a tour of the greenhouse, and if she hadn’t chosen to stand near the glass, and if she hadn’t encouraged the animals to befriend her by offering them treats, none of this would have happened. If word of what happened spread, all of London would believe she was incompetent at being the Duchess of Redford.
Although, she did have to admit that Myles hadn’t appeared to be upset over it at all, and the amazing kiss he’d given her at the bottom of the stairs had momentarily made her forget all about the calamity.
They had shared a smile, too, when Diana and her mother had barely said a word other than goodbye, which had sounded much more like ‘good riddance.’
‘Well, now, that was an eventful afternoon,’ Mary said as the three of them turned to enter the house as the Brockholder carriage ambled down the driveway.
‘Indeed, it was,’ Myles said.
Having not had the chance, Anita touched Mary’s arm. ‘I am so sorry to have caused such an embarrassment.’
‘You didn’t cause it,’ Mary said, patting her hand. ‘You handled the situation with poise and grace. Thank goodness you were there. I was working so hard to hide my laughter that I couldn’t even speak. I’m going to be laughing about it for weeks.’
Anita was taken aback by that reply.
‘I was so proud of you,’ Mary continued as they walked inside. ‘Of how perfectly you took care of everything. I still am proud of you.’
‘I am, too,’ Myles said, taking a hold of her hand.
Anita felt a sense of something unfamiliar. No one had ever said they were proud of her before.
‘She’s a lot like you, Myles,’ Mary said. ‘She sees a problem and takes care of it.’
Anita shook her head, because she wasn’t like him. Not at all. But she did like the idea that he was proud of her.
He was looking at her as they followed Mary into the drawing room and smiling.
‘Oh dear,’ Mary said as she sat down in a chair. ‘Can you imagine how hard your father would have been laughing right now? He would have been chuckling about Barbara Brockholder being covered in dirt for days.’
‘He would have,’ Myles said.
The conversation turned to memories of Michael, his father, and Anita was glad to put the dirt episode behind them. She enjoyed hearing the stories they shared, but her mind kept going back to what Mary had said about Myles seeing a problem and fixing it.
That thought remained with her in the days that followed. Wonderful days, where Myles joined her and Roscoe, and the peacocks, on her daily walks. Those walks extended to include the stables so she could check on the kittens and the horses. She’d learned the horses’ names in many of the stables, and she learned their personalities. Knew which ones appreciated a carrot and which ones just wanted to be petted. The foaling stable was her favourite, but a close second favourite was the one farthest from the house, which was where the horses were being trained to race.
They were sleek and lean, and watching them run was amazing. All of the animals were amazing, and day by day, she was feeling more at home. She’d also discovered there was more she could do for Myles in his office. She’d organised his desk and cabinets, which he seemed to appreciate.
This was her home now, and Myles was her husband, although it still didn’t feel that way. They still slept in separate bedrooms, and despite kisses, too many for her to count, there hadn’t been another long bout of kissing like they’d had in the stable the day the Brockholders had visited.
She’d read another book, a romance novel, hoping to discover a way to make him ask if she was interested in sharing his bed, but none of them worked. They’d only been little things. Like touching his hand while batting her eyelashes, which only made her eyes water, and bringing him something to drink while he was working, and having the cook make his favourite desserts. He seemed to appreciate all that, but all it did for her was make her wonder how much time he’d meant when he’s said that they would take time to get to know each other. Get used to the idea of being married.
The once unusual urging to want more than single kisses had become very familiar and left her with an ache that often made her hold her breath while waiting for the ache to ease. It truly never went away.
She wondered if all that was because she’d become much more familiar with him. It was so easy to be around him, to talk with him and to laugh. There was always something amusing. The animals, the teasing and joking between family members, which she was now a part of, or a memory that someone would bring up, and the entire family would join in to tell her more about it. Her favourites were about Myles.
The only memories that made her cringe inwardly were the ones about Christmas. Christina and Maria were very excited about being old enough to attend the Christmas Ball.
Their dresses had arrived this morning, along with hers, and Mr Wainwright had also delivered yet another pair of shoes. Once again, made of soft leather, his special design fit her feet perfectly, and this pair he’d dyed dark green to match her dress.
It was odd how, at times, she nearly forgot about her foot and her hip. Nothing hurt like it used to, but it hadn’t changed. She still walked with a sway and a limp, and her foot was still ugly. All of that made her think about Myles. She’d told him about the velvet slippers being too slippery, and he’d found a way to fix that by requesting a visit from the cobbler. She was very grateful for that but couldn’t help but wonder if he was also wondering how to fix her. There wasn’t a fix for her foot. A fix for her.
A knock on her bedroom door had her responding, ‘Come in.’ She closed the door on the wardrobe where the new shoes sat beneath the green gown that she would wear to the Christmas Ball and turned about.
‘Excuse me, Your Grace,’ Charles said upon opening the door. ‘His Grace would like to see you in his library.’
She couldn’t stop a frown that formed. Usually, Myles just found her wherever she was if he had something to ask her. ‘Very well, thank you, Charles.’
Concerned and, as she had been nearly every day, grateful for the shoes that allowed her to hurry, she made her way to the first floor.
Knocking with one hand, she turned the knob with the other and was already entering when he verbally granted entrance.
He laughed while rising from his chair. ‘That was fast.’
She closed the door behind her. ‘You wanted to see me?’
‘Yes, I wasn’t sure if you were still busy trying on your new dresses,’ he said, walking towards her.
Her heart had taken to thudding so loudly it echoed in her ears when he looked at her like he was right now. The sparkle in his eyes was making it difficult for her to recall that several dresses had been delivered, along with her ball gown, more than she’d owned in her life. ‘I tried them on this morning, before the seamstress left, and thank you for them. They’re lovely.’
His hands started on her upper arms and slid all the way down to her hands, making her breath catch and a significant desire come alive.
‘You are very welcome.’ He gave her a short, soft kiss. ‘I received a message from London, and there are some things that I need to go take care of. It will take a few days.’
Messengers arrived almost daily with packages of paperwork for the banking and other businesses he oversaw. When he’d been unable to find a specific letter one day last week, she’d helped locate it. That’s when she had offered to organise his cluttered desk and drawers and shelves. She’d enjoyed having tasks to complete and had been amazed by the number of businesses that he did oversee.
She knew how busy he was every day, so she shouldn’t be surprised that he’d have to go to London, yet felt uneasy about him not being here. Which was something she would have to get over, because he’d made it clear in the beginning that he needed to be free to focus on his duties. ‘When will you leave?’
‘This afternoon. I’ve set up a meeting for first thing in the morning.’ He released one of her hands and used his free hand to run a knuckle over her cheek. ‘Would you like to go with me?’
Her first impulse was to say yes, but luckily, she had enough sense to remind herself that he needed to be able to focus on his duties. Her second impulse was to ask him if he wanted her to go with him. There again, she was able to remind herself why she couldn’t say yes. She bit down on her bottom lip, telling herself that she knew what she needed to say. ‘I probably should stay here.’
He released her hand and took a step back. ‘I understand. I’ll be gone four or five days, and then we’ll all travel to London the following week.’
She wanted to take his hand, tell him—what?—that she did want to go with him? That she was petrified of going to London for the Christmas Ball. There would be dancing there, and she couldn’t dance. Would it disappoint him to see others twirling to the music? The idea of disappointing him in any way twisted her heart into a knot.
‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘I’ll be so busy that you’d just be at the London house alone all the time.’
She could live with that but had already said no. Holding in a sigh, wondering if she’d made the wrong choice this time, she asked, ‘Is there anything I could do while you’re gone? With tasks here?’ Knowing the stablemen gave him reports on every thoroughbred horse, she suggested, ‘I could record the reports on the horses in your ledgers and the feed reports and any post deliveries and—’
‘Yes,’ he said, stopping her, ‘that would all be very helpful.’
She clapped her hands together as happiness burst inside her. ‘Wonderful. Thank you.’
Chuckling, he shook his head. ‘Had I known making notes in ledgers would make you so happy, I would have asked you to do it before now.’
‘I like doing things for you.’ It made her feel needed, like she was part of the family, and that was something she hadn’t had in a very long time. She owed all that to him. The desires that lived inside her were so strong she couldn’t stop herself from stretching on her toes and kissing his cheek. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you, too,’ he whispered before his lips captured hers.
As Myles climbed into the carriage for his trip to London, the disappointment filling him was confounding. He had exactly what he’d wanted. A wife who didn’t mind staying home in the country with the animals while he focused on his duties, yet he had truly hoped that she’d want to go to London with him.
He’d been hoping for more than that. Never in his life had he imagined that he could want someone as much as he wanted his wife. Their kissing and caressing was wonderful and was pushing him to the brink. There had been so many times that he’d wanted to ask her to join him in his bedroom. Even though he believed that she’d agree, something was holding him back.
That something was guilt. She was working so hard at pleasing him. Every day she did things for him. Little things, nice things, and he appreciated all of them, but those acts made him realise that he didn’t want her saying yes to joining him in the bedroom just to please him.
He wanted her to join him because it was what she wanted.
He’d thought rescuing her from her uncle would be enough for her to be happy, but he’d truly only been thinking of himself. Of what he needed and not what she needed. Or wanted. Or deserved.
She deserved to be loved, cherished beyond all else. The very things he could never give her.
Pulling back the heavy curtain, he looked at the house, at the porch where she stood. The taste of her goodbye kiss was still on his lips, and he pressed two fingers to them at how they tingled. She saw that and touched her own lips, then blew him a kiss before waving.
His chest constricted as he waved back, then let the curtain fall back into place. Letting out a sigh, he accepted that he didn’t know how to fix this.
He couldn’t just all of a sudden decide to love someone—her. That didn’t fit within his plan, nor did he have time for it. Love was a distraction that he couldn’t afford.
Both he and Wesley had been dedicated to making Redford Stables work, but starting it hadn’t been easy. Their father had said it was because they were getting distracted, that a house was built one board at a time, one nail at a time. He’d encouraged them to focus on one thing that needed to be done and how they were going to do it, then move on to the next and the next.
That was what they’d done, and it had worked, was still working, and now he needed to hold up the venture here at home while Wesley went to America. That’s why he’d wanted the whole marriage thing behind him, so that one task was completed, and he could dedicate his time to the next.
Why, then, wasn’t it that easy?