Myles didn’t realise that he was holding his breath as Anita took her first steps in her new slippers. It wasn’t until she’d crossed the room and turned about, wearing the brightest smile he’d seen her make, that the air seeped out and he had to gulp in a new breath of air. He’d felt a flicker in his heart upon seeing her in the doorway of his bedroom this morning, but right now, it was hammering against his rib cage.
‘I’ve never walked on anything so soft and comfortable,’ she said. ‘Thank you, Mr Wainwright, and please, thank your wife for me.’
Wainwright bowed at the waist. ‘You are undoubtably welcome from both of us, Miss Crawford.’
‘It’s quite amazing,’ she said, walking back towards them.
She still had a slight limp, and her dress hid if she was swaying her leg like he’d felt her do when walking beside her, but it was the smile on her face that Myles was more centred on. It made her eyes shine and her skin glow like she was filled with sunshine.
‘We’ll need several more pairs,’ Myles said to the cobbler. ‘Slippers, socks, shoes. All of them.’ By God, he’d name his first born after Nicholas Wainwright for putting that smile on her face.
There were but a few details to go over, including questions that Wainwright asked Anita, which she answered prior to them leaving the sitting room. Though Myles invited the cobbler to stay for breakfast, the man declined, claiming he’d already eaten and needed to get to get back to his workshop.
‘Thank you for contacting Mr Wainwright, and for the new slippers,’ Anita said after they parted ways with the cobbler at the bottom of the stairway.
Myles had noted that her hold on his arm was barely noticeable while they’d been walking down the stairs, and her pace was more even and steadier than yesterday. ‘You are most welcome,’ he replied, meeting her gaze. Once again, the uniqueness of her eyes, the overall attractiveness of all of her features held his attention. He couldn’t fathom why her uncle had referred to her as homely. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, but her beauty was such that anyone lucky enough to look upon her, would have to see it. Have to recognise it.
His lips suddenly tingled with the anticipation of being pressed against her naturally pink lips. He told himself that would come soon enough. There was no doubt that he was attracted to her, as a man should be to his wife. Or soon to be wife. How could he not be? She was... Why was he worried about being attracted to her? It would certainly make the act of creating an heir more pleasurable. An act that he’d spent half the night thinking about. He’d also concluded last night that having a companionable relationship, as he’d stated, would make their marriage more pleasant. For he did intend to be married to her for the rest of his life. He’d also concluded that he’d like, at some point, if she would be attracted to him as well. In that, too, he would give her time.
He was overthinking things, contemplating things that didn’t need to be contemplated. That’s all it was.
Patting her hand that was hooked around his elbow, he said, ‘It is my greatest wish that you are comfortable and feel at home here. If there is anything else you require, please do not hesitate to ask.’
‘You’ve already been more than generous,’ she said softly. ‘And very thoughtful.’
He fully understood how those were things she wasn’t used to and, as he had before, felt disgust over the way she had been treated in the past. Taking a step for them to proceed to the dining room for breakfast, he said, ‘Tell me some things you enjoy.’
‘Enjoy?’
‘Yes. Things you like to do.’
She sighed as a serene smile settled upon her lips. ‘Though not as vast as yours, there is a library at Brunswick, and I’ve read every book in it.’
‘Do you have favourites?’
She nodded, then shook her head. ‘Too many to mention, nor would I want to bore you.’
‘You wouldn’t bore me. Reading is one of my favourite pastimes.’
‘It is?’
He nodded. ‘Yes. The library here is at your disposal. If you’d like, I could point out some of my favourite books.’
‘Thank you, I would like that.’
‘What else?’ he asked. ‘Besides books, what else do you enjoy?’
After a brief moment of pause, she said, ‘Animals, I enjoy taking care of them.’
He had already assumed as much. ‘Do you ride?’
‘Yes, I had my own horse for a time and enjoyed riding her very much.’
‘I doubt we’ll have time today, but soon we will visit the stables. A couple of horses come to mind that I’d like to introduce you to, and see if one is to your liking. To be yours.’
She stopped walking and shook her head as she glanced up at him. ‘I was not hinting that—’
‘I know you weren’t. This is now your home, and I’d like to show you the property. That will be easier on horseback than by coach or carriage.’
She nodded and began walking again. ‘Very well, thank you.’
He’d known that he’d need to be patient with her. Any being, person or animal who had been mistreated was cautious, skittish. They weren’t used to even the simplest act of kindness. He couldn’t change her past, but he could provide her with a very different future.
Anita had to keep telling herself that this was her life now. A life that she’d dared not dream about. The shoes on her feet were undeniably comfortable, and the man whom she would marry this very day was overwhelmingly attractive. Not only in looks but in his thoughtfulness and kindness. Her job was to become a competent duchess who could run his household and raise his children. She would not disappointment him in that.
She just had to keep her head about her. Not get lost in this fantasy world that she’d unexpectedly entered. It was just that not getting lost in a fantasy was getting harder, and she’d only been here a day. Everyone was extremely nice and accommodating, but it was Myles who was causing the most upheaval inside her. Every time he looked at her, not only did things flip inside her, her heart beat faster and her stomach fluttered. She felt different. A good different. No one had ever looked at her the way he did, and it made rational thinking nearly impossible.
It also made looking away just as impossible. She couldn’t help but sigh whenever the simplest thought of him crossed her mind. It wasn’t a sigh of frustration or sadness, or anything else that she knew so well, and therefore had no choice but to conclude it was because she’d never had a friend before. Not a male friend. A companion. That’s what it had to be. That was what he’d said he wanted from their marriage, so it shouldn’t be all that confusing to accept.
Then again, maybe all her confusion was simply her, and her inability to believe she was truly getting married.
Today.
Her confusion continued as the day sped by. She felt as if she were seeing everything through a haze. The large main parlour was made even more beautiful by the pots of flowering chrysanthemums that had been carried in from the large greenhouse attached to the back of the house and placed about the room, including in front of the huge stone fireplace that, with the help of servants, and Christina and Maria, had been decorated with ribbons and bows, along with the doorways.
Pots of flowers and more decorations had also been used to make the dining room look as festive as the parlour.
There was no greenhouse at Brunswick, but she’d always looked forward to spring and the flowers that would bloom, bringing colour and life to the gardens. She’d found joy in other things, too, other seasons. There were many things that had reminded her that her life hadn’t been completely filled with gloom and doom.
Why hadn’t she remembered any of them when Myles was asking her about things she enjoyed earlier? She’d felt as if her brain didn’t want to work right then.
Probably because he’d been looking at her, and she’d been staring back at him, wondering if it was truly possible that she’d soon become his wife. That was all she could think about, and she’d be lying if she didn’t say that it also thrilled her. Thrilled her in ways she didn’t understand.
It could be because she’d been given the opportunity to prove that all the things that had been said about her were not true. It may be impossible for her to become everything that Myles may want, but she could be what he’d told her he needed. She would put everything she had into making sure of that. It couldn’t be that hard. She did know how to manage staff. It was the other parts that she wasn’t so sure about. Being his wife. Then again, if he was busy all the time, it could be that they’d rarely see each other.
She did feel a twinge of disappointment at that thought. It was astonishing that she’d become so comfortable around him in such a short time. Which only proved that he truly was an amazing man.
Letting out a deep sigh, she then had to swallow the lump in her throat.
There was no denying the comfort and stability of the new slippers. They helped lessen her fears of tripping at the church, which would be mortifying for all. She was grateful for the slippers, but the truth was, she was still terrified. What if she still tripped? Disappointed him on his wedding day? She could disappoint him in so many ways besides tripping.
The possibilities were endless, and the list continued to grow right up to the point when she found herself at the entrance to the church. Then she told herself to stop. Just stop thinking such terrible things and focus on walking. Walking like Lady Anita, who was about to take a husband. Focusing her eyes on only him, she lifted her chin and began the walk to the altar.
He looked so very handsome in a shimmering black tailcoat, white ruffled shirt, gold vest and black breeches. His tall black boots looked freshly shined and his golden silk cravat was elaborately tied beneath his chin. It was like looking at a portrait. A man her mind had conjured up as the most handsome on earth, but not a real person.
Yet, he was real. The warmth of his hands when they took hold of hers proved it. So did how chilled by nerves her hands were, for the church was warm.
Her heart leaped in her chest as he smiled, and his hold increased in a silent reassurance that all was well. She was sure that’s how he meant it, and she smiled up at him, because she had made it. Made it all the way to the altar, to his side, without tripping. Without missing a step.
As one, they turned and faced the vicar.
The few people in the pews, consisting of his family and local friends, whom she had yet to meet, listened in silence as she agreed to be his wedded wife.
When Myles repeated his vows, he slipped a ring on her finger. A beautiful ring, with one large diamond encircled by several smaller ones. It was eye-catching but only held her attention for a moment, because the sincerity in his voice drew her gaze back to his eyes. There was a smile in them, and on his face. At that moment, she sent up a plea, a silent one, for all the help possible for her to do everything within her powers to make him never regret this decision.
The smile on his face remained as he leaned forward and placed a soft, small kiss directly on her lips. It was so brief, she didn’t have time to react, other than to pinch her lips together at how they tingled afterwards. She’d never been kissed, and though she’d told herself that was not something she should expect, she had wondered if he would kiss her, and had to close her eyes as heat flushed into her cheeks.
Myles hooked her hand around his arm and slowly began the walk back down the aisle, the two of them side by side. The small congregation stood, smiled and nodded. Myles was such a gentleman in every way. Kind and considerate, thoughtful and polite. It seemed utterly impossible for her to be his wife, yet she was, and she took from his lead and smiled and thanked the well-wishers as they made their way to the doorway.
Whereas yesterday had been cold and snowy, today had been warm with bright sunshine that was still lingering in the sky when they exited the church.
‘My apologies,’ Myles said as they walked towards his carriage, ‘but I seem to be at a loss for words.’
Guilt struck at how she hadn’t considered how strange this all had to be for him, too. He didn’t know her any better than she knew him, and hoping to ease his concerns over how peculiar this all was, she said, ‘It is somewhat awkward.’
He frowned slightly while dipping his head closer to her. ‘My loss of words was over how beautiful you look. I can’t seem to find the way to tell you that I’ve never seen a more beautiful bride.’
Heat filled her cheeks again and her heart started beating erratically. His words were part of it, but so was how the people watching them might perceive the way he was whispering to her.
‘I must, however, accept your sentiment,’ he continued, ‘and apologise for you feeling awkward. That is not what I’d wish for you on your wedding day. Please tell me how I can make things easier for you.’
A renewed sense of inadequacy erupted as she attempted to explain, ‘It—it’s nothing you did, I merely meant the idea of being married, of me being married, is awkward. It will take some getting used to.’
He didn’t reply as they arrived at his carriage and he assisted her inside. After he’d climbed in, sat on the leather seat beside her and the door was shut, he said, ‘I understand, Anita, and want you to know that you’ll be given all the time you need to get used to the idea of being married.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, all the while wondering exactly what he meant. Would they not share a bed? Did he not find her attractive enough for that? Had he said she was beautiful just to be polite? Were her other thoughts, about him loving someone else, correct? The heaviness inside her grew. This was her life. One she’d have to get used to, and she wondered if knowing more might help. ‘May I ask you a question?’
‘Of course.’
In need of fortification, she drew in a deep breath before asking, ‘I don’t mean to pry, but why did you call off your other weddings?’
‘You aren’t prying. You have every right to be curious.’ He paused long enough to clear his throat. ‘I discovered that one of my would-be brides was having an affair with another man, and though she insisted she would end it, I did not believe that would happen and felt it better to end things. For the other, I witnessed a side of her that had not previously been revealed when she mistreated her servant for something that was purely accidental, and soon determined that hadn’t been the first time, nor would it be the last time. She had a very different outlook upon treating people than I have.’
Anita found both explanations understandable, yet wondered why either woman would have chosen to forsake the life of being his wife for what were selfish reasons. Anything even close to an affair was inconceivable to her, as was mistreating people. Anyone who knew him would know that he wouldn’t approve of that.
‘However, I must add that my ignorance was to blame just as much,’ he continued. ‘I had not voiced my expectations of marriage to either of them, so therefore gladly accepted the blame in calling off both weddings.’
A shiver rippled over her shoulders. ‘What expectations would those be?’
‘Exactly what we spoke about, honesty and trust,’ he replied.
She considered those necessities in life, not expectations, which confirmed how little she knew about him and his life. A life that she was now a part of. She didn’t doubt him but still needed to know more. ‘Were you in love with either of them?’
‘I see I am at fault again,’ he said, ‘in not explaining things more thoroughly. No, I was not. Love was never an expectation for marriage. It’s a distraction that I don’t have time for.’
He would know more about that than her, and she nodded.
‘Our marriage will take some getting used to,’ he said, ‘for both of us, and I believe it will prove to be beneficial for both of us.’
It had already been beneficial to her, and to Olive and Joshua. They both would remain, had become employed at Redford. Whatever the future may hold, she’d grabbed onto this opportunity with both hands and was now married. She’d known love wasn’t in the agreement and had lived her entire life without it, so there was no reason to start thinking about it now.
They soon arrived at Redford, where there were more guests than had been at the wedding, and as she walked beside Myles, accepting congratulations, she once again entered a dreamlike state that she knew wasn’t real yet couldn’t escape. The long table in the dining room was filled with platters of foods, meats, vegetables, fruits, sauces and gravies, breads and jellies, and in the centre of the table, the largest wedding cake she’d ever laid eyes upon. It was layers tall, covered in thick, white icing, and decorated with more coloured icing in the shapes of flowers and bows.
The entire meal was nothing she’d ever dreamed of, and because she truly appreciated all of the work the household staff had taken in creating the feast, she quietly asked Myles for a moment and used that time to enter the kitchen and thank them personally. She also took the time to thank Mary and Christina and Maria. Everyone had worked so hard, and that reinforced just how much this family meant to each other. That was as foreign to her as the life of lavish wealth that was apparent in every direction.
Mealtime was a lengthy affair, during which she sat next to Myles and found herself blushing at the toasts and well wishes voiced by several. The heat in her cheeks could be from the wine she sipped during each toast, but she was more convinced it was due to the words about their marriage being fruitful.
When the meal ended, with everyone being served a slice of the wedding cake, which tasted as lovely as it had looked, everyone moved into the front parlour. Maria and Christina’s diligent work on decorating had transformed it into a festive room, as did the gaiety and laughter from the guests, which was increased by Wesley and his offers of wagers as to if he’d be an uncle by this time next year.
Even in her dreamlike stupor, Anita found the ability to remain sensible. A child was expected from their marriage. Myles had made that clear. Little did he know that becoming a mother had been yet another dream she’d never expected to come true for her. It was also one she was very excited about. The idea of having a child she could shower with love—the very love that she’d never known—thrilled her.
Her gaze slid towards Myles, sitting next to her on the sofa. He was in conversation with the man next to him, a villager named Olin Williamson who ran the feed mill. Some may have expected the room to be filled with nobility, but it wasn’t. Myles said the local business owners were the backbone behind his racehorse business, and he regularly socialised with them. She was impressed by him in so many ways, and this was just one more. He wasn’t haughty, nor did he look down on others like her uncle did. She couldn’t help but imagine that the two women who had almost become Myles’s wife—it was hard to think of herself as that, but they were married—weren’t regretful at what they’d lost. Besides being extraordinarily handsome, he was so gracious and likable.
He twisted slightly, caught her gaze and smiled as his hand found hers and gave it a gentle squeeze before he turned back to Mr Williamson.
The warmth returned to her cheeks, and this time she wondered if it was because of her heart. It nearly stopped beating every time he looked at her. Though they’d only known each other a very short time, she accepted that she liked him—genuinely liked him as a person—despite the situation. Or perhaps it was because of it.
Theirs was not a love match and never would be, but it would be easy to grow fond of him.
Her stomach did a somersault as her mind went straight back to other thoughts—that of becoming a mother and how that would transpire. Love was not needed for that to happen, nor was fondness. She needed remember that. He’d sought a loveless marriage, so he wouldn’t be distracted from his duties, and her job was to make sure that didn’t happen by overseeing his household. That was something she could do. She’d been running her household without love for years.
Myles was second-guessing his decision again. Not in the marriage but in the time he’d set for the service. Three o’clock had seemed fine, but now, as he glanced again at the mantel clock, which would soon strike eight in the evening, he wished he’d chosen a later time. For Anita’s sake. She appeared to be fine—more than fine. A more beautiful bride would be hard to find anywhere. A string of pearls, the same shade of ivory as her form-fitting gown, had been woven into her hair, making it shimmer and shine more than usual. The gown shimmered too, and it hugged her slight frame, enhancing each and every curve, right up to where the collar was buttoned beneath her chin. He kept catching himself staring at her.
Actually, he kept catching others seeing him staring at her. Especially his brother, who once again lifted his glass in a silent salute to him.
They were now standing before the fireplace, having accepted yet another toast, and he gave Wesley a nod of acknowledgement before turning back to Anita. Concerned if her leg was hurting from so much standing and walking, he asked, ‘Would you like to sit down again?’
‘It’s not necessary,’ she whispered. ‘The new slippers are very comfortable.’
The cobbler and his wife were in attendance and had sat near the sofa with them earlier, talking about little more than the weather, other than when they’d accepted a heartfelt thank you from Anita. She was so sincere and genuine that he was sure both Wainwright and his wife were as smitten with her as all the other guests.
Myles wouldn’t proclaim that he was smitten, too, nor did he want to be. He’d told her love was a distraction he didn’t need or want, and still felt that way, but he felt a sense of pride in introducing her as his wife, and he couldn’t seem to control the desire to touch her.
Attempting to satisfy that, he brushed aside a curl that was hanging near her left eye. ‘I’m happy to hear that,’ he replied, keeping his voice low. ‘We should be able to make our exit soon. I believe everyone in attendance has had the opportunity to meet you, which was their goal.’
She frowned slightly. ‘Why would that be their goal?’
‘You are the new Duchess of Redford,’ he said.
She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a soft sigh.
He took a hold of her hand, lifted it and kissed the back of it. ‘The perfect addition to our family.’
A delicate smile filtered across her lips, but apprehension filled her eyes.
He brushed aside the curl again. ‘I’m not the only one who believes that.’
She glanced around the room before looking back up at him. ‘Everyone has been very welcoming and friendly.’
They might be off to a shaky start with this marriage, but he was up to the challenge of making things work. He was also up to the challenge of making her see that she’d been lied to her entire life. The courage she’d displayed while walking down the aisle towards him at the church was just a sample of the true Anita. He was convinced of that. Her strength and resolve had intrigued him when he’d first heard about her, and was excited to be a part of the reason she could let it all come to life. Come to believe in herself. ‘Would you care for another piece of cake or glass of champagne?’
‘No, thank you. As delicious as they both are, I’ve had my fill.’
‘So have I.’ He took a hold of her hand. ‘Shall we thank our guests and bid them goodnight?’
‘We can’t do that.’ She tightened her hold on his hand, as if attempting to keep him from moving.
‘Yes, we can. It’s our house. We are the Duke and Duchess of Redford.’ He’d always known the day would come when he’d have a duchess, but had never imagined that saying it would make his heart skip into a faster beat.
‘What will people think?’
Leaning closer, he whispered, ‘They will think that the newly wedded couple would like to be alone.’
A blush took over her entire face, and it affected him. Made his blood run faster. His pulse pound harder. What entered his mind wouldn’t happen tonight. He’d promised to give her time to get used to being married, and would hold to that promise, but suddenly hoped it wouldn’t take too long for that to happen.
Tucking her hand around his elbow, he verbally collected everyone’s attention, thanked them for their attendance, and bid them all a goodnight on behalf of both himself and his duchess.
Enthusiastic clapping, and some cheering led by Wesley, followed him and Anita out of the room, into the corridor and to the stairway as they began to climb it. No one in his family had let on that this marriage was less than a love match.
‘Christina and Maria certainly did a lovely job of decorating the room,’ she said.
Myles gave his grin the freedom to reside on his lips, knowing she was doing her best to not think about the fading sounds of excitement their leaving the room had caused.
‘They did,’ he agreed.
‘And the kitchen staff did a wonderful job with all the food and the cake. It was enormous and so lovely. I’d never seen anything like it.’
He started to agree but instead, asked, ‘Were there never any parties at Brunswick?’
‘Once in a while,’ she said.
‘Did you not attend them?’ He bit the end of his tongue, wishing he hadn’t let his thought slip out, because he knew the answer. She hadn’t been permitted to attend them.
‘I was often needed in the kitchen,’ she said, ‘to make sure things went smoothly and that everyone had what they needed.’
He waited until they reached the top of the stairs before he stopped walking and waited for her to look up at him. ‘That is over, Anita.’
Her eyes held a flash of wariness before she blinked.
That flash was enough to make him flinch, because it confirmed what he’d already figured, that her past life had held little more than pain and fear. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, then said, ‘Come. Your maid is waiting for you.’