No, he didn’t understand, and neither did she. There was so much to not understand about their marriage, but Anita did know one thing. She didn’t want him to think that she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her. She had. Still did.
The thought that came next struck so fast she didn’t have time to contemplate stopping the impulse before she was acting on it. Grasping his shoulders so he couldn’t stand up, or move farther away, she bolted forward, pressing her lips against his.
It may have been the sensation of their lips connecting or her actions that had been so fast she’d unbalanced herself. Either way, almost as quickly as their lips met, his arms went around her, held her tight as he tumbled backwards and she fell forward.
She might have pulled her lips off his, or tried to move off him, if one of his hands hadn’t moved to the back of her head, holding it in place as the kiss became more than a meeting of lips.
His mouth moved beneath hers, and she copied his movements, liking how it felt and how it sent tingles throughout her system fast enough to make her dizzy. Or was she swooning? Maybe, for it felt amazing. For the first time in her life, she forgot everything else, focusing only on feeling absolutely wonderful.
The heat of his firm body beneath her radiated through her dress, making every inch that touched him feel warm, and an unfamiliar heat swirled deep inside her, below her stomach. That heat was in her breasts, too, and being pressed against his chest made them tingle.
The kissing continued until he cupped her face with both hands and lifted her head enough to separate them.
Anita didn’t know what to do, whether she should look him in the eyes or not. Her lips were wet from their kisses and throbbing, much like the rest of her. She licked her lips, swallowed.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
Cautiously, she glanced from the smile on his lips to the shimmer in his eyes. ‘You’re welcome.’ Her hesitancy made it sound more like a question.
He pulled her face forward, gave her a quick kiss. ‘I’ve been wondering which was the real you. The one who drove a carriage into the yard like the devil was chasing her or the one who barely looks at me.’
It took her a moment to collect her thoughts enough to defend herself. ‘I had to hurry. Joshua could have frozen to death, and I look at you all the time.’ So much that she was often afraid of getting caught staring, and that made her nervous. Almost as nervous as she was right now. She was literally lying atop him. In a stable!
He kissed her lips again. Just a small simple kiss, but it was enough to make her not want to move. Even though she knew she should.
‘No, you don’t look at me all the time,’ he said, adding another small kiss to her lips.
‘Often enough,’ she answered. The heat in her cheeks said she was blushing. Swooning and blushing all at once.
He kissed one side of her mouth and then the other. ‘I disagree.’
Those soft, teasing kisses were making her want more. Longer kisses. They also made her happy, so happy, she giggled. ‘I can’t look at you all the time.’
‘Why not?’
His question included another kiss, a longer one, and that made her breathing go shallow, like short, miniature sighs. ‘What would people think?’
‘I don’t care what people think.’ After another kiss, he continued, ‘I only care what you think.’
‘What I think doesn’t matter.’
‘It does to me.’
His statement was followed by far more than a little kiss. It was a bout of kissing that completely absorbed her and eliminated her ability to think. Eliminated her ability to do anything except become lost in kissing him in return.
Myles had felt as if he’d been walking on eggshells for the last week. The morning after their wedding night, when she’d come down to breakfast, Anita had barely looked at him, and though he’d tried his best, that hadn’t changed in the days that followed. He’d feared she’d been questioning if she’d made the right choice in marrying him. He couldn’t blame her for questioning that, but the last thing he wanted was for her to regret saying yes.
He knew she’d need time, and he’d give her as long as she needed, but they also needed to get to know each other during that time. Only, anytime they were together, she was skittish. Shy. Quiet.
Other than going for a short ride that one morning, the most time they’d spent alone together was walking to the dining room for meal times. She’d been busy, writing thank-you notes and meeting with the seamstress and Mr Wainwright, but she found time every day to go for a walk with Roscoe. Myles would never say that he was jealous of the dog, but he had been excited about the kittens today because it had given him an excuse to spend a small amount of time with her.
He needed that. For as hard as it was to admit to needing anything, anyone, the desire to be with her had been practically eating him alive. He’d never have believed that it would be so hard for a man to woo a woman into his bed, specifically, his wife. He just kept telling himself that it would be worth the wait. And it would be. If he lived that long.
The fear he’d blown his chance when he’d acted impulsively and kissed her had nearly gutted him. The last thing he’d expected was her next reaction. Her fast, wonderful, onslaught had caught him completely off guard. Yet, now, with her lying atop him, he was glad that she’d knocked him off balance.
He didn’t care that they were on the floor of the tack room. The opportunity to taste her sweet lips, feel her soft curves pressed against his throbbing form, was a gift he hadn’t expected, and he was cherishing every moment. It was what he wanted, and he was having a hard time forcing himself to take it slow.
He had to keep telling himself to think of what was at stake.
Nothing had changed concerning his decision to marry her. He would never expect her to fall in love with him, nor would he fall in love with her. That was not what they had agreed to. Furthermore, love wasn’t necessary, nor did he want the expectation of yet another devotion. He was committed to his family, to the Dukedom and the business he and Wesley had created with the Redford thoroughbreds, and would be committed to her, forgo all other women, but he would not let marriage rule his life. Not allow himself to be distracted by it. He needed the freedom to travel between London and Redford at will, to attend Parliament as required, to focus on tasks that needed to be done, without feeling guilty that there might be someone back home waiting on him to return.
However, even knowing all that, he also knew that in order to secure the family heritage, secure an heir, companionship as well as a healthy dose of lust was needed.
That part had been easy for him, but the amount of lust filling him since he’d seen her in her nightgown and robe on their wedding night had grown unhealthy, considering how he’d been unable to think of anything but her day and night. That was distracting and made him understand that he had to get that part of their marriage behind them so he could focus on other things. The tasks that he was already fully committed to completing. The overwhelming desire he felt also made him believe that when the time came, it would be very enjoyable.
He was fully committed to their marriage, and truthfully, wouldn’t call consummating it a task. More of a benefit. Kissing her was certainly a benefit, and despite his best effort, it was stealing his ability to think of anything else.
Even as a part of him told him that he shouldn’t take their kissing any further, he slid his tongue along the seam of her lips. A thrill sliced through him when her lips parted, giving him access to the hidden cavern of her mouth.
He’d just had his first taste of utter sweetness when an out-of-place sound filtered through the pounding of his heart echoing in his ears. Ignoring it, he focused on engaging her tongue in a game of hide and seek when the sound came again.
Louder, and much more intrusive.
It was someone making their presence be known by clearing their throat.
Flustered, he opened an eye, glanced towards the sound, and what only could be considered as complete exasperation washed over him.
Options crossed his mind, so did consequences.
Feeling as if he’d just been doused with ice-cold water, he reluctantly ended the kiss. ‘We are no longer alone.’
He felt her entire body go stiff and watched her eyes grow round and her cheeks turn pink.
Anger struck. At the intruder and at himself for forgetting about the expected arrivals. He’d remembered it earlier, but upon finding the kittens and thinking of her joy at seeing them, everything else slipped his mind.
He kissed her cheek and tucked her face beside his neck before he turned his attention to the intruder standing in the tack room doorway. This certainly was a situation he never would have imagine finding himself in, and he certainly would not embarrass Anita by being found in such a position by introductions at this moment.
Reaching out, he caught the bottom corner of the door. ‘We’ll meet you outside of the stables in a moment,’ he told the intruder as he swung the tack room door shut.
Before he had a chance to help her, Anita planted her knees between his thighs and shot up right. ‘Who is it?’ she whispered, then she covered her face with both hands and let out a soft moan.
He sat up and grasped her wrists, pulled her hands away from her face. ‘There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about. We are married. We can kiss wherever and whenever we wish.’
Her face had grown redder. ‘On the floor of the tack room?’
‘Yes, even on the floor of the tack room.’
She let out a long sigh and glanced at the door. ‘Was it one of the stablemen?’
‘No.’ He wished it had been, any one of them would have discreetly left the building without interrupting them.
‘A servant?’ she asked.
‘No.’ Any servant would have had the good sense to leave, too.
‘Oh!’ Her face wrinkled as she grimaced. ‘Please don’t say it was your mother or sisters.’
‘I won’t say it was them, because it wasn’t.’ None of them would have made their presence be known, either. His brother might have, but Wesley had gone back to London and had sent the message that a potential horse buyer would be arriving today.
‘Then who was it?’ she asked.
It was his turn to sigh and grimace as he glanced at the door. ‘Miss Diana Brockholder.’
‘Diana Br—’
Her eyes turned as round as saucers and that told him that she recognised the name. ‘Yes, Diana Brockholder.’
‘The woman you—one of the women you were engaged to?’
He’d never recalled being embarrassed. Ever. Perhaps he wasn’t now. It could be anger that was causing his face to feel too warm. ‘Yes.’
She let out a long sigh while bowing and shaking her head. ‘Oh dear. Oh my.’
He caught her beneath the chin and lifted her face. ‘I apologise. I should have mentioned it to you.’
‘Mentioned it?’ She struggled from his hold and to stand.
He stood and grasped her elbows, helping her. ‘Should have mentioned that Diana’s uncle is buying a horse. I did not know that she would come with him. She hates the country.’
Anita’s gaze went to the floor. ‘Maybe she wants to remind you of what you could have had instead of what you have.’
His heart felt as if it had been stabbed. ‘No.’ He enclosed her in an embrace and kissed the top of her head. ‘I have exactly what I want.’
‘You mean need,’ Anita whispered. ‘You needed a wife, not wanted.’
That was what he’d said, and it still held true, yet he was greatly regretting how callous it sounded on his part when she repeated it. ‘You are exactly what I need. Everyone will see that, and see how lucky I am, at the Christmas Ball.’
She took a step back. ‘The Christmas Ball? In London? The one Christina and Maria are so excited to attend?’
‘Yes.’
‘I thought...’ She shook her head. ‘We will attend?’
‘Yes. The girls couldn’t attend last year due to my father’s death, and can’t attend without chaperones, without the entire family. You’ll be fine. In fact, you will wow them.’ Her beauty alone would do that. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Other than that, any balls we attend will be up to you.’
She bit her lip, then whispered, ‘I don’t know how to dance.’
He glanced at the door, frustrated by their interruption all over again. He’d never been one to tout fairness, but if he had been, it would be right now, because it was unfair of how quickly the air had changed between him and Anita. Taking hold of her hands, he drew her close enough to wrap his arms around her again. ‘We can discuss the ball later, but know that I’ll be with you the entire time, and you won’t be expected to dance.’
She let out a long sigh and nodded before glancing at the door.
He gently cupped her face with both hands, forced her to look at him. ‘I’m here with you right now, too.’ Determined to not lose what they’d gained, he leaned down and kissed her. Not a fast, kiss, but a deep, lingering one that left them both breathless when it ended.
For the first time in her life, Anita’s unsteadiness had nothing to do with her injured leg. The kisses she’d shared with Myles before he’d opened the door had left her weak in the knees. If not for her hold on his arm, she wouldn’t have been able to take a step.
Once she had taken a step, several in fact, until they walked out of the stable, she’d wished she hadn’t. Diana Brockholder was a beautiful woman, with shimmering black hair and big blue eyes. Adding that knowledge to all her other worries had Anita increasing her hold on Myles’s arm.
‘Diana,’ Myles said. ‘Allow me to introduce my wife, Lady Anita Wadsworth, Duchess of Redford.’
Diana performed a graceful curtsey, while saying, ‘Your Grace.’
Turning to her, Myles said, ‘Anita, this is Miss Diana Brockholder.’
Something inside Anita flipped. Not her heart or her stomach this time. It was her will. The determination that she’d counted on all her life. It had waned this past week, but no more. She was Myles’s wife and had to act the part. No, it was more than that. She wanted to act the part. She wanted the choice she’d made to be successful. Instead of embarrassment of being caught kissing, a sense of pride filled her. ‘Miss Brockholder,’ Anita said, chin up, ‘it’s nice to make your acquaintance.’
‘Yours, too, Your Grace.’ Diana then looked at Myles. ‘I apologise for my interruption. I was hoping to catch you so you wouldn’t be surprised to see me.’
‘Why are you here?’ Myles asked.
‘It wasn’t my idea,’ Diana replied. ‘I said it wasn’t appropriate to visit newlyweds so soon. But I was overruled by my parents. They thought it would be a show of good grace for us to accompany Uncle Matthew here. Mother said we could visit with your family while he looks at the horses.’ Diana glanced behind her, towards the doorway of the stable. ‘Your butler showed them inside the house, and I...’ She shrugged. ‘I am sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you, but I did tell your butler that you were busy just a minute ago when he came looking for you.’
There was no stopping the way Anita’s cheeks warmed as Myles looked down at her, but she still wasn’t embarrassed. Just remembering.
‘We were busy,’ he said.
Diana nodded. ‘Yes, well, I’ll go tell them you’ll be in shortly.’
‘Thank you,’ Myles said.
Anita held her breath as Diana turned and walked towards the house, with her lovely dark blue cape nearly sweeping the ground with each step. Despite her renewed determination, Anita had a distinct sinking feeling. Releasing the air from her lungs, she looked up at Myles.
He was looking at her, smiling. ‘Ready?’
She nodded. Where there was a will, there was a way. He’d kissed her. They’d kissed. Really kissed. It had been the best moment of her life, and she refused to let anything diminish that.
That thought gave her confidence a boost. So did knowing she was the Duchess of Redford. However, it started slipping as they walked towards the house, and she wasn’t sure how to gain it back.
‘We’ll go in through the back of the house,’ Myles said. ‘Your maid will meet you there to take your cloak.’
She tried harder to pull her confidence back up. ‘Yes, she will.’ Claire was always close at hand.
‘We can freshen up and proceed to the parlour together.’
‘Thank you. I appreciate that.’ She did. She always felt safe when he was near.
He stopped walking, looked at her. ‘I know this may appear to be an uncomfortable situation, but in truth, it’s nothing more than a visit by a horse buyer. Such events occur regularly here.’
He was right about that. She was just so insecure that everything made her nervous right now. That couldn’t be. He needed a wife who didn’t require his constant attention so he could see to his business of raising and selling horses. She had to find a way to be that wife.
He grinned. ‘I know she’s in there.’
Confused, she asked, ‘Diana?’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘The woman who drove a team of horses in here like the devil was chasing them. That woman has confidence in herself and determination in what she wants.’
Anita’s breath caught. He couldn’t possibly know what she’d been thinking. How she needed to gain confidence. ‘That wasn’t confidence, that was fear for Joshua’s life.’
‘You handled those horses with confidence.’
‘Because I’ve been doing it for years.’
‘At high speed through snowstorms?’
‘No.’
‘But you had the confidence to do it because it was inside you, just waiting to be used.’ He kissed her forehead. ‘Just like you have the confidence to walk into that house like the Duchess of Redford. It’s inside you, just waiting to be used.’
A tiny shiver rippled down her spine. She wasn’t fearful for anyone’s life; however, their marriage could be at stake. It was completely up to her to become the wife he needed, and she would. She would help him, support him and defend him with all she had.
The shiver was gone and her spine stiffened.
Myles was still looking at her, still smiling.
She would also need to learn all there was to know about the Redford thoroughbreds, which would be an easy and enjoyable task. ‘What horse is he here to buy?’
Myles’s smile increased. ‘A two-year-old. He wants to train it himself.’
‘Is he trustworthy? Good to animals?’
‘Yes, he is. I refuse to sell to anyone who isn’t.’
‘Very well,’ she said, taking a step towards the house. ‘We shouldn’t keep them waiting.’
Entering side by side, they found their guests were in the front parlour, where there were still vases filled with blooming flowers from their wedding day, and being received by Mary, who was in the midst of serving tea.
Myles introduced Anita to Niles Brockholder, the Viscount of Wilmington, and his wife, Lady Barbara, as well as Barbara’s brother, Matthew Green. After the pleasantries were out of the way, Myles escorted Anita to the sofa, but when she realised that he intended to sit down beside her, she whispered, ‘You don’t need to stay.’
He searched her face for a moment, and she made sure to maintain a full smile the entire time.
‘I’m sure,’ she answered his silent question.
‘Thank you,’ he whispered and kissed her cheek softly before he turned to the men and invited them to accompany him outside.
Anita sat and joined the conversation during tea which covered the weather and the upcoming yuletide, using most of the time to observe the family. Though lovely like her daughter, Lady Barbara had a coolness about her. There was no shine in her eyes, and her smile was false, and Diana was clearly bored. She didn’t even attempt to hide it.
When a lull in the conversation began to turn into a heavy silence, Anita asked, ‘Would anyone care for more tea?’
‘No, thank you,’ Lady Barbara replied, fiddling with the white lace on the cuffs of her gold-coloured dress as she looked from vase to vase filled with flowers.
Diana shook her head while letting out a sigh.
‘Well, then,’ Anita said, fully aware that things could grow uncomfortable, more than they already were. ‘Shall we take a tour of the greenhouse?’ She gestured towards the vases of flowers as she stood. ‘As you can see, we have a variety of flowers still blooming, which is so wonderful when the weather turns as cool as it has.’
Perhaps because she was the Duchess of Redford, no one felt they could decline and everyone stood.
‘Lovely idea,’ Mary said, stepping up beside her.
Anita smiled at her mother-in-law as the women hooked their arms together. The specially made boots had lessened her limp, but her gait was still different, in part because it was how she’d always walked, and changing that would take time. Knowing those behind her could see her uneven swaying, and her slowness, she was conscious of every step she took while she and Mary led their guests from the parlour.
If she wanted these people to believe she belonged here, she had to believe it herself. Not sure how to do that, she chose to share some history of the home. ‘This home was built by the first Duke of Redford,’ she said as they entered the corridor. ‘And there are furnishings from around the world, brought home by the third Duke of Redford, during his sailing days.’
She continued to share small bits of information, and answered questions from Lady Barbara, who was obviously only asking them out of politeness, until they arrived in the greenhouse.
‘Oh my,’ Lady Barbara said, clearly impressed with all of the pots and long beds filled with blooming plants. ‘I’ve never seen such variety.’
‘Thank you. Please, feel free to explore.’ Anita gave a sweeping arm gesture.
Mary flashed a smile as she moved towards the long beds that held the ivy and holly plants that would be used to decorate for Christmas.
Following her mother along the centre aisle filled with various blooming plants, Diana showed a slight curiosity in the flowers that her mother was naming, but Anita would guess it was more out of boredom than true interest.
Anita moved farther into the room to look out of the windows at the barn and a small section of one of the stables. The same stable that she and Myles had been in just a short time ago.
Where she stopped to stand may have been a mistake, because Roscoe, who was still in the back garden, instantly noticed her. He barked and ran towards her, and that caught the attention of the peacocks.
The glass wall was no barrier for either the barking or the screeching. Nor did it smother the sound of screams and crashes behind her.
‘My apologies for arriving unannounced,’ Wilmington said as they stood next to the corral where Matthew Green was examining two particular horses. ‘I felt it was an opportunity for society to know that despite the broken engagement, we are still friends.’
Myles stared at the Viscount for a moment. He’d respected the man for years, which had been part of the reason he’d thought a marriage to Diana might work. However, he wasn’t overly certain that was the main reason for Wilmington’s visit. He’d chalk that up to curiosity. He was sure half of London was curious about his new wife. ‘I see no reason for us not to be friends,’ he replied.
‘I was also thinking of your best interests,’ Wilmington said.
Myles lifted a brow, waited for the Viscount to say more.
‘Brunswick came to see me two days ago, he wanted to know why the engagement between you and Diana was broken. Claimed he was worried about his niece.’
Myles drew in a deep breath in an attempt to control his irritation. ‘Brunswick has never worried about anyone except himself.’
Wilmington nodded. ‘I know. I told him to mind his business and sent him away, but I thought you should know, because I’m not the only one he’s visiting. He’s claiming his niece was like a daughter to him and that he’s acting as any father would. But I believe he’s attempting to use your name to gain access to places he’s otherwise not welcome.’
Myles turned his gaze to Green, who was still inspecting the horses. There was an ounce of truth in what Wilmington had just said. Brunswick had never treated Anita like a daughter, but he was acting like a father might. Parents got involved in their offspring’s marriage plans, not because they wanted what was best for their children but because society directed that family heritage and status played a primary role in marriage, and the truth was, he was no different than Brunswick in that sense.
Those same motives had been behind his decision-making when he’d been looking for a wife. He’d almost committed himself to women he hadn’t felt any real affection to because it was expected for him to marry a woman whose father had rank. In all honesty, he’d married Anita for those very same reasons.
He hadn’t even met her when he’d arranged their marriage. He’d done that because it fitted his needs.
That wasn’t a welcome acknowledgment, but it was true.
The other thing that was true was that Brunswick was annoyed. Angry that his niece had been chosen over his daughters. He’d hoped to gain money through marriage, and that hadn’t happened.
The softening that happened in the vicinity of his heart was enough to make Myles crack a smile. He’d made the right choice. He’d found a wife who loved the country as much as he did, and animals. She had many more endearing qualities and he would do all he could to assure she had the life she deserved.
‘Thank you for your concern,’ Myles said. ‘But I assure you, there is nothing to worry about. Brunswick is an incompetent man who pilfered away his family’s wealth and may end up in debtor’s prison someday.’
‘I agree,’ Wilmington said. ‘And your wife is nothing like he described.’
‘No, she is not, nor is she anything like her uncle.’ Pride filled Myles. ‘Her beauty, kind nature and upstanding character puts others to shame. Which should not come as a surprise to anyone who knows Brunswick. The man rarely speaks the truth.’
‘That is true, and I hope that you will not think less of me for our visit today. I felt you needed to know of the man’s actions.’
The entire ton had known about his search for a wife, and now knew about his haste in marrying Anita. Many of those people he’d known his entire life, and it was of no surprise that they’d be concerned about him having any dealings with Brunswick. ‘You and your family are always welcome at Redford,’ he said. ‘Brunswick is desperate for money and is searching for ways to find it, but this scheme isn’t going to work any better than his other ones.’ Myles gestured to Matthew Green, who was walking towards them. ‘I believe your brother-in-law has made a decision.’