Felix took a deep breath and just stopped herself from running across the room and pushing the other nurse aside. She didn’t know if she wanted to hit Nat or hug him. She felt she could knock him down, but not until she’d held him hard enough and close enough to know for certain it was him. She wanted to thank him just for being alive, and to punish him too, for all that he’d put her through.
You’d never have known, to look at her. She walked calmly towards him, through the silence of watching eyes.
‘Nat? Nat!’
No response. The soldier just stared at her blankly.
‘Is that you? Can’t you hear me?’
Perhaps the strength of her yearning had made a fool of her. Felix stopped, just a few steps away, as a chill crept over her. She took another gulp of air. Blinked. Let out her breath. No, no, she wasn’t wrong. She couldn’t be wrong about this. He looked different, of course. Worn. Wounded – but not, she guessed, too seriously. Some of the light had left him. The optimism. But this was definitely Nat. There was no doubt about that.
She stood frozen, like a child caught in a game of grandmother’s footsteps. He had seen her. She couldn’t move. Why didn’t he?
‘Nat, it’s me, it’s Felix. I came.’
Still no response. Speak louder, more slowly.
‘You see, I came. Like you said I should.’
Nat spoke at last, so quietly his voice got lost in the echoey whispers of the clinic. ‘Felix! Blimey. It is you.’
‘Yes, of course it’s me.’
‘Oh, Felix . . . you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have come here.’
She felt the skin on her face prickle and tighten as the blood drained out of it.
‘What do you mean?’ Felix was dimly aware that Dolores and the other nurse were staring at them, unabashed. She didn’t care what they heard. ‘What do you mean I shouldn’t have come? Of course I should. Spain needs more nurses. That’s what you said. Don’t you remember? I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.’
‘Of course I remember. I remember everything.’
At last he took a step towards her, and stood on his own. I hardly know you, she thought suddenly. And realised right away that it didn’t matter.
‘Coming here’s the best thing I’ve ever done,’ she said, holding out her hand.
‘Was it?’
‘Yes.’ She let her hand hang.
They were inches apart now. There was less of him than she remembered. It was as if years had passed, not months. She stared at his bandage. Would he let her see what was behind it? The nurse from the blood transfusion centre coughed gently.
‘Your coupon, comrade. You’ll need this in the canteen.’
‘Oh, yes. Thank you.’
‘You’ll be hearing from us very soon.’ She turned to address Felix and Dolores. ‘And you? You have come for the training, I think? We weren’t expecting you so early.’
Felix recovered herself. Made herself look away from Nat.
‘We got a lift in with a convoy, before dawn. We were lucky.’
‘Good. The administrator will be with you shortly. You will wait? There is plenty of space for waiting. Second room on the left.’
The nurse was trying to move them all along. Another donor was in the doorway, ready to take Nat’s place on the table. Others were getting up from their couches. Another conversation was starting up in the hall, echoing off the marble floor.
‘The second Frigidaire? Again? Oh no . . . he thinks he can fix it? Let’s hope so.’
‘Yes. Unbearable for all that blood to go to waste. And it’s group II.’
Felix became terribly aware of Nat’s breathing. She knew he couldn’t stop staring at her. And then she realised that Dolores was staring too, at both of them. She quickly broke the silence.
‘Nat, let me introduce you to Dolores. We work together at one of the Hospitales de Sangre. Dolores, this is . . . this is a friend. Comrade Kaplan. From home. From London, you know. England.’
Dolores and Nat nodded gravely at one another. Oh, when would he speak again? And what had taken the life out of him like that?
And then, as though they were at a dance, and the band had stopped for a rest, they were moving off, all bunched together, out of this high-ceilinged room, and into another. And what was this he was saying to her, so seriously?
‘How long will you be in Madrid?’
Felix felt Dolores’s eyes on her, intent and careful.
‘Just tonight,’ said Felix. ‘Then back to our team, and after that I believe we’re moving on in a few days’ time. I can’t say for sure. They don’t give us much notice. You know how it is.’ Her words came out quite casually at first, and then they began to wobble.
‘Where are you staying now?’
Felix told him. Not the general area. The exact address, the number and street of their small hotel. She wished she had a phone number to give him too.
‘Not too far from me then.’
Go on. He was looking at the floor now. Felix stared at the elaborate marble tiles equally hard, and observed the colours in their flecks. Go on. She would look at his face when he spoke again. Her foot twitched. She watched his boots shift. Go on.
‘I’ll take you out tonight.’ This came out very quickly.
‘In a blackout? Very funny,’ she answered. Their smiles met and wavered.
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘Are you sure you don’t want to take me to a meeting?’ she said, remembering, filling the next silence.
‘Well, I expect I can arrange something. If I have to.’ Mock serious. ‘There’s always a meeting to go to.’
‘You don’t have to. Let’s not go to a meeting.’
‘OK. We won’t. We’ll have a meeting on our own.’
At exactly the same time, they both remembered Dolores. Felix couldn’t tell how much she had understood. She had a look of intense concentration on her face, and was frowning slightly, waiting. Felix knew she couldn’t abandon her in the middle of Madrid. They would have to put up with her silent gaze. Well. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. Her presence might stop them from being reckless. Felix felt reckless just at that moment, and the feeling made her nervous.
As if he understood, Nat turned to Dolores brightly – a little too brightly. ‘I’ll see you both at around nine. A las nueve?’