Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34
 
From: SECNAV P. H. Nitze
 
To: All Ships and Stations
 
Subject: WAVES (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service)
1. The following information will be of utmost interest to all sailors ashore and afloat.
2. After a lengthy effort the WAVES began service in August 1942, thus avoiding a crisis at hand. Each vessel averages 125 lbs., 66 in. length, and is broad across the beam with dual forward mounts. Newer models are best launched at night, free and fast as hell.
3. A creative, yet functional design supports a hatch at mid-ship that accepts a driving shaft between 6 and 8 inches, though her engine must be heated to the optimum temperature. If bearings are well lubricated the standard speed is 60 minutes, 15 minutes if full speed ahead.
4. If operated according to the manual she will shudder and shake when backing off an all-out run, no matter who’s at the helm. Do not disclose secret maneuvers except in the line of duty. It is mandatory to report violations.
5. Will raise an OFF LIMITS flag 3 to 7 days each month to unload disposable hazardous waste and repair damage caused by projectiles with loose screws. Reel in hoses and salute her colors to avoid a hostile disposition. Hull seldom needs scrapping or paint, though perfume is appreciated.
6. With proper care these vessels will operate satisfactorily until every sailor receives his discharge orders.
“The Unknown Chaplain”