CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE - COOPER

 

 

I hold her hand tight as I take her across the lawn, biting my tongue until I open the door, shove her inside her room, then shoot Mona Monroe one last angry look before I slam the door closed.

I whirl on Cadee, but she’s already collapsing onto her bed. “What the fuck were you doing over there, Cadee?”

“Just… relaxing. Jesus.” Her voice is muffled because she’s got her face stuffed into a pillow. “Leave me alone. You had your fun today.” She turns her head a little and I catch the glare in one bloodshot eye.

“I cannot fucking believe—after all these years of your pious purity act—that you let Mona Monroe talk you into smoking a joint.”

“Me either.” Then she giggles. “I’m gonna do it again tomorrow.”

“You are not going to do it again tomorrow. And trust me, neither is Mona. For fuck’s sake. Why is that girl so stupid?”

“I think she’s pretty smart. She’s the only one who plays the game right.”

“You’re high.”

She laughs and turns over, smiling up at me. “I think I am. I like it, Cooper. It’s all…” She sighs. “I feel all…” She sighs again.

I try not to laugh. Because this is not funny. Mona just fucked up bad. And she did it on purpose. But Cadee’s smile makes me want to pause and enjoy it.

So I do. Because she’s pretty much the only nice thing about this place. And she’s definitely the best thing about this summer.

Maybe that first day I was able to tell myself the lie. That I’m over her. She’s over me. We’re just… over.

But nothing is over between us. Because I walked out after the abortion. I turned my back on her and washed my hands of the whole sad situation.

She’s silent for a few moments, her eyes closed now, her face a mixture of serene and stupid. “I feel… numb.” She opens one eye. “And I like it. Numb is nice.”

I turn away from her and open the door to her patio, fully intending on going next door and shoving Mona’s head up her ass for putting me in this situation. But her bodyguards have beat me to it, because they are fighting with her, trying to pull her inside. One of them spots me, points at me, then shakes his head.

“Fuck.” I slam the door.

“What’s wrong?” Cadee asks sleepily.

“Mona, that’s what’s wrong.”

“It was a joint, Cooper. Who cares? It’s legal. Don’t be a bogart.”

I laugh. “What?”

“Don’t be a bogart. You’re such a fucking bogart.”

I laugh again and shake my head. “Do you even know what that word means?”

She giggles. And even though I should be very angry with her right now, I’m not. I like her happy. I haven’t had a lot of chances to see her this way.

“Mona was calling me a bogart. So I just figure it’s something bad. Like a bitch.” She sits up and opens her eyes wide to stare at me. “You’re a pussy, bitch bogart, Christopher Valcourt. That’s what you are.”

I place two fingers on her forehead and push, making her fall back into the pillows again. “Go to sleep.”

“No. I don’t want to go to sleep.” She swings her legs over the side of the bed like she’s going to go somewhere.

But I grab her ankles and slide her legs back on the bed. She doesn’t put up much of a fight. “How much did you smoke?”

“Only a few sips.”

“Sips?”

“Sips.”

“Define a few. Two?”

“Mmmm…ore.”

“Three?” She thinks a little too long about this. “Four?”

She lifts up her arm slowly and holds her thumb and forefinger close together. Her eyes cross as she looks at them. Then she laughs and lets her arm fall back on the bed.

“More than five?”

She shrugs. “I forget.”

“Jesus Christ. You were only over there for like ten minutes.”

“Mona had it all ready.” She hums the words out. “Did you know she keeps that stuff in her hair?”

“Her hair.” I sigh and take a seat on the bed. Why the fuck weren’t her bodyguards checking her hair? “Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.”

“Why?” Cadee turns over so she’s on her side, facing me. But her eyes are closed. She’s still smiling. “Why, Cooper?”

“Because there’s a drug test, Cadee. And she just made sure she failed.”

“Is that bad?”

“Very bad. Because the instructions my father gave me explicitly stated that Mona Monroe must get through to the end.”

“Oops. I guess I’ll fail too.”

“You’re fine. You don’t need a drug test. You’re not one of them, Cadee. You’re just a stand-in.”

“Oh, that’s right. I don’t count. I’m just the Fugling.”

I roll my eyes. “Trust me on this, you do not want to count in this situation. The Fugling has it easy compared to the pledge girls.”

“That’s funny. They didn’t piss their pants today. They didn’t get pelted with water balloons by the boys. They got to lounge by the pool all day and work on their tans.”

“It’s not real. Tomorrow they’ll be crying before breakfast and you’ll be thanking your lucky stars that you don’t count.”

She reaches out and touches my waist. Then she slips her finger underneath my t-shirt and hooks it around the belt loop of my shorts.

I look down at it and hold my breath as she tugs on it. Like she wants to pull me closer. “What are you doing?”

“Come down here with me.”

“Why?” My heart is beating fast.

“Because…” She pauses and lets out a long breath. “Because I’m sad too, Cooper.” Then she frowns so deep, I can’t help but follow her lead. “And that good feeling has suddenly turned into something very dark and scary.”

I briefly wonder if Mona’s joint was laced with anything. But Cadee tugs again. Harder. With more insistence. And wasn’t this what I really wanted in my senior year of Prep when Cadee and I got close?

Something slow, and easy, and real?

My defenses down. Her able to admit she likes me.

She does like me. But admitting it out loud? That was always a step too far for Cadee. That was always a line she refused to cross.

I would’ve killed for a moment like this with Cadee Hunter that year.

“Don’t do that,” she mumbles. “Don’t reject me right now, Cooper. Not after the day I had. Just be nice to me for a little bit. Even if you don’t mean it.”

“I don’t want you to go back tomorrow, Cadee.”

“I’m going back.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not going to be a victim ever again.”

“You’re not gonna win anything in the end. Not anything good. I promise. I will give you anything you want—”

“Then lie down next to me.”

I consider using emotional blackmail. Make her promise to stay home tomorrow if I comfort her.

But I’m tired. And sad. And I just don’t have it in me.

So I give in and lie down next to her. She snuggles her body up against mine and I have an uncontrollable urge to put my arms around her the same way I did that one night three years ago.

“I forgive you,” she says, her words just a low whisper.

“I’m sorry, you know. I am. I’m sorry for all of it.”

“Never mind, Cooper. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want someone to hold me until I fall asleep. I promise it won’t take long.”

I hug her a little tighter. It’s not her fault. None of it was her fault. It was my fault. I should’ve made better choices. At the very least, I shouldn’t have… blamed her. I should’ve stayed friends with her. And checked up on her. Or… done the right thing.

I should’ve done the right thing.

“I know you did your best, Coop. I really do know that.”

And then I hold my breath for so long, my head starts to spin. And when I let it out, I say, “Thanks, Cades.”

But she’s already asleep.

So I just lie there in her bed. Holding her. Thinking about what Mona did and how I might fix it.

But there is only one way. Only one answer.

Sometime around five AM I pull myself away from Cadee and get up from her bed. Then I lean down and kiss her head. “You’re not one of them. Just please remember that tomorrow. You’re just a stand-in.”

A part of me wishes she would wake up and ask me what that means.

So I could tell her the truth.

So I could prepare her for what’s coming.

So she could have one last chance to bow out and not make me go through with this.

But the part of me in control knows I said the words too softly for a reason.

I need her now.

I need her so I can save Mona.