Blake reached his apartment and saw Lathan outside leaning against the pickup truck he’d just purchased. For someone so set against breaking the rules, he sure seemed to be enjoying the perks of humanity. Money was no issue. Angels on Earth had an endless supply of cash to carry out God’s work. Blake didn’t think a brand new Chevy was necessary for a Guardian Angel without a charge.
It was just part of Lathan’s personality. He’d always been a flashy angel flaunting his wings and strength. Blake should have expected nothing less from him. He’d bought a ton of clothes too. Maybe shopping kept him from losing his mind. Blake had suggested he get a job, but Lathan had stormed out, cussing him under his breath.
Blake approached him in the darkness. He could see his brother was in a foul mood by the way Lathan narrowed his eyes and the hard breaths that came through his nose. Blake started to walk past him but thought better of it.
“What’s wrong with you?” Blake jumped on the defensive, but it was hard to be a jerk with the feel of Dixie’s lips still on his.
“As if you don’t know what’s wrong?” Lathan propped a heel on the bumper of his pickup truck, his mouth curved in disgust. It had been a long time since Blake had seen him that angry.
“Were you following me?” Lathan’s mood still hadn’t taken the spring-like quality out of Blake’s voice.
“News flash, brother, I don’t need to follow you to know what you’re up to.” And then as though he couldn’t bear to look at Blake, Lathan spun around and rested his elbows on the tailgate.
“What is it I’m up to?” Blake approached him, still hoping his chipper mood could rub off on Lathan.
“I feel everything you feel, and even though you know this, you still betray me.” Lathan's words came through gritted teeth.
“How have I betrayed you?” Blake placed his hand on his other’s shoulder and tried to ignore the daggers Lathan was shooting his way.
It was yet another disadvantage of their relationship. Lathan knew right away anytime Blake was worried or angry. Blake knew, without a doubt, that Lathan had felt the surge of adrenaline he’d experienced when he’d kissed Dixie.
“Look, it’s no big deal. It was just a kiss.” Blake stared at the rocks in the asphalt, afraid to see the way his brother would react.
“Just a kiss? That’s absurd. There is no ‘just a kiss’ for you and me. Angels don’t kiss humans. Have you forgotten the way things are supposed to be or do you just not care anymore?”
“You know I care.”
The last thing Blake expected was for Lathan to put his hands on him. Lathan was hot-headed, but since he was trying to prove a point about broken rules, Blake didn’t expect he would break one himself. But he did. He moved in a way only an angel could. So fast any human would’ve missed it. He rushed Blake, pressing both hands against his chest with what would have proven to be deadly force to a mortal.
Blake was caught off guard and landed hard on the concrete. His face slid through rock and gravel. As he lifted his hand to wipe away the dirt, the wounds tingled and then disappeared. He stood, trying not to appear shaken.
“Why do I get the feeling this isn’t all about rules.” Blake wanted to be angry at him, but he could feel the hurt Lathan was suffering. It was far worse than the pain he’d dealt out.
“We’ve been together longer than any human could imagine, and in the last month we’ve talked for a total of ten minutes. Is that how this is gonna be?” Lathan brushed the dirt from Blake’s shoulder, guilt twisting his face.
He didn’t have to apologize. Blake knew he was sorry. However now he was suffering his own bout of guilt. “I wouldn’t desert you.”
“But you already have.” The angel leaned against his truck again, looking like a lost child.
“You want me to let her go? Just say it and I will.” Blake scooted up next to him again, feeling confident he wouldn’t take another swing at him. “Tell me you want me to let her go. I’ll do it.”
Lathan laughed. “Liar.”
They stood in silence, watching traffic pass on the street. Blake couldn’t take the strain any longer. “I’m gonna go for a walk. I’ll be back later.”
Lathan nodded but didn’t move. Blake was grateful he didn’t follow. He headed down the street past bars and clubs where people spilled into the street. He thought back to the kiss and an avalanche of emotions buried him.
Blake had never been the stoic angel he was designed to be. Even though Lathan pretended he didn’t care, he wasn’t either. Their kind was expected to guard and care for their charges and most of them had developed thick skins after watching humans live and die for so long.
Blake had found it impossible to build those defenses. He’d cared for every human God had entrusted him with and when they’d died he’d felt the loss. For months, sometimes years after, Blake would see their faces in the people he passed every day. If he felt he’d somehow wronged or failed them, then those humans in particular never left his thoughts.
He’d loved, in some way, every person who’d been his, but from the beginning, he adored Dixie. Maybe it was her curiosity, the way she could never be discouraged. Or maybe it was the way she laughed or something simple like the smell of her hair when it brushed across his face. He had no idea why he was so attached to her, but he couldn’t deny the draw.
All of that being the case, he loved his brother. His loyalty undeniably belonged to him. There had been many occasions where Lathan could have turned on him. He could have walked away. Other angels had done it, leaving their other half desolate and alone. For millennia, they’d served God and protected each other. When it came down to it, if his relationship with Dixie made Lathan unhappy then Blake needed to redraw the lines between Heaven and Earth and let her go on with her life.
It all sounded brilliant in theory. It shouldn’t be hard to go back to the way things were meant to be. Except he now knew the way her skin felt under his fingers, the sound of her laughter. The way she chewed on her cheek when she was afraid and didn’t want anyone to know. The worst of it was he knew the way her breath warmed him when her lips had parted during their first and possibly only kiss.
Before that moment, he hadn’t known what he was missing. His touch had never lingered on another mortal. He’d never known, before Dixie, the pleasure derived from the intimate pause in time created by shared passion or how that passion would make him feel alive. Lathan was right. He’d bent all the rules to be close to this woman and he needed to let her go.
Too many things could go wrong. Too many variables left questions unanswered. Without a doubt, one of them would get hurt.
He’d abandoned Lathan since revealing himself to her. Partially because he’d wanted to spend every moment with her and during the time they weren’t together he wanted to watch her from afar like a proper Guardian. The other reason, though, was the guilt he’d immersed himself in. It was hard to know he’d disappointed Lathan, hard to face the fact that he’d increased his brother’s misery.
Blake had been staring at his feet, oblivious to the turns he’d made, but perhaps his subconscious had directed him, because he was at the corner of Dixie’s courtyard. He needed to tell her that he was leaving. There had to be some lame excuse he could use that wouldn’t break her heart.
Blake navigated the sidewalk to the door, but instead of knocking, he sat down on the concrete. He could hear the two girls’ voices, and if only once more, he wanted to make sure she was okay before he could touch her no longer.
It was late. The sky was a blanket of stars and so he leaned against the column, and with great contentment, listened to their chatter.