Blake was sitting on the stoop of a building across from an antique shop where Dixie was shopping. The desire to be a part of Earth and its ramblings again, the need for things to be the way they had been when he was with his brothers, grew stronger as he watched the people in the Quarter go about their lives. There were so many things he wanted to experience again. Things he’d done before he came back to New Orleans and had to spend his life hiding from his charge. Angels weren’t supposed to be preoccupied with material possessions, but the muscle car sitting across the road was exactly the kind of powerful classic he’d been lusting after since he’d left his in Jess’s driveway.
It wasn’t as if being back in New Orleans was a punishment. Blake loved the place. He only wished that his other brothers were with him. It was easy to get lost in the wickedness that surrounded him. The people here seemed to give in to all their vices without guilt, and at one time, he’d been able to do the same. A couple sat down at an iron table across the street eating poboys as long as their arms and smiling. What must it be like to enjoy food that way? That was something he still didn’t know, because food had no taste at all, even for an angel who’d been banished to Earth.
It wasn’t just the car or food that had him pining over all he’d miss, but humans had it all. They were quite oblivious to their good fortune. Their lives were unfortunately short, but they had so many pleasures in which to delight. In the past two years, being an angel had brought Blake way too few of these pleasures. He’d found that he coveted the trappings of mankind more and more as time continued to drag by.
He glanced across the street and felt the familiar sputter in his heart. His throat closed as the idiotic smile took over his face. The dizziness and lack of restraint he felt reminded him of flying. The one thing he wanted more than anything, the one thing that had caused him to struggle to keep his cool, was in his line of sight again. He chuckled to himself.
Dixie was the one sinful desire that engaged his brain at every second of every passing day. He could see her now in the window of the shop, her hair tumbling into her eyes as she giggled at something the clerk said. A street performer was jugging bowling pins on the corner, and Blake tried to force himself to focus on the man. He didn’t want to hear the sweet sound of her laughter, because it would only make the ache inside him return. He was already teetering on the wrong side of the rules.
His eyes followed her as she moved around behind the glass. He considered what it would be like if he simply stepped across the line and blended in with humanity. Becoming part of her world would be nothing, really. It wasn’t an effort but a simple act of showing up on her door step. Angels did it all the time. Even the Heavenlies, at times, meshed with humanity. In the flash of an eye, the celestial counterpart of man could appear to drag a child out of traffic before the kid was nailed by an oncoming car. Or maybe they showed themselves as the only sober guy in a bar, prepared to offer their charge a ride home.
Then there was Blake’s brother, Justin, who’d just denied all the guidelines and fallen in love with a human. Justin had always been the bold one. Blake sort of looked up to him, because Justin didn’t seem to be riddled by the guilt that sometimes suffocated the fun from everything. Blake had it in him to do exactly what Justin had done. It would be so easy, and yet he knew he’d have to pay for it eventually.
The problem didn’t lie in chance encounters or brushes with man when angels were trying to keep a human safe. The hitch was when an angel’s thoughts spun off to the place where Blake’s had taken him. He wasn’t thinking of a casual meeting with Dixie. No, he was considering a relationship where she could see him and he could know what it felt like to touch her. Blake was thinking of being with her and not just a shadow that followed her every move. Lots of angels had done it, but they’d all been severely punished, separated from their Maker for an undisclosed period of time. It might not seem like much to mankind. For an angel, being forbidden access to God and Heaven was the ultimate payback for their transgressions.
Even though he knew the consequences, even though he’d seen them with his own eyes, he couldn’t say the prospect of reproach from God bothered him. He’d been faithful. No, he’d been beyond loyal and always done what he‘d been commanded to do. He’d spent centuries following humans around and staying just out of reach. They’d never suspected his presence, so their lives were never altered by the fact that something existed beyond the scope of their own realities. He’d done all of these things and he’d suffered because of it. In fact, his dedication and his job were the exact things driving him to want change.
Blake watched as a young guy crossed the street and climbed into the GTO. The kid drove off, and he let his gaze wander back to Dixie, who was standing with her hand on her hip eyeing a portrait. The beautiful girl lifted her thumb to her mouth and bit on the skin, which made him smile. She’d always done this when she was unsure or trying to make a decision. Blake knew her better than anyone he’d ever protected.
Closing his eyes, he imagined himself standing next to her, pointing out something she’d missed in the picture. Maybe her cheeks would blush as she grinned up at him, and he’d experience the warmth that took over his body when she was near. He’d never wanted to be with a human so much.
Even when Dixie was a child, he’d wished he could physically protect her. She was always in trouble, and had he been able to speak to or touch her, perhaps his job would have been less difficult. He’d seen her dangling from lots of trees in those days, so many years ago. Dixie would hold on by only her fingertips, daring gravity to pull her to Earth. She’d almost driven him insane. He’d watch her do this over and over, until one day when she’d lost her hold and tumbled to the ground with a bone-crushing thud. Even a broken collar bone hadn’t discouraged her though, as the next day he’d found her straddling a branch in the same old oak.
When she was learning to drive, he thought he’d go mad trying to keep her out of harm’s way. She was always fumbling with the radio or digging in her purse, her eyes never focused on the road. Once, Blake had literally pushed a car into the ditch in front of her so she wouldn’t slam into it and kill herself. If he could have spoken to her that day, she’d have gotten the earful she deserved.
He wasn’t trying to fool himself. Dixie wasn’t the only reason he yearned to be part of the physical world. He’d watched people enjoy their short lives for a remarkable period of time. During their abbreviated tenure on the planet, they experienced more joy and more sorrow than he’d had in an eternity. What would it be like to feel alive?
There was one drawback though, one kink in the chain. Lathan. Lathan was an angel who derived utter satisfaction from his station in the celestial hierarchy. At least he did currently. He enjoyed the majestic appearance of his snow-white wings. The power he felt over the lives of humans under his watch and the fact that he didn’t have to concern himself with unnecessary emotions or death.
Blake’s devotion to his brother had been the only reason he hadn’t already stepped through the veil and introduced himself to Dixie. Rory was a prime example of what could happen to an angel’s counterpart when that angel had no regard for the rules. Rory had spent his existence making sure Justin was happy, just along for the ride. Blake likened having an “other”, which is how they described themselves, to a marriage, but it was a thousand times more binding. He loved his counterpart in a way he knew he’d never love any human. Anytime he needed anything, Lathan appeared to help him out.
For all the unsavory aspects of Blake’s personality, Lathan made up for it with his purity. And for all Blake’s admirable qualities, his brother possessed double the decadence. They were exact opposites and yet so much alike. Blake couldn’t quantify what he felt for the angel. In both a figurative and literal sense, he’d die without him. Whatever became of one, would also become of the other.
Blake had spent lifetimes living the life Lathan wanted to lead. He’d been honorable, doing the tasks assigned to him without complaint. All of this had been done year after year, century after century, and then Dixie had come along, tearing away whatever allegiances he’d built and reducing him to a love-struck idiot.