Joe’s rational mind tried to warn him that he was making a foolish mistake, but he didn’t care. He’d been asleep too long and Holly felt too good in his arms. He wanted her. He’d been too long without a woman to stem the desire for Holly.
She shifted, not grasping but clinging to him as her body succumbed to the web of desire he wove around them. A hot, humid breeze blew, fanning the flames that her tongue and mouth had ignited in him. He altered his grip on her, adjusting his hips to ease his hardness against her softness. When she melted into him, he’d have given ten years of his life to have nothing between them but her freckles instead of the frustrating layers of clothing.
He slid his hands down her back, cupping her buttocks in his hands, and held her still while he ground his hips against her. She moaned deep in her throat, a more sensuous sound than he’d expected from her.
He was so damn hard he could feel his pulse between his legs. He needed release—now. He needed her naked underneath him—now. He needed to stop—now, before he went too far.
He pulled back not out of any manly restraint, though that trait would be admirable. He pulled back because he’d crumble the carefully cultivated wall he’d built to protect himself from emotions.
She moaned a little, her hands still in his hair, holding him close.
“Why’d you stop?” she asked, her husky voice brushing over him like a velvet glove.
He wasn’t about to reveal himself to her. To let her know or see that he wasn’t the aloof man he pretended to be. “You said you didn’t want to see my place tonight.”
“Maybe I’ve changed my mind,” she said.
Could he handle an affair with her? He wasn’t sure he’d let it end after one night. The way he felt, once he had her in bed they weren’t leaving for a long time. And could he walk away from that—from her?
He didn’t want to know.
“You’re tired and you had a scare with your dad. Tonight’s not the right time,” he said, leading her to her car.
She was stiff and tense under his guiding touch, and he regretted that. Regretted that he’d had to stop the only thing that had made him feel good in a long time. For years he’d watched his siblings fall in love, watched Baronessa’s go through numerous changes, watched life pass him by. Watched it, not lived it.
When had he turned into such a man?
“What is it?” she asked.
There was caring in her voice and he knew he shouldn’t say anything else to her. Just get her to her car and get the hell away from her. But he couldn’t walk away—not yet. She’d given him something he wasn’t sure he wanted. But all the same she’d changed him and he owed her.
“Nothing,” he said, leading her the rest of the way to her car. She’d left the top down and he wanted to warn her about criminals and safety but knew it wasn’t his place. At best he was a man who’d kissed her, at worst nothing more than a stranger.
For the first time he wanted to be more. But how much more? He’d known for a long time that he’d never love again. And having lived with love, he knew he couldn’t ask a woman to enter a relationship that had less than love to offer.
“I think I’m glimpsing the surly Joe,” she said, leaning against the side of her car. She reached over and deposited her purse and carton of gelato on the front passenger seat. There was something different about her now. She seemed lighter almost and he wanted to know why.
He gave her a half grin. “Yeah, you are.”
She tucked one of her long red curls behind her ear. “You still owe me an explanation of who I reminded you of.”
“Now?” he asked.
She shrugged, the movement shifting her breasts against her jacket. “I doubt we’ll have many other chances to talk,” she said.
“Ah, hell, Holly.”
She just waited. She wanted to know about Mary. The one woman he didn’t want to discuss with Holly was Mary.
He’d been to a psychologist. Knew all about survivor guilt. But he didn’t feel guilty he survived. He felt angry that Mary was gone. She’d made living more intense. And though he was a big guy and could stare down any danger, that emotional vulnerability was the scariest thing he’d ever experienced. And he never wanted to be in that place again.
Say it out loud, he told himself. A deceased spouse would provide an effective barrier between him and Holly. It would give him an escape hatch.
“You remind me of my wife,” he said quietly.
She blanched. “You’re married?”
Joe shook his head. “I was. She died a few years ago from cancer.”
“I’m sorry,” Holly said.
“Yeah.” In his mind Joe clearly remembered the night five years ago when Mary had slipped away from him. Remembered clearly how a light inside him had extinguished. Remembered clearly how he’d vowed to never let another person affect him the way Mary had.
And staring down at the redhead in front of him, he knew he’d failed. Because even if he never saw her again, Holly Fitzgerald would live on in his dreams.
She felt inane. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say to ease the pain that still lingered in his eyes. She knew what it was like to watch someone you loved waste away from something you couldn’t control or make better. Sometimes the only solution was to escape. To get away from it all. And she didn’t know if Joe should get away from her or from his memories.
Joe seemed so strong that it was hard to imagine him having the same weaknesses as she did. But his words and his eyes told her he did.
At six foot two he stood next to her and made her feel small and delicate. That was a strange feeling for her, because she’d always been the strong one others relied on. Maybe she could do that for Joe. Help him find his way and get back on his feet.
She ached for him. Ached to wrap him in her arms and comfort him in the age-old way of men and women. Ached to give him the most basic of human comfort.
The old Holly would have lingered on the North End street. But the new Holly was a woman on the cusp of change, and Joe Barone was a man not ready to make a commitment. She needed a man who was ready. Or at least able to acknowledge she was more to him than a good time.
She wasn’t sure she could walk away, but common sense said to. This was a man who’d been badly hurt and wasn’t going to risk injury again.
“I guess I’d better go,” she said.
“Yeah, you should.”
She opened the door to the MG and slid into the car. Looking up at him in the dim light, she noticed he looked alone, aloof. Much like the man she’d first met this morning. She knew she should drive away.
For her own best interest, leaving was the right choice. But she’d been alone too long. She knew exactly what it was like to always be on the outside.
He needed to get away, she thought again. Take time to do something that made no sense. Something that would take him outside his shell and into another world.
Her world? a voice inside her asked.
She wasn’t sure that she wanted him in her world. But she had an idea. She told herself it was only because she needed to forget how frail her dad had looked, but the truth was, Joe had started a burning deep inside her that wasn’t going away.
She needed to do something physical. Something to assuage that restlessness, even if only for a short while.
“Want to go for a ride?” she asked.
He seemed surprised but hesitated only a second. “Sure.”
He walked around the car, moved the gelato and her purse and got inside. “What about your parents?”
“What about them?”
“Don’t you need to say goodbye?”
“No.”
He didn’t say anything for a few miles as she drove through the darkened city. The wind in her hair made her feel free. Made her forget that the man next to her wasn’t just a good-looking guy that she found attractive. Made her forget that she had to be at the bakery at five the next morning. Made her forget all the reasons she shouldn’t bring Joe home with her tonight.
Why couldn’t she? Not to stay the night but to play a little basketball.
He raised an eyebrow when she turned into her residential neighborhood.
“Where are you taking me?”
“To my house.”
“I’m not objecting but why?”
“To burn off some energy.”
“In your bed?”
“Maybe,” she said.
“Maybe?”
“That’s what I said.”
“What’s it going to take to make that a yes?”
“Beat me at a game of basketball.”
His eyes skimmed her figure. He reached over, placing his hand on her thigh.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Trying to see if I’m being conned.”
“Conned how?”
“Are you sandbagging me with this feminine suit and girly nails?”
She looked at him. “I’d never do that.”
“I don’t know. This thigh feels like it’s seen its share of exercise.”
“Would you believe I own a stationary bike?”
“I bet you don’t use it.”
“How’d you guess?”
“Because you enjoy being outside. The sun on your skin, the breeze in your hair. You, Holly Fitzgerald, are a very sensual woman.”
She glanced over at him again. She wasn’t sure what the teasing note in his voice meant. But his touch on her leg had changed. Now it was more caressing than probing. His fingers slid under the hem of her skirt, and with only the thin barrier of nylon to keep him from her flesh, his touch was more than enchanting. It was a fire that consumed her. Her foot jerked off the gas pedal and the MG stalled.
She removed his hand from her leg, ducked her head to avoid Mrs. Jeffers’s nosey glance and restarted the car. Don’t look at him, she told herself. Not until you have to.
She pulled into her driveway. Though silence filled the car, the night sounds surrounded them, and for a minute Holly lingered there. She wanted to let the sultry July air sink into her skin. Let the starry sky weave its promises. And let the man sitting next to her make his move.
“Am I still invited in?” he asked.
How the hell had she gotten herself into this? She needed to start thinking before acting. “For basketball.”
“And later?”
“I’m still waiting to see if you can be the man your touch promised you were.”
“That’s asking a lot out of a little caress.”
“I was afraid that’d be your answer.”
Joe turned sideways in the passenger seat. “What do you want from me, Holly?”
“More than you can give,” she said, knowing that she’d once again been shortchanged. Once again she’d settled for less than she deserved. She jerked her keys from the ignition and fumbled for the door. His hand on her arm stopped her from exiting.
“How do you know that?”
“Because your kiss was more profound than anything I’ve ever experienced,” she said as she left the car then turned to look at him. “And it didn’t mean a thing to you.”
Joe wasn’t used to hurting women’s feelings. Hell, he didn’t really interact with all that many women. Stella, his secretary, was efficient and always anticipated his needs. His mom and his sisters wouldn’t let him wound them with words or deeds. Mary had been sickly for most of the time they’d been married.
Seeing Holly’s deep-blue eyes shutter as she looked away made him feel like a bastard. The kind of bastard who had no business being alone with this kind of woman.
She was still shaky, and a real gentleman would have declined her offer of a ride. But then he’d proven time and again he wasn’t a real gentleman. Why was it taking him so long to learn this lesson?
Despite money and breeding, Joe Barone had always been rough around the edges. And now Holly knew it too. She presented a sophisticated and professional facade, but there was something very soft about Holly Fitzgerald. He remembered her bending down to talk to the little girl at the YMCA and knew that she was lifetimes too soft for the man he’d become. The only man he knew how to be.
He climbed out of the little car and caught her arm before she could disappear. He didn’t know what to say. He’d never been one of those suave guys who always sounded clever, like his older brother Nicholas. He’d give any amount of money right now for Nick’s panache. Or Alex’s charm.
But he didn’t have it and never would. Life had proven that it took more than style and a smile for Joe to navigate it. He didn’t mind, really. He did, however, mind hurting this woman.
“You shouldn’t read so much into every man who kisses you.” His own words sounded stilted to him. He was out of his depth with her in this setting. Why had he allowed his gut to make a decision his mind knew was wrong?
She stood a few feet away from him, arms crossed over her chest. Spending the majority of his career in the corporate world had taught him to read body language. There was nothing open in her stance. She was angry and she wasn’t afraid to let him see it.
She stepped closer. “I don’t let a lot of men kiss me. And trust me, I won’t let you do it again.”
He could see the expression in her clear blue eyes. They were deep and mysterious and though he had no right, he wanted to explore those secrets. To find out what made her tick. He knew what made her mad, knew what upset her. But what made her laugh—suddenly he needed to know.
“The hell you say.”
She arched one eyebrow at him and gave him a haughty look. “Don’t go there, Joe.”
“I’ll go wherever I want, Holly. Or haven’t you figured that out?”
She didn’t back away, just stood there in the deepening night as if she’d hold her ground forever. And she probably would.
She wasn’t going to let him bully her or ride roughshod over her. Even now when he wanted her to just back down and let the matter drop, she wouldn’t. He wanted her to let him have his way and knew he was acting like a bully. But she’d come too close to him. Pushing her away was self-preservation.
Holly reminded him of his sister Gina. She fought when backed into a corner too, same as Holly.
But fighting hadn’t been his original intent.
“I was trying to apologize,” he told her finally.
“Well, you need practice.”
“I know,” he said wryly. He’d always hated admitting he was wrong. Especially to anyone other than himself.
She studied him. “Apology accepted.”
“Are we still on for basketball?”
She nodded. He realized that she was dealing with more than just him. She had to still be worried about her father. He didn’t blame her.
His parents were healthy, thank God, but they were getting older and Joe knew enough of life to know he wouldn’t have them around forever. That was one of the reasons he tried to have dinner with them once a week.
“I didn’t mean to push you.”
“Then why did you?” she asked.
He didn’t want to think about it. But the truth was, he didn’t know how to manage a relationship with a woman without getting in over his head. He’d survived Mary’s death but by cutting off all of his emotions.
“I don’t have women friends,” he said.
“So?”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman. You make me feel like I’m fifteen again.”
She smiled and reached up to brush her fingers across his cheek. The touch shot through him like an electric wire. He wasn’t sure he could stay near her and not give in to the urge to make her his.
“You make me feel young again too, in a way I never was.”
Let it go, he thought. But he couldn’t. “Why?”
“My mom died when I was eighteen, but she was sick before that. I’ve always had to take care of my family.”
“Your dad?”
“Yes, and my brothers. I’m not complaining. I’m just saying that you make me feel free.”
He reached up and clasped her hand in his, leading her toward the house. Holly was a special woman who needed to be given more than one night of hot sex. He knew for both of their sanity he had to back off. He only hoped the physical exertion of basketball would cool the fire burning deep inside him. But doubted it would. That flame had been dormant too long.