Though her life was very busy, basketball was the one thing Holly had always made time for. The basketball court was the one place where brothers didn’t need to be reminded to do their homework, fathers didn’t need to be reminded to take their nitroglycerin and pastries didn’t have to be made. It was the one place where she could forget the familial responsibility that drove her and just be herself. Tonight, however, Joe made her remember more of herself than she wanted to.
She lived in an older residential neighborhood. Her garage was detached and behind the house. She had a backboard hung above the garage, and the driveway served as a court. She’d purchased the house only a year ago and was very house-proud. It wasn’t one of those showplaces you saw in Architectural Digest but it was hers.
When she’d led Joe through the house to her spare bedroom for him to change into the clothing her brothers kept at her place, he seemed to crowd the small bungalow with his sheer presence. She hadn’t realized how broad his shoulders were until she saw him framed in the doorway. Clearing her throat, she said, “Let’s go outside.”
“Ready to meet your match?”
“Honey, I was born ready.”
She had a spotlight attached to the garage for these late-night games. It seemed she never made it home in time to play before sunset. She glanced at Joe again.
He had nice strong legs, and his arms and chest were a solid wall of muscle, his skin darkly tanned, and she regretted that there was too much between them now for a night of mindless sex.
They’d reached the point where going to bed would bring more complications. And her life was complex enough.
Joe looked younger in her brother’s shorts and T-shirt than she’d expected. It was as if she were glimpsing the man he’d been before losing his wife. And though many of her feelings for him were unresolved, she was glad she’d invited him to her home tonight.
“Like what you see?” he asked.
She flushed a little at being caught staring at him. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” he asked, flexing his arms like a bodybuilder. “What about now?”
“Still only a maybe.”
He took a menacing step toward her and she giggled. This playfulness was something new to her. Her life was so busy and so full of have-to’s that she’d forgotten what it was like to just have fun.
She smiled. “Let’s see what you got.”
She passed him the ball and he dribbled toward the hoop, jumping and sinking the ball with an ease that would have done Michael Jordan proud. Now she’d have to concentrate on her game, when she wanted to loaf and ogle him. She took his pass and sank a jumper.
“Not all window dressing, huh?” she asked, remembering his comment in the car. And the hot touch of his hand on her thigh. Oh God. She was never going to be able to concentrate on anything while he was standing next to her all big and male.
“Lucky shot,” he said, passing the ball back to her.
She dribbled the ball a few times, then ran to the hoop and scored again. She felt his eyes on her the entire time. Her concentration was shot but luckily the ball went into the hoop.
“Not bad,” he said, patting her on the backside as she went by.
“Foul,” she said when she could speak. His hand was big and strong and she’d liked his touch. She wanted more of it, but knew better.
“Sorry,” he said, but he didn’t look sorry.
“You will be, buddy, if you don’t watch out.”
He smiled again, a slow, sensuous grin that made her blood heat and called everything feminine in her to the front. “It was an accident.”
She wriggled her eyebrows at him. “I can cause accidents too.”
“Bring it on,” he said.
They played fast and furious and in the end he won. The glow of victory gleamed in his eyes. Holly had played her best and had more fun than she’d thought possible tonight.
“Good game,” she said.
He nodded. “Next time we’ll have to make a wager.”
“I don’t bet.”
“Not the gambling type?” he asked.
“I wouldn’t have pictured you for the risk-taking type,” she said.
“Normally I’m not. But you bring out a different side to me, Holly.”
He did the same to her, but the day had been long and her emotions had run the gamut from nerves to sexual attraction to fear for her dad and then back to sexual attraction before ending at the spot she was in now. A kind of weary curiosity.
She wanted to know more about Joe Barone. Already she knew he liked her freckles and played basketball to win. But she wanted to know what it would take to turn the desire burning in his eyes into something more. Though her mind said tonight was the only time they’d meet, her heart didn’t want to believe it.
Joe was sweaty and tired from the exertion but he felt alive. All his senses were attuned to the woman in front of him. A long tendril of hair clung to her freckle-covered neck. Her breasts rose and fell with each exhalation of breath and her eyes watched him—warily, he thought.
He stunk at the mating dance. He’d always thought he’d gotten lucky that he’d married Mary so young because he didn’t like to play the games that men and women played in the getting-to-know-you phase. He preferred honesty and passion.
But they’d already shared too much honesty. Passion now seemed a risky proposition, when lust should never be anything but straightforward—two bodies twisting hotly on the sheets. His body was ready, but his mind warned that this woman would want more than he could comfortably give her.
He understood suddenly why his younger brother, Alex, had dated all those women before meeting and marrying Daisy. If Joe had been doing the same thing since Mary’s death, Holly probably wouldn’t be affecting him now. Yeah, right.
“What side do I bring out in you, Joe?” she asked. He regretted his earlier words. But then he’d never been smooth around women.
“A dangerous one.”
She walked closer to him. His instincts told him to back away but he didn’t. He knew from firsthand experience that once you gave ground it was hard to get it back. Besides, she was a rather slight woman. She didn’t scare him.
“Funny, you don’t frighten me,” she said, tiptoeing her fingers up his chest.
She was so close now he could smell her scent. Kind of sweaty, but also sweet. He breathed deeply so that the essence of her was branded on him. Damn. He had to get her into his bed and quick. But he’d never been one to indulge in one-night stands. For him, sex was more than scratching a physical itch.
“I’m not trying to alarm you, I’m just warning you that I don’t know myself right now.” He’d tried earlier in the car to caution her. Though he knew she was a strong, independent woman, he didn’t want to hurt her emotionally. And even the toughest person could be injured by someone whom they cared about. And when he’d touched her leg and she’d stalled her car, he realized she cared more than she wanted to admit.
“That’s only fair,” she replied, “since you do the same thing to me. Right now I should be concerned with a million things, but the only one I can think of is you.”
“Don’t say things like that,” he said.
“Why not?”
He was trying to be noble. But lust rode him hard and the only thing he could think about was that thin tank top she was wearing and stripping it from her slim body. He wanted—no, needed—to feel her naked flesh under his. He longed to trace the patterned freckles that ran the length of her long neck and disappeared beneath the clinging line of her shirt.
“You might regret them later,” he said, because truth was one of the tenets he lived by.
She looked up at him, her blue eyes filled with compassion and understanding. “I doubt that.”
“Women always want more than I can give them.”
“Even your wife?” she asked.
For a minute he was shocked. No one mentioned Mary to him. It was as if everyone had forgotten her existence. They’d let him create a dark little cave where only he remembered her. He wasn’t sure how he felt about having Holly ask him about her.
“I don’t talk about my wife.” The ball, which he’d been holding, slipped from his hand and rolled to the edge of the driveway. She didn’t drop her gaze from his.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, now you do.”
The moment had changed and he supposed he should be glad, but he regretted it. Mary was a barrier between them. A very effective one. Why, then, did he feel like a coward for using it?
“I guess we should get you back to your car,” Holly said. “I have to be up early in the morning for work.”
She walked toward the house and all thoughts about his deceased wife left him. Holly was vibrant and alive in a way that made everything around her pale. Though a part of him was unsure of what he wanted, he knew deep down that there was no indecision. His reluctance was the unwillingness to risk his happiness again. He’d made an odd peace with fate and he didn’t want to rock the boat.
“Yes,” he said, his voice sounding rusty to him.
She glanced over her shoulder. “Yes, what?”
“Mary wanted more than I could give her.”
She didn’t move, just watched him with her cat-shaped eyes. “In what way?”
He closed the distance between them and took her slender shoulders in his hands. Her skin was soft and smooth under his. He flexed his fingers, wishing this moment were different. Wishing he could slip his hand under the thin fabric of her T-shirt and feel her skin under his touch. “I’m not exactly sure.”
“Then how do you know?”
“There was something in her eyes…. I’m not sure it wasn’t disappointment.”
“Maybe it was your own feelings projected on her.”
He let go. He didn’t want to be having this conversation. “What makes you an expert?”
“I didn’t say I was.”
“Listen, Holly. I’ve given up on dreams of lifelong love and happiness. But you haven’t.”
“Maybe right now I’m just looking for a physically satisfying relationship.”
“Is that all you look for in a relationship?” he asked, not believing for a second that was the only thing Holly wanted from him.
“Yes,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Liar.”
She shrugged out of his grasp. “You’re right. All around me are women who date casually, but I’ve never been able to. I don’t know if it’s because of my family or what….”
Something in her told him that was an excuse she used to protect herself. He wanted to tell her to trust him, but deep inside he wasn’t sure he was trustworthy.
“Self-examination is never easy,” he said.
“How do you know?”
“Despite the way talk shows and sitcoms make us sound, we guys think about things other than getting laid, sports and beer.”
“I know,” she said seriously.
“You do?”
“I have brothers.”
“Yes, you do. So, where does that leave us?”
“I’m not sure. I feel like if I don’t get to know you I’ll be missing out on something wonderful.”
“Why?”
“Joe, as much as you try to project otherwise, you do have a heart.”
He felt as if she’d seen behind his shield to the soft underbelly he’d tried to hide. He’d become an expert at keeping his family at arm’s length, trying to protect the part of him that had ached so badly after he’d learned he wasn’t a superhero when Mary had died.
“Holly, I don’t think I can live up to any mythical expectations.”
“I’m not asking you to. I just would like to get to know you.”
He was used to analyzing all the angles before making a sound decision, but right now his mind wasn’t working. His body ached for hers, and his soul, the part of himself he always tried to ignore, whispered that maybe this woman was worth the risk.
“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?” he asked.
She shivered visibly, watching him with her intense gaze. “Okay.”
Holly downshifted as she pulled her car up to Baronessa Gelateria. The shop was empty. Empty and dark. She knew from experience the building would be cold too. It seemed whenever a room was vacant it froze from the lack of human warmth.
She’d been lacking that for a long time. She had closeness from her father and brothers but it wasn’t the same. What they shared was a deep bond, but she craved something else. Something she’d almost come close to with Joe tonight. Instead, she’d decided to settle for an affair.
“This is it,” Joe said, pointing to a BMW sedan. For some reason his choice in cars surprised her. “This is yours?”
“Yes,” he said.
“If I’d spent that much money on a car, I’d have gotten a Jag or a Ferrari.”
He gave her a half smile that made her blood run heavy and her pulse quicken. Riding in the small car with Joe had been intimate. And they’d shared too much intimacy today.
“I’m not big on flash. This is more practical,” he said.
Joe hadn’t struck her as a practical guy. She knew that he was CFO of Baronessa, so she figured he had to be pretty serious some of the time. But the Joe she’d met today shouldn’t be driving this expensive automobile.
“I disagree,” she said. Dammit, what was with her tonight?
“You don’t know me, Holly.”
She glanced away from the car to look at him. “Maybe that’s why I can see the real you.”
He spread his hands. “I’m the practical one in my family.”
That sounded so familiar. Those words had come from her mouth more than once until she’d let a friend talk her into trying something that was just for her. Rock climbing and skydiving. They were dare-devil sports that left her feeling alive in a way she hadn’t realized another person could make her feel until she’d met Joe.
“You need to define yourself away from your family,” she advised him.
“I know who I am,” he said firmly.
“I’ve seen your family in the paper and met Gina today. Your family is bigger than life.”
“Not all of us.”
“My family is overwhelming too.”
“I’m not overwhelmed by my family. You make me sound like some kind of wimp.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
“It’s just… Earlier when your sister was bossing you around, it reminded me of how I treat my brothers sometimes.”
“How’s that?”
“It doesn’t sound nice but I kind of try to shape each of them into a better person than he’d be otherwise.”
“You think my family does that to me?”
“I don’t know, do they?”
He stared at her in the moonlight and she knew she’d gone too far. She’d been pushing him all day and now it seemed that nighttime had freed her normally cautious nature.
“Forget I said anything.” Who was she to shake the moorings of his world? If he wanted to pretend that his life was peachy-keen, she’d go along with it. She wasn’t going to be more significant to him than a few nights of passion.
Still, he just watched her with a quiet intensity. His eyes were so deep and rich that they reminded her of a pot of boiling dark chocolate. The kind she used sparingly to flavor her most exotic pastries at the bakery.
“Be careful, Holly,” he said at last.
But caution wasn’t in the cards for her tonight. “Why?”
“Because you might get more than you bargained for if you keep pushing me.”
“I think I can handle it,” she said.
“You think so,” he said, leaning closer.
Dammit, he smelled good. A man who’d just won a one-on-one basketball game should smell like a locker room, not like Joe did. Like elemental man. Maybe that was why her self-mastery was lacking.
“I know so,” she said, leaning forward herself. He had a nice jaw, square, firm, confident. She wanted to rub her hand across it, but curled her fingers against the urge.
“What makes you so confident?” he asked her.
“Because of your eyes,” she said at last.
He didn’t say anything, only waited for her to continue. But she couldn’t. If she told him what she saw, she’d reveal how much she already liked him. And she wasn’t going to do that. The new Holly was a woman who owned her destiny. She didn’t wait for fate to shape it.
“Forget it,” she said.
He opened the car door, grabbed his clothes and got out. She watched him walk away. He tossed his suit and shoes in the back seat and then turned to her.
“Your eyes tell me something too,” he said, unlocking his car and opening the door.
“What?” she asked.
“That I’m not the only one letting other people’s expectations shape me.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Prove it. Tell me why I don’t frighten you.”
She swallowed. She’d felt safe and powerful in her car, but the balance had shifted. Still, she was a woman of her word. She shifted the car into first gear and looked directly at Joe.
Then she told him. “Your appearance is one of suave sophistication but in your eyes I can see your soul. Reflected there is a European sports car barreling down the autobahn.”
She stepped on the gas and drove away before he could respond, the night air blowing through her hair. In her mind were all the words she’d wished she’d never said. But caution hadn’t been her forte. Tonight that lack may have been her fatal weakness.