Joe never thought of himself as a weak man until this moment. He knew that he shouldn’t follow her. But he felt a bit as if he imagined Adam had when Eve had offered him the apple. Mind saying one thing, body saying something else entirely.
Staying would only make things worse. And as much as he longed to comfort himself in Holly’s arms, he wasn’t sure he could afford to pay for the pleasure.
For his own good and Holly’s he should leave. But the temptation of her sweet curves was too great to resist. He admitted to himself he didn’t really even try.
Once in her bedroom, she dropped the blanket she’d used to cover her body. Gradually her long limbs and slender curves were revealed in the moonlight. Her freckled skin was barely visible but he knew the patterns from earlier on her couch when he’d made her his. The image of her creamy skin was branded in his brain, and he’d never be able to envision her again without being reminded of it.
She stood before him more vulnerable than any woman should ever be. If he’d learned one thing from his father it was that men protected the women. And he’d done a poor job of protecting Holly. Though he strongly believed everyone controlled their own happiness, he’d dealt her a strong blow and she’d snapped back, reacting with caring.
Oh, God, could it be more than caring?
Joe removed his clothing quickly. Whatever was going on in Holly’s head, he needed to let her know she wasn’t alone. That he too was unable to resist the web of passion that ensnared them. She seemed so fragile standing in front of him with no defenses, but he realized she’d been the stronger of the two.
She’d been the one to reach past her hurt and take him by the hand. Leading him from the brink of self-reproach and regret. Leading him to her bedroom. Leading him, it seemed to his greatest weakness. But if he was staying, he was going to enjoy every minute of it and not think. Not remember. Not call himself a bastard.
The room was hidden in shadows and though normally he preferred to make love with the lights on, he welcomed the darkness. Welcomed the chance to take Holly again without looking into those crystal-blue eyes of hers.
“I did promise the magic wouldn’t end at midnight,” he said, taking her hands in his.
“Is that what you call sex—magic?” she asked. Something quivered in her voice, and Joe thought maybe she was regretting leading him down the hall.
It was too late now. Too late to keep from inflicting the pain. But he could soften the blow. “With you, I do.”
“Oh, Joe.”
He pulled her closer in his arms, wrapping himself around her. He needed her. Needed her in a way that went beyond physical. And that scared him, because he was a logical man.
“Let me make love to you,” he said.
She nodded. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. He held her with one arm and flipped the covers back with another. Setting her in the middle of the bed, he realized darkness wasn’t going to work for them. He needed to see her. To memorize every reaction she had.
“Where’s the light switch?” he asked.
“No lights. Come to bed, Joe,” she said, grasping his wrist and holding him in place.
He could have easily escaped her hold. He worked out twice a day and could bench-press more than she weighed. More than her touch held him in place. “I want to see you.”
She tightened her grip on him and spoke so softly he had to strain to hear her words.
“You’ve already seen too much.”
Her words struck through his tough-guy exterior and he sank to the bed. He pulled her into his arms and savored the feel of her pressed full-length against him. He lowered his head and took her lips, thrusting his tongue leisurely into her mouth. Her tongue teased him with shy touches, driving him to the brink.
He slid down her body, leaving his mouth on her skin, savoring Holly. Her skin was smooth, scented and hot under his lips.
This was ridiculous. He was a grown man, not a teenager, but he was aching to bury himself deep inside her again, as if it had been days since they’d last made love instead of only minutes. What was she doing to him?
Her hands swept down his chest, stopping when she met the blunt tip of his arousal. “I see you recover quickly.”
He caressed his way to her center. Humid warmth greeted him. The rest of her tasted so good that he was powerless to resist knowing all of her. Besides, he wanted this night to be enchantment for her. “This is fast even for me.”
“Must be that magic you were talking about earlier.”
“Or it might be something else entirely,” he said.
“What?” she asked.
Her fingers tightened around his shaft in a way that was making him forget this evening wasn’t all about his pleasure. What the hell had she said?
He kissed her deeply and then skimmed his tongue down her body, lingering to suckle at each of her breasts. Her nipples were hard and her breasts ripe. He cupped her, squeezing gently while he drew deeply on her flesh. Deep in his soul he felt he was getting some form of sustenance from her. Something life-sustaining.
She was moaning, her hands running up and down his back, lingering at his buttocks. He groaned, unsure how much longer he could last. He grabbed her hands, manacled her wrists in his grip above her head. Then he moved farther down her body.
He kissed her abdomen, brushed his lips against the springy curls that hid her secrets from him. Secrets he’d come close to unraveling earlier. But this time he wanted more than a fleeting glimpse at them. He wanted to explore and discover the very heart of Holly.
He freed her hands, sweeping his touch up and down her body. She raised her hips, bringing her warm center more fully into contact with his mouth. He sought the point of all her pleasure and teased it with the tip of his tongue. When her hands gripped his head tightly, he scraped his teeth along the nerve center and felt her go over for him.
She called his name. Her thighs squeezed his shoulders and her body convulsed in his hands. She was magnificent. She was beautiful. She was tugging at him. And he slid up over her and thrust into her warm body while the tremors of her climax still rocked her.
Her hands came up to hold his head, and she brought her lips to his and kissed him deeply. The magic he’d promised her seemed to fill the room. He felt it flow from her mouth to his as everything in his soul reached forward toward her. They moved in unison until they climaxed, this time together.
Joe didn’t have words to speak or energy to think but he knew something mystical had happened in this bedroom and it frightened him more than anything he’d ever faced before.
The alarm went off at five o’clock the next morning. Holly jerked from sleep as she always did and reached for the off button, stopping when she encountered warm, male flesh.
Joe.
Oh, God.
She levered herself up on an elbow and reached across his body to shut off the radio. He groused in his sleep but didn’t waken, which she was thankful for. She sat up and the sheets slid down his body.
She resisted the urge to rub her fingers along his biceps. Even resting, it was strong, solid. Much like the man himself. He was so big that it never occurred to her that he might have a weakness. Until last night.
He hadn’t made love to a woman since his wife’s death. Until her. She felt overwhelmed by that. Overwhelmed by the fact that she’d moved something in him that other women hadn’t. Overwhelmed by the fact that it might mean more to her than she should let it.
There was something about a well-built man that got to her. Only this time he’d found his way past her defenses before she’d seen his six-pack and deltoids. Dammit. She was almost thirty. When was she going to stop making decisions with her heart instead of her head? Like she had with Roger, her guitar playing ex-boyfriend who’d let her support him for three years.
Except her head didn’t understand how lonely it was taking care of everyone all the time. She got out of bed before she did something really stupid like call in sick to work and stay home with Joe. Joe needed her. The way he’d turned to her the second time they’d made love had stirred a part of her soul that she’d never let anyone see.
The sex had been incredible, but sleeping with him was what had made her throat close up with suppressed emotion. Her other lovers hadn’t cuddled her close. They hadn’t wrapped their bodies around hers and cupped her breasts in their hands while they’d slept. Joe had. His face had nestled into her neck so that she felt each breath he took. She’d been surrounded by him, and as she stood next to the bed now, she realized how cold she felt without him.
Get used to it, she ordered herself.
Quietly, she got clean underwear from her dresser and padded into the bathroom. Maybe she could sneak out of the house before he awoke. She’d leave him a note.
Except she wasn’t a coward. Never had been and didn’t intend to start now. She’d made her decision to fight for Joe last night when he’d turned to walk away from her.
Entering the bathroom, she turned the water on and waited for it to get warm. She was concentrating intently on her day, trying to pretend it was almost normal to wake up with a man in her bed. Only it wasn’t just any man in her bed.
It was Joe Barone. Joe, who wasn’t even close to someone she’d ordinarily meet, much less date. He came from another world. Hell, she’d known that when she’d accepted his invitation. Now she understood why Cinderella had left at midnight. She hoped it had been easier for Cinderella to deal with reality in the early hours of morning, because it sure as heck wasn’t easy for Holly.
The door opened and Joe stuck his tousled head around the doorjamb. “Is this a private shower?”
She shook her head. He looked like a cover model standing in the doorway. He propped his arm against the door frame and stood there unconcerned about his nudity. She hadn’t taken her time last night to look her fill, but she did this morning.
His chest was covered in a smattering of dark hair that tapered down to his…very eager manhood. She smiled despite herself. One thing was distinct—whatever might be keeping them apart emotionally didn’t affect them physically.
She glanced up and met his gaze. He winked at her. “Yeah, you do that to me.”
It seemed that the passion of the night before hadn’t been exorcised as she’d hoped. Instead, her entire body seemed to jump to alert. Her skin felt sensitized, her breasts full and heavy, and between her legs there was a dampness.
“Holly?”
She realized she’d been staring at him. “Sorry. I don’t know the rules for this kind of thing.”
“There aren’t any. Just do what feels right.”
“Is that what you’re doing?” she asked.
“I’m certainly not thinking.”
Did he regret last night? She’d made him stay. Oh, why had she done that? She turned away and tested the water, which was steaming up the bathroom.
She stepped into the shower quickly, lathered herself and started to rinse before Joe joined her. She handed him the soap. She’d never showered with another person before. She knew the shower had the potential to be very sensual, but she couldn’t do that right now. Her body ached from last night and inside she felt quivery. There was a part of herself she’d always managed to keep protected from the men she’d dated. A part that only Joe had touched.
He watched her as warily as she watched him, it seemed. Two battered souls, she thought. Both longing for comfort but still afraid to reach out.
“Can I rinse?” he asked. The question was mundane, the actions that accompanied it were anything but. His body rubbed against hers as they maneuvered in the small shower. Her nipples throbbed and she wanted to press herself against him.
But she couldn’t. There was work and she didn’t want to have sex with him again until she’d had time to think. Time to figure out if the sex had been as sacred as it had felt in the middle of the night.
She pushed the curtain back and got out of the shower without washing her hair. She toweled dry and pulled her underwear on in record speed, then braided her hair. She heard the water stop.
“I’ll get you a towel,” she said and escaped down the hall.
Holly tossed a towel through the door and didn’t reenter the steamy bathroom. He was hard and aching and wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her sweet heat one more time. But it was clear she was putting up fences that said No Trespassing.
He stared at himself in the mirror, hardly recognizing the man he saw there. Hell, he didn’t blame her. He had wanted to get away and lick his wounds in private, but she’d stopped him. Last night hadn’t been his smartest move, yet he didn’t regret it. He’d never wanted any woman as much as he’d wanted Holly. Maybe not even Mary.
“Joe, I’ve got to go,” she said through the door. She sounded tired and unsure. Not at all like the Holly Fitzgerald he’d come to know. For the first time he looked objectively at their relationship. He’d been kidding himself that one night of sex with her would be enough. That one night would make the ache for her go away. That one night would enable him to get back to normal.
Normal had disappeared the first time she’d walked in the door, and he wasn’t sure he missed it. He only knew that he had to figure out how to make these new feelings not so unsteady. He needed a plan. He’d approach it the same way he did an amortization. Rules and limits had to be established.
He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door. Just once he’d like to have a relationship with a woman in which everything went smoothly. Or at least appeared to. Even his life with Mary hadn’t been smooth before her illness.
She stood in front of him in her chef’s uniform—dark pants and white shirt. There was nothing sexy about a plain white unisex shirt. His mind knew that but his body said that when it was Holly’s body underneath, of course there was.
“Can you give me five minutes to dress? I’ll leave with you.” Her hair was caught back in a braid and her long neck was visible at the top of her shirt. He saw the slight discoloration on her neck and remembered giving her that love bite in the middle of the night when they were both more asleep than awake.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said softly.
“Too late,” he said. She’d woken the sleeping beast and Joe wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Last night had shattered a part of himself that he’d always felt confident of. But in her arms he’d had no control, no boundaries, and that made him question the truths of whom he was.
“I’m sorry. Do you need a lot of sleep?” she asked. If she were in his bed, he wouldn’t waste a minute sleeping—ever. He’d make each night as incredible as last night had been.
“No.” He never had. Even as a child he’d been a night owl and up with the sun. Four hours were the most he’d ever needed. It had come in handy when Mary had been so sick. He’d rarely left her side.
“Then what’d you mean?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure he wanted her to know how deeply she’d affected him. But those damn crystal eyes of hers looked sad and he knew she needed to hear the truth. “You disturbed my soul.”
She blanched and took a step back. “I have no idea where we’re going to end up. We were talking about one night.”
“I know. That’s why we’re both dancing around each other like two prizefighters. Each knows the other’s strengths and weaknesses.”
“Now what?” she asked.
He didn’t answer her. He’d forgotten what it was like to have to protect someone weaker than he was. What if he let her down the way he had Mary? He didn’t know if he could give his soul to a woman again. To plan to be her mate and then watch her slip slowly from his grasp.
He dressed quickly, noticing that Holly kept her gaze firmly away from him but didn’t leave the room. He realized then that neither of them knew what to do here or how to react. He needed a plan, but at the moment he just needed some distance.
He sat to put on his shoes and Holly looked at him again. She wrapped her arms around her waist and watched him with wide eyes that made him want to protect her from the world. He stood and opened his arms.
Holly hesitated.
“Come on, baby. I won’t hurt you.”
Her eyes said it was too late and the damage had already been done. But she took a step toward him. It gave him hope.
“We’ll figure this out. We just need a plan.”
She stopped. “A plan. What is this, a business merger?”
He hadn’t considered that. A business merger. What a great idea. He added it to the variables he already had in the back of his head. The file labeled Holly and Joe.
“No, but if we treat it like one I think we’ll both come out of it whole.”
She shook her head sadly. Her arms dropped from her waist and her hands curled into fists. “You don’t believe that, do you?”
He realized she was angry. He didn’t blame her. But he was helpless to react as anything other than the man the past had taught him to be. “I have to, Holly. It’s the way I’ve learned to live.”
She closed the gap between them and stood toe-to-toe with him. She tapped his chest with her index finger. “That’s not living, that’s hiding.”
“Are you calling me a coward?” he asked, his own anger building.
“No… Well, yes, I guess I am.”
“I’d punch a man if he called me that.”
“Do whatever makes you feel better. But the truth is something you can’t fight your way out of.”
“I’m not delusional.”
“I never said you were. Just that it’s easier for you to hide than to face life.”
“I lead a very full life.”
“I’m not saying you don’t. Just that you don’t live it.”
“What do you want from me?”
She narrowed her eyes and skimmed them over his frame. “Just for you to be the man you were last night.”
“What man was that?”
“One who didn’t analyze with his mind what he knew in his heart.”
“I don’t have a heart anymore, Holly.”
“Then I guess this is goodbye.”
“No. Not goodbye. Not yet.”
He tugged her into his arms. He held her close, ignoring the arousal she drew from him so easily, and concentrated instead on the fresh clean scent of her. He wanted to absorb her into his skin.
“I’ll call you tonight and we’ll work this out,” he said.
“Will we?”
“Trust me.”
She didn’t say anything else, just walked out of her house. He followed her car to work, watching her drive with abandon. Twice she was almost in an accident. He was sweating by the time she’d pulled into Kirkpatrick’s Bakery. And he knew then that he couldn’t fall for Holly. If he did, he’d never have another moment’s peace.