NOTES
CHAPTER 1: ARRIVING AT ASEXUALITY
1. The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, https://asexuality.org/.
2. Abigail van Buren, “Dear Abby: Condolences Better Late than Never,” Monterey Herald, syndicated in Maui News, September 16, 2013, https://www.montereyherald.com/2013/09/16/dear-abby-condolences-better-late-than-never/.
3. Andrew C. Hinderliter, “Methodological Issues for Studying Asexuality,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 38, no. 5 (2009): 620, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-009-9502-x.
CHAPTER 2: EXPLANATION VIA NEGATIVA
1. Donna J. Drucker, “Marking Sexuality from 0–6: The Kinsey Scale in Online Culture,” Sexuality & Culture 16, no. 3 (September 2012): 243–46, https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-011-9122-1.
2. Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (Philadelphia and London: W. B. Saunders, 1948), 656.
3. Julie Kliegman, “How Zines Paved the Way for Asexual Recognition,” them., November 6, 2019, https://www.them.us/story/asexual-zines.
4. Andrew C. Hinderliter, “The Evolution of Online Asexual Discourse,” PhD diss., University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign, 2016.
5. Hinderliter, “The Evolution of Online Asexual Discourse.”
6. Andrew C. Hinderliter, “How Is Asexuality Different from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder?,” Psychology and Sexuality 4, no. 2 (2013): 171–73, https://doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2013.774165.
7. Hinderliter, “How Is Asexuality Different?” 172.
8. Lori A. Brotto and Morag A. Yule, “Physiological and Subjective Sexual Arousal in Self-Identified Asexual Women,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 40, no. 4 (August 2011): 699–712, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-010-9671-7.
9. David Jay, “#10—The Masturbation Paradox,” Love from the Asexual Underground, September 26, 2006, http://asexualunderground.blogspot.com/2006/09/10-masturbation-paradox.html.
10. C. J. Chasin, “Asexuality and Re/Constructing Sexual Orientation,” in Expanding the Rainbow: Exploring the Relationships of Bi+, Polyamorous, Kinky, Ace, Intersex, and Trans People, ed. Brandy L. Simula et al. (Boston: Brill, 2019).
CHAPTER 3: COMPULSORY SEXUALITY AND (MALE) ASEXUAL EXISTENCE
1. Adrienne Rich, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” Signs 5, no. 4 (Summer 1980): 631–60, https://doi.org/10.1080/09574049008578015.
2. Rich, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.”
3. L. Kann, “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2015,” MMWR Surveillance Summaries 63, no. 4 (June 10, 2016), https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/pdf/2015/ss6506_updated.pdf.
4. J. M. Twenge, R. A. Sherman, et al. “Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 46, no. 8 (November 2017): 2389, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1.
5. Kate Julian, “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?,” Atlantic, December 2018, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949.
6. Jake Novak, “America’s Sex Recession Could Lead to an Economic Depression,” CNBC, October 25, 2019, https://www.cnbc.com/2019/10/25/americas-sex-recession-could-lead-to-an-economic-depression.html.
7. Novak, “America’s Sex Recession Could Lead to an Economic Depression.”
8. Alessandra Potenza, “People Are Having Less Sex—Maybe Because of all Our Screen Time,” Verge, March 11, 2017, https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/11/14881062/americans-sexual-activity-decline-study-happiness-internet-tv.
9. Tara Bahrampour, “‘There Really Isn’t Anything Magical about It’: Why More Millennials Are Avoiding Sex,” Washington Post, August 2, 2016, https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/there-isnt-really-anything-magical-about-it-why-more-millennials-are-putting-off-sex/2016/08/02/e7b73d6e-37f4-11e6-8f7c-d4c723a2becb_story.html.
10. Rachel Hills, The Sex Myth: The Gap between Our Fantasies and Reality (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2015), 15–16.
11. Sophie Gilbert, “How Hugh Hefner Commercialized Sex,” Atlantic, September 28, 2017, https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/09/how-hugh-hefner-commercialized-sex/541368.
12. Caroline Bauer, Tristan Miller et al., “The 2016 Asexual Community Survey Summary Report,” Ace Community Survey, November 15, 2018, https://asexualcensus.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/2016_ace_community_survey_report.pdf.
13. Alan D. DeSantis, Inside Greek U: Fraternities, Sororities, and the Pursuit of Power, Pleasure, and Prestige (Lexington: University Press of Kentucky, 2007), 43–44.
14. Kim Parker, Juliana Menasce Horowitz, and Renee Stepler, “On Gender Differences, No Consensus on Nature vs. Nurture,” Pew Research Center, December 5, 2017, https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/12/05/on-gender-differences-no-consensus-on-nature-vs-nurture/#millennial-men-are-far-more-likely-than-those-in-older-generations-to-say-men-face-pressure-to-throw-a-punch-if-provoked-join-in-when-others-talk-about-women-in-a-sexual-way-and-have-many-sexual-par.
15. C. Brian Smith, “When Having Sex Is a Requirement for Being Considered ‘A Real Man,’” MEL Magazine, 2018, https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/when-having-sex-is-a-requirement-for-being-considered-a-real-man.
16. Ela Przybylo, “Masculine Doubt and Sexual Wonder: Asexually-Identified Men Talk About Their (A)sexualites,” in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, ed. Megan Milks and KJ Cerankowski (New York: Routledge, 2014), 225–46.
17. Pryzyblo, “Masculine Doubt and Sexual Wonder.”
18. Alim Kheraj, “Not Every Gay Man Is DTF,” GQ, April 5, 2018, https://www.gq.com/story/not-every-gay-man-is-dtf.
19. Pryzyblo, “Masculine Doubt and Sexual Wonder.”
20. Peter Baker, “The Woman Who Accidentally Started the Incel Movement,” Elle, March 1, 2016, https://www.elle.com/culture/news/a34512/woman-who-started-incel-movement.
21. Marc Lamoureux, “This Group of Straight Men Is Swearing Off Women,” Vice, September 24, 2015, https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/7bdwyx/inside-the-global-collective-of-straight-male-separatists.
22. Olivia Solon, “‘Incel’: Reddit Bans Misogynist Men’s Group Blaming Women For Their Celibacy,” Guardian, November 8, 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/08/reddit-incel-involuntary-celibate-men-ban.
23. Ian Lovett and Adam Nagourney, “Video Rant, Then Deadly Rampage in California Town,” New York Times, May 24, 2014, https://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/25/us/california-drive-by-shooting.html.
24. Gianluca Mezzofiore, “The Toronto Suspect Apparently Posted about an ‘Incel Rebellion.’ Here’s What That Means,” CNN, April 25, 2018, https://edition.cnn.com/2018/04/25/us/incel-rebellion-alek-minassian-toronto-attack-trnd/index.html.
25. Fox News, “Asexuality a Sexual Orientation?” August 21, 2012, https://video.foxnews.com/v/1797282177001#sp=show-clips.
26. Fox News, “Asexuality a Sexual Orientation?”
27. Fox News, “Asexuality a Sexual Orientation?”
28. Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1 (New York: Random House: 1978), 19–23
CHAPTER 4: JUST LET ME LIBERATE YOU
1. Rebecca Traister, “Why Consensual Sex Can Still Be Bad,” Cut, October 20, 2015, https://www.thecut.com/2015/10/why-consensual-sex-can-still-be-bad.html.
2. Nan D. Hunter, “Contextualizing the Sexuality Debates: A Chronology 1966–2005,” in Sex Wars: Sexual Dissent and Political Culture (10th Anniversary Edition), ed. Lisa Duggan and Nan D. Hunter (New York: Routledge, 2006), 22. Hunter, “Contextualizing the Sexuality Debates,” 23.
3. Lisa Duggan, “Censorship in the Name of Feminism,” Sex Wars: Sexual Dissent and Political Culture (10th Anniversary Edition), ed. Lisa Duggan and Nan D. Hunter (New York: Routledge, 2006), 32.
4. Hunter, “Contextualizing the Sexuality Debates,” 23–24.
5. Ellen Willis, “Lust Horizons: Is the Women’s Movement Pro-Sex?” No More Nice Girls: Countercultural Essays (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2012), 6–8.
6. Chloe Hall, “It’s 2019 And Women Are Horny As Heck,” Elle, January 24, 2019, https://www.elle.com/culture/a26006074/women-horny-2019.
7. Tracy Egan Morrissey, “The Year Women Got ‘Horny,’” New York Times, December 13, 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/13/style/horny-women.html.
8. “Totally Soaked,” The Cut, 2019. https://www.thecut.com/tags/totally-soaked.
9. Framboise, “No True Sex Positive Feminist,” The Radical Prude, March 25, 2012, https://radicalprude.blogspot.com/2012/03/no-true-sex-positive-feminist.html.
10. Framboise, “No True Sex Positive Feminist.”
11. Gayle Rubin, “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality,” in Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality, ed. Carole S. Vance (Boston: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1984), 267–311.
12. Elisa Glick, “Sex Positive: Feminism, Queer Theory, and the Politics of Transgression,” Feminist Review, no. 64 (Spring 2000): 19–45, www.jstor.org/stable/1395699.
13. Yasmin Nair, “Your Sex Is Not Radical,” Yasmin Nair, June 27, 2015. http://yasminnair.net/content/your-sex-not-radical.
14. Rubin, “Thinking Sex.”
15. Glick, “Sex Positive.”
16. Rafia Zakaria, “Sex and the Muslim Feminist,” New Republic, November 13, 2015, https://newrepublic.com/article/123590/sex-and-the-muslim-feminist.
17. Zakaria, “Sex and the Muslim Feminist.”
18. Nair, “Your Sex Is Not Radical.”
19. Breanne Fahs, “‘Freedom To’ and ‘Freedom From’: A New Vision for Sex-Positive Politics,” Sexualities 17, no. 3 (2014): 267–90, https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460713516334.
20. Julian, “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?”
21. Emily Bazelon, “The Return of the Sex Wars,” New York Times Magazine, September 10, 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/13/magazine/the-return-of-the-sex-wars.html.
22. Fahs, “‘Freedom To’ and ‘Freedom From.’”
23. Lisa Downing, “What Is ‘Sex-Critical’ and Why Should We Care about It?,” Sex Critical, July 27, 2012, http://sexcritical.co.uk/2012/07/27/what-is-sex-critical-and-why-should-we-care-about-it.
CHAPTER 5: WHITEWASHED
1. Asexual Census, “A History of Previous Ace Community Surveys,” https://asexualcensus.wordpress.com/faq/a-history-of-previous-ace-community-surveys.
2. Caroline Bauer et al., The 2016 Asexual Community Survey Summary Report (November 15, 2018), https://asexualcensus.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/2016_ace_community_survey_report.pdf.
3. Bauer et al., The 2016 Asexual Community Survey Summary Report.
4. Combahee River Collective, “The Combahee River Collective Statement,” 1977, https://americanstudies.yale.edu/sites/default/files/files/Keyword%20Coalition_Readings.pdf.
5. Kimberlé Crenshaw, “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory, and Anti-racist Politics,” University of Chicago Legal Forum 1989, no. 1, article 8 (1989), http://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/uclf/vol1989/iss1/8.
6. Pauline E. Schloesser, The Fair Sex: White Women and Racial Patriarchy in the Early American Republic (New York: New York University Press, 2002), 54.
7. Andrea Lim, “The Alt-Right’s Asian Fetish,” New York Times, January 6, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/opinion/sunday/alt-right-asian-fetish.html.
8. Craig Kilborn, “Sebastian, the Asexual Icon,” The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, CBS, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdlVAvjvKec and: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=34&v=8-tUM1FZH7U&feature=emb_logo.
9. Sara Ghaleb, “Asexuality Is Still Hugely Misunderstood. TV Is Slowly Changing That,” Vox, March 26, 2018, https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/3/26/16291562/asexuality-tv-history-bojack-shadowhunters-game-of-thrones.
10. Game of Thrones, “The Laws of Gods and Men,” season 4, episode 6, May 11, 2014, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK8zhFnsBGA.
11. BoJack Horseman, “Stupid Piece of Sh*t,” season 4, episode 6, September 8, 2017.
12. Anthony F. Bogaert, “Asexuality: Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample,” Journal of Sex Research 41, no. 3 (August 2004): 279–87, www.jstor.org/stable/4423785.
13. GLAAD Media Institute, “Where We Are On TV: 2019–2020,” https://www.glaad.org/sites/default/files/GLAAD%20WHERE%20WE%20ARE%20ON%20TV%202019%202020.pdf.
14. Carlos Aguilar, “BoJack Horseman’s Biggest Mystery: Is Todd Supposed to Be Latino?” Vulture, September 19, 2018, https://www.vulture.com/2018/09/bojack-horseman-todd-chavez-latino.html.
15. Adrienne Green, “How Black Girls Aren’t Presumed to Be Innocent,” Atlantic, June 29, 2017, https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/06/black-girls-innocence-georgetown/532050.
16. Ianna Hawkins Owen, “On the Racialization of Asexuality,” in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, ed. KJ Cerankowski and Megan Milks (New York: Routledge, 2014).
17. Sherronda J. Brown, “Black Asexuals Are Not Unicorns, There Are More of Us Than We Know,” Black Youth Project, October 25, 2019, http://blackyouthproject.com/black-asexuals-are-not-unicorns-there-are-more-of-us-than-we-know.
18. Akwaeke Emezi, “This Letter Isn’t For You: On the Toni Morrison Quote That Changed My Life,” them., August 7, 2019, https://www.them.us/story/toni-morrison.
CHAPTER 6: IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
1. Katherine Angel, “The History of ‘Female Sexual Dysfunction’ as a Mental Disorder in the 20th Century,” Current Opinion in Psychiatry 23, no. 6 (November 2010): 536–41, https://doi.org/10.1097/YCO.0b013e32833db7a1.
2. American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fifth Edition (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association, 2013), 433, 440.
3. Lori A. Brotto, “The DSM Criteria for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in Women,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 39, no. 2 (April 2010): 221–39, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-009-9543-1.
4. Peter M. Cryle and Alison M. Moore, Frigidity: An Intellectual History (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2011), 47.
5. Rossella E. Nappi et al., “Management of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in Women: Current and Emerging Therapies,” International Journal of Women’s Health 2010, no. 2 (August 2010): 167–75, https://doi.org/10.2147/ijwh.s7578.
6. Kristina Gupta and Thea Cacchioni, “Sexual Improvement as If Your Health Depends on It: An Analysis of Contemporary Sex Manuals,” Feminism & Psychology 23, no. 4 (2013): 442–458, https://doi.org/10.1177/0959353513498070.
7. Jonathan M. Metzl, “Why ‘Against Health’?” in Against Health: How Health Became the New Morality, ed. Jonathan M. Metzl and Anna Kirkland (New York: New York University Press, 2010), 2.
8. Laura Gilbert, “FDA Panel Rejects P&G Female Sex-Drive Patch,” Market-Watch, December 2, 2014, https://www.marketwatch.com/story/fda-panel-rejects-pgs-female-sex-drive-patch.
9. Brigid Schulte, “From 1952–2015: The Path to ‘Female Viagra’ Has Been a Rocky One,” Washington Post, August 18, 2015, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/17/female-viagra-could-get-fda-approval-this-week.
10. Gardiner Harris, “Pfizer Gives Up Testing Viagra on Women,” New York Times, February 28, 2004, https://www.nytimes.com/2004/02/28/business/pfizer-gives-up-testing-viagra-on-women.html.
11. T. S. Sathyanarayana Rao and Chittaranjan Andrade, “Flibanserin: Approval of a Controversial Drug For A Controversial Disorder,” Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 57, no. 3 (2015): 221–23, https://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.166630.
12. Andrew Pollack, “F.D.A. Approves Addyi, a Libido Pill for Women,” New York Times, August 18, 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/19/business/fda-approval-addyi-female-viagra.html.
13. Jennifer Block and Liz Canner, “The ‘Grassroots Campaign’ for ‘Female Viagra’ Was Actually Funded by Its Manufacturer,” The Cut, September 8, 2016, https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/how-addyi-the-female-viagra-won-fda-approval.html.
14. Katie Thomas and Gretchen Morgenson, “The Female Viagra, Undone by a Drug Maker’s Dysfunction,” New York Times, April 9, 2016, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/business/female-viagra-addyi-valeant-dysfunction.html.
15. Katie Thomas, “New Sex Drug for Women to Improve Low Libido Is Approved by the F.D.A.,” New York Times, June 21, 2019, https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/21/health/vyleesi-libido-women.html.
16. Thomas, “New Sex Drug for Women to Improve Low Libido Is Approved by the F.D.A.”
17. Richard Balon, “The DSM Criteria of Sexual Dysfunction: Need for a Change,” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 34, no. 3 (2008): 186–97, doi:10.1080/0926230701866067.
18. Andrew C. Hinderliter, “How Is Asexuality Different from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder?,” Psychology and Sexuality 4, no. 2 (2013): 171–73, doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2013.774165.
19. American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fifth Edition (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association, 2013), 434, 443.
20. Grace Medley et al., “Sexual Orientation and Estimates of Adult Substance Use and Mental Health: Results from the 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health,” SAMHSA, https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/NSDUH-SexualOrientation-2015/NSDUH-SexualOrientation-2015/NSDUH-SexualOrientation-2015.htm.
21. Hinderliter, “How Is Asexuality Different from Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder?”
22. Mikala Jamison, “Horny Pens for All,” Outline, December 30, 2019, https://theoutline.com/post/8481/every-woman-deserves-to-try-vyleesi-aka-the-horny-pen-if-she-wants.
23. Lori Brotto et al., “Asexuality: An Extreme Variant of Sexual Desire Disorder?” Journal of Sexual Medicine 12, no. 3 (March 2015): 646–60, https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12806.
24. Neel Burton, “When Homosexuality Stopped Being a Mental Disorder,” Psychology Today, September 18, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201509/when-homosexuality-stopped-being-mental-disorder.
25. Oliver Wendell Holmes and Supreme Court of the United States, U.S. Reports: Buck v. Bell, 274 U.S. 200 (1927), Library of Congress, https://www.loc.gov/item/usrep274200.
26. Adam Cohen, Imbeciles: The Supreme Court, American Eugenics, and the Sterilization of Carrie Buck (New York: Penguin Books, 2016), 6–10, 26–39.
27. Paul Lombardo, Three Generations, No Imbeciles: Eugenics, the Supreme Court, and Buck v. Bell (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins Press, 2010), 49.
28. Jules Hathaway, “The Spirit of Buck V. Bell Survives in Our Demonizing of Marginalized Groups,” Bangor Daily News, April 30, 2017, https://bangordailynews.com/2017/04/30/opinion/contributors/the-spirit-of-buck-v-bell-survives-in-our-demonizing-of-marginalized-groups.
29. Eunjung Kim, “Asexuality in Disability Narratives,” Sexualities 14, no. 4 (2011): 479–93, https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460711406463.
30. Katharine Quarmby, “Disabled and Fighting for a Sex Life,” Atlantic, March 11, 2015, https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/03/sex-and-disability/386866.
31. Margaret A. Nosek et al., “Sexual Functioning among Women with Physical Disabilities,” Archives of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation 77 (1996): 107–15, https://doi.org/10.1016/S0003-9993(96)90154-9.
32. Ariel Henley, “Why Sex Education for Disabled People Is So Important,” Teen Vogue, October 5, 2017, https://www.teenvogue.com/story/disabled-sex-ed.
33. Wendy Lu, “Dating With a Disability,” New York Times, December 8, 2016, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/08/well/family/dating-with-a-disability.html.
34. Karen Cuthbert, “You Have to Be Normal to Be Abnormal: An Empirically Grounded Exploration of the Intersection of Asexuality and Disability,” Sociology 51, no. 2 (2017): 241–57, doi.org/10.1177/0038038515587639.
35. Cuthbert, “You Have to Be Normal to Be Abnormal.”
36. Antonio Centeno and Raúl de la Morena, dirs., Yes, We Fuck! 2015.
37. Andrew Gurza, Disability after Dark, https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/andrew-gurza/disabilityafterdark.
38. Maïa de la Baume, “Disabled People Say They, Too, Want a Sex Life, and Seek Help in Attaining It,” New York Times, July 4, 2013, https://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/05/world/europe/disabled-people-say-they-too-want-a-sex-life-and-seek-help-in-attaining-it.html.
39. Maureen S. Milligan and Alfred H. Neufeldt, “The Myth of Asexuality: A Survey of Social and Empirical Evidence,” Sexuality and Disability 19, no. 2 (2001): 91–109, https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1010621705591.
40. Kristina Gupta, “Happy Asexual Meets DSM,” Social Text Journal, October 24, 2013, https://socialtextjournal.org/periscope_article/happy-asexual-meets-dsm/.
41. Sciatrix, “The Construct of the ‘Unassailable Asexual,’” Knights of the Shaded Triangle (forum), October 23, 2010, http://shadedtriangle.proboards.com/thread/18.
42. Sciatrix, “The Construct of the ‘Unassailable Asexual’”; Cuthbert, “You Have to Be Normal to Be Abnormal.”
43. Nicola Davis, “Scientists Quash Idea of Single ‘Gay Gene,’” Guardian, August 29, 2019, https://www.theguardian.com/science/2019/aug/29/scientists-quash-idea-of-single-gay-gene.
44. Arthur Krystal, “Why We Can’t Tell the Truth about Aging,” New Yorker, October 28, 2019, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/11/04/why-we-cant-tell-the-truth-about-aging.
45. Heather Havrilesky, “Ask Polly: ‘I’m Trying to Go Gray and I Hate It!,’” Cut, December 18, 2019, https://www.thecut.com/2019/12/ask-polly-im-trying-to-go-gray-and-i-hate-it.html.
CHAPTER 7: ROMANCE, RECONSIDERED
1. Yumi Sukugawa, “I Think I Am in Friend-Love With You,” Sadie Magazine, 2012, retrieved from: https://therumpus.tumblr.com/post/36880088831/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you-written-by.
2. Kim Brooks, “I’m Having a Friendship Affair,” The Cut, December 22, 2015, https://www.thecut.com/2015/12/friendship-affair-c-v-r.html.
3. Alex Mar, “Into the Woods: How Online Urban Legend Slender Man Inspired Children to Kill,” Guardian, December 7, 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/news/2017/dec/07/slender-man-into-the-woods-how-an-online-bogeyman-inspired-children-to-kill.
4. Mary Embree, “The Murder of the Century,” HuffPost, May 21, 2013, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-murder-of-the-century_b_3312652.
5. Embree, “The Murder of the Century.”
6. “We Were Not Lesbians, Says Former Juliet Hulme,” New Zealand Herald, March 5, 2006, https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10371147.
7. Lisa M. Diamond, “What Does Sexual Orientation Orient? A Biobehavioral Model Distinguishing Romantic Love and Sexual Desire,” Psychological Review 110, no. 1 (2003): 173–92, https://doi.org/10.1037//0033-295X.110.1.73.
8. Dorothy Tennov, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love (New York: Scarborough House, 1979), 74.
9. Marta Figlerowicz and Ayesha Ramachandran, “The Erotics of Mentorship,” Boston Review, April 23, 2018, http://bostonreview.net/education-opportunity-gender-sexuality-class-inequality/marta-figlerowicz-ayesha-ramachandran.
10. Joe Fassler, “How My High School Teacher Became My Abuser,” Catapult, July 30, 2018, https://catapult.co/stories/how-my-high-school-teacher-became-my-abuser.
11. Fassler, “How My High School Teacher Became My Abuser.”
12. Brooks, “I’m Having a Friendship Affair.”
13. Fassler, “How My High School Teacher Became My Abuser.”
14. Helen Fisher, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (New York: Henry Holt, 2004), 101–2.
15. Victor Karandashev, Romantic Love in Cultural Contexts (Switzerland: Springer, 2017), 30–32.
16. Grey’s Anatomy, “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head,” season 2, episode 1, September 25, 2005, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DN4Dw3tyLY.
17. Kayte Huszar, “10 ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Quotes That Remind You of Your Person,” Odyssey Online, March 21, 2016, https://www.theodysseyonline.com/10-greys-anatomy-quotes-you-either-tell-or-relate-to-your-person.
18. Alexander Blok, “When You Stand in My Path,” from The Penguin Book of Russian Poetry, ed. Robert Chandler et al. (New York: Penguin, 2015), 189.
19. Demi Lovato, vocalist, “Tell Me You Love Me,” by Kirby Lauryen et al., track 2 on Tell Me You Love Me, Hollywood, Island, Safehouse Records, 2017.
20. Danny M. Lavery, “Dear Prudence: The ‘Tepidly Panromantic’ Edition,” Slate, January 24, 2018, https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/01/dear-prudence-podcast-the-tepidly-panromantic-edition.html.
21. Danny M. Lavery, “Dear Prudence: The ‘Relentlessly Friendly Neighbor’ Edition,” Slate, February 21, 2018, https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/dear-prudence-podcast-the-relentlessly-friendly-neighbor-edition.html.
22. Elizabeth Brake, Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law (Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2011), 88–90.
23. Drake Baer, “There’s a Word for the Assumption that Everybody Should Be in a Relationship,” Cut, March 8, 2017, https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html.
24. Anthony Kennedy and Supreme Court of the United States, Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 (2015).
25. Drake Baer, “There’s a Word for the Assumption that Everybody Should Be in a Relationship.”
26. Manu Raju, “Graham on Bachelorhood: I’m Not ‘Defective,’” Politico, June 11, 2015, https://www.politico.com/story/2015/06/graham-on-bachelorhood-im-not-defective-118896.
27. Lisa Wade, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus (New York: W. W. Norton, 2017), 145.
28. Vicki Larson, “Marriage Benefits Are an Antiquated Custom That Hold Back Society,” Quartz, December 11, 2017, https://qz.com/quartzy/1148773/marriage-should-not-come-with-any-social-benefits-or-privileges.
29. Julian Baggini, “Why You Should Be Allowed to ‘Marry’ Your Sister,” Prospect Magazine, July 2, 2018, https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/philosophy/why-you-should-be-allowed-to-marry-your-sister.
30. Jane Taber, “Elderly American Caregiver Being Deported Has Been Granted Temporary Visa,” Globe and Mail, November 15, 2012, https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/elderly-american-caregiver-being-deported-has-been-granted-temporary-visa/article5328771.
31. Elizabeth Brake, “Why Can’t We Be (Legally-Recognized) Friends?,” Forum for Philosophy, September 14, 2015, https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/theforum/why-cant-we-be-legally-recognized-friends.
32. Jack Julian, “79-Year-Old Finally a Permanent Resident 7 Years after Deportation Saga,” CBC News, February 13, 2019, https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/nancy-inferrera-permanent-residency-mildred-sanford-guysborough-1.5017153.
33. Baggini, “Why You Should Be Allowed to Marry Your Sister.”
34. Tamara Metz, Untying the Knot: Marriage, the State, and the Case for Their Divorce (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2010), 119–51.
35. Lillian Faderman, “Nineteenth-Century Boston Marriages as a Lesson for Today,” in Boston Marriages: Romantic But Asexual Relationships Among Contemporary Lesbians, ed. Esther Rothblum and Kathleen A. Brehony (Amherst: University of Massachusetts Press, 1993), 59–62.
36. Kim Parker and Eileen Patten, “The Sandwich Generation: Rising Financial Burdens for Middle-Aged Americans,” Pew Research Center, January 30, 2013, https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/.
CHAPTER 8: THE GOOD-ENOUGH REASON
1. Miranda Fricker, Epistemic Injustice: Power and the Ethics of Knowing (Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2007), 147–54.
2. Queenie of Aces, “Mapping the Grey Area of Sexual Experience: Consent, Compulsory Sexuality, and Sex Normativity,” Concept Awesome, January 11, 2015, https://queenieofaces.wordpress.com/2015/01/11/mapping-the-grey-area-of-sexual-experience.
3. StarchyThoughts, “Hermeneutical Injustice in Consent and Asexuality,” Tumblr, March 18, 2016, https://starchythoughts.tumblr.com/post/141266238674.
4. Kersti Yllö, “Marital Rape in a Global Context: From 17th Century to Today,” Oxford University Press blog, November 13, 2017, https://blog.oup.com/2017/11/marital-rape-global-context.
5. Victoria Barshis, “The Question of Marital Rape,” Women’s Studies International Forum 6, no. 4 (1983): 383–93, https://doi.org/10.1016/0277-5395(83)90031-6.
6. Anna Brand, “Trump Lawyer: You Can’t Rape Your Spouse,” MSNBC, July 28, 2015, http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/trump-lawyer-you-cant-rape-your-spouse.
7. Eric Berkowitz, “‘The Rape-Your-Wife Privilege’: The Horrifying Modern Legal History Of Marital Rape,” Salon, August 8, 2015, https://www.salon.com/2015/08/08/the_rape_your_wife_privilege_the_horrifying_modern_legal_history_of_marital_rape.
8. Molly Redden, “GOP Congressional Candidate: Spousal Rape Shouldn’t Be a Crime,” Mother Jones, January 15, 2014, https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/01/gop-congressional-candidate-richard-dick-black-spousal-rape-not-a-crime/.
9. Julie Carr Smyth and Steve Karnowski, “Some States Seek to Close Loopholes in Marital Rape Laws,” AP News, May 4, 2019, https://apnews.com/3a11fee6d0e449ce81f6c8a50601c687.
10. Kyle Mantyla, “Schlafly Reiterates View That Married Women Cannot Be Raped By Husbands,” RightWing Watch, May 7, 2008, https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/schlafly-reiterates-view-that-married-women-cannot-be-raped-by-husbands.
11. Abiola Abrams, “Intimacy Intervention: ‘Do My Wife Duties Include Sex?’” Essence, August 19, 2014, https://www.essence.com/love/intimacy-intervention-do-my-wife-duties-include-sex.
12. D. A. Wolf, “Do We Owe Our Spouses Sex?” HuffPost, October 15, 2011, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/do-we-owe-our-spouses-sex_b_927484.
13. Quora, “Is Having Sex with Your Spouse Your Obligation, Duty or Right?” https://www.quora.com/Is-having-sex-with-your-spouse-your-obligation-duty-or-right.
14. MetaFilter, “What Are the Sexual Obligations of a Husband or Wife?” March 8, 2006, https://ask.metafilter.com/33981/What-are-the-sexual-obligations-of-a-husband-or-wife.
15. Cari Romm, “A Sex Therapist on How She’d Approach the Sexual Problems in ‘On Chesil Beach,’” The Cut, May 21, 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/a-sex-therapist-on-the-sexual-problems-in-on-chesil-beach.html.
16. Melissa Dahl, “A New Book Claims We’ve Entered the Sexual Pharmaceutical Era,” Cut, October 26, 2015, https://www.thecut.com/2015/10/weve-entered-the-sexual-pharmaceutical-era.html.
17. Susan Brownmiller, Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape (New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1975), 15.
18. Lauren Wolfe, “Gloria Steinem on Rape in War, Its Causes, and How to Stop It,” Atlantic, February 8, 2012, https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/02/gloria-steinem-on-rape-in-war-its-causes-and-how-to-stop-it/252470.
19. Jane C. Hood, “Why Our Society Is Rape-Prone,” New York Times, May 16, 1989, https://www.nytimes.com/1989/05/16/opinion/why-our-society-is-rapeprone.html.
20. Charles M. Blow, “This Is a Man Problem,” New York Times, November 19, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/19/opinion/sexual-harassment-men.html.
21. Elizabeth Weingarten, “A Fresh Approach to Understanding Sexual Assault: A Conversation with Betsy Levy Paluck,” Behavioral Scientist, November 20, 2018, https://behavioralscientist.org/a-fresh-approach-to-understanding-sexual-assault-a-conversation-with-betsy-levy-paluck.
22. Cameron Kimble and Inimai M. Chettiar, “Sexual Assault Remains Dramatically Underreported,” Brennan Center for Justice, October 4, 2018, https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/analysis-opinion/sexual-assault-remains-dramatically-underreported.
23. Catharine A. MacKinnon, “Sexuality, Pornography, and Method: ‘Pleasure under Patriarchy.’” Ethics 99, no. 2 (January1989): 323, www.jstor.org/stable/2381437.
24. Catharine A. MacKinnon, “Sex and Violence: A Perspective,” in Feminism Unmodified: Discourses on Life and Law (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1987), 86–87.
25. Leslie Houts, “But Was It Wanted?: Young Women’s First Voluntary Sexual Intercourse,” Journal of Family Issues 26, no. 8 (2005): 1082–1102, https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X04273582.
26. Lucia F. O’Sullivan and Elizabeth Rice Allgeier, “Feigning Sexual Desire: Consenting to Unwanted Sexual Activity in Heterosexual Dating Relationships,” Journal of Sex Research 35, no. 3 (1998): 234–43, https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499809551938.
27. Emily Nagoski, “Enthusiastic, Willing, Unwilling, Coerced,” The Dirty Normal, April 30, 2011, https://www.thedirtynormal.com/post/2011/04/30/enthusiastic-willing-unwilling-coerced/; Elizabeth Leuw, “Willing Consent, “Prismatic Entanglements, May 17, 2011, https://prismaticentanglements.com/2011/05/17/willing-consent.
28. Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, Enjoy Sex (How, When, and If You Want To) (London: Icon Books, 2017), 156.
CHAPTER 9: PLAYING WITH OTHERS
1. Bogaert, “Asexuality,” 279–87.
2. Leonore Tiefer, Sex Is Not a Natural Act and Other Essays (Boulder, CO: Westview Press, 1995), 39.
3. Donald G. Dutton and Arthur P. Aron, “Some Evidence for Heightened Sexual Attraction Under Conditions of High Anxiety,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 30, no. 4 (1974): 510–17, https://doi.org/10.1037/h0037031.
4. William Jankowiak et al., “The Half of the World That Doesn’t Make Out,” Sapiens, February 10, 2016, https://www.sapiens.org/culture/is-romantic-kissing-a-human-universal.
5. William Jankowiak et al., “Is the Romantic-Sexual Kiss a Near Human Universal?” American Anthropologist 117, no. 3 (September 2015): 535–39, https://doi.org/10.1111/aman.12286.
6. Meg-John Barker, Rosalind Gill, and Laura Harvey, “The Sexual Imperative,” in Mediated Intimacy: Sex Advice in Media Culture (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2018).
7. Mary Fissell, “When the Birds and the Bees Were Not Enough: Aristotle’s Masterpiece,” Public Domain Review, August 19, 2015, https://publicdomainreview.org/essay/when-the-birds-and-the-bees-were-not-enough-aristotle-s-masterpiece.
8. Barker et al., “The Sexual Imperative.”
9. Meg-John Barker et al., “Sex as Necessary for Relationships,” in Mediated Intimacy: Sex Advice in Media Culture (Cambridge: Polity Press, 2018).
10. Anagnori, “Sex Therapy’s Blind Spot,” Tumblr, October 6, year unknown, https://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/178801800354/sex-therapys-blind-spot.
11. Joan McFadden, “‘I Don’t Think We’ll Ever Have Sex Again’: Our Happy, Cuddly, Celibate Marriage,” Guardian, April 15, 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/15/celibate-marriage-sex-sexless-relationship.
12. McFadden, “‘I Don’t Think We’ll Ever Have Sex Again’: Our Happy, Cuddly, Celibate Marriage.”
13. K. R. Mitchell et al., “Sexual Function in Britain: Findings from the Third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal-3),” Lancet 382, no. 9907 (November 2013): 1817–29, https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(13)62366-1.
14. Anagnori, “Sex Therapy’s Blind Spot.”
15. Sarah Barmak, “The Misunderstood Science of Sexual Desire,” The Cut, April 26, 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2018/04/the-misunderstood-science-of-sexual-desire.html.
16. Karin Jones, “What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me about Infidelity,” New York Times, April 6, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html.
CHAPTER 11: WHERE ARE WE GOING, WHERE HAVE WE BEEN?
1. Cam Awkward-Rich, “Prude Manifesto,” Watch-Listen-Read, https://www.watch-listen-read.com/english/Cam-Awkward-Rich-A-Prudes-Manifesto-id-395533.
2. Ela Przybylo, Asexual Erotics: Intimate Readings of Compulsory Sexuality (Columbus: Ohio State University Press, 2019), 20.
3. Audre Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power (New York: Out & Out Books, 1978), 89.
4. Lorde, The Uses of the Erotic, 89.
5. Kristina Gupta, “Compulsory Sexuality: Evaluating an Emerging Concept,” Signs 41, no. 1 (Autumn 2015): 131–54, https://doi.org/10.1086/681774.
6. Adrienne Rich, “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” Signs 5, no. 4 (Summer 1980): 631–60, https://doi.org/10.1080/09574049008578015.