Max and Lizzie were home, seated across from each other at a hectic little sandwich shop. They’d both gotten the same thing: turkey and Swiss clubs, side salads and lemonade. She looked tired, he thought. For the time being, he was exhausted, too.
They’d been back in LA for a month, working nonstop on their goal of finding Tokoni a family, using every resource they could think of. She’d written and posted her original blog article, along with a special feature on Tokoni. She’d also crafted tons of articles as a guest blogger on international adoption sites. Max had created a slew of social media accounts dedicated to their cause, and today, before stopping for this quickie lunch, they’d met with an adoption attorney to give him a packet about the orphanage in case he had any clients who might be interested in a boy Tokoni’s age. This wasn’t the first attorney they’d spoken to nor would it be their last. They had a checklist a mile long.
“You seem discouraged,” Lizzie said. “But we knew this wasn’t going to be easy.”
“I’m not discouraged. I’m just—” he searched his befuddled mind for the right word and came up with “—worried.”
She shifted in her chair. “About what?”
“The way I feel. How this is affecting me. How it’s draining you. How it’s making zombies out of us.”
She furrowed her brow. “I’m doing fine.”
“Are you? Are you really?” The late-afternoon light from a nearby window showcased the pale lavender circles beneath her eyes. “I think it’s taking an emotional toll on you.”
“So what are you saying? That you want us to slow down?” She frowned directly at him. “Or quit and leave that poor little boy in the orphanage? I can’t do that. It’ll break my heart not to try to give him the family he deserves.”
“I’m not suggesting that we stop or slow down. I’m—” Once again, he faltered, struggling to say what he meant.
“You’re what?” She picked at a corner of her sandwich, eating it like a bird.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately. You and me. And how we would be better parents for Tokoni than these strangers we keep searching for. So far, no one else has even taken an interest in him. And even if someone does, are they going to care about him as much as we do?” There. He’d said it. He’d admitted the true reason for his exhaustion. Max wasn’t physically tired. It was his heart that was working overtime.
“Oh, my God.” She released a jittery breath. “Do you hear what you’re saying?”
“That I wish we could adopt him? Yes, I’m hearing it.” From his own parched lips. He grabbed his drink and took a swig.
“It’s impossible. You know Losa would never let us adopt him. We don’t meet his mother’s requirements. We aren’t who she envisioned for him.”
“I know, but it shouldn’t matter that we’re single. We’d still make the best parents he could ever have.”
She picked at her food again. “Do you really believe that? Even about me? Am I really the best mom he could have?”
“Yes, you are. Look what you’re going through to find him a family. There isn’t another woman on earth who’s fighting for his happiness the way you are.” Max still hadn’t taken a bite of his sandwich yet. But he was watching Lizzie, sweet, delicate, ladylike Lizzie, dissect hers.
“On our last day at the orphanage, when we were making the pudding, I was starting to feel like a mom.” She tore at a slice of tomato. “But I knew better than to focus on it.”
“It isn’t fair that his mother set such strict requirements. Every other kid in that place is allowed to be adopted by a single parent. And in our case, Tokoni would be getting two single parents, a mom and a dad, who would raise him with as much love and care as he needs.”
“Except that we would be parenting him from separate households,” she pointed out.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Our friendship is stronger than most marriages, anyway.”
“I agree, completely. But Losa is bound by their laws to follow his mother’s instructions. She couldn’t let us adopt him, even if she wanted to.” Lizzie’s voice rattled. “She already told us how imperative it was for him to be adopted by a married couple.”
Max made a frustrated rebuttal. “Do you know how many people get divorced and fight over their kids or use them as pawns? What if that happens with Tokoni’s future parents? What if their relationship turns bitter and he gets caught in the cross fire?”
“That’s out of our control. Or Losa’s or anyone’s. All any of us can do is try to find him the parents his mother wanted him to have and pray for the best. I don’t want to think the worst. It makes me too sad.” She tore at her sandwich again, looking as if she might cry. “I need to believe that everything will work out.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put such a negative spin on it. We’ll just keep going, moving forward to find him a family.” Even if it hurt, he thought. Even if he was convinced that he and Lizzie were the parents Tokoni needed. He went quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Speaking of adoption, Garrett called me this morning and said that Ivy’s adoption was finalized today.” Ivy was the toddler who belonged to Garrett’s fiancée. The child he’d told Tokoni about. “He’s officially her father now.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m happy for him. But do you think that’s part of the reason you’ve been hit so hard about not being able to adopt Tokoni?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He hated to think that he was comparing his life to his brother’s. “Garrett and Meagan are having a party to celebrate. A big bash they’re planning for the Saturday after next. Do you want to come with me?”
“Yes. I’d love to go. I’ve never even met little Ivy.”
“Then here’s your chance.”
“I haven’t met Meagan yet, either.”
Damn, he thought. He should have introduced her to Garrett’s fiancée by now. But at least he was making up for lost time. “I think you’ll like her.”
“I can’t help being curious about her, especially with her shaky past and how she stole from Garrett. And from you and Jake, too,” she quickly added.
Max nodded. Meagan had embezzled from the three of them when she worked for their accountant. Her former boyfriend had talked her into committing the crime and then ditched her after she’d gotten caught. Meagan didn’t even know she was pregnant until after she went to prison. “It’s awful to think that she gave birth while she was incarcerated and that the father wanted nothing to do with her or Ivy.”
Lizzie blew out a sigh. “It’s sort of like what Tokoni’s dad did.”
“Only he can’t try to come back into the picture.” According to the adoption laws in Nulah, he’d relinquished his parental rights when he abandoned the boy and his mother. Even his name had been removed from the birth certificate. “Ivy’s dad tried to make a claim on her.”
“He did? When?”
“Soon after Garrett and Meagan got together. But he wasn’t interested in his daughter. It was money he was after.”
Lizzie made a tight face. “What a jerk.”
“Totally. But you know what? Garrett paid him off, anyway. He just wanted to get rid of the guy so he could adopt Ivy.”
“And now Garrett’s her new daddy.” She softened her expression. “I’m looking forward to the party. Thanks for inviting me to go with you.”
“It’s going to be a princess theme. Ivy was named after a princess in a children’s book.”
“Oh, that’s cute.”
“And just think, a princess theme is right up your alley, with you being a royal goddess and all.”
She tossed a crumb of bread at him. “Smart aleck.”
He smiled, trying to stay as upbeat as he possibly could. But that didn’t change how troubled he felt inside or how much he wished that Tokoni could become their son.
* * *
The party was being held in one of the ballrooms at the luxurious beachfront hotel and resort Garrett owned. Lizzie was running a bit late, so she’d told Max that she would meet him there, and by the time she arrived, the festivities were well underway.
Everyone had the option of donning a complimentary crown. A table at the entrance of the ballroom was filled with them, in all sorts of shapes, colors and sizes. Lizzie chose a tiara decorated with green gems because it complemented her emerald gown. The attire was formal. Costumes were encouraged, too. Girls posing as Cinderella, Snow White and the Little Mermaid ran amok. Prince Charming and knights in shining armor were favorites among the boys.
Games, party favors, face painting, lessons on how to be a prince or a princess. You name it, this party had it. There was a magnificently crafted wooden castle/playhouse for the kids, which was also big enough for the adults. Even the food appeared to be fit for royalty, with a spectacular buffet.
Lizzie scanned the crowd for Max. She found him near the castle, holding a toy scepter. He wore a black velvet tuxedo with a tailcoat, and his big, bold medieval-style crown sat high atop his head, making a strong statement.
As she approached him, she noticed that he’d forgone the customary shirt and tie. Instead, he’d paired his tux with a Princess Leia T-shirt. Lizzie smiled to herself. Max was and always would be a Star Wars nerd.
“Look at you,” she said.
“And you.” He waved his scepter at her. “Your dress is hot.”
“This old thing.” She laughed. Along with the long silk gown, she’d draped herself in diamonds. “I see that you found a way to sneak in your favorite princess.” She poked a finger at his T-shirt. “That was clever.”
“I figured it would work. This is quite the kiddy soiree, isn’t it?”
“I’ll say. Where’s the newly adopted girl?”
“In there.” He motioned to the castle.
“Are you on guard duty?” A wonderfully offbeat king, she thought, behaving like a knight.
“For now I am. I told her parents that I would hold down the fort so they could grab a bite to eat. They’ll be back from the buffet soon. You should have seen Ivy when she was first announced to her guests, under her new last name. We stood in a receiving line so she could greet us.”
“I’m sorry I missed that. I can’t wait to meet her.”
“Hold on and I’ll get her for you now.” Max put the scepter on a gilded ledge of the castle exterior and went inside.
He returned with a dark-haired toddler dressed in a puffy pink dress, rife with taffeta and lace. Her face was painted with glitter, and multicolored gems embellished her sparkling gold tiara.
Max scooped up her up and said, “This is Ivy Ann Snow, the belle of the ball.”
Ivy gazed at Lizzie and said, “Garry do this.”
Garry, she assumed, was Garrett. And “this” was most likely a reference to the party, unless it meant the adoption.
Either way, Lizzie told her, “You look beautiful, like a princess should.”
The child said, “Tank you,” for “Thank you.”
Lizzie smiled. Apparently Ivy had a bit of trouble with her pronunciation. But Tokoni mispronounced some of his words, too. “I know a five-year-old boy who would have liked to be here. But he lives too far away.”
“What’s him name?”
“Tokoni.”
“Where him live?”
“In an island country called Nulah,” Lizzie replied. Ever since Max had lamented that they should be the ones to adopt him, making her long for the impossible, she missed Tokoni even more.
“Do Maddy know him?”
Maddy? It took Lizzie a second to realize that Ivy was taking about Max. “Yes, he knows him.”
“Maddy my uncle.”
“Your favorite uncle,” he said, tickling Ivy and making her laugh.
A few giggles later, she tried to wiggle out of his arms, her attention span waning. “I go now.”
“Okay, Princess.” He put her down, and she dashed off, back into the castle to play with her friends. Or her subjects. Or whoever she was holding court with.
“I didn’t know she called you Maddy,” Lizzie said.
“When I first met her, I told her my name was Mad Max, and she turned it into Maddy.”
“I like it. Maybe I’ll start calling you that, too, since I started the Mad Max handle to begin with.”
“Go ahead, pretty Lizard. I don’t mind.” He reached out to touch one of her diamond drop earrings. “Are these new?”
“No, they’re from my mother’s collection.” She went a little breathless, having him standing so close to her. “Vintage Harry Winston.”
“And this?” He skimmed her necklace. “Was it your mom’s, too?”
She nodded. “Yes, except it’s early Cartier.” She lifted her wrist to showcase her bracelet. “And here we have Tiffany and Company.” Normally she kept her mother’s jewelry in a safe-deposit box at the bank. “I got into the vault, so to speak.”
“What made you decide to do that?”
“They remind me of when I was a little girl, so wearing them to a child’s fancy party felt right somehow.” She tempered her emotions, trying to keep her voice from cracking. “Mama used to let me play with her jewelry when I was young. She would dress me up and stand me in front of the mirror, giving me the history of each piece.”
“I’ll bet your mother would have loved this party.”
“Yes, I’m sure she would have.” She took a step back, away from him. But what she really wanted was to move straight into his arms and be held by him, soothing the ache of them not being able to become Tokoni’s parents.
“Hey, you two,” a masculine voice said from behind them.
Lizzie and Max turned simultaneously. The man who’d spoken to them was Garrett. He stood tall and trim and polished, his jet-black hair slicked straight back, his classic tuxedo sharp and crisp. He wasn’t sporting a crown. But he’d probably removed it after the opening ceremony.
Next to him and holding his hand was his fiancée. Meagan was a lovely brunette with almond-shaped eyes and waist-length hair. She wore a powder-blue gown and a silver tiara.
Garrett introduced Lizzie to Meagan, and the women smiled and greeted each other.
Afterward, Lizzie said to Garrett, “Congratulations on the adoption. I met your new daughter. She’s beautiful.” To Meagan, she added, “She looks like you.”
“Thank you.” Meagan leaned toward Garrett. “She certainly adores her new daddy.”
As if on cue, Ivy poked her head out of the castle, saw her parents and ran over to them. She grinned at everyone, her puffy dress askew. Then she said, “Come,” to Garrett and tugged him toward the playhouse. With her other hand, she grabbed Max, pulling him in the same direction.
Meagan laughed. “Apparently the men have been summoned.”
Lizzie laughed, too. “So it seems.” She watched them disappear into the castle, with the toddler leading the way.
After a stretch of silence, Meagan said, “I saw you once before. It was at a fund-raiser at the park. But it was a while ago, before Garrett and I had gone public with our relationship. So no one introduced me to you. You were off in the distance, with a group of other women.”
“Was Max there, too?”
“Yes. It was the first time I met him. Later that day, Garrett told me about you and how close you and Max were. I’ve wondered about the two of you ever since.”
Lizzie’s heart went bump. “What do you mean?”
“If you were more than friends—” The brunette stalled. “I hope it was all right that I just said that.”
“You’re not the first person who’s been curious about us.” And she wouldn’t be the last, Lizzie thought. “It happens all the time.”
“Then you must be used to it.”
Was she? At the moment, she wasn’t so sure.
Meagan said, “When Garrett and I first got together, we told everyone we were just friends, when we were actually having a secret affair. So I thought maybe that’s what you and Max had been doing. That at some point, your friendship had turned into more. But Garrett insisted that wasn’t the case. Still, I wondered how anyone, outside of you and Max, could know the absolute truth.”
“The truth is that we’re just friends.” Friends who wanted each other, she thought. Being painfully honest, she added, “But I’m not denying that there’s an attraction between us. That we...” That they what? Wished they could be lovers, but were afraid it would ruin their friendship?
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry.” Meagan made a face. “Well, maybe I was. But only because of how fascinated I was by you and Max when I first saw you.”
“I’ve been fascinated by you, too, and your history with Garrett. You’ve had a lot to overcome.”
“That’s why we kept our relationship a secret at first. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was dating one of the men I embezzled from. But Garrett convinced me that we needed to come clean.”
“He’s a forthright guy.”
“Yes, he is. I love him so much I could burst.”
Lizzie couldn’t relate. So far, her experience with love hurt something fierce: the loss of her mother, the pang of not being close to her father. And now she’d begun to love Tokoni, a child who wasn’t even hers.
Determined to keep a rein on her emotions, she asked, “Did Garrett happen to mention the boy that Max and I are trying to find a home for?”
“Yes, he did. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.”
“Thanks, I will.” Lizzie gestured to their surroundings, her mother’s Tiffany bracelet catching the light. “I told Ivy that Tokoni would have enjoyed coming to this party. It’s hard not to think of him in a setting like this.”
“Oh, I’m sorry that he couldn’t be here.” Meagan watched her with sympathy. “You must be really attached to him.”
If she only knew how attached, Lizzie thought. “Max and I both are. He’s a special kid.”
“It’s sad to think of kids living in orphanages and foster care. My brother, Tanner, raised Ivy when I was locked up, or else she would have been placed in the system. Tanner is here tonight, with his wife. My other brother and his wife and son are here, too. They flew in from Montana.”
“Sounds like you have a wonderful support group.”
“I couldn’t have gotten through my struggles without them. Garrett’s mom has been amazing, too. And of course, Garrett’s brothers. Jake and Carol were here earlier with baby Nita, but they left already. Nita was getting fussy and needed to go home for her nap. Do you know Carol? Have you seen the baby?”
“I met Carol before Jake married her, when she was working for him as his personal assistant. But I don’t know her very well. I haven’t seen the baby yet. I sent a gift when she was born. But she must be about four or five months old by now.”
“I didn’t know Carol very well at first, either. But I’m becoming really close to her and the baby. Ivy adores them, too. She thinks her cousin Nita is the most wonderful being on earth.”
“It’s nice that you and Carol formed a bond and that your children will grow up together.” Lizzie wanted Tokoni to have that type of family, too, the loving, caring kind every child should have.
“Maybe you could join us for lunch sometime.”
“You and Carol?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. I’d like that.” After they exchanged numbers, programming them into their phones, Lizzie asked, “Have you and Garrett set a wedding date?”
“Not yet. I want to complete my parole first. But Garrett didn’t want to wait to adopt Ivy, so he started those proceedings months ago.”
Lizzie smiled. “It sure seems to have worked out.”
Meagan smiled, as well. “It definitely has.”
Just as their conversation came to a close, Max and Garrett returned with Ivy in tow. Garrett was carrying her. He approached Meagan, and the child leaned forward to kiss her mommy.
Lizzie’s heart ached from the sweet sight.
After the smooch ended, Garrett and Meagan took their leave, hauling their little princess over to the dance floor, where a kid-friendly band prepared to play Disney tunes.
In the moment that followed, Lizzie said to Max, “Meagan invited me to have lunch sometime with her and Carol.”
“That’s nice. I’m glad she included you in the girly stuff.”
“She’s easy to talk to. We discussed all sorts of things.” She quickly added, “But I didn’t tell her what you said about wishing that we could adopt Tokoni. There was no point in saying anything about that.”
“I haven’t told anyone that, either, not when there’s no way to make it happen.” He bumped her shoulder with his, his jacket grazing her arm. “Unless we suck it up and get married.”
Her jaw nearly hit the floor. “Please tell me that you’re kidding. That you didn’t mean that.”
“Of course I was kidding. You didn’t really think...” He hesitated, frowned, blew out a choppy breath. “Besides, in order for something like that to work, we’d have to fake everyone out and pretend to be a real couple.”
Lizzie’s tiara was starting to feel uncomfortably heavy. “Meagan wondered if we were having a secret affair.”
His voice turned grainy. “Yeah, people sometimes wonder about that. But in order for this to work, we would have to split up after the adoption with an amicable divorce. That way, we could co-parent Tokoni and still hang out as friends.”
She couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth. “Listen to yourself, Max. You’re plotting the details. You’re actually starting to think about it.”
“I’m just thinking out loud.”
“About us faking a marriage.” Confused, she shook her head. “Do you know how crazy that sounds?”
“You’re right.” He cleared the roughness from his throat. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
Lizzie shifted her gaze to the parents and kids and happy festivities. Everywhere she looked, she saw what she and Max were missing. But no matter how badly it hurt, entering into a phony marriage wasn’t the answer.
Was it?