While Jem goes over the things I’ll have to deal with for tomorrow, I try to press back a headache that worsened as the day passed. I can’t decide if it’s stress or something else.
“Are you listening?” Jem asks.
“No. Sorry. I wasn’t. Tell me again, and this time I’ll pay attention.”
“I said that Kada has arranged for a meeting with the couple selling the mine to the government.”
I perk up. I’m looking forward to seeing Kapeni again. “When do they arrive?”
“A couple of weeks.”
I try not to look devastated. I was hoping they’d be here before I completely lose myself to Androlla. Her presence is near, mocking me. “Very well,” I say.
She clasps her hands before her. “That is all. Would you like me to call for Inkga?”
No—that means going to bed. And yes, it means going to bed. Freedom in my body, but trapped by an evil queen. I both fear that and love it. “That would be good. Thank you.”
Jem takes a step toward the door but stops. “I want to say you’ve come a long way since you first started ruling. You’re becoming a great leader, and it’s obvious you care for the people more than you care about yourself. But don’t get so lost in taking care of them that you forget to take care of yourself.”
She doesn’t give me a chance to respond before leaving the room. I glance at Julina, but she’s studiously ignoring me. Ever since I kicked her and Eldim out, she’s been cold. Another guard is with her now—a woman I don’t recognize, lithe and muscled. She looks as if she’ll be able to take good care of guarding me, but looks can be deceiving.
I wish there was a way to take care of myself in this body. I hate leaving everyone else to defend me, when there’s nothing I can do. Though they’ve done a fine job so far, it’s not the same as doing it on my own.
A woman enters the room and helps me move my body like she’s been doing three times a day since I was poisoned, keeping my muscles strong. I don’t talk to her. Don’t say a word. I appreciate what she’s doing, but I'm just so exhausted.
Once she’s finished, Inkga comes in to get me ready for bed. It’s such a process now. I can’t believe I ever took throwing on a nightgown for granted. Once I’m finished, Julina and the unfamiliar guard put me into bed.
“Can I get you anything else?” Inkga asks once I’m settled.
“Thank you, no. I’m fine.” Ready to run and jump in my dreams.
“All right, then. Let me know if that changes.” She heads out, leaving me with the guards watching over me.
It’s almost like when I was attacked before, and they worried so much they kept a constant guard on me, only this time I can’t move, and I really do need them. Is it such a bad thing, to need other people?
It’s hard to let other people take care of me when I was forced to take care of myself my whole life. If only there was a way to find a happy medium… a way to be all right with their helping, but still able to do things on my own… I doubt it will ever happen.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight, wishing I could roll over. So much for being exhausted. I lie there quietly for some time, trying not to think of all the things I need to do. Letting my mind clear itself.
As soon as the sunset colors come into focus, I hit the ground running. My body, my freedom—it’s all here, where I’m trapped in a colorful prison. I stretch my legs out reminding me how good it feels to move.
I take out my daggers and practice moves as I go. Thrust my dagger into space while I run. My muscles sing at the chance to be used. They’ve been denied the chance to go like this. I swing back my arm and punch it forward, only to jerk myself back as the First Queen pops into view in front of me.
That was close.
If I didn’t stop myself, I could be seriously injured or dead. Would it kill her?
“What does it matter?” she asks. “You can’t move, anyway. You live a useless life, making those around you work harder to pick up the slack you leave behind.”
I press my lips together and hold back from punching her in the face.
“You don’t have to hold back. There’s no point. Use me as your dummy. It’s better than fighting air.”
“Nice try.”
She smirks.
I stash my daggers, turn around, and jog away from her.
“There is no away from me,” she says, her voice sounding as if it’s next to me, though she’s not.
I grind my teeth, trying to ignore the pain of how right she is—and failing.
“That’s correct. You are stuck with me. Soon, the only time you’re able to do anything will be when you’re sleeping. Then you’ll be here with me. The rest of the time, you’ll have to watch from the corner of my mind, while I get rid of everyone you care about and take back my rule.”
She’s done a bad job of it this far. Besides, everything is so volatile; my body will be killed soon by an assassin, only to be replaced by another she doesn’t yet have control over. By the time she gains control over that body, that person will probably be assassinated. It’s an endless cycle that will prevent her complete destruction of my country until she gets things back under control, though I’m not certain how she’ll accomplish that.
She laughs—a tinkling sound that has me wincing. “It wasn’t always like this, you know. The people have grown restless. It will pass, and then I will have one long rule after another again.”
I stop running and do a sort of dance while I punch at the air, careful not to go so hard that I’d hurt myself if she popped in front of me.
She appears on my right side as I pass, and then my left. I ignore her. It’s getting harder and harder not to pay attention to her, though.
“That’s right. I’m getting in your way, aren’t I?”
I stop, drop my hands to my sides, bend over, and gasp for air, out of habit. “Why did you enact a law that senile queens be executed? Doesn’t it go against what you want?”
She pouts. “That was the council, not me. Long ago, they were figuring things out, and that was their way of dealing with it. Of course, those years are long gone and forgotten, even if I wasn’t able to get that law overturned.”
That explains a lot. It would seem at one point, others tried to get rid of her.
“Yes, and they didn’t get very far. Just like you won’t.”
It doesn’t matter. I will defeat her.
“Oh, yes. Those little parlor tricks you’ve been doing… You will fail.”
I stand upright. “Maybe, but you can’t rule forever.”
“Yes, I can. I practically already have.”
“You’ve never dealt with me before.”
Her tinkling laugh fills the air. “Tell yourself whatever you want. You will soon be fully mine.”
I wake to the sound of her laugh in my ears then the tink of another sound.
It’s dark. Why am I awake? I can’t see my clock to know for sure, but it feels very early morning. “Julina, are you awake?” I ask.
“I am.” Her voice comes from somewhere in the corner.
“Could you light a candle?”
She doesn’t respond, but there’s a shuffle of movement. A moment later, there’s a faint light. The glow flickers over her eerily.
“Thank you. Would you see what time it is?”
Before she can move, the sound I think woke me comes again. A light ping, like something tapping on glass. A pebble hitting my window?
“What was that?” I ask.
There’s a flash of movement by my window, and then it slides open.
“What do you think you’re doing, Milni?” Julina asks, her voice stern.
The other guard doesn’t reply.
“Close the window,” Julina says.
Although there’s a nice breeze coming in with it being open, something in my gut agrees with her. This is bad. Especially when instead of replying or closing the window, Milni draws her sword.
Julina strides forward as she draws her sword as well, swifter than the other guard. Before Julina can reach the window, a shadow appears in the opening and hauls itself into the room.
Julina curses and runs to me. Puneah is out from under my bed, growling at Milni and the stranger. A second shadow appears at the window. How many are there?
“What do you want?” I try not to show my fear despite being incapable of protecting myself.
None of the three answer as a fourth person climbs in. Julina shouts for help.
Milni laughs. “I blocked the door earlier, when I took a bathroom break. No one is coming.”
Julina pulls out a dagger with her free hand. “You’re not going to hurt the queen.”
“Oh, I think we will.” Milni steps closer, brandishing her weapon.
Puneah’s on her in an instant, clamping down on her sword arm.
She screeches, “Get off me, you stupid animal.”
Julina calls for help again, and all chaos breaks loose. Julina moves her sword faster than I can keep track of, my body begging to help her but my muscles refusing. Attackers burst forward, two males and a female. A second attacker comes at Julina, and the other two approach the free side of my bed.
Julina throws her dagger at her attacker. It pierces in the man's shoulder, and she jumps on the bed, a foot on each side of my waist.
Puneah clings to Milni. Milni reaches down, to get her sword off the ground, and Puneah finally lets go, aiming for her other arm. Now free, Milni pulls a dagger out of her belt.
“Puneah, to me,” I call out.
Like a streak of lightning, she’s on my bed by my head, blocking my view of that half of the room. Julina’s fighting off an attacker on that left, while at the same time, staving off attacks from the right.
Milni jumps on the foot of the bed. Not knowing what else to do, I scream as loud and long as I can. Not out of fear, but in the hope someone will realize how urgent this is and work harder to get to us.
“Shut up,” Milni yells.
I take a deep breath and scream again while the fighting continues. Julina’s got more skill than I’ve given her credit for in the past. That, or she’s been training harder than ever when she’s not with me. She moves like a dancer. A lethal dancer. A body crumples to the floor, but a sword is coming at her thigh.
It slices through. Julina grunts and stabs at the attacker. Her blood drips on my hand. As much as I worry for her, I say nothing. Whatever words I have would only distract her. Besides, I’m busy screaming for help.
The banging on the doors is heard above my yelling, but I don't know if they'll get through before Julina and I are dead. Milni dives forward, driving her blade toward me under Julina’s legs while the others keep Julina busy. The candle flame flickers over Milni’s face for a brief moment before Puneah attacks, snarling.
The door bursts open. Finally. I shout, “Attack.”
Whether I mean I’m under attack or that they need to attack, I’m not sure, but the guards rush in, full tilt. The sound of metal pounding against metal fills the room, along with voices calling out in pain. Milni’s sword goes into Puneah’s shoulder.
The animal makes a pitiful howling noise. Milni withdraws the sword, and the moment she does, Puneah jumps at her and bites her hand.
Within moments that feel like forever, it’s over. Julina’s still above me, dripping blood. Puneah won’t let go of Milni’s hand, even as a guard takes the traitor by the arm. The other attackers are dead or hurt so bad they’re incapacitated on the floor.
And I… I’m in the middle of it all, doing nothing.
Julina just saved my life.