I’m up for the day after a night of running from the First Queen. I’ve long gotten over the fact that she’s always there, hounding me, and enjoy the feel of my legs stretching. As much as I wish I was still there, there are too many things to be done today.
Inkga is helping me with my hair. The blonde is coming out in it much too strongly. Even in my gaze, I see Androlla peeking out. I want to stab her in the face. Of course, that’s impossible.
Instead, I focus on something I can do. Something I’ve tried to do, but never had any results. It’s time to change that. “Inkga, how are you?”
“Fine.” She doesn’t look me in the eye.
“I really want to know. You’ve listened to me through so much. I’m happy to do the same for you.”
She pauses mid-brushstroke and sets the brush on the table before wheeling me around so she can sit across from me. She’s silent, though. I keep waiting for her to say something, anything, but she sits there, looking at her hands.
Looks like I’ll have to play her role today. How do I start? I didn’t know this was so hard. “What are you thinking?”
She sniffs. “I can’t believe Daros was my father.”
“I couldn’t either.” When she stays quiet, I say, “How do you feel about that?”
“Awful.” The tears start. “I don’t want to be his daughter. He’s a cruel man who was vicious to so many, including you. What if I turn out like him? I couldn’t handle it if I betrayed people like he did. Or worse, what if I turn out like my mother, who kept such a horrid secret for all these years—a secret that cost others their lives?”
I wish I could lean forward and put a hand on her arm. We’ve been able to keep her true parentage a secret, but that doesn’t change it or the fact that her mother has been sentenced to execution, which must be weighing on her as well. “You are not like him or her. You are good and kind and true. You would never do something cruel, like Daros, or stupid, like Monkia. You're a wonderful person. You take care of me with no thought to yourself when the other servants have pretty much abandoned me.”
She gives a warbly sigh. “Do you really think so?”
“I do. I’m grateful and happy to call you my friend.”
She pulls out a handkerchief and dabs at her eyes. “Thank you, Ryn. I’m glad to call you a friend too.”
“It’s a good day when you’re willing to talk to me.”
She laughs, though it still sounds a bit watery. “I thought for certain I was about to receive the lashing of my life.”
Blasted Androlla. “Never with me. I promise you that.” Though if Androlla gets a hold of me, Inkga will suffer her wrath. I’ve got to find a way to protect the people I care about if she takes over. Maybe I should just tell her. She's certain to understand. Before I can do so, she continues.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“I’d love to hug you right now.”
I grin. “I’d love to hug you too.” And if Afet and Eldim weren’t hiding in the corners of my room, I’d do it. Another reason I can't tell her now. Too many people present. This secret is getting out of control.
“Do you want me to leave your hair down or put it up?”
Normally, I have her put it up, but there’s so much to do, I don’t want to waste time. “Leave it. I need to speak with Nash. Send for Jaku as well, please.”
“I can do that.” She wheels me into the dark sitting room and lights the candles as Afet and Eldim take their places.
I watch the two men, wondering about them. They’ve been steadfast through everything. I wish there was something I could do for them. A way to show them how much I value them.
“I’m going to get Nash and Jaku,” Inkga says. “I’ll see you at lunch.”
“I look forward to it.” After she leaves, I say to the two men, “Thank you for always guarding me so faithfully.”
“It is what we do,” Eldim says.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you both so devoted?”
The exchange a glance. Afet says, “You are the queen.”
“Is that all, though? If I was a bad queen—which I try not to be, but if I was—would you still guard me with such loyalty?”
They hesitate.
“You can be honest with me. I’m not going to get angry,” I say.
Afet shifts his weight, the loss for words uncharacteristic for him. “I don’t know that I would, Your Majesty. I would be more likely to try to get in a different position.”
“And you, Eldim?”
He stands straighter. “I am the same as Afet.”
I must do something for them as well, in the likely case that Androlla takes over. “Thank you for your honesty. I want you both to know I’m grateful all you’ve done for me, for putting your lives on the line for me over and over again.”
“It’s a pleasure,” Eldim says.
Nash and Jaku enter the room and relieve the other two guards. As soon as we’re alone, I say, “We have a problem. When the First Queen takes over for good, those who have been loyal to me will be under her scrutiny and rule. I get the feeling she has wicked plans for them, including the both of you.”
“You mean if,” Nash says.
“I’m sorry?” What is he talking about?
“You said when the First Queen takes over. It’s not a when. It’s an if. We're determined to do everything we can to not let that happen.”
I don’t want to tell him when seems much more appropriate, especially with the pounding and persistent feelings of victory in my head. “All right. If she takes over, it’s going to be dangerous for the people I care about. I don’t want to sit helplessly inside my own head, watching her torture the people I love. I’d like for you both to plan how to get everyone out and away from Androlla, without telling me what you decide.”
They exchange a look.
“What?” I ask.
“We’ll take care of it,” Nash says. “You don’t have to worry about any of us. Just worry about defeating her and taking care of the country.”
It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I sit taller, ready to face the challenges of the day. Now, if I could concentrate on defeating her and protecting my people… The headaches make it difficult. “Thank you. Now, I believe I have a state dinner tonight to get ready for. Is there any way we can skip it? I’m worried about Androlla taking over during it.”
Nash gives a slight grimace but covers it well.
Jaku says, “I’m afraid you’ve skipped so many, people are starting to wonder if you’re ruling or not. It could be detrimental if you didn’t go. Nash and I will try to stick close to you, so we can get you out if something happens.”
I was afraid of that. “Very well. Go ahead and send Julina in, and Inkga in a few minutes, so I can get ready.”
“Of course,” Jaku says.
Nash walks over to me and takes my hand.
“What are you doing?” I shoot Jaku a worried glance, but he’s looking at the wall.
“Jaku and I talked about it. It’s all right. You need the contact, and I’m going to give it to you.”
His hand feels so good in mine. It’s tender and gentle. A nice, firm grip that leaves me feeling breathless. The calluses on his hand are familiar and welcome. I want to pull him closer, but no matter how Jaku feels, I worry about kissing Nash in front of him. I’ll have to settle for this touch; that’s what I need.
He takes both hands and grasps one of mine. He leans forward and whispers, “I love you, Ryn. We’ll make this work. I promise.”
“I love you too.” Even if I know he can’t make that promise come true.
He gives my hand a final squeeze and leaves. The loss is immediate. I want to call him back and latch onto him—not let him go until this is all over. It may be unfeasible. Doesn't matter.
“I’ll get Julina for you.” Nash leaves the room, and a moment later, Julina joins Jaku.
“You wanted to see me?” she asks me. “Or is it my turn to guard you?”
“I suppose you should guard me, but I’m more interested in talking to you. We haven’t done that in a long time.”
She grins and sits down near me.
“How are you doing?” I ask.
“As well as can be expected. I’m happier now that you seem to be safe. There haven’t been any attacks on you in a while. That’s a record, not just for you, but for any queen I’ve protected. You’re bringing stability to this country.”
“Thank you for the kind words. I’m grateful my work is paying off with the people. I hope they’re happier.” And now maybe I can focus on defeating Androlla. I’ve spent too many long hours practicing spells, but I need to figure out how to make that golem. I won’t have a chance today, but hopefully tomorrow, I can end this all. And if it doesn’t work, then I can practice until I lose myself to her.
“Are you all right?” Julina asks.
“Fine. Why?”
“You looked sad, all of a sudden.”
I sigh. “I’m afraid I have some heavy things on my plate. But I want you to know something. No matter what happens in the future, you are my friend more than my guard. I’ve appreciated all you’ve done for me. I never had sisters, but if I did, I’d want you to be one of them.” Her and Inkga. My two surrogate sisters.
Her eyes glisten. “Thank you, Ryn. I consider you a sister as well. Although we get on better than some siblings I know.”
I laugh. “That may be. Tell me what you’ve been doing the last while, since you healed. I haven’t seen enough of you.”
We spend the next half an hour talking. It’s nice to sit down with her. I wish we could have done this sooner. I’ll never forget the time we were hiding, and she sneezed. It was memorable, and I don’t want to forget it or any moment like it. I’m afraid that when Androlla takes over those memories will be all I have to comfort myself with.