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“What?” Sierra got out of bed too fast, the effect of the pills going straight to her head. “Whoa.” She sat. “Dash quit the movie? That can’t be right.”
“Well, one thing’s for sure, Sierra.” Ian smiled. “You’re a damn good actress.”
“Dad, I’m not lying. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Bullshit. You put him up to this. You’re trying to ruin my movie because things aren’t going right for you.”
“I didn’t do a damn thing.” She eased off the bed. “Is everything my fault, Dad? I’d never tell Dash to pull out of the movie. Why would I want to ruin things for you?”
“Because you hate me.” Silver sprigs of hair popped out from behind his ears.
“I don’t hate you. I wonder if I can say the same for you though.” She lowered her head, fighting tears. “What did I ever do that was so wrong? Why do you resent me so much?”
“You destroy everything. Whether you do it on purpose or not.”
“I didn’t tell Dash to go to you. I’m pissed myself that he did it because it’s just another thing you’re blaming me for.” She followed him as he wandered around the room. “You got to believe me.”
“I don’t.” He stopped with his back turned to her, glancing over his shoulder. “I no longer believe anything that comes out your mouth.”
“Just tell me what I did for you to be so angry at me. What the fuck did I do to you, Dad?”
He remained stiff.
“Look at me.” She grabbed his arm and he faced her. “I don’t deserve how you treat me. I know I disappointed you, but I’m human.”
“You don’t just disappoint, you ruin lives including your own.” He marched to the opposite side of the room. “I’m hurt goddamn it. I want to have a daughter I can be proud of. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. All the hit movies and the fame mean nothing without that. Your acting was the one thing that made me proud.”
She zipped back to those melancholy moments in her childhood when she’d sit alone for hours, wondering how she could get closer to him.
“You were never proud of me when I was a kid. Shit, you never paid me any attention because unless you could impress people with mom or me then it didn’t matter. We were trinkets to you, Dad. That’s why mom drank herself to death. She couldn’t live up to the pressure you put on her. No matter what she did, she wasn’t ever good enough.”
“Shut your mouth.” He yanked his hands out his pockets. “Don’t dare bring your mother into this. She died from alcoholism and depression. It has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me.” She shook her head. “Dad, how come with mom you accept alcoholism as a disease but with me I’m just some drunk?”
He turned away again.
“That’s the point. You hold me to standards you don’t expect from anyone. I’ll never be perfect and you shouldn’t expect that.”
“I can expect it,” he yelled. “You’re my daughter and you had everything you could ever want. You had all the opportunities in the world and what did you do?”
“I never had a father. I had a manager and a mentor. Someone to tell me how to be a good actress and how to go to auditions. I never had a father who held me when I was upset or who spent time with me outside films. I didn’t even want to be an actress, but you pushed me into it.”
“Blame me for wanting you to have the best—”
“Stop it.” She jumped. “This isn’t about blame. We need to get past this.”
“I thought my dream for you had come true. I had such high hopes for you, Sierra.”
She slumped to the bed.
“I wanted you to win an Oscar.” He sniffled. “That would’ve meant the world, but you ruined it. You ruined it all.”
“I’m an alcoholic, and maybe you can’t deal with that because Mom was too but, it is what it is. We can’t keep going on like this. I need my father more than ever. I don’t have anyone else.”
“Ask yourself why.”
She sighed.
“I’ve done all I can do for you, Sierra. I’m not putting my neck in the noose for you anymore.”
“You can’t do that.” She stood, hitting the bed. “You can’t give up on me. I’m your daughter. You can’t just turn your back on me and act as if I don’t exist. How dare you? I need you to hold me and to love me. I need you to tell me it’s okay for me to make mistakes.” Tears blinded her. “I need you to love me no matter what I do.” She grabbed his shirt. “I’m your daughter no matter what.”
He stumbled back, gaze on the carpet. “Clean up this mess you created.”
“I didn’t tell Dash to go to you.”
“He says he’s in love with you. I wish I saw in you what he sees.”
“Don’t say that.” Sadness muffled her words. “I love you, Dad. Please don’t turn your back on me.”
“Like I said...” He exhaled, nostrils flaring. “Get Dash to stay on for the film or that’s it, Sierra. We won’t be anything to each other in my eyes.”
“You don’t mean that.”
He left without another word.