DUC WAS WALKING on eggshells and they were all of his own making. For the past two weeks Vivienne had had a grin plastered to her face as if it had been painted on there.
He’d screwed up. He’d screwed up big time.
Joe had started shooting him funny glances and Lien was being down right off with him.
In the meantime, Vivienne had been true to her word. The conversation with Ron had gone well, even though both of them had been shuffling in their seats uncomfortably. Ron had asked for a few weeks to think about things, whilst still agreeing to consult on difficult cases.
Vivienne had read him well. Duc would never have imagined asking Ron to consider a position at May Mắn. But he’d smiled when asked, nodded, and hadn’t seemed at all surprised. Duc’s complete dread had been the thought that Ron might be insulted at being asked to give up his position for what most people would consider a less prestigious job.
But Ron had revealed that he was ready to think about some changes in his life, and that he liked the possibility of working at May Mắn. He’d mentioned a few community outreach projects that could be developed and had asked some questions that seemed to check if he and Duc were on the same page.
Vivienne had been enthusiastic, chipping in with projects she’d been involved with in other areas, and their success rate and transferability to Hanoi.
Duc hated the atmosphere in the house between them both right now, and his biggest dread was that she might go back on her promise to stay the full six months.
They’d arranged interviews this week with another midwife. But whoever they employed wouldn’t be able to replace the intensity that Vivienne felt for her job and her patients.
Duc had to try and sort things out.
Viv was finishing up in an outpatient clinic when he found her.
‘Do you have a minute?’
She looked up from some notes. ‘Yeah. What’s up?’
He could tell she immediately thought he wanted to talk to her about a patient.
‘Do you want to go somewhere this afternoon?’
The pause was agonising. It felt like asking a girl at school on a date and seeing all the reasons that she wanted to say no flit behind her eyes.
‘I think we should try to get back to normal,’ he said quickly.
She flinched at those words, but it was too late to pull them back. He wasn’t about to tell her he’d spent the last two weeks unable to sleep because of the whole ‘what if’ scenarios drifting through his head.
It was like being a kid with one of those books where you got to choose what happened next.
Except...none of his choices had seemed right, even in his imagination.
‘Let me take you on a tour of the city. Or a drive further out. Whatever you like. I’ve been a poor host.’
She was going to say no. It was written all over her face.
He watched as she bit her bottom lip. ‘Or let’s take some time to do what we normally do. We can catch a movie. Find a bar.’
He was getting desperate and he didn’t care if she knew it.
She blinked. ‘I’d rather just go for a walk around the city, towards the park maybe.’
Relief flooded through him. ‘Great. Why don’t we get changed and I’ll meet you out front.’
He turned quickly before she changed her mind, finishing up a few things with patients, then heading back to the house to change into jeans and a light shirt.
It took nearly an hour for Viv to come and meet him. He’d started to pace outside the front of the hospital. She appeared wearing skinny jeans and a long-sleeved white top with a simple bag over her shoulder and a pair of sunglasses nestled in her hair.
‘You came.’
‘I came,’ she sighed. He could tell she wasn’t exactly happy, and he wasn’t used to Vivienne being like this. Normally things were so easy between them. They got to be themselves, without any need for other faces.
He wanted to reach out and touch her. But every molecule in his body told him not to. Told him that reaching for Viv again could set off a catastrophic chain of reactions that his body would want to react to.
‘Let’s go this way,’ he said quickly. ‘It takes us through the Hoàn Kiếm district and will lead us down towards the lake.’
She started walking. He was sure he should actually be leading, but Viv’s long strides made him wonder who exactly was leading who here.
He kept up and started pointing out part of the city. ‘This is the local school. There are more than four hundred pupils. This is where Lien and I went to school together.’
Her head turned towards him. ‘You went to school together? I thought you met at medical school?’
He shook his head. ‘We did both. You know Lien’s parents stay just a few streets away?’
She nodded and he continued. ‘They’ve always lived there. My parents and I originally stayed in an apartment further into Hanoi. They didn’t build the bungalows until after they took over the hospital.’
They wandered through the streets. The walk from the hospital to the lake took around an hour.
Duc kept talking, partly because he couldn’t stand any silence between them. It was easy to chat as the area on the way to the lake was full of shops.
Duc pointed down various streets. ‘Things get a little quirky around here with each street having specific kinds of stores. Look, this street is mainly book stores. The one to the left, that’s all shoe stores.’
Viv nodded and stopped to look in a few windows. She picked up something with an international brand. He nudged her and shook his head. ‘This is a tourist area. That’s not likely to be real.’ She gave a little shrug of her shoulders. ‘But it’s right in my price range.’ So he waited while she pulled some money from her jeans pocket and paid.
As they moved along there were vendors at various street corners selling fresh fruit and they stopped to pick some up.
The traffic was chaotic, the streets packed with cars and mopeds, and it took an age to cross some of the roads en route to the lake. As they walked down one street they saw a bride getting her picture taken on the steps of a grand hotel. Duc smiled. ‘That’s one of the most luxurious hotels in Hanoi.’
‘It certainly looks grand,’ murmured Vivienne as she stopped to watch the bride and groom posing together. Duc didn’t want to hurry her along, so he waited while photographer posed the couple on the steps. Even from here, he could tell just by the way they looked at each other that they were totally in love.
An uncomfortable prickle ran down his spine. Viv had stopped watching them and was staring at her feet. Images shot into his brain. He could remember exactly the expression in her blue eyes that night, and if he closed his eyes he could remember exactly how much his heart had thudded in his chest and exactly how much he’d wanted things to go further.
Was he a fool?
She was quite simply the best person he knew. But there was no way he could have a fling with Viv and still retain the closeness of their friendship. Even now, he’d probably gone some way to ruining it.
Everything he did now had to try and pull things back.
He gave a tug at her elbow. ‘Let’s go around the corner. There’s some gorgeous architecture. The Hanoi Opera House is there.’
They walked to the opera house and he noticed Viv tugging at her top. The temperature was rising, and he could see her hair sticking to her neck.
‘Let’s stop for a minute and get a drink before we head to the park.’ He ducked into a doorway and led her to an elevator that took them four floors above the streets. ‘Café hopping is almost a trend here.’ He led her to a table in a café overlooking the streets below, with a view of the lake. He handed her a menu, which she handed back with her eyebrows raised.
‘Sorry.’ He shook his head as he realised it was in Vietnamese. ‘What would you like?’
‘Frozen mango smoothie,’ she said promptly, and when the waiter approached, he ordered two.
He pointed down at the busy road and crossing beneath them. ‘This is Hanoi’s answer to Times Square or Shibuya Crossing. I could people-watch up here for hours.’
Viv leaned back in her chair. Her gaze had narrowed. ‘So, are we going to talk about things or are we just going to ignore them?’
He started. He hadn’t expected her to say anything quite so blunt, but this was Viv and he should have known better.
His cheeks flushed and he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I feel as if I took advantage of you. You’ve came here, given up a job and everything to help me out, and then...that happens.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I meant it when I said you’re family to me. I crossed a line. I don’t know what I was thinking of.’
For the first time since it had happened her face didn’t seem quite so annoyed. She raised an eyebrow. ‘I know what you were thinking of.’
The waiter placed the frozen glasses down in front of them and they both jumped.
He rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah...that.’ He looked up and met her gaze. ‘But why? Why now? How many times have you and I got drunk together—shared a bed even—and nothing like that has ever happened?’
A sad kind of smile appeared on her face. ‘Who knows? Timing? Hormones? Change of venue?’ Her voice dropped. ‘Change of circumstances?’
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. ‘I’m sorry. This is what I hate. I’m scared to touch you now. Scared that something that was so easy between us is now just...’
He let his voice tail off. His thumb was unconsciously making little circles in the palm of her hand.
‘The last two weeks have been hard,’ she said simply, and he could tell she was trying to keep her voice steady. ‘I wanted to go home.’
His head shot up. ‘No.’
A tear slid down her cheek. ‘But I realised I don’t know where home is. I don’t even really have one.’
He didn’t hesitate. Duc stood up and moved around the table, wrapping her in his arms. ‘Home is with me, Viv. We’re family.’
She was shaking now, and he hated every bit of himself for doing this to her. ‘You should have told me. You should have shouted at me—yelled at me. You should have told me you wanted to leave. I am so, so sorry. I had no idea you were feeling like that.’
She gave a nervous laugh and pushed him back a little. ‘How could I do that? I was the one that kissed you first.’
His breath caught somewhere in his chest. She was right. She had kissed him first. She’d responded to his every touch. Every moment of that night was seared on his brain. But he’d wanted to take all the responsibility, all the blame for what had happened.
He could tell that right now she was struggling to keep her emotions in check, and he couldn’t get past the first words she’d said—that she didn’t know where home was, that she didn’t have one.
It pained him that she felt like that. That sweet, sunny Viv didn’t have anywhere to call home in her heart.
‘We reacted,’ he said firmly. ‘We reacted to...’ he smiled and flicked his fingers ‘...let’s just call it something in the air.’ His hands went back to her shoulders. ‘But we can’t let this come between us, Viv. We just can’t.’
She reached up and touched the side of his cheek. It was the lightest of touches and for a split second he was taken back to that night and the feel of her fingertips on his skin. Their gazes meshed. ‘No, we can’t,’ she whispered. For an instant he thought he could read a world in her eyes—a world of loneliness. His heart twisted for her. He wanted to fix things. He wanted her to be happy.
He could feel hormones surging through him. He wanted to sweep her into her arms and tell her that everything would be fine, that home could be here for them both. But how could he do that when he still hadn’t figured out where he wanted to stay or what he wanted to do next?
The waiter appeared with a loaded tray and Duc moved to let him past, going back to his seat and putting his hands around the frozen drink. Maybe it would chill some of the heat in his blood?
The mood had changed. The strain was starting to gradually lift between them. It wasn’t entirely natural, but he could sense they both wanted to make a concerted effort to fix this. They finished their smoothies and went back out onto the busy street, dodging the mopeds and finally entering the park.
As they moved inside Duc turned towards her. ‘Hoàn Kiem Lake really is the centre of everything around here. The lake and temple are probably the most famous places in Hanoi city. People come here to rest, enjoy the view, and have a chance to sit back and watch the rest of the world.’
Viv looked around. ‘Or get away from the traffic,’ she quipped sarcastically with a big smile. She was right, of course. The noise of the constant traffic could be wearing.
The park was dotted with people. It was busy but with enough space for everyone. ‘The streets in Hanoi are always busy with motorbikes and cars,’ Duc agreed. ‘It’s nice to get a break from it. And to see a bit of green.’ He gave her a smile. ‘You kind of forget you’re in the middle of the city in here.’
They walked amongst the dog walkers, people sitting on benches, families having picnics on blankets and tourists snapping photographs.
‘That’s Jade Island.’ Duc pointed to the structure in the middle of the lake. ‘The red bridge is called the Rising Sun Bridge and there’s a pagoda on the island. Want to visit?’
Viv shook her head. ‘It looks too busy. Too crowded with tourists. Let’s just walk through the park and go out the other side.’
He hesitated a second then slung his arm around her shoulders, holding his breath. But Viv just leaned into him, letting her arm rest around his waist as they walked.
They didn’t talk through the rest of the park. Each step seemed to give him more confidence. Hopefully the tension in the house would lighten. What he wanted more than anything was for things between them to get back to normal.
At least, that was what he should want. But there was a tiny little voice in his head that was out on a limb here. A tiny part of his brain that wondered, What if?
For the last few years he’d been so focused on being a surgeon he hadn’t made room in his life for anything else. Sure, he’d had girlfriends. But only for a few months at a time. His mind was always on a million other things.
But in these last few weeks when he’d been with Viv? In any second that he hadn’t been thinking about the hospital, his mind had been on her. There wasn’t space for anything else. Viv had captured every part of his attention. Every cell in his body had responded to her actions. He couldn’t remember ever feeling a rush of emotions like that, a connection like that. Now he was agreeing to lock all that away—to put it back in the box it had erupted out of, and not think about it any more. Could he actually do that?
The words that she’d said echoed in his head again. I don’t know where home is. I don’t even really have one.
His gut twisted with the memory that Viv felt that way. He’d been so lucky. He’d had something that she’d never experienced—a happy home life with interested and loving parents. He straightened up as they walked. It didn’t matter what his confusion was. It didn’t matter that every time she brushed against him, his cells exploded. It didn’t matter that since that kiss he’d wanted to do it again and again and again. He had so much uncertainty in his life right now, so much he needed to sort out. Did he want to go back to surgery? Should he try and make things work at May Mắn? Could he offer her anything other than a few weeks of hot and heavy fun that could ruin the friendship for both of them?
He couldn’t do that to Viv. He had to put her needs first. She needed family. She needed a friend. That was his job here.
‘Want to do some sightseeing?’ he asked as they emerged from one of the other park entrances.
She looked around the busy streets. ‘What’re my options?’
A whole host of inappropriate thoughts flashed through his head. He gave his head a shake but couldn’t help but smile. He pointed in one direction. ‘A few blocks west is St Joseph’s Cathedral.’ He looked her up and down.
‘What?’ she asked, putting her hands on her hips.
‘You have to be dressed appropriately to get in. But you’ll do. No photos inside, though.’
Viv wrinkled her nose. ‘What are the rest of my options?’
Duc looked around, racking his brain. It was weird. The place he’d lived a good part of his life—and everything had just gone out of his head. Maybe it was because of the way Viv had tilted her head and was looking up at him?
He waved one hand. ‘There are other historical touristy places. There’s Hoa Lo Prison, the Vietnamese Women’s Museum and the Thang Long Water Puppet Theatre.’
She folded her arm across her chest. ‘You want to take me to a prison?’
He gave a shrug. ‘Only part of it exists as a museum any more. What about the puppet theatre, then?’
Viv blew a dark red strand of hair from her eyes. ‘Actually, let’s get something else to drink. I can’t believe I’ve only walked across a park and I feel as if I’m ready to keel over again.’
Duc shot her a sideways glance. ‘Coffee or wine?’
She looked at her watch just as his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and couldn’t help his surprise. He turned to screen towards Viv so she could see the name as he answered.
‘Ron, it’s good to hear from you.’
He waited, flicking it to speaker so Viv could hear too, expecting Ron to ask about a patient, but he didn’t. Instead he spoke slowly. ‘Duc, thank you for your offer. I wanted to call to let you know that I’ll accept. I’ve spoken to my family over the last few days and we all agreed there needs to be a work-life balance. I also want something that will challenge me again and let me feel as if I can make a difference. May Mắn will do that for me. I can give you three days a week. And you had better keep that sparky Scottish midwife on duty. I like her. She has passion for her job and her patients. If you’re happy with those terms, I’ll hand in my notice today.’
Duc’s mouth was hanging open. He literally couldn’t believe it. Viv had moved over, leaning over the phone but pressing against his side so she could hear part of the conversation. She tried to hide her squeal as she jumped up and down.
‘What was that?’ asked Ron.
Duc smiled. It felt like an enormous weight had lifted off his chest. ‘That was your sparky Scottish midwife.’ He kept grinning as Viv gave him a wink and then turned a cartwheel on the pavement, much to the amusement of some passers-by.
‘Ah, good,’ said Ron, oblivious to the sight that Duc was currently seeing. ‘I look forward to keeping working with you both. Email me the contract.’
Duc agreed as Ron rang off, then he turned and grabbed Viv around the waist and spun her around. ‘We’ve got an obstetrician!’ he shouted.
‘We’ve got Ron!’ she shouted back, laughing.
Duc shook his head. ‘I can’t believe it. I can’t believe he’s accepted and he’s giving up his other job.’
Viv’s eyes twinkled. ‘I told you he was ready for a change.’
‘How on earth did you know?’
She kept laughing. ‘Let’s just call it women’s intuition, which means that you had no chance of sensing it. Now, weren’t we going to get a drink?’
‘Hold on,’ said Duc as he grabbed his phone again and spoke to Sen for a few moments. ‘Right, contract on its way. Let’s hold him to it before he changes his mind.’
‘Why would he change his mind? He’s getting to keep doing a job he loves, without the pressure of running a department and managing a dozen other doctors. And...’ she put her hand on her chest ‘...he gets to work with me.’
‘He does,’ Duc agreed. ‘Lucky him.’
He slung his arm back around her shoulders. ‘All of a sudden this day seems a whole lot brighter. I’ve got my best friend back, and I’ve got an obstetrician that we know and we can trust.’
Viv’s hand came up and interlinked with his hand on her shoulder. He pretended to ignore the tingle that shot across his skin.
‘Didn’t you promise me wine?’
He laughed. ‘Oh, so it’s wine now? The coffee is out the window?’
Her face looked slightly more serious. ‘I think we should celebrate,’ she said.
She was saying the words, but he could see something else going on behind her eyes.
Home. Those words were still echoing in his head. She’d never really had a home. She’d never staying anywhere long enough to let that happen.
Something stirred inside. She’d already told him she liked it here. She’d just persuaded a top obstetrician to work for May Mắn permanently, and Ron wanted to work with her.
Viv might be Scottish, but was there any reason she couldn’t make a home in Hanoi?
The seed started to sprout in his brain. He gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Wine it is. Let’s go.’