Danny
This week went slow as fuck. School is boring, but also, I’m so freakin’ pumped up to wreck Reese’s shitty party. I’m laying in my bed, but I’m not wearing pajamas. I’m all dressed and ready to go. I can’t wait to see the look on his stupid face when I show up. I check the time on my phone. Still about an hour until Matt’s mom picks me up.
“Plans tonight?” Kara asks, standing in the doorway of my room. She’s holding her phone to her chest
“Going to a party,” I say.
“Nice. You didn’t need a ride, did you?”
“Nah, Matt’s mom is taking us.”
She picks up her phone and puts it to her ear. “He says he’s going to a party.”
“Is that Peter?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” she says.
“How don’t you know?”
She waves her hand at me quickly and points to the phone. Guess she wasn’t talking to me. “I’m just gonna put you on—No, Peter— JUST LET ME PUT YOU ON SPEAKER. Here!” She holds the phone out toward me as she steps closer. Then she sits on my bed.
“What’s up, Peter?” I ask and groan.
“You’re not coming to the brewery with me tonight?”
“You didn’t want me there the first time.”
“But now I want you there,” he says. I laugh. “You and Selena were a great help.”
“Well, I have plans.”
“What plans? You never told me about any plans.” He sounds out of breath.
“Where are you walking to?”
“It’s so cold out here. I’m carrying everything into the brewery.”
“Oh.”
“Well, answer my question.” I hear a loud bang. “Shit—dropped my phone!— What plans?”
“Did you crack your screen?! That was loud as hell!”
“Language.”
“Hell is a place!”
“Answer my question. What plans?”
“A party.” I look at Kara and roll my eyes. She smiles.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“Maybe because I didn’t want to bring lame ass spinach dip and ripped up boneless wings to it? Ever think about that?”
“Whose party?” he asks. Wow, he doesn’t even care about the Applebee’s comment
“Some guy from the team.”
“What’s his name?”
“Why are you interrogating me, bro?”
“I am not your bro.”
“You literally are though.”
He sighs real loud at me like I’m making him crazy. He’s the one being crazy… Well, maybe he can predict the future and see what’s coming. If he could, then yeah, he has a reason to be questioning me like this.
“Was Melissa your bro?”
“No.”
“Then I am not either.’
“Sorry, brother.”
“Whose party is it?”
“Reese, OK?!”
“Reese? I thought you and him did not get along. Wasn’t he the one you fought with on the field last year?”
“Maybe they’re friends now, Peter. Isn’t that a good thing?” Kara interrupts.
Thank you Kara!
“You’re friends now?” he asks.
“Uh…Yeah, sort of.”
“Hmm….” Peter says. I’m not sure he believes me. “Where does he live?”
“I don’t know. Matt has the address. His mom is dropping us off.”
“I thought Matt was just a ‘school friend.’”
How does he remember every single little thing I say?!
“Well, not anymore. Now he’s an outside of school friend too. Things change, Peter! I actually like hanging out with him now.” Maybe my punishment will be that I will never be allowed to hang out with Matt ever again. Oh Darn it! I laugh secretly inside my mind.
“Kara, can I talk to you, please?” he asks.
“I’m right here,” she answers.
“Without Danny?”
“Oh My God, why can’t I hear this?!” I ask.
“KARA,” he yells.
She takes the phone off speaker and puts it up to her ear. She walks out of the room and shuts my door behind her.
Great! Just great! He’s probably telling her not to let me go. This is fucked up. If he says I can’t go, I’m gonna sneak out the window tonight. Wait… That didn’t work when— It will work now! If I break my foot, I don’t even care. I’ll still destroy that whole fucking party. I’m not letting anyone hurt me or my family ever again. This is the only way to teach him to back the fuck off.
Kara
“But he was just starting to like me, I think,” I say kinda quietly.
“Who cares if he likes you? He’s a fourteen-year-old boy? What are you, in high school?”
“I— He’s so excited about this party. He’s already dressed.” I sit down in the kitchen and twirl my hair with my finger. I stare down at the table.
“That’s exactly why he’s not going.”
“That’s really mean, Peter.”
“You don’t understand Danny at all. Take it from me.”
“So, I should take him with me to the brewery tonight?”
“Nope. He’s not ruining my sales with his attitude.”
“So… Leave him home alone?” I look straight ahead at the wall, The paint in here is all chipped. I wonder if we are allowed to fix it? Maybe we’d have to ask the landlord.
“No. Just stay home and watch him. He can’t be trusted.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“He does whatever he wants and not what he’s told to do. Trust me.”
“Really Peter?”
“You know what?!” I hear him get in the car. He turns on the engine and doesn’t talk. I think he’s waiting for the phone to connect to his Bluetooth. “During the CPS case he was supposed to be going to Matt’s apartment every night, and you know what he did?”
“Well—”
“Do you know what he did?!”
“No! Of course I don’t! Was I there?” I yell. I catch myself. I should speak lower.
“He went home! To Hayley! Who he was not to be around! He could have been seriously hurt! He could have been taken away from me! SO, start fucking listening to me for once! You’re giving me heartburn for fucks sake! Do I need to come fucking home!?”
“Just stop it and calm down. I really don’t see the harm going to a party would do, but fine. I’ll tell him he can’t go to the party with Matt, OK?!
“Thank you,” he says. “Order dinner or something. I’ll give you the cash when I get home, OK?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
What am I gonna do at home with Danny all night? He’s not going to be happy with me at all. Maybe we can go to Home Depot and then paint the chips on the wall at home. Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be super excited to do work around the house. Fuck.
“Don’t get Applebee’s, he’s got some sort of fucking grudge with Applebee’s.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.”
“Alright. I have to go. Have a good night with Danny.”
“I’ll try my best.”
He hangs up the phone. I guess I have to tell Danny he can’t go to the party? I thought Peter said I should ‘leave the parenting to him?’ Fuck.
Danny
Kara walks back in my room and she doesn’t seem too happy. Her cheeks are all pink and she won’t even look at my face! Instead, she’s just looking at the carpet.
“I’m going to that party, I don’t care if he said no or blah, blah, blah!” I say, sitting up from a laying down position.
“I know how you feel, I don’t really get it either, trust me.”
“So you’re gonna let me go? We don’t have to even tell him!”
“Danny—” she sighs “I have to listen to him.”
“No you don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Have some guts and integrity!”
She sits on my bed again. Why is she sitting on my bed? I don’t want a heart-to-heart talk with sad eyes. I get that enough from my teachers at school!
“He’s your parent, Danny.”
“No! He’s my brother. And also, he’s not always right about everything in the world, OK?! Actually he’s usually wrong!”
“I know that. But he’s really concerned.”
“Concerned about what?! What could he possibly be concerned about? He doesn’t trust me?!” I mean… he shouldn’t, but that’s irrelevant! Objection! Relevancy?!
“It’s not that he doesn’t trust you—”
“Yes, it is! That’s exactly it! I’ve never even done anything that would make him not trust me! He needs to cut me some slack!”
“Well, he did say that you snuck home once when you weren’t supposed to be there. Is that true?”
I grind my teeth together and punch my bed. “He TOLD YOU that!? I can’t believe he told you that! What else does he tell you? He’s such a FUCKING IDIOT! He never tells anyone anything, but he decides to tell you the MOST PRIVATE THING EVER!”
“Danny, I don’t think that’s—”
“DID HE TELL YOU IF I DIDN’T DO THAT HE’D PROBABLY BE DEAD?! NO! BET HE DIDN’T TELL YOU THAT FUCKING PART!”
“Danny—”
“Oh! And there’s no fucking way he told you that HAYLEY’S NASTY BOYFRIEND called me a MUTT and TIED ME to my FUCKING DESK!”
She’s really fucking quiet, and her eyes look like they’re going to explode with tears. I wasn’t trying to make her cry, but why should she only hear HALF THE FUCKING STORY!”
“Danny—”
“No, don’t even! Don’t even ‘Danny’ me! You don’t know anything about me or Peter! Wait, actually, you probably know more about me than I do! Because I don’t know anything about myself! I don’t know if I’m Spanish, or Black, or Puerto Rican. NOTHING! It’s a big fucking secret with Peter! I guess it’s OK to tell you stuff though, huh? Guess that’s OK. Leave me in the FUCKING DARK! At school the white kids don’t like me, the Black kids don’t like me—AND! And, I finally get invited to a party and now I’m not even allowed to go! HE’s such a MORON and you won’t even help me out here!
“Danny! You can go, OK?! You can go. Just don’t tell Peter. Please! Do not tell him I’m letting you go to this party! He’ll be so mad.”
We both say nothing for like a minute, we just look at each other. Did she really say I could go to the party? I wasn’t even trying to do that. Hell, I was just gonna sneak out. Did I just get my way? Having her around is awesome!
“Matt’s mom is picking me up at 6:00.”
“OK…OK.”
“Yup.” I think I hurt her real bad. She’s speechless! She probably never even heard of problems like ours before. The biggest issue she has is running late for Zumba class and car insurance bullshit! WAKE UP CALL!
She walks out of my room silently and closes the door. Crap. She’s probably gonna ask Peter all sorts of questions now. Fuck. I’ll deal with that later.
I spring out of bed and head toward the front door. Matt will be here soon. I walk out of the apartment and slam the door behind me. She doesn’t say a fucking word. That’s right, I do what I want.
Hayley
It’s a fucking toy. She gave me a fucking toy! I play with the fidget spinner. In my mind, it’s my engine. It’s going to keep me going. It’s going to get me through all of this, right? That’s why Krista gave me this, right?
I try to forget it all, and get lost in the spinning blades. But I can’t! I lost it all! All of those hours of working! Gone! I open the drawer of my bedside table. I want to rip it out and dump all of my stupid shit onto the floor, just like Peter did. I can’t do that though, not with my baby in the room. Instead, I throw the fucking fidget spinner into the drawer with all of my might. I imagine it as a plane, spiraling downward toward Earth. Try as the propellers might to keep spinning, and spinning, and spinning, the plane eventually meets its fate. The crash is loud enough to wake Everleigh from her nap. She screams. I just want to scream too. What kind of mother am I? A fucking miserable one!
I pick up my pillow and press it into my face. I yell into it over and over. I try to scream louder than Everleigh, but I still hear her. I wrap the sides of the pillow around my head and press them into my ears. When I’m satisfied, I remove the pillow slowly. Everleigh is still crying. I cry too. I cover my face in my hands and I cry and cry. Christmas is just about a week away, and I have no toys for her. Nothing. I have nothing to show for all of the hard work I’ve done these past seven months.
I wipe my eyes, but Everleigh goes on and on. Maybe a story will help? I pick up my phone. Wait, I don’t know any stories. The first app I see is Daily Horoscope. That’s kind of like a story, isn’t it?
I stand over her crib. She looks up at me and continues fussing.
“Libra,” I say quietly. I sniffle and wipe away the last of my tears. “Libra, sometimes it’s better to judge a person based on their intentions, not the outcome of what they did. Someone close to you made an error, but not out of malice—”
Everleigh quiets down. Maybe she actually likes this story? I throw my phone across the room. It bounces on my bed. I hold my baby and press her head gently into my shoulder. “I think your horoscope—I think it might be about me, baby doll. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry about all of it.”
Libra’s are all about fairness, equality, and justice. Their fucking sign is represented by scales. How will she ever love me? How can she look past it all?
There’s a quiet knock at my door. Who would want to talk to me?
I open the door just the slightest bit. It’s Beth.
“You alright in there?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.” I sniffle. I’m sure my eyes are red from exhaustion, and from crying.
“Cool… You smoke?”
“Yeah.” Great. She probably wants to bum a cigarette off of me.
“My kid’s sleeping. Jada’s got a joint.”
“You’re gonna smoke weed?”
“Sh! Keep your voice down! We aren’t allowed to have weed here. We’re gonna walk way out back, toward the woods.”
“Krista won’t notice if we’re gone?”
“She’s watching a movie with her headphones on in the office. She ain’t gonna know shit.”
It’s really tempting. I look down at Everleigh and bounce up and down. “I don’t know yet. She’s still awake.”
“Alright, well. We’ll be out back.”
“Alright.” I close the door slowly.
“Wait! Put my number in your phone. Text me if Krista starts looking for us or something. “
“Sure.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and quickly add Beth’s number to my contacts. When she walks away, I finally close my door for good.
I lay in bed with Everleigh next to me. I want to smoke with them, but I know I can’t. Not only is Everleigh still awake, but I’m still getting drug tested. Is one joint worth losing everything? It’s not. Still, I’m happy Beth invited me. Maybe she’s someone I could talk to. I feel OK for a couple of minutes… but then I remember… I just lost every penny I’ve ever saved. All the hard work I did. I have to start all over again. I cry again, but this time quietly. Please, God. Please help us.
Danny
We pull up in front of the house and my heart is beating like a bongo drum. Matt looks back and forth between me and the window. He’s wearing sunglasses, but it’s nighttime. I told him not to do that, but he thinks they make him look like a tough guy. No tough guys wear bright blue sweatshirts that read GAP across them though.
“Have so much fun you two!” Matt’s mom yells as we get out of the car. So unexpecting. I’m sure she’s waving and smiling too, but I don’t even look back at her. I’m on a mission. I go to the side of the house and not the front door. I’m pretty sure the basement has a separate entrance, and I don’t want to see Reese’s parents. My phone is vibrating in my pocket, but it’s probably Peter, and I’ll deal with him later.
“Danny, wait up!” Matt says in this weird deep voice. He’s so cringe. I don’t turn around, because I found the door. Two girls from our school are standing outside in little dresses. They look at me like I’m weird and stupid, but then I realize that Matt is right behind me, and they’re probably actually looking at him.
“Are we going in?” Matt whispers in my ear. I don’t know how, he must have gotten on his tippy toes. I turn around and his hands are in the big pocket of his GAP sweatshirt. “Hello, ladies,” he says as he twists back and forth. I don’t care about him. I open the door to the basement.
There’s a lot of kids down here. It’s not a cool basement at all, and it’s basically the same temperature as outside, maybe even colder. So yeah, I totally see why those hot girls would rather be out there. I walk over to the snack table, because that’s where I want to start destroying shit. I look around though, and don’t see Reese. Obviously, I want him to see me do it. There’s some Chex Mix, and a big punch bowl full of…. Maybe it’s Kool Aid? I don’t know. I grab some Chex Mix, avoiding the cheesy ones, and eat and wait. I can’t have cheese fingers when I’m fucking shit up. That would be cringe as hell. Matt leans against the table and waits with me.
“So…What are we doing?”
“Dude, take the freakin’ sunglasses off!”
“BRO, if the police are called, my identity is hidden, OK?” He puts the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head.
“You’re stupid.” I don’t mean to say it, but I do.
“Excuse me?!” he says, like a tough guy.
“You’re dumb, bro! You’re so stupid! You don’t get how life works at all. You don’t get anything!”
“You’re calling me stupid? You’re failing like every class.”
“That’s not even true, and math doesn’t make you real life smart. You’re not real life smart, you have no common sense!” I wanted to take my anger out on Reese, but now I’m about to take it out on Matt. I need to breathe, this isn’t the way. “Look, I don’t care, just—take those stupid sunglasses off.”
“The poli—”
“MATT, EVERYONE HERE LITERALLY KNOWS IT’S YOU!” I say, smacking my hand on my other hand like a knife on a chopping block. It gets kinda quiet in the room when I yell.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I hear from across the way. It’s Reese. He walks toward me. “I don’t remember inviting you two?” he says, looking confused and angry as hell.
“Yeah?! Well, it’s because you didn’t!” Matt says. He leans forward, but then when Reese gets closer he jumps back a little.
“So what makes you think you can come to my party uninvited, Danny?”
“I don’t care about your stupid, fucking party,” I say. I get so close to him that he can probably smell my deodorant. Yeah, cause he’s short and his face is about up to my armpits. “I want you to know that you can’t fucking talk shit about me and my family anymore.”
“Your family? You don’t even have any family. Who am I talking shit about? That weird little Scottish man, or your imaginary friends?”
Everyone laughs. I panic. My heart hurts. I know I had words planned to say, but now I don’t, all I have is rage. I turn around to the snacks and rip the tablecloth right off. The Kool Aid goes flying. A lot of the girls get wet. They scream because their dresses get stained. Chex Mix is everywhere too. Reese lunges at me. It happens so quickly, before I can even think about it. He’s smaller than me, but he knocks me to the ground and starts punching me in the face. At first, I cover myself, but then I grab hold of his tiny little shoulders. We flip around, and now I’m on top of him. I punch him right back. There’s blood, but I think it’s from my nose dripping down onto him. Everyone yells, but I can’t understand what they’re saying, that is until I hear:
“Danny?! DANNY STOP IT!” It’s Selena. I quit punching. I look at Reese. He’s still trying to reach up and strangle me or something, but I have him pinned down. I bitch slap him across the face once more for good measure. I’m breathing heavily, staring into his eyes. He looks so pathetic. He can’t over take me. For once in my life, I’m in complete control of the situation. It feels good. It feels so fucking good! I lift him by his shoulders and shake him. “Don’t you EVER talk shit about me or my—"
All of a sudden, I’m pulled backwards by some guy. Who the fuck is this dude? I shake myself free of his grip. It’s an old guy.
“GO UPSTAIRS, NOW!” The man yells at Reese. I get a good look at him when he stands up off the floor. He’s pretty bruised up, and he’s all wobbly when he stands. I have no idea what I look like.
“BUT, DAD!”
“GO!”
Reese sulks up the stairs in front of everyone in the basement. He’s cursing quietly, but we can all still hear him. It’s silent. You can hear everything. He misses a step and stumbles. He lands on his hands and knees. People laugh a little. He stands again and runs the rest of the way up the stairs. How embarrassing.
“HAHA! LESS EMBARRASSING TO HAVE IMAGINARY FRIENDS, HUH?! NEED YOUR DADDY TO SAVE YOU!” I yell.
“YOU! YOUNG MAN, WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!” Reese’s dad asks.
“Uh…Matt,” I say. I know that won’t work though, because everyone here knows I’m Danny. Crap. I should have tried the sunglasses thing. I feel something dripping from my nose, and it’s not snot.
“Well, MATT, I’m calling your parents right now to pick you up! You’re lucky we don’t call the police!”
“No, that’s Danny!” A couple of people yell, but he’s not even listening. I don’t know where Matt is. Probably hiding somewhere like a little coward.
I look over at Selena, she looks really disappointed in me. I wonder how much of everything she saw?
“What’s your mother’s name?!” Reese’s dad asks. He pulls me up the stairs.
“Uh… Matt’s mom,” I say. A bunch of people laugh and cheer. HAHA. I’m the GOAT.
Kara
I’m lying in bed when I hear the front door open. I assume it’s Danny home early from the party.
“Get in the kitchen!” Peter yells.
“I’m going, I’m GOING! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”
“Look at me, LOOK AT ME! Don’t you dare imitate me right now, do you hear me?!”
“I wasn—”
“DO YOU HEAR ME?! Get in the kitchen!”
I suddenly feel a rush of cold. It’s Danny and Peter… and Peter is really mad. Fuck. He must have found out Danny went to the party. Should I pretend he snuck out?! Fuck. Maybe just try to diffuse the situation. I’m good at that.
I close my laptop and hop up out of bed. I throw on my slippers and walk into the kitchen swiftly. Danny’s sitting on a chair and Peter is cleaning off Danny’s face. Oh my God. Danny has a black eye and dried blood under his nose.
“OW! That fucking STINGS!” Danny yells.
“It’s alcohol—”
“Well, it HURTS!” Danny swats at Peter’s hand.
“Put your hands DOWN!”
Danny follows instructions and quickly puts his arms to his sides. He’s very quiet for a couple of moments, until his eyes dart toward me. He folds his arms and furrows his brow.
Peter puts down the cloth. “I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror.”
“Well, you should have seen the other guy.”
“Oh, I will see him. When I drive your ass back over to his house tomorrow morning to apologize.”
“WHAT?! I’m NOT apologizing to him! He threw the first punch!”
“I spoke with his father and you’re BOTH apologizing to EACH OTHER! This little feud you two have going on ends NOW!”
“You’re just mad because you didn’t even leave a MARK on TRISTIAN!”
Peter is silent. Dead silent. His face drains of all color. He leans against the cabinets and looks down. When he looks back up, he notices me. Oh no…
“Kara...” he says quietly and clears his throat. He rubs his hands together.
“Yeah…” I say. I step further into the kitchen. I consider sitting down next to Danny, but I will not put myself in the position to be scolded like a child. Instead, I lean against the nearest wall.
“Just a bit confused,” he says. He covers his mouth with one of his hands and clears his throat.
“This has nothing even to do with her, Peter,” Danny interrupts.
“You,” he snaps his head toward Danny and points. “You, shut up. I don’t want to hear another word from you for the rest of the night. Perhaps, the rest of the week.”
I think I might as well just apologize now. I open my mouth to speak, but he doesn’t allow it.
“Why didn’t you just come to the brewery?” Peter asks.
“What do you mean?”
“I asked you to stay home to make sure he doesn’t go to that party, which you agreed to. Well, you didn’t do that. So why not just come help me at the brewery? Why not just say ‘no, Peter, I don’t feel comfortable making Danny stay home.’ Why lie? For a fourteen-year-old? Why betray me for a fourteen-year-old?”
“Wow, that is not how the conversation went, Peter. You make it impossible for anyone to debate you. What you say goes. There is no conversation with you, there is no meeting halfway.”
“EXACTLY!” Danny yells!
“WHAT DID I SAY?!” He looks over at Danny again. Danny sinks down in his chair. It’s unlike Danny not to argue back. Maybe he’s just trying to avoid getting into more trouble.
“Well, SURPRISE. You did what you wanted, huh? Look at him! LOOK AT HIM!” I look over at Danny. He looks terrible, Peter is right, he was right, but he’s not right about everything. “Guess who has to explain to the school on Monday morning why their child is coming in with a black eye?”
“I’m not your child,” Danny mutters.
“You ARE my child. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU!” Peter yells pointing at himself while getting in Danny’s face. “Unless you want to go live somewhere else?! Do you understand you could be TAKEN AWAY FROM ME?! Do you understand that the school can see you on Monday and CALL CPS again!?”
“I DO UNDERSTAND! I’m not STUPID! I didn’t plan on FIGHTING HIM! HE PUNCHED ME FIRST! I just wanted to knock over the SNACKS!” Danny stands up. He towers over Peter.
“SIT BACK DOWN!”
“WHY?
“SIT. BACK. DOWN.”
“I’ll tell the school AND any stupid CASEWORKER exactly what happened! None of this has anything to do with KARA, or with YOU! Kids get in fights at school, and outside of school all the time! Why is it only ME who gets threatened with CPS!? I bet Reese’s parents aren’t over at his house telling him that CPS is gonna come TAKE HIM AWAY! So, stop saying it to me, OK?!” Danny’s eyes well up with tears, but he doesn’t let them fall. He takes the kitchen chair and slams it back into the table. As he leaves the room, I see him wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.
“Danny… I’m talking about CPS thinking I’m not a good parent…Not—”
“No! You’re blaming me for it! For everything! And all the stuff that happens here isn’t my fault, OK?!” Tears finally start streaming down Danny’s face. It’s weird to see Danny cry. He’s a kid after all, I know that, but he just appears so strong and tough. I don’t know where to look. I sit down at the table and hide my face with my hand. I don’t want to be a part of this.
“Of course it’s not, but to avoi—”
“BLAME Hayley! It was her! It was all her! BLAME TRISTIAN!— AND NO! I am NOT your CHILD! I look NOTHING like you, I sound NOTHING like you! I AM NOTHING like YOU! And you know what?! I’m GLAD ABOUT THAT!”
I hear Danny leave the kitchen, but I still don’t look up. Peter and I say nothing to each other. Danny’s bedroom door slams. Peter takes a deep breath, and then I hear him walk out of the room too. Maybe I should start looking for somewhere else to live. How did I get involved in this mess? I remove my hands from my face slowly and cautiously. Yup, they’re both gone.