I should have stopped her. Not that I really could have. When Angie set her mind to something it was nearly impossible to convince her to change course. But I could have tried harder. She’d just seemed so intent on going, and I got this sense, this weird sense, that she really wanted to go. And if the fate of Earth truly hung in the balance, having Angie involved was a good thing. She was pretty amazing at making sure things got done. I didn’t tell her often enough, but she could be pretty cool.
Still, I was worried the moment she left, and even though I’d expected her to be gone awhile, every passing hour made it worse. I tried to hide it, but I wasn’t doing a great job.
That was probably why I agreed the second Telton gave me a task. I needed a distraction as Rachel was busy working with some bits and pieces of robot that Telton had given her. I’d offered her help, but she seemed to prefer to work on her own. I got that. Not to mention, robot building wasn’t in my wheelhouse.
I wasn’t sure why Telton thought it was wise to have me stand guard over Caspian. I guess it’s because he didn’t want Rachel in there, and he was busy. That still left Dale and Carl, but who would ask Dale to watch anyone? And I wasn’t really standing guard. There were several rows of steel bars separating us. I think it was just a show of force thing, but either way it was incredibly awkward when the guy was all broken up over his ex who happened to be my maybe, kind of girlfriend.
“She’ll never stay with you.” Caspian spoke the same words yet again. He didn’t seem to understand the concept of dropping subjects. This was at least the fourth time he’d said it.
Once again I pretended not to hear. The guy was upset. I got it, but he was going to have to chill out.
“You can’t satisfy her the way I can. You don’t understand her the way I do. You don’t share the connection we have.”
I kept looking off into the distance. He was trying to rile me up. I wouldn’t step into it.
“I know you can hear me. There’s no reason for you to pretend you don’t.”
But now he was getting just plain annoying. I turned toward him. “Fine. You want me to respond?"
“Yes.”
“You hurt her. This isn’t about choosing between us. It’s between her feeling safe.”
“Feeling safe?” His eyes widened. “With someone like you? You’re a stranger.”
“As are you… at least that’s how she feels. She thinks everything you ever told her was a lie. And it probably was.” I hated him for what he did to her. If you loved someone, how could you keep her from her family? From her home?
“Not true.” He shook his head.
“And all of her feelings were modified, or whatever the heck you guys call it. That’s quite a lot to handle.” I couldn’t imagine it. I didn’t even like people trying to analyze me, let alone actually influencing what I felt.
“But the modifiers didn’t create the love.” Something in his tone made it sound like he was trying to convince himself.
“I don’t really know all the details, but I know Rachel wants to stay away from you. She also wants to spend time with me, so for now that’s what we’re going to go with.”
“And you are calm? You can say the words ‘for now’ in regards to Rachel?” He grabbed hold of the bars. “That’s how I know you don’t truly love her.”
Okay. Now he was getting to me. “We’ve only known each other a few days. I care about her a lot. I feel strongly, but that doesn’t give me the right to try to dictate her future.” I wasn’t going to be that guy. She’d been with one of them already. Things would happen at their own pace. That’s not to say I didn’t want them to go in a particular direction. She was unlike anyone I’d ever met before, and I was counting down to when we’d actually have a chance to be alone again. Maybe it had only been a few hours, but it felt longer to me. And it wasn’t just about the physical—even though my mind went there a lot.
“And you’re implying that’s what I’m doing?”
“What you did. Listen, like I said. I don’t really want to talk about any of this. This is for you and Rachel to discuss.”
“But Rachel won’t talk to me.” He let go of the bars and stepped back.
“That’s her choice. I’m not making decisions for her.”
“You have no understanding of the situation.”
“Did I say I did? I can only go off what I’ve been told and how Rachel’s reacting to you. You upset her. End of story.”
“You are far more honest than most.”
“I don’t see a reason to lie. Life’s too short to make up excuses and pretend. I’m here because Rachel wanted me to come and because there is no way I’m letting your dad destroy my home.”
“We have that in common. If I were freed I could help.”
“Rachel implied you aren’t really bound. You could break out if you wanted.”
“But that wouldn’t be honorable.” He walked back toward the bars.
“Honorable? As if that word really defines you.”
“I need to prove myself honorable to earn back her trust. Breaking out won’t help my cause. You think I’m a brute, but I’m not. I don’t want her with me out of force. I want her to want to be with me by choice.”
Good luck with that one. I only thought it, saying it out loud wasn’t a good idea. I had a vested interest in making sure that didn’t happen, but I didn’t think I’d need to get involved. Rachel was pretty certain of what she wanted. Strangely enough, that was me. “Why did you do it?” Despite not wanting to talk, I did have questions.
“Do what?”
“Keep the truth from her? Was it because you didn’t want to lose her?” It was beyond unacceptable to me, but I got that people did really stupid things when they thought they were in love.
“You don’t understand my need for her. And I truly did not know at first.”
“At first?” If I could get some answers for Rachel, this conversation would be well worth it.
“By the time I did know it was too late.”
“And this too late part is the big secret no one will tell Rachel? Is it her brother? Is he dead?” I didn’t want to know, yet I did. I didn’t want her spending her life searching for someone impossible to find. As painful as it was, it would be easier to face now.
“I do not know his fate for sure.”
“Telton told her he could bring Rachel to him.”
“Then it is possible he knows.”
“Then what can’t Rachel know?” I ran through every possibility I could conceive of.
“If I tell you, you will tell her. Telton must have his reasons for not telling her yet. So I won’t tell you. I need to win over his trust as well as Rachel’s.”
“And you realize that holding back the truth from Rachel is just going to make things worse between you guys.” Maybe I shouldn’t have given him that tip, but I didn’t want Rachel hurting.
“Why is she attached to you?”
“Why are you changing the subject?” I hated when people did that. It’s like they thought they were the only ones with the right to dictate the direction of the conversation.
“We are still discussing Rachel. It’s the subject we both wish to discuss.”
“To answer your question, she’s not attached. She likes to be around me.” I wasn’t going to let him get into my head. There was nothing wrong with what was between us.
“She is very independent. I’ve seen that more and more recently. I now know it is because the modifiers no longer worked. Why would she have wanted you to come?”
“Because she likes having me around.” And that was significant. I was understanding that more and more. She could have easily pushed me away, but she didn’t. The same could be said about me. We had more in common than the surface revealed.
“Why?”
“What is with you and the never-ending questions? The why doesn’t matter.”
“The why always matters. You would be better off to think about it. I love Rachel with all my heart, but she has a harsher side to her. She is using you.”
“I’m what?” Rachel ran over clutching a hunk of metal in her hand. “What did you just say?” Her eyes blazed.
“Rachel. You’ve come.” Caspian’s face lit up.
“Did you really just tell Noah I was using him? Do you realize how crazy that sounds?”
I smiled. I didn’t want to. She was mad and for good reason, but it was amazing to watch her take on Caspian. Maybe he was behind bars, but he was still really intimidating, yet it didn’t seem to faze her at all.
“I can’t figure it out another way.”
“Maybe now that I am in control of my emotions again, I’m choosing better companions.” She wrapped her free hand around mine.
“Rachel.” Her name came out of his mouth as a whimper.
Ouch. Her words were completely warranted, but I could see that they hurt him.
“No. Don’t Rachel me. You will be respectful of Noah. And you’ll be respectful of me. I’m done being lied to and played with. I’m only here because it seemed like the best option. Once we ensure Earth is safe I’m going back. Don’t try to stop me because it won’t end well.”
“He will find someone else. Don’t think his love can be as eternal as mine.”
“I’m not asking for eternal. I’ve never asked for eternal. Ugh. Just stop. Noah is done watching you. I don’t want him subjected to you.”
“I can handle it.” I totally got why she was angry, but I could watch him if that’s the most helpful thing I could do.
“Dale is sitting around doing nothing. I am sure he wouldn’t mind having something to do.” Rachel squeezed my hand. “Besides, I’d like your company.”
I resisted the urge to gloat. She wanted my company, not his. “Oh, so you’ll subject Dale to Caspian?” I teased.
“I might actually view that as subjecting Caspian to Dale.” Rachel grinned.
“It’s funny how quickly you’ve figured that out.”
“I like him. He’s nice, but I have a feeling he’ll keep Caspian on his toes.”
“He will.”
We walked away in search of Dale. I didn’t look back, but I already knew I’d made an enemy out of Caspian. I had a bad feeling about that.