A few minutes into the carriage ride I wanted to be sick. Partly it was the rough ride and part of it was fear of the unknown. The only thing keeping me sane was Noah. We were in this together. Of course that also filled me with guilt, as we were in this together because of me. From the moment we’d met I’d put him in danger. The selfish side of me was thrilled I’d found someone as amazing as him, but the rational side knew he’d have been way better off without me. But as turning back the clocks was impossible, the best thing I could do was use everything I had to protect him.
The carriage continued down the tunnel until it stopped abruptly. “We are just about there.” Ella turned to look at us over her shoulder.
“Um. This is the castle?” All I saw was a white wall.
“This is the entrance to the castle.” Ella turned back toward the front.
There was a loud bang and two doors slid open in front of us revealing a glass enclosure. Etan jumped down and helped Ella off the carriage. Noah did the same for me. Ella led the way into the square made of glass. I looked behind me just as glass doors closed on that side. We started to descend.
“Is this an elevator?” Noah asked.
“Yes. It’s the only way to get to the castle without getting wet,” Ella pressed her hands against the glass.
Without getting wet? I answered my own question as the elevator continued its descent. There was water on all sides of us but not within the glass enclosure.
“This feels like a backward aquarium,” Noah whispered. “The fish and water are on the outside.” He pointed as a large turtle, surrounded by a school of fish, swam by. “I hope we fare better than the fish we used to have. They never made it long.”
“This is all perfectly safe, I assure you,” Ella piped in. Evidently she was listening.
We continued our downward journey until we came to a slow stop. The glass in front of us slid out of the way. As we walked off, I craned my neck to take in the towering glass building in front of us.
I was in a daze as we followed Ella and Etan down a short path and up to the several stories high entryway to the glass castle. It took me a moment to get my bearings, as the backward aquarium feeling was in full force. The whole castle existed deep under an ocean. The water was crystal clear with visibility into the deep blue depths. Every so often a giant fish would swim by, but otherwise the water was calm. The temperature was comfortable, but a few times I got a chill and the strange feeling I was being watched. I shook the sensation off as best I could and instead focused on Noah’s strong hand wrapped tightly around mine. Even if we were being watched, there wasn’t much we could do about it.
I wasn’t sure what to expect as we followed our hosts into the castle. What I found were high walls, cold, drafty rooms, and furniture that appeared handcrafted from wood. It was nothing like the palace on Andrelexa, which as far as I was concerned was a good thing.
“Let us retire to the porch,” Ella declared as soon we got inside. I wasn’t sure how there could be a porch inside the glass, but I didn’t argue. I wanted to get answers from Ella and Etan. The spot where we were when I heard those answers didn’t matter.
I’d been so driven by needs in the past few days. Needs like the drive to find my brother and to return to Earth. And now those had even changed as my feelings about Earth merged with my feelings about Noah and my desperate need to make things right for him and his family and friends.
It was at that moment, walking through the castle, that I recognized the role modifiers had played in my life. I’d never had to feel something quite like this before, at least not in my memory. The combination of the horrific—my fear, and the wonderful—my feelings for Noah combined to create an intensity of feelings I’d never imagined possible.
I was in a daze as we walked through the empty halls and out onto an expansive porch—surrounded fully by glass and looking out at an underwater mountain range, covered in bright coral in vivid shades of neon orange and purple, in the distance. Despite the situation, I couldn’t help but marvel at the underwater mountains.
“You know there are underwater mountains like those on Earth.” Noah pointed. “I always found it fascinating how much lay hidden under the ocean’s surface. It felt like space to me, seemingly infinite.”
“And now you’re in space seeing an ocean.” I smiled and took comfort in the normalcy of our conversation. His comment about underwater mountains on Earth made it possible to pretend for a moment that we really were on Earth, going about a normal life. The kind of life I doubted I’d ever have.
“I still can’t believe you are finally here.” Ella took a seat at the head of the table.
“Finally here? Didn’t you just find out about us?” Noah scooted his chair slightly closer to mine. It may have been to angle himself into a more direct view of Ella, but I was going to pretend it was because he wanted to be closer to me. I wanted him closer to me.
“Yes, but you are late.” She folded her hands on the table. “Very late.”
“I’m not following.” I wasn’t. Not in the slightest. “How can we be late if you only now found out about us?”
“It’s been too many years since the last starmates. Something must have gone wrong.” She clasped her hands together.
“Since we still don’t know what starmates are we can’t really give you any input on that.” Noah ran a hand through his hair.
“Starmates help keep the balance in the universe. Without them chaos ensues.” Etan sat down beside his sister.
“Chaos?” Noah frowned. “Like with a crazy Emperor threatening to destroy planets?”
“Yes. Like that. But worse.” Ella’s expression darkened. “It is with great relief that we’ve finally found you.”
“When you say it that way it’s as though you’ve been looking for us?” I turned in my chair so I could look directly at her.
“I have in my own way.”
“But you’ve been sleeping…” Noah trailed off.
“I search when I sleep. That’s the whole point.”
“So you’ve been searching for 250 years?” I thought I’d heard that detail.
“250 of my years,” she emphasized the my.
“Of your years meaning…” She had to give us more than that.
“I forget. You don’t know what you are so you haven’t figured out the true nature of time and it’s variances in the universe.”
“The true nature of time? That sounds pretty heady.” Noah leaned back in his chair.
“It isn’t heady. It’s hearty. Or of the heart.” Ella moved her hand over her heart. “Oh. You know what I mean.”
Noah shook his head. “Actually, I don’t.”
“I think they are telling the truth.” Eatan frowned. “They know nothing.”
“I wouldn’t say we know nothing…” Noah straightened up. “We just happen to be missing some information on this particular topic.”
“Well, none of this can be easily explained.” Ella gathered her skirts and stood up. “This is all wrong.”
“Okay then.” That was fine. We didn’t even know what starmates were. There were more important questions to ask. “Then help us with the other stuff. Who is the Emperor working with?”
“How would we know?” Etan put his feet on the table.
I tried to hide my surprise to his seemingly rude behavior. “Because you’re the rulers of North Star. The refugees are coming to you. You said it yourself. Shouldn’t some of them know what’s really going on?”
“We don’t ask those who seek asylum to share details.” Ella sat back down in a different chair this time. A large whale-like animal swam by.
“You asked us.” It hadn’t been that long since we’d stood at the gates.
“That’s because you are starmates.”
“Which I’m still not convinced is real.” I’d spent my entire life being the gullible one. I was done falling for everything.
“Oh, it’s real.” Ella leaned forward. “And essential. You two have messed things up by waiting so long.”
“Waiting so long for what?” I sighed. “Please. You can’t expect us to understand things if you don’t help us out here.”
“We need to go back.” Noah leaned his head close to mine. “Or at least check in. If things are safe.”
“How is it that you two have only now met?” Ella pushed her chair back from the table. “How have your paths not crossed sooner?”
“Well, she has been living on a different planet for most of our lives.” Noah rubbed the back of his neck.
“Most of your lives, but not all?” Ella stood and walked around the table toward us.
“We were both on Earth for about five years.” Noah watched Ella’s approach warily.
She stopped just to the side of us. “If you were both on the same planet for a few years you should have known of each other’s presence.”
“When we were preschoolers?” Noah narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think so.”
“You should have known. You should have sensed it.” Ella rested a hand on a vacant chair. “Unless…”
“It is all about time.” Etan shot up out of his chair. “I was right.”
“You were right about what?” I was beginning to think Noah had a point. We needed to get out of there.
“Rachel, you were raised on Andrelexa?” Ella knelt down beside me.
“Yes. From age five until a few days ago.”
She nodded and turned next to Noah. “And Noah, you’ve spent your whole life on Earth?”
“Yup. Didn’t even know for sure there was life on other planets until I met Rachel a few days ago.”
“And how did you meet?” Etan joined in on the questioning.
“She showed up on my front porch.”
“Why?” Ella put a hand on my arm. “Why his porch?”
“Because I lived there before I was taken.”
Ella clapped. “That’s it. It all makes sense.”
“What makes sense?” I groaned. “Nothing makes sense.”
“No one explained it to you, did they?” A sadness spilled across Ella’s face. “That’s horrible.”
“There seem to be lots of things that were conveniently never explained to me. Which one are you referring to?” The list was getting longer by the second.
“Did you notice anything different when you went back to Earth?” Etan walked around the table toward us.
“Of course I did. Thirteen years is a long time.”
“Anything significant?” Ella pressed.
“Why are you asking her that?” Noah shifted in his seat.
“Did you seek out your family?” Etan asked.
“I want to find my brother. I need to.” I wrapped my hands around the arms of the chair.
“Please, just tell her.” Noah sighed. “Okay? I’m not going to let you keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” Ella inclined her head to the side.
“Since we left Earth people have been hanging these truths in front of her and tugging them away at the last minute. We’re done putting up with that.” He pushed back his chair. “I’m done putting up with this. Either tell us what you’re implying or we’re leaving. You can wait another couple hundred of your years for a starmate pair.”
Ella smiled. “Well done, Noah.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I haven’t done well. I should have stuck up for her sooner, but I was so overwhelmed and worried. I’ve been weak, and I’m done with it. Rachel’s been nothing but brave, and I need to be too. Rachel deserves so much better than this. She deserves to understand her past, to understand what happened to her family. The lies and half-truths are getting old.”
Amsi beeped at my side.
“What of your past?” Ella put her hands on Noah’s arms. “Don’t you too have a past?”
“Yes. But I understand it. I know all of it, the good, the bad, the horrible. It might not be easy to take, but at least I know it.”
“Do you?” Etan stood behind Ella. “Do you know all of it?”
“Listen. I have enough going on right now that I’d like to skip the psychoanalysis. Okay? In case you’re reading my mind or memories or something, yeah I feel guilty. I wish it were me and not my brother that died. But you know what? I can’t change that. Kind of like I can’t change the things that happened to Rachel, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t know the truth.”
Ella nodded. “You speak only the truth, Noah. Would you like to see your brother, Rachel? I can bring you to him.”
“But he’s on Earth.” And as much as I wanted to see him, I couldn’t let the medallion fall into the wrong hands.
“He is. As I said, I can bring you to him safely.” Then she pivoted to Noah. “Both of you, of course. It wouldn’t be wise to separate you two. It’s going to take years for you to make up for lost time.”
“Noah can’t come. He has to stay for Angie.” It didn’t matter how badly I wanted Noah with me. He couldn’t go any further away from her. “I have asked so much of you. I can’t ask more.”
“Well, I can’t let you do this alone.” He pulled his hands from Ella and turned to me. “This is a huge thing to be facing, and I’m going to do it with you. I really don’t fully understand the way I feel about you, but I knew my feelings for you aren’t going to disappear. You’re stuck with me. We’re just going to have to find Angie quickly and then go to Earth.”
Ella smiled. “And that will be easier than you think.”
“What do you mean?” My heart beat faster after hearing Noah’s words. I didn’t deserve him. But that didn’t mean I’d let him go. “Is Angie nearby?”
“She is. I can trace anyone who either of you are connected with. We will expedite her processing, and we will be off. I am glad we came to a solution.” Ella grinned. She was nearly as bubbly as when we first met her. “No bond is stronger than starmates… but a sister and brother bond is also significant. She is nearing North Star now. There are others with her. One you were once close with Rachel.”
Caspian. That’s what she had to mean. “Emphasis on once. I will never be close to him again.”
“But isn’t he like a father to you still?”
“Oh. You mean Telton.” I was angry at him too. But in a different way. It hurt just as much but cut differently. “And Caspian too I suppose?”
“The father figure is the only one close to you I sense.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t disappointed. But I was surprised. I’d doubted my bond with Caspian over and over, but knowing it was false felt more permanent. But it didn’t matter. What mattered was it was finally time to see my brother again.
“Let me get Angie for us, and then we can be off.” Ella smiled. Her relaxed expression was likely the complete opposite of mine.