Chapter Eleven

“I DON’T REALLY know where to start, so I’m just going to come out and say it.”

Parker nodded, squeezing Marion’s hands tight in her own, trying her best to be present and here and engaged with whatever huge thing had her best friend looking so nervous, and kind of excited.

Things with Kristina had been fraught. She hadn’t been able to meet on Sunday, and now almost a whole week later, sitting on Marion’s sofa on Friday night, Parker worried she had messed things up between them permanently.

Marion’s fingers returned her squeeze.

“We’re having another baby.”

“What?” Her reaction was as loud inside her head as it was outside of it. When had they decided this? How had she missed it? God…am I really that wrapped up in my own crap?

“That’s…amazing, that’s so amazing! When did you guys start thinking about this?”

Marion looked guilty.

“You’ve had a rough year, P-bear. I imagine the last thing you want to hear about is our boring back and forth over baby number two.”

The words burned, as well intentioned and careful as they had been. Parker heard the true meaning. Her best friend hadn’t wanted to burden her with yet another reminder of all the things she had that would never exist in Parker’s own messed-up life.

She swallowed down the hurt.

“So how are you going to…I mean you’re thirty-nine.”

There were tears in Marion’s chocolate eyes as she nodded.

“I know. We weren’t sure it would take, but we contacted Roland’s donor again and it took three tries but…”

Parker gasped, surged forward to hug her, and then released her chokehold, suddenly conscious of the new little life between them.

She pulled back and held Marion’s face between her hands, searching her eyes.

“I am so ridiculously, wonderfully, happy for you. You know that, right?”

Tears spilled onto her fingers, and Marion sniffled and nodded.

Parker tugged her into a hug, swallowing the tears in her throat. When they pulled apart, LiLing was in the doorway, a bottle of sparkling grape juice in one hand and three champagne flutes in the other.

“I take it she’s told you you’re going to be a godmom and an auntie again?”

Parker nodded, genuinely overcome with love and happiness, and so much gratitude for these wonderful, strong women who had become her family.

“I can hardly wait!”

She crossed the room and pulled LiLing into a hug.

 

Marion (best friend from the bar) and her wife told me last night they’re expecting another baby, another godson/daughter/niece/nephew for me.

She wasn’t sure why she sent the text to Kristina. She hadn’t gotten a reply from her since Thursday, but lying in bed on Saturday morning, she realized she had nobody else aside from her brother to share the news with. The buzz of her phone surprised her.

Congratulations.

Her heart fell. She was tired of waiting, and wondering. If Kristina didn’t want to see her anymore, she wished she would just say so. Running a hand through her hair, she tapped out a message.

Do you want to end our arrangement?

The tears in her throat as she pressed Send surprised her. She tossed her phone onto the mattress and closed her eyes, telling herself she’d done the right thing. It’s better just to know.

The harsh buzz of her cell cut into her worrying, and she picked it up, surprised to see Kristina on the caller ID. Oh God, is she going to do it over the phone? Was this part of her code about ending things respectfully?

She declined the call. A text came almost immediately.

Answer me, right now, sweetheart. If you’re unable please step outside and take the call. It’s important.

The phone started to ring again, and panic spilled hot into her chest. Taking a deep breath, she swiped to accept the call, and lifted it to her ear.

“Parker?”

She swallowed.

“Kristina… Hi…”

She sounded flat, fake.

“What on earth makes you think I want to end things with you?”

Hope shot through her, dangerous.

“I wasn’t sure. You’ve just been so distant lately and I thought—”

“Hold on, baby.”

Kristina cut her off, and Parker tried to ignore how her heart raced at the endearment. She’d only ever called her that while they were doing stuff.

Parker could hear her down the line, muffled as she discussed something in clipped, hurried tones. She sounded far away, and Parker imagined she was holding her cell down while she spoke.

“I need five minutes, Frank. Close the door and tell Janelle to hold my calls…”

She’s at work? Parker tugged the phone away from her ear briefly. At ten thirty on a Saturday morning?

“Parker?”

“I’m here.”

She studied her ceiling and waited, suddenly unsure what to say. The silence down the line was deafening. Finally, Kristina spoke.

“Of course I don’t want to end things. I apologize if you got that impression. I just…” She sighed. “Usually when things get this way with the company, I put whatever arrangement I currently have on hold, sort of like a time out. The other person can see someone else if they want, and once I have more free time we touch base and decide if we’ll resume, or move on.”

Parker swallowed hard.

“Maybe I should have done that here, but I didn’t want that with you… So I wasn’t really sure what to do, and then work was insane…”

She was smiling like an idiot, because Kristina didn’t want to take a break, and she was also apparently an idiot, and a clueless one when it came to personal relationships beyond arrangements and kink.

“Kristina, you could have just talked to me.”

She could practically hear the gears turning in Kristina’s head.

“I texted you that work had been busy?”

“Right, but that one-line text, and calling me to explain work is really insane and you’re probably going to be pretty unavailable for the next week are sort of different things.”

Kristina swallowed audibly.

“That’s…probably true. Do I need to apologize? I probably should… I am sorry, sweetheart.”

It was so hard not to be disarmed by her like this, so uncertain when she was usually so sure.

“That’s okay.”

And somehow, it was.

“Please don’t think I don’t want to continue our arrangement. That’s never been the case. It was the opposite actually.”

Parker smiled at that.

“Think I could steal you at some point this weekend, just for a little while?”

The pause on the other end of the line didn’t bode well.

“I’ll make it well worth your while, Mistress.”

The soft growl her words elicited was the sweetest reward for her boldness.

“God, I’ve missed you and your attitude, Miss Freeman.”

She was smiling, a grin splitting her face for the first time in a week.

“I missed you too, Kristina.”

She heard a male voice on the other end of the line, and wished desperately for an answer before Kristina hung up.

“I’ll try and get done early tonight. I’ll text you, okay?”

She nodded, correcting herself quickly when she remembered Kristina couldn’t see her.

“Okay…”

The line went dead, and she was left clutching her phone to her ear, a stupid smile on her face.

 

KRISTINA HADN’T TEXTED. Parker had tried not to be too disappointed with that development. Her day had been better, her grading and planning passing easier, now she knew Kristina was just honestly, genuinely busy, though she had really hoped to see her.

The TV flickered, and she was hardly watching, close to drifting off when her phone buzzed on her nightstand.

Still awake?

At least Kristina had bothered to message like she’d said, even if it was only going to be to say good night.

Barely.

She was falling asleep again, waiting for a reply, when a loud knock on her front door jolted her awake. Her eyes flicked to the clock. Almost midnight. She lay still; hopefully whoever it was would just go away. She was pretty used to being home alone. Even when she was married she was in the house by herself for the majority of the time, yet when the knocking came again, she was a little spooked.

She grabbed her phone and typed out a quick message.

Someone’s knocking on my door…

She wasn’t sure what Kristina could do from her house, but it made her feel better that someone knew.

I know.

The text didn’t make sense.

It’s cold, are you going to let me in?

Her panic dissolved into glee. She threw off the covers and rushed down the hall, patting down her hair, grimacing at her flannel pajama pants and tank top—there was nothing that could be done for it now.

Without bothering to check the peephole, she slid back the dead bolt and opened the door, a smile already breaking over her face when she saw Kristina on the other side.

“Hey, beautiful.”

She looked so tired. Parker reached out and tugged her inside. She closed the door behind her and locked it, forgetting to be self-conscious as the cold night air made her nipples strain against the thin material of her tank.

“What are you doing out at this time?”

They hovered in the hall, Kristina dumping her car keys into the bowl on the side table with a familiarity Parker couldn’t help but like.

“Just finished work. Did I wake you?”

Parker shook her head.

“That makes pretty much…a twelve-hour shift. You must be tired. Did you eat? I can make you a—”

Cold lips covering her own killed the rest of the sentence.

“I’m not hungry for food, sweetheart.”

Oh.

Kristina’s fingers were cool when they wrapped around her throat, and Parker’s breath caught. She was surprised she liked the gentle hold.

“I want to take you upstairs and fuck you. Would you like that?”

Fingers tweaked one of her nipples, and she jumped at the rough touch.

“Yes, Mistress.”

The hand around her throat tightened ever so slightly before it let her go, and Kristina indicated for her to lead the way. Part of her objected, feeling selfish, greedy. Kristina had to be exhausted, and the urge to run her a bath and make her a midnight snack was strong.

A hand swatted Parker’s behind on the way up the stairs, and she laughed, guilty that the desire to feel her, to be fucked by her, was stronger. I’m an addict.

Perched on the edge of her bed, she watched Kristina begin to undress, eyes tracking her every movement as with nimble fingers she flicked the clasp on her watch—is that a freaking Rolex?—and set it on the nightstand.

“Did I mention I’ve missed you?”

You did. Now Kristina was here, in her room, Parker realized she had missed her terribly in the week she had been almost completely absent from her life. Dark eyes flicked up to her face, and Kristina swallowed, her expression unreadable.

“Lie back on the bed and get naked for me.”

Parker scooted back obediently, tugging her thin tank top over her head, letting her breasts fall free. Her plaid pants followed, and she lay back, enjoying the sight of Kristina wiggling her dress over her slim hips and kicking it to the floor.

“Are you wet for me?”

Parker wasn’t sure. What she did notice was how comfortable she felt now, bare as she was before Kristina, at home in her body like she hadn’t been at the start. When did that happen?

Kristina ran her hands up over her breasts, squeezing them, pushing them together in a display Parker was sure was for her benefit. Her body burned appreciatively.

“Touch yourself, baby, and tell me.”

With her eyes on Kristina’s, she slid her hand down her torso and between her legs, glad she’d decided to shave everything earlier that day.

She was. Wow. Kristina had barely been there five minutes, yet the effect on her was obvious.

“Well?”

The question was impatient, and a little piece of Parker enjoyed that. She circled herself a few times, daring to spread her legs a bit, watching Kristina’s eyes flame at the view. She answered lazily.

“Yes, Mistress.”

Kristina stalked toward the bed. Her knees hit the bottom of the mattress before she was crawling up and over her.

“Have you been taking care of your needs while I’ve been busy?”

Parker looked up at her. Tired as she was, she was still beautiful, sultry, sexy, in the blue glow of the muted TV. Dark hair cascaded over her shoulders. She still ached to kiss those full lips even without their usual red lipstick.

She confirmed she had, still rubbing herself slowly, her body growing hot from Kristina’s proximity and the work of her own fingers.

“Good girl. Have you fucked yourself?”

She shook her head. Before, going inside while masturbating wasn’t something she ever felt like, and now, it was something she resisted on purpose.

“Why not?”

Can I admit it?

She rubbed herself a little harder, feeling brave.

“I just…”

Kristina lowered herself down, and Parker felt a trail of hot slickness across her thigh as she ground against her. Parker reached up, enjoying the weight of full breasts in her hands.

“I like to keep that for you…only you.”

She was momentarily embarrassed, but Kristina’s reaction killed the feeling. The catch of her breath was audible, and the kiss that followed was hard, claiming, insistent.

“I like that, sweetheart.”

Kristina’s rough fingers batted hers away from herself and took over rubbing her.

“I like that, so much.”

Teeth bit down hard on the muscle of Parker’s shoulder; then a hot tongue soothed the ache. She groaned.

“Touch me, baby…”

Glad to oblige, Parker slipped a hand between them, pleased when her fingers slid easily between Kristina’s legs.

“I missed this…”

The confession fell right into her mouth, and they were moving together, rubbing and grinding, and Parker felt the muscles in Kristina’s back ripple as she dragged her fingers down it, tugging her impossibly closer.

“Do you want me in you?”

A tongue pushed rough into her mouth before she could answer, and she sucked it hard, nipping it with her teeth and enjoying the hiss as Kristina pulled it away.

Her legs were spread, her own arousal coating her thighs, Kristina’s hand, the sheets, but she didn’t care. This was desperate, dirty, and Kristina was right there with her, reveling in it all.

“Yes, Mistress. Please…”

A finger pushed into her, rough, and her back arched off the bed, everything in her pulling taut at the intrusion.

“Like that?”

She couldn’t get the breath into her lungs to answer. Teeth grazed her nipple and she yelped.

“More.”

Kristina laughed, the sound dark and heady. Parker forced her own hand to work faster, rubbing harder as a new wave of wetness coated her fingers.

“Ask me.” Kristina was breathless.

“Please put two fingers inside me… Mistress…”

The last word became a moan as Kristina complied, working another inside her.

Parker’s thighs were clenched tight, trapped open under the weight of Kristina’s body above her. Fingers twisted in her hair, and her stomach jumped.

“I want to be inside you…please?”

Parker hadn’t even planned to ask, didn’t even acknowledge the thought until it was out there, between them. Kristina faltered, and then she was kissing her hard.

“Fine.”

The fingers inside her curled, and Parker grit her teeth. She ignored the delicious high building low in her stomach, in favor of pulling back, looking up to watch Kristina’s face while she slid a finger into her for the very first time.

Parker pushed the heel of her hand up against her and curled the digit, letting Kristina ride it.

When the movement between her own legs resumed, the pace was punishing, and Parker knew she wasn’t going to last long like this.

They moved together, breaths mixing, sweat-soaked skin on skin. Kristina’s arousal spilled over her hand, over her thigh, and she felt her own, slick around Kristina’s fingers as they pumped her.

She was close, too close.

Reaching around, she grabbed Kristina’s ass, kneading the soft flesh to urge her faster, harder against her hand. The walls around her finger fluttered in response, making her own body quiver.

“Come on, honey… Come for me.”

Something flashed in Kristina’s dark eyes at the words. It was the last thing Parker saw before her head fell back and she exploded, feeling Kristina jerking above her, still impaled on her finger as she did the same.

When Kristina collapsed on top of her, Parker held her tight as they rocked gently together, riding out the last of their mutual pleasure, before Kristina rolled half off her.

Tan fingers traced patterns over her shoulder, and Parker found herself combing through her dark hair, trying not to read into how much she enjoyed just being, existing, like this with her. Kristina’s hair tickled her cheek as Parker lay on her back, Kristina curled into her side, her breathing steady, peaceful.

“Tired?”

Kristina only hummed in response.

“Can I ask you something?”

She hummed again and it sounded like agreement.

“How did you get into all this? I know you said you went through the agency…”

Kristina stiffened and was quiet for the longest time. Just when Parker wondered if she had fallen asleep, she replied, her voice soft, tired.

“You’re right. I went through the agency, and that’s how I met Mal. I went through her program, and she showed me a kind of intimacy I found acceptable after…” She looked away. “My time with her was important, because in learning how to submit, I came to understand what it takes to be a good Dominant.”

Parker could sense her discomfort, the amount of effort it had taken for her to share even that much.

“That makes sense.” She let her fingers card gently through her hair. “Are you staying?”

Kristina stiffened again at the question.

Parker leaned down to kiss her lips. She pulled away when she sensed Kristina was about to and tugged the comforter up around them.

“Honey, you’re exhausted and it’s so late for you to be driving home. Just stay.”

She did.

 

“ARE YOU SURE I can’t take you out for breakfast first?”

Kristina paused, dress up around her hips, bare from the waist up. Watching her lick her lips, Parker sensed her discomfort from her place in the bed.

“You know this is just sex, right, sweetheart?”

The words were careful, but it was easy to grasp the meaning behind them.

“I do.” Parker kept her tone even. “But we’ve gone out to eat together before, and you’re clearly exhausted and you’ve lost weight. Is it selfish that I want you healthy, Mistress?”

Kristina crossed the room and crawled back onto the bed and kissed her. It was chaste, and she felt Kristina smiling against her lips; then the kiss turned deeper, slow, and Parker couldn’t help but wonder if Kristina knew this was just sex too.

Reluctantly, Parker kissed her once more and pulled away.

“Finish getting dressed and I’ll make you a sandwich for the road?”

Kristina leaned in and kissed her once more.

“You’re so good to me, Miss Freeman. That sounds nice, as long as you see me out the door.”

Parker nodded her agreement, reluctantly leaving the warmth of the comforter to hunt for her pajamas.

“Parker…” Kristina’s voice was low and delicious when she interrupted her search. “Don’t put anything on.”