Chapter Fifteen

“EXCUSE ME, PROFESSOR.”

Kristina appeared in the bathroom doorway, hair still wet from the shower, pajama pants and a T-shirt hanging loose from her small frame.

Parker tugged her glasses off her nose and set her phone aside—student emails could wait, definitely.

“Oh no, please, keep those on.”

She sauntered across the room, and Parker watched, spellbound, wondering if she would ever get tired of this woman. Even after last night when they were both thoroughly sated, desire crackled between them again like a static charge, though it was gentler now than it had been at the start.

The mattress dipped as Kristina sat beside her, and she studiously ignored the way her heart jumped when Kristina leaned in to kiss her.

“So you’re in a better mood this morning?” Parker asked the question against soft lips.

“I recall being in an awfully good mood last night.”

Parker nipped at the tongue that was playing at her lips.

“If that’s my punishment, I may have to make you jealous more often, Miss Diaz.”

Kristina stiffened under her touch.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Dark hair fell in Kristina’s face as she looked down, and reaching up to twist it back over her shoulder had become so natural Parker did it without even thinking.

“Krissie, it’s natural. We all experience it at some point in our lives.”

The nickname earned her a kiss.

“Not for me. I don’t do jealousy, as a rule. I don’t tolerate it from my subs, and I seriously never engage in it.”

“Why?”

She searched Kristina’s eyes, trying to follow where she had gone again. The place was far, and cold, and everything was so clear-cut that Parker didn’t understand it at all.

“Because it’s just insecurity given airtime. We live in an amazing world; there’s so much to experience. If I interact with someone else, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I think it’s crazy to believe you can be absolutely everything to someone else, and it’s selfish to expect it.”

Wow.

“So you’re polyamorous?”

“What? No.” Kristina’s eyebrows shot up. “That implies I have feelings for multiple people. I don’t.”

“You just want to sleep with multiple people?”

She wished she hadn’t said it. As soon as it left her mouth, her own jealousy stirred. Maybe she was selfish, but the thought of Kristina with someone else twisted something deep in her gut.

“Lately, no.”

The admission felt huge in the quiet of the room.

“Kristina… There won’t be any more dates. I mean, I’m not planning on doing that again.”

Somehow it felt important to say. Kristina’s eyes were on her, full of apology and a thousand questions. She asked one of her own.

“Are we…being exclusive?”

Her heart beat harder at the suggestion. Experience had taught her that Kristina would balk at the commitment, but hope made her ask anyway.

“Parker… I…” She paused, running a hand through wet hair, beautiful in the late-morning sun peeling in through the windows. “I want to say yes, and that terrifies me. This isn’t who I am.”

Parker’s heart soared and then stuttered, but for now, it was enough.

“So don’t say anything.”

Maybe she was wrong to keep giving her all these concessions and ways out, and she could only imagine what Marion would say, but against all the odds, she trusted Kristina. As much as her reasoning was lost on her, and as much as she didn’t understand the invisible and ever-changing standard she seemed to hold herself to, Parker knew without a doubt Kristina wasn’t out to hurt her.

Kristina picked at a thread on her pants, goose bumps on the tops of her arms from the cool of the room after her shower. She’d never wanted anything like this, like her.

“Planning on going out to do your yoga this morning?”

Seemingly relieved by the change of subject, Kristina flopped back onto the pillows beside her, and Parker tried to ignore how natural it was to lean down and kiss her. When she pulled back, Kristina’s eyes were shining up at her with their usual mirth.

“Not unless you want to join me?”

Parker laughed.

“And humiliate myself, flailing around while you fold yourself like a pretzel?”

“Oh…”

Kristina caught her by the shirt and tugged her back down. She went easily.

“So you do watch me.”

Her cheeks did flame a little bit at that. It had become a guilty pleasure, lying in bed looking out of the window to watch the sunrise over the ocean and ogle Kristina in those oh so thin spandex pants.

“What if I do?”

A smirk lit her beautiful face.

“I know what I’m getting you for Christmas then.”

Somehow, the permanence in the words surprised her. It was the most Kristina had ever talked about, or implied there would be, any future for them together. She tried not to cling to it.

The doorbell rang before she could ask what. Kristina groaned.

“Need to get that?” Parker let her fingers walk up a pajama-clad thigh, catch the hem of her shirt, and tug it up to expose a thin sliver of skin above her waistband. She raked her nails over it softly.

“I don’t want to.” Kristina shivered under the touch. “But I should.”

Parker kissed her, slow and deep, and just when Kristina’s fingers came up to thread through her hair, she pulled back.

“Go ahead, honey. I’ll be here.”

She huffed out a sigh.

“You’re evil, Professor, but I’ll have the last laugh.”

Parker picked up her phone as she rolled away. She slipped her glasses back onto her nose, looking over the rims as the doorbell rang again.

“I’m counting on it. Now go answer the door.”

With one last scorching look, Kristina disappeared down the hall.

The sound of voices floated up to meet her. Focusing on her emails, she tried not to listen, but as they grew quieter, discomfort settled over her.

Conscious she was prying but concerned, she set her phone aside, left her glasses on the nightstand, and started down the long hall after Kristina.

Voices rose—she could make out Kristina’s and another woman’s—until she was hovering outside the living room door.

“I told you, I’m busy.”

Kristina sounded as fraught as she’d ever heard her, and Parker entered the room without thinking. The woman from that day in the driveway was there. Her dark eyes snapped to her, all lithe feline grace as she stepped easily around Kristina to move toward her.

“A sleepover? TPE round the clock?”

Lost, Parker opened her mouth to ask what she meant, but Kristina was at her side, half between her and the woman who Parker knew by now to be Mal.

“No. Can we do this some other time?”

Mal didn’t seem to hear her.

“Older. I’m impressed. I can work with this.”

Parker felt herself being appraised and squared her shoulders, wishing she was wearing something other than sweats and an old T-shirt, wishing she was wearing a bra.

“Mallory Carlson.”

“Parker Freeman.” She held Mal’s gaze, feeling Kristina beside her, tense, watching the interaction.

“So, Parker. Kristina and I were going to play. I’d be happy to have you join. It would be good for you to spend time with a more experienced Dominant.”

It took her a second to realize what she meant. Kristina was oddly quiet, still at her side, so unlike the confident, carefree woman she usually was in front of anyone else.

“Actually, it sounded like Kristina asked you to leave.”

Mal’s smile twisted into something sinister, and she laughed. The sound was rough, and the chill it sent down Parker’s spine was anything but pleasant.

“Fiery. I see why she likes you.” She seemed to consider for a second, and Parker held her gaze. “You can join us, or leave. Which will it be?”

Is she for real? Kristina went to speak, but Parker was faster.

“What exactly will I be joining you in? Has Kristina said she wants to have sex with you, or be dominated by you, or whatever you’re hoping is going to happen here?”

The scent of perfume assaulted her as Mal stepped into her space. They were close enough to kiss, but against all her instinct, Parker didn’t step back.

“Kristina is mine.”

“Honey.” Parker forced herself to look away from Mal, to Kristina who looked small, lost, beside her, watching the interaction between the two of them intensely. Mal scoffed at the endearment. “Do you want me to leave? Do you want to…” She couldn’t bring herself to call it playing. “Be with her?”

“Of course she does. Isn’t that right, pet?”

Mal answered for her, and Kristina swallowed hard, dark eyes falling to the floor, silent. That was no kind of answer.

“You need to leave.”

If Kristina wanted her to go she could say so, but until then, Parker wasn’t leaving her alone with this woman. Mal licked her lips and stepped impossibly closer.

Mal reached up. Parker swallowed hard as she waited for Mal’s fingers to brush her cheek. They never made contact.

Suddenly awake, moving, Kristina was between them, conviction burning in her voice.

“Don’t touch her.”

Mal laughed, and Parker was lost, missing too many vital pieces to make real sense of this interaction. The fingers of Kristina’s free hand shook at her side, and it was so natural to step up to her back and slide her own through them, squeezing gently.

“Kristina…”

Mal pulled her arm from her grip, roughly.

“Just leave. I’ve told you, I don’t want you here anymore.”

Mal’s nostrils flared. Her gaze on Kristina was scorching, even as a bystander.

“Why? Because of her?”

Parker opened her mouth to tell her it was none of her business, but Mal spoke again.

“You will always, always be a broken little girl, Kristina. You might enjoy playing Mistress, but you and I, we know the truth of what you are. And you will come back to me.”

It sounded too much like a threat. Kristina’s fingers shook in her own, and Parker stepped closer, her other hand soft on her hip as she addressed Mal.

“You need to leave.”

Mal snapped her eyes to her, studying her, analyzing her with such contempt, such condescension, that it was an effort not to wilt under her glare. Parker’s front pressed soft against Kristina’s back. Parker let her presence fortify her, inflate her. She had something Mal didn’t. Kristina was hers, for now.

“You heard her.” Kristina took a shuddering breath. “Get the fuck out, Mal, and don’t come back. It’s over between us, it has been for a while, and I mean it, I’m done.”

Mal’s face was sour as she took a step away, and as Kristina relaxed against her, Parker felt like, finally, it was safe to exhale.

A sound rang out like a gunshot, too fast, out of absolutely nowhere, and Mal sprung forward. Kristina let out a strangled cry and jumped back covering her face, colliding into Parker who wrapped her arms around her without thinking.

The room was silent, and it took Parker three long seconds to realize the noise had just been the stomp of Mal’s stiletto on the floor. The action made no sense, but Kristina was shaking against her, and Mal was laughing, cold, callous. Did she pretend to hit her?

“I’ll be seeing you, K.”

Thankfully, she did turn to leave, and Parker waited, listening to the click of her heels down the hall, the open and close of the front door, the roar of her car speeding out of the driveway.

Kristina’s breathing was ragged, uneven in the quiet.

“What just happened?”

Kristina made no move to answer, still clinging to her, small, quiet, in a way Parker had never seen her.

“Krissie?”

Taking hold of Kristina’s biceps, she tried to move her away, but Kristina held tight, and unsure what else to do, Parker walked them to the sofa and sat them down.

Kristina’s slim arms were tight around her waist, so Parker let them stay, keeping her own around her, holding her close, running her fingers through her silky dark hair.

The interaction replayed in her mind. She studied it from every angle. Most of it she could make some sense of, but the last part, Mal’s stiletto on the floor, Kristina’s reaction and the hand over her face… Did she hit her when they were together?

“Sorry…I…” Kristina pulled back, and Parker let her go just enough so she could see her face, still holding her gently around the arms. “You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

She dragged her thumbs under Kristina’s eyes, collecting the last of the tears, and Parker found herself struck by how young she looked, how small, in comparison to the force of nature she had become to her.

“You have nothing to apologize for, honey, nothing.”

Kristina nodded, blinking at her before her face clouded over.

“I should… You should…”

“Kristina, did she hit you?”

She hadn’t meant to just come out with it, but watching the mask fall back into place, seeing Kristina preparing to run, she had.

“Mal?” The word was sputtered out, and more tears welled in her dark eyes.

Parker tipped her head.

“No… Never. Mal… She’s just… God.”

The tears spilled over, and Kristina’s face disappeared into her hands. Parker tugged her closer, and though she resisted at first, eventually, she collapsed against her chest again.

“Is this why you were so upset the last time she was here?”

Kristina nodded against her.

“I wasn’t having work done at the house. I just wanted not to be here because I knew she was in town. She got here early,” she said darkly. Parker sensed her hackles rising.

“Krissie… If she’s been hurting you….”

Kristina pulled away from her. “No, Parker, no. Mal has never hurt me without my consent.”

“Has she fucked you without it?”

The silence that hung between them was loaded and heavy, and stretched out too long. As she opened her mouth to break it, Kristina spoke.

“No… I don’t know. It’s over now, so what does it matter?”

“Kristina…”

“Parker, please.” She sounded just desperate, just broken enough that Parker let her protests die on her tongue, and they hovered there, both caught in heavy silence.

Parker reached across the space that had sprung up between them and then she took Kristina’s cool fingers in her own, squeezing, tugging a little, until Kristina was looking up at her, a fresh wave of tears in her dark eyes though her mouth stayed set in a grim line.

“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand this…you. I…care about you.”

Kristina swallowed hard.

“I know.”

“How did this become your life, Krissie? You’re so…. Good, you have so much potential. What made you use the agency and go with Mal?”

She scoffed.

“You used the agency too.”

Parker nodded her agreement. “And I’m a forty-year-old woman whose entire life flipped when my wife left me and I was desperate to get out of that…place, to find myself again, that I figured I had nothing to lose, but you…”

“Don’t.” Kristina’s voice was sharp as broken glass. “Don’t put me up on a pedestal.” Tears tracked down her cheeks.

“Krissie…”

Parker leaned in, not knowing what to do. Sex was always easy between them, and physically, they communicated on a level she didn’t know how to replicate with words in that moment. Hovering a hairsbreadth away from her, she waited, Kristina exhaling against her lips. When she leaned forward to press their mouths together, it was soft, slow. Parker reached up to cup her face, tears collecting on her thumbs.

When the kiss ended, they stayed close, foreheads resting together as she brushed the tears from Kristina’s tan cheeks.

I love you.

The words rang in her head, screamed. She did. Somehow, somewhere in all this she had fallen for Kristina, and all she wanted was to protect her, to understand her, to help her heal. The way she’d flinched back haunted Parker as much as the words, but she gave in to the silence, closing her eyes to enjoy Kristina’s proximity, the fact that for now, she was hers.

“I got into a bad relationship coming out of high school. It messed me up more than I can tell you. He, um…”

Parker watched her as she pulled away, trying not to feel the slight shock that ran through her at the pronoun.

“He hit me, and was controlling, and…I was young.”

A sob rattled up her throat, but when Parker reached for her, Kristina held up her hands.

“If you touch me, I won’t be able to finish. I’ve not told anyone this in years.”

Parker nodded her understanding, trying desperately to keep her emotions off her face as she folded her hands back in her lap and listened.

“Afterwards I just… I was so out of control. I called the agency when I was twenty and met Mal shortly after. I hated her at first, but over time she showed me intimacy I understood. Like a business transaction, the terms are set. I understood the stakes for both parties, and what she got, and what I got, and there was a get-out clause from the start.”

Parker swallowed, tears welling as Kristina reached up to wipe hers away.

“Mal was good to me. I found it hard to say no to her even when our arrangement ended, and after I met you I…asked her to stop coming around; then I started trying to avoid her. She fixed me, or I thought she had, and now I just…”

Her face crumpled. Parker caught her without hesitation when she leaned forward to sob, held her until she’d taken a deep breath, and met her eyes again.

“I had it all figured out.” The words were soft in the quiet, still a little unsteady. Kristina’s dark eyes met her own, and something constricted in her chest. “I never knew until you that nothing was figured out at all.”

It shattered. Kristina leaned up as she leaned down, and they were kissing, soft but firm. Kristina ran her fingers over Parker’s shirt, up her chest to touch her neck, her cheeks, her hair.

Those three words she really didn’t want to say were right on the tip of her tongue, so she put it to better use by running it soft across Kristina’s bottom lip and letting it flit inside. Parker had never tasted her like this, laid open, the last of her defenses blown out with the admission neither of them had expected.

The pads of Kristina’s fingers trailed down her spine, settled on her hip. Parker tugged her closer, closer, and there was no trace of dominant Kristina as lips moved to kiss the hollow of her throat.

Clothes fell like rain, and when they tumbled back onto the sofa, the softness stayed. Kristina looked up at her, and Parker saw her eyes question and then let go, give in when she touched her gently.

I love you.

It was right there, so she dipped her head instead. She kissed Kristina and let the word fall out silently into her mouth.

Her name sounded like a benediction, falling from kiss-plumped lips as she moved down her body. Though she had seen her countless times, everything looked different today in the face of this new exposition between them. It was with one hand on Kristina’s cheek, and her lips around a taut nipple that Parker realized what was happening.

“Parker…”

Her name had never sounded as good, as right, as it did in that moment when Kristina breathed it out and let her head fall back on the cushion.

It had never sounded as good as when Parker slid back up to slip a thigh between her legs and kiss her slowly. Fingers threaded through her hair, holding her impossibly closer. They didn’t twist or tug. There was no play for the upper hand; there were no games at all now. Kristina was relaxed against her as Parker slid a hand between them, relaxed when Kristina bucked her hips and pushed her half off so she could slide her own hand down too. They touched each other slowly, unhurried, soft moans and breathy gasps and Kristina’s body shuddering in a way that made her ache.

“Krissie…”

Kristina’s fingers moved slick over her, and Parker tried for focus on moving her own against Kristina, on her half-lidded eyes and barely parted lips, on anything except the words bubbling so close to the surface, threatening to spill out and ruin whatever tentative thing was forming between them now.

Parker had seen her naked, been undone by her dozens of times, yet somehow, this felt like the first time Kristina was truly bare before her.

“Krissie…”

The words rose higher, closer, and it would be so easy to let them fall out on a breath, spill them out into the day where so many other admissions had been made anyway.

There was a warning in Kristina’s eyes, and Parker slid her fingers lower, pushing into her slowly, almost apologetic; then her jaw was clenched and the words were tumbling away. If she couldn’t tell, she would show her.

Parker didn’t ask permission this time, letting the tips of her fingers dip low, feeling Kristina tense beneath her, feeling the hitch in her kiss before she relaxed, her hips rising ever so slightly, inviting. Parker pushed into her.

Parker didn’t stop. She didn’t even falter when somewhere between the slide of their bodies, the throbbing pleasure that was winding higher from having Kristina inside her, against her, on her, she realized they weren’t fucking. She had never dared to touch her like this, with such reverence, so lazily. Kristina had always been something to be enjoyed quickly and thoroughly, taking as much as she dared before she pulled away. Today, there was no rush, no games, or roles, or yes, Mistress. They were making love.

Parker dipped her head and kissed a trail, messy up Kristina’s throat, dark hair spilling over her shoulders, sticking to her lips. Head back, eyes closed, short breaths whistling between her lips, Kristina let her.

“Sweetheart…”

Parker was close, her body as tight, as desperate as she had ever been for her, even without all Kristina’s usual clever demands. Looking down at her, somewhere through the haze, through the orgasm building hot and hard to contain in her stomach, Parker told herself to save this moment. Kristina watched her, tan cheeks flushed, full lips wrapped around her name.

Fingers curled inside her, and she twisted her own in response, feeling herself cresting but determined to take Kristina with her. Collapsing forward to kiss her, she pushed her thumb against her harder, elated and relieved when Kristina clenched and then fluttered around her fingers and they were falling apart together.

Parker was in love with her.

Soft fingers held her close, while defter ones curled inside her, drawing out her orgasm.

Somewhere in all this, she had fallen for Kristina. Beyond wanting more, she just wanted her.

Parker sucked in a breath, her head on Kristina’s shoulder as she moved her own hand slightly, tugging the last bits of pleasure from the woman beneath her, enjoying feeling her like this.

Kristina jumped when Parker slipped out of her, and Parker heard her own soft noise when she did the same. Then they were silent, whatever had settled over them still unbroken even with their orgasms done. She traced careful patterns over Kristina’s collarbone with her nail, felt the play of fingers lazy in her hair. Part of her was holding her breath, waiting for it all to crash, for Kristina to tense, to slip out of her embrace, to run as she always had in the past when they had danced too close to this line. Now they had danced right across it.

“What are you thinking about?”

The words surprised her, and she shook her head, too afraid to shatter this moment.

“Parker…” It was half a request, half more, soft and reassuring, and she sighed.

“I used to think I had everything so figured out and I knew myself so well and knew what I wanted. Like I set my life on this path, and closed my eyes to everything but following it and clinging to it. I was a passenger, and that was fine with me. I never knew there was another option, until you.”

Kristina surprised her with a kiss.

“I did tell you you would have all the control, all the power.”

This time it was Parker who leaned up to kiss her.

“In that case, will you accompany me to bed?”

Something fluttered in her stomach at her own boldness, her brazenness, sweat still drying on the back of her neck from their last round of lovemaking, yet she was unashamed now she wanted more.

“Look at you.”

Kristina leaned up and kissed her, and Parker tasted pride on her lips. Together they were better, so much more, and suddenly the future felt tangible, and close, and like something they could maybe achieve together.

Kristina pulled back, breathless, and licked her lips.

“Lead the way.”