Chapter Four

Kate

 

Le Rose was an extremely private play club run by Madame Bouvier. I always doubted that was her real name, but it fit. From the outside, Le Rose appeared to be merely an exclusive social club. The inside was another story, but somehow, Madame made pink go with her dungeon. The dungeon mistress had specific and strict rules for what happened on the premises and violators lost their membership and had to pay a fine before leaving.

Safety first, both emotional and physical.

Ladies’ nights were part therapy, part play. Ladies’ nights were also the one time alcohol was allowed in the building. Madame wanted to give women a safe space to let their hair down without the risk of someone taking advantage of them at a bar and arranged rides home for anyone that partook.

When Lacy first brought me here, she told me many of the female members were abuse or assault survivors and I would hear some harrowing tales if I attended the small discussion groups Madame hosted.

Since ladies’ night was more like a party, there were more chairs and lounges on display than apparatus. But I’d arrived way early leaving the apartment before three, so no one was here except the lady I sought.

“Madame Bouvier.”

She turned at the sound of her name, black hair streaked with one hot pink stripe and wearing an expensive charcoal gray pantsuit with black beads edging the jacket.

Dark eyes narrowed. “I know you.”

I offered my handshake. “From many years ago, yes. I was friends with Lacy.”

She nodded in understanding. “Yes…a great loss to the community. Why are you here now? We have no event scheduled at present.”

“I came to talk to you, actually, before Ladies’ Night. I’ve had a really crappy day and need some care and you are the best person to refer me to the right Dom.”

“Ah…”

“Kate.”

“I’m sorry, Kate, but we moved Ladies’ Night to Fridays five years ago.”

“Oh. Of course. I’ve been out of touch.”

Why would anything be the same fifteen years later?

She touched my sleeve. “Don’t go. I never turn away a member. If you really need to talk.”

A mirthless chuckle bubbled out of me. “I don’t know what I was looking for. I just needed…”

“To put someone else in control?”

My shoulders dropped. “Yeah.”

She smiled. “Come into my office.”

I followed Madame down a side corridor. She opened a door marked Private. The office reminded me of a cross between Art Deco and a Victoria’s Secret store with the pink and black and chrome. She gestured for me to sit on a velvet sofa.

“What’s troubling you?”

“What’s not?”

Her smile was gracious. “That bad, huh?”

I ran my hands through my hair. “Well, work is fine. It’s all the people in my life.”

“What did Lacy do for you?” she asked with gentle curiosity.

“I was young, a single parent of my disabled little brother, new to town, and overwhelmed. We lived in the same complex and she was the first person I connected with in Nashville. When I had a night off, we blew off steam and she introduced me.”

“Became your domme.”

I nodded. “Her and her boyfriend participated. Both of us would do anything to please her. She was the first person to make me feel safe since my father died.”

“And who has been your safe space since she passed?”

“No one,” I breathed. She handed me a tissue. I didn’t know if I’d need it, but good thinking. “I mean, I’m not without people who love me, but—”

“You’re carrying all your burdens.”

I sighed. “Yeah.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I had to take care of us.”

“Yourself and your brother?”

“Yes.”

“Is he still in your care now?”

I sunk into the back cushion. “No, he, uh, moved out around six years ago. And…he just asked his girlfriend to move in together. Apparently.”

“Do you think that decision is a mistake?”

“His girlfriend is my best friend. And my roommate.”

Madame smiled. “Ah, now the picture is forming. You got that news today.”

“Right before I came here.”

“Kate…” She shook her head. “For a sub, you are quite the control freak.”

“I don’t need to control them. I want to be—” I closed my lips tight.

But she saw through me. “Needed? Kate, they can love you without needing you to take care of them.”

“Can they?” My nose tingled. I sniffed.

Her hand gripped mine. “Oh, honey, is that all the value you think you have?”

“No…” But even to my ears, it sounded too much like a question.

“Is this your only issue today?”

A snort. “I wish. There’s a guy. He thinks he’s in love with me.”

Her black brows rose. “’Thinks?’”

“We haven’t spent enough time together for that.”

“Have you made it clear you’re not interested in him?”

“It doesn’t matter. We live in two different states. It would never work.”

She sat back into the sofa. “Tell me about him.”

I did, and once I started, I blabbed everything. Don’t even know why, except Madame was that kind of lady. Of course, talking about Sam got me agitated and I paced her office.

“…and now everything’s a mess!”

Her eyes were wide. I’d blasted a lot of info her way.

A little winded, I sat down again. “So you see why I came.”

“Kate, you need to let go.”

“Yeah, that’s why I wanted Ladies’ Night.”

She leaned forward. “No, Kate, you need to let go of everything.”

“What?”

“You’re bound by all these conceived notions of what your life is supposed to be and that little box is bursting at the seams. What would happen to a butterfly if it couldn’t break out of its cocoon and spread its wings?”

“It would probably die?”

She nodded. “Yes, it would. What do you think will happen if you hold on too tight to your brother and best friend?”

I twisted one of my rings. “They’ll resent me.”

“And what do you think Sam will do when you push him away one too many times?”

“He’ll give up.”

“Will that make you happy?”

I sighed. “I was fine with my life before the reunion. I was fine with it until he called me about Mama Jane, too.”

“Maybe ‘fine’ is good enough for you. I know it’s never been enough for me.”

I couldn’t meet her gaze for long.

Madame Bouvier probably wasn’t much older than me, but there was such wisdom in her eyes, like she saw and knew more than most.

“If I indulge him now, it’ll break me when it ends,” I whispered.

“But what if it doesn’t.”

“Break me?”

“End.”

I sucked in a breath. “My life is here. How can it not?”

“Kate, you’re not chained to Nashville.”

“My only brother lives here.”

She chuckled. “There’s this wonderful invention called the telephone.”

Not funny.

She sighed. “Would he tell you to stay where you are?”

“We haven’t talked about it.”

“Ah, so as long as you avoid the conversation, you don’t have to decide.”

I glared at her.

“You don’t scare me, Katie.” She shook my shoulder. “Come on, girl, you’re thirty-eight—loosen up! What were you hoping your life would be, that you and your little brother would grow old together in the same nursing home?”

“Don’t have to be mean.”

“Don’t pout.”

I almost replied yes, ma’am.

She briefly caressed my jawline. “Do you still need to play tonight?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“We have the newbie class this evening, but I can make arrangements for you.”

“Thanks…but I don’t want to be any trouble. I’m okay putting on pajamas and eating ice cream for dinner.”

“Are you sure?”

I stood. “Yeah. Thanks for listening to my drama.”

She clasped my hands. “We take care of each other. May I make a suggestion?”

“Okay…”

“Call your man. Let him support you like he’s dying to do.”

I sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

“And bring him to Saturday. We’re having a Shibari demonstration during Couple’s Night.”

My eyes went wide. “I don’t think that’s his speed.”

She smirked. “You never know.” She opened the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

When we reached the building exit, it was dark outside. I must’ve spilled my guts for two hours. She stayed with me to my car, hugged me, and we parted ways.

I stopped to order a coffee and checked my phone.

A text from Sam: What are you doing tonight?