Chapter Three

Ash sat in class on Tuesday buzzing with anticipation and nerves. Nolan wasn’t there yet but would undoubtedly arrive soon. After all, today was their coffee date.

Was it a date? Ash wasn’t sure. They hadn’t been able to work up the nerve to ask Nolan himself. Not that they wanted to give away the fact that “Ash” from class and “Ashley” from the nightclub were the same person just yet. Or ever, really, because what if Nolan freaked out? Ash wanted to avoid confrontation at all costs.

Nolan had texted Ashley. He had sent short, flirty messages such as I hope you had a good night on Friday and I really want to see you again. Ash had sent back equally short but shy responses. They weren’t used to receiving cute messages like these.

Nothing had come up in the texts yet about the coffee date or seeing each other again. But Ash was going to see Nolan today. When they thought about it, they got goosebumps on their arms and butterflies in their stomach. It was bad enough that Ash wasn’t sure they would be able to drink their coffee. What if Nolan had figured out that Ash and Ashley were the same person? And what if he hadn’t and was dating Ash and Ashley as separate people? Neither option reassured them that everything would work out okay.

Just as they were thinking this, Nolan slid into the seat beside them.

“Hey,” Nolan said, flashing that megawatt smile.

“Hey.” Ash ducked their head.

“How was your weekend?” asked Nolan, still smiling.

“It was great.” Ash smiled at their hands folded in their lap.

“Was it? Good,” Nolan turned away to rummage in his bag.

Ash glanced at him. Should they bring up the fact that they had danced together? What if Nolan didn’t know? What if he wasn’t asking Ash to be flirty, but just to be nice? He hadn’t mentioned it himself, so maybe he didn’t know?

“Did you get the assignment done?” asked Nolan.

Ash shook themselves out of their thoughts. “Yeah, it wasn’t too bad.”

“I wasn’t sure about mine.” Nolan made a face. “I’m better at writing for science rather than humanities.”

“Well, you are a scientist.” Ash laughed a little. “If you weren’t good at science writing, then that would be weird.”

“True,” said Nolan. “What did you say in yours?”

“I talked about Lampman’s poetry,” Ash said. “I think some of the imagery used was interesting, so I talked about nature and linking it to British Romanticism.”

“Cool,” said Nolan. “I definitely didn’t think of anything that interesting.” Dr. Brandon walked in. Everyone’s chatter died down as he set up a PowerPoint.

Interesting. Dr. Brandon had never used a computer presentation before.

“I’m really excited about today’s class,” Nolan whispered.

“Why?” asked Ash.

“It’s Son of a Trickster by Eden Robinson today,” said Nolan. “I loved that book. Remember I was saying that I took this class because of that one book?”

“Oh yeah,” Ash said. “Cool.”

Dr. Brandon set up the projector for the class and started his lecture. Ash dutifully took notes in between doodling flowers and hearts on their paper. They’d enjoyed the novel, so the lecture made sense to them. The PowerPoint seemed to be keeping Dr. Brandon more on track than usual, so there were no weird tangents.

“Today I wanted to try something a little different,” Dr. Brandon said. Ash blinked in surprise. Doing something other than lecturing from memory? What a strange day.

“I want you to get into groups of four or five,” Dr. Brandon said. “I will put up a slide of discussion questions. You will discuss them in your groups, and then we will review your findings as a class.”

Wow. That was definitely different.

“Looks like our last class had an impact on Dr. Brandon’s pedagogy,” Nolan said.

“Well, at least it’s more interesting than just a lecture,” said Ash. “I assume we are in a group.”

“Indeed,” said Nolan.

“Can we join your group?” a voice asked from behind them.

“Of course,” Nolan said. “Dr. Brandon said groups of four.”

That’s not what Ash wanted to hear, but they reluctantly turned to see who was joining their group.

Oh. Oh no.

Two really hot girls sat behind them. One was a blonde girl with wavy hair and green eyes the same shade as Chinese glazed pottery. The other was an Indian girl with long dark hair tied back in a ponytail, impeccably dressed in black.

If not for Nolan, Ash might have been happy to have these girls in their group. But not only were they not interested in the girls, but the girls were interested in Nolan. It was clear by the way their bodies were turned towards Nolan, excluding Ash. Their eyes, too, were focused only on Nolan.

“I’m Melanie,” said the blonde girl.

“I’m Navreet,” said the dark-haired girl.

“Nice to meet you.” Nolan smiled politely. “I’m Nolan, and this is Ash.”

Ash smiled thinly at them, but they didn’t seem to notice or care.

“So, what did you think of the novel?” Nolan asked. “I thought—”

“Fucking boring,” said Melanie. “Ugh, I’d rather read Margaret Atwood.”

“Oh.” Nolan seemed disappointed.

Navreet seemed to catch his facial expression in time to temper what she said. “I thought it was interesting.”

Melanie shot her a look that indicated that Navreet had told her otherwise only just a moment ago. However, she said nothing, and Nolan didn’t catch the expression on Melanie’s face.

“What did you think was interesting?” Ash decided to challenge her and see what happened.

Navreet started as if noticing them for the first time. “I think the themes were interesting.”

“What themes in particular?” Nolan rejoined. “I was really captivated by some of Robinson’s descriptions, but I’m interested in what jumped out for you.”

“I thought that the different ideas of family was an interesting theme,” said Ash.

“You just got that from looking at the screen,” said Melanie, clearly sulking.

“We’re not facing that way, but okay,” said Nolan.

“Oh, I didn’t realize. I did like the, uh, family dynamics of…” Melanie tried to backpedal.

“Jared,” Ash filled in for her.

“Right. Jared’s family. It was cool,” Melanie said.

“Right.” Nolan seemed disappointed. “Let’s look at the questions Dr. Brandon put up for us.”

“What is the connection between the First Nations’ cultures and stories and the Trickster figure whom Jared meets?” Navreet read off the screen.

“Well, it’s Heiltsuk and Haisla mythology that’s being used to tell the story,” Ash said. “Dr. Brandon just said that in his lecture too.”

“I saw an interview with Eden Robinson where she said that stories told by her family members were also very important,” Nolan added.

Melanie and Navreet seemed disappointed. Clearly, they’d wanted to talk to Nolan about something other than the book.

“It could tie into the family dynamics between Jared and his grandmother as well,” said Ash.

Nolan grinned. “That’s a good insight.”

Melanie and Navreet watched in growing dismay as Nolan and Ash had the discussion without them. Ash wondered what the ladies had wanted to talk about with Nolan but internally shrugged. It didn’t matter because that hadn’t happened.

By the time the class ended, Melanie and Navreet were glaring daggers at Ash. Ash didn’t care at all. In spite of their intentions to grab Nolan’s interest, they’d given Ash a chance to sound smart in front of their crush.

“Do you want to get coffee?”

Ash blinked and turned.

Melanie was asking Nolan out for a coffee, and Navreet was giving Ash a “don’t you dare interfere” look behind Nolan’s back.

“It’s just that I think you’re cool, and I’d love to get to know you better.” Melanie looked up from beneath her lashes.

“Um.” Nolan glanced over at Ash. “Sorry, I already promised Ash a coffee date today.”

Melanie frowned. “You’d rather go get coffee with your friend than a cute girl?”

Nolan picked up his bag and said, “Ash is cute. Let’s go, Ash. Bye, ladies.”

Melanie and Navreet looked on in shock as Nolan draped an arm around Ash’s shoulder and steered them away from the glaring women.

“I hated the stupid book,” Melanie yelled after them. “It was awful.”

“And I didn’t even finish it!” Navreet added.

“Interesting,” said a voice behind them.

It was Dr. Brandon. The girls flushed furiously as Dr. Brandon stepped around them.

“I hope you finished the book, Mr. Kingston,” Dr. Brandon said as he walked by Ash and Nolan.

“I did, Professor,” said Ash. “I enjoyed it a lot, actually.”

“Excellent,” said Dr. Brandon as he went on by.

“Let’s…go get that coffee,” said Nolan.

“Yeah,” Ash said. “Probably we should.”

Laughing, the two made their way down the hall, Nolan’s arm still around Ash’s shoulder.

They made their way to an on-campus cafe. Ash couldn’t help but feel triumphant. Nolan had not only chosen them, but he had chosen them over two cute girls. Granted, the two cute girls had turned out to be nasty and rather vicious, but still.

“I can’t believe those girls.” Nolan laughed as they stood in line for coffee.

“Yeah,” said Ash. “Does that happen often?”

“What?” Nolan frowned.

“Girls trying to get your attention and being mean to your friends?” asked Ash.

“All the freaking time,” Nolan said. “Sometimes they’re actually nice to my friends, but it doesn’t really change much.”

“Change what?” Ash tilted their head.

“They’re mostly into me because of my looks, and when I actually talk about my interests, they get bored,” Nolan said.

“Oh,” said Ash. “That’s not cool. I guess it’s hard finding someone who understands science stuff.”

“Science stuff is awesome.” Nolan got a faraway look in his eyes. “I love talking about it, but most people find it boring, even if I tell them in layman’s terms what I mean.”

“I wish there was something I could do to help,” Ash said.

Nolan gave them a funny look. “Ash, you are doing it.”

Then they were at the front of the line and giving their orders. Nolan insisted on getting Ash their drink even though they were both students and therefore both poor.

They grabbed a table. Ash smiled as Nolan sat beside them. “What are your other interests? I promise I won’t be bored.”

“I like playing soccer,” Nolan said. “I play with my friends all the time.”

“I’m from Manchester,” Ash said dryly. “I am never going to be bored of watching soccer, even if I’m no good at playing.”

“You’ll be my cheerleader, then?” Nolan grinned.

“Of course!” answered Ash.

“But for real,” Nolan said. “I’m totally nerdy. Apart from science, I read a lot of science fiction and fantasy. I love it when I see people in cosplay ’cause I definitely cannot sew myself, and I sometimes play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Hey, I play Dungeons and Dragons too,” said Ash. “At first, my parents were against it because of all the stereotypes, but then they decided I wasn’t going to become a Satanist or something.”

“Oh, yeah, my parents were the same,” said Nolan. “Although my dad was more worried about the basement-virgin stereotype than the Satanist thing.”

“So, you’re not a basement virgin?” Ash with a wicked smile.

“No! I am not a virgin,” said Nolan.

The people at the next table gave the two of them weird looks.

Nolan lowered his voice. “I will have you know I have had sex.”

“I have too. Excellent, good,” Ash said.

“What’s your body count, then?” asked Nolan.

“Um…” Ash fidgeted. “We don’t really need to know that, right?”

“Fine,” said Nolan. “I’ll go first. Seven.”

“Um…” Ash said. “I think it’s under thirty. Mostly sure. Lost track.”

“What?” Nolan said. “Wow, you’re a regular Don Juan.”

“Not really. Like the opposite, actually.” Ash put their hands up in protest. “I am terrible at dating, so I mostly end up with one-night stands. Like, my longest relationship was three months.”

“Oh, that makes me feel a bit better,” Nolan said. “My longest was two years.”

“Two years?” Ash said. “How…? I don’t…yeah. I’m awful. I know.”

“You’re not awful. You just haven’t met the right person yet,” said Nolan.

“Yeah. Definitely have not met them yet,” Ash said.

“Them?” asked Nolan. “Are you…bi?”

“Um, technically pansexual, but yeah. Gender’s not a big deal when it comes to my attraction to a person.” Ash scratched the back of their head.

“Oh, okay. I’m bi. I think, anyway. I haven’t slept with any guys yet, but I’m pretty sure,” Nolan said.

Ash blinked. “You’re bi.”

“Yeah,” Nolan said. “It wasn’t obvious?”

“Not as such, no,” Ash said. “But then, who’s to say what bi actually looks like?”

“True,” said Nolan. “So we’re both part of the LGBTQ+ community, then.”

“I guess the stereotype that we seem to find each other is true,” Ash said. “Yay?”

“So do you like anybody?” Nolan raised his eyebrows.

“Um,” Ash said, turning red.

Nolan laughed but didn’t push them. Strangely, he had nothing to say on the subject of his own love life.

It was weird how quickly the two of them were bonding. It was almost as if they had known Nolan their whole life; that’s how easy it was to talk and joke with him.

Their coffee date was over far too quickly. Not until the end did Ash remember Nolan had called them “cute” earlier. It was a good thing, too, or Ash would have been too embarrassed to talk at all.

*

A bus zoomed past the window of the cafe on Davie Street where Ash and Bei Bei had their assignments, notes, and laptops strewn across a table. It was still light outside, but the sun was beginning to dip towards the horizon. Today was a rare sunny day in February. Usually it rained hard during the winter in Vancouver.

“How’s your assignment going?” Bei Bei groaned.

She had dark circles under her eyes, and her usually well-groomed hair stuck up at the back. The two were dressed in jogging pants and hoodies, ready for a long stretch of studying.

“Awful,” said Ash. “I don’t get science at all. What is the difference between qualitative and quantitative again?”

“Ugh, never mind that. Look at all the stats homework I have to study! There’s a midterm coming up!” Bei Bei thumped her head on the table.

“I need another coffee.” Ash got up and padded over to the counter.

The barista gave them a sympathetic look as they held out their credit card and mug. “Another one?”

“Please,” Ash said. “Add an extra shot of expresso please.”

“Will do.” The barista took the cup from their outstretched hand.

Ash slumped as they waited for their drink. They hadn’t been joking when they said they didn’t understand science at all. If only they could get some tutoring.

Nolan could be the one to tutor them. Ash quashed the sudden thought. That would not end well.

“Here you go,” the barista (Susan?) said as she pushed their drink across to them.

“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.” Ash grabbed the cup and took it back to where Bei Bei was still sitting with her head on the table.

“You should get more coffee,” they said as they sat down. “Works wonders.”

“You’re going to be up all night with caffeine jitters,” Bei Bei replied.

“True,” Ash replied. “But at least I’ll get this awful assignment in on time.”

Bei Bei shook her head. “All-nighters are the worst.”

“Agreed,” Ash said.

Both went back to studying. Ash’s thoughts kept returning to Nolan. This was going nowhere. Why couldn’t they just concentrate on the damn assignment?

“Damn, I need a break,” Bei Bei interrupted. “I am going cross-eyed just looking at all these numbers.”

“Fair,” Ash said. “So how are things going with Ouma?”

Bei Bei grinned like a fox and said, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Ash rolled their eyes. “I would, and you want to tell. So dish.”

“Let’s just say she’s very flexible,” Bei Bei said. “Also, good with her—”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Ash said, raising their hands in protest. “You got her into bed.”

“I did,” said Bei Bei with relish. “Ugh, she’s hot.”

“So, are you going to keep seeing her?” asked Ash.

“You know what?” Bei Bei said. “I think I just might. She’s cool.”

Ash raised a brow. “You have stuff in common?”

“She smokes weed on the weekend and so do I,” said Bei Bei. “We both like indica.”

“Great. Okay, be real, Bei Bei. Do you like her or what?”

“She’s great,” Bei Bei said. “We both like plants. I took her on a date to Queen Elizabeth Park the other day, and we looked at the flowers.”

“You went on a date?” Ash blinked. “Wow. You must like her.”

“I said I did, didn’t I?” said Bei Bei defensively.

“Are you going to take her on more dates?” asked Ash.

“She likes sushi, so we might go to that one restaurant in Yaletown,” said Bei Bei.

Ash whistled. “That one’s hella expensive! Someone I know said that they had one slice of otoro for like ten bucks.”

“Yikes,” Bei Bei said. “That’s a lot. I’m poor. What am I thinking?”

“I dunno—that you like her, I guess,” Ash said.

“What about Nolan?” asked Bei Bei. “You went and had coffee with him the other day!”

“I did,” Ash said. “It was good. Talking to him is so easy.”

“You’re totes smitten, hun,” said Bei Bei. “So what did you talk about?”

“Nerdy stuff mostly,” said Ash. “He likes DnD!”

“What? That guy we saw at the club the other night likes the nerdiest of nerdy things?” Bei Bei exclaimed.

“I know, I could hardly believe it myself,” Ash admitted.

“So you think you’ll see him again?” Bei Bei asked.

“He’s in my class; of course I’ll see him again,” said Ash.

“You know what I mean,” said Bei Bei.

“Maybe.” Ash fiddled with their pen in their hands as they spoke. “He seems to like me, too, so I guess.”

“But what about the whole thing where he’s met you dressed as a guy and as a girl?” asked Bei Bei. “Isn’t that going to make things complicated?”

“Yeah…” Ash scratched the back of their head. “It really is going to get complicated.”

Bei Bei leaned in. “Does he know?”

“I don’t think so?” Ash said. “He hasn’t said anything about it to me.”

“Whoa, my peep, what are you going to do about that?” Bei Bei asked. “That might backfire somehow in the future.”

“Well, for now, I just don’t want him to know. What if he doesn’t accept my identity?” asked Ash.

Bei Bei gave them a look. “You want to put off knowing whether or not the guy you’re seeing is a huge transphobe? It’s only going to be worse if you find out later.”

“I am scared of what he’ll say,” said Ash. “I’m sure he’ll figure it out eventually.”

“That’s not going to be very fun for you,” Bei Bei said. “You’re being avoidant again.”

“I know. I can’t help it,” said Ash. “It’s for the best for now.”

“It’s really not, but okay,” said Bei Bei. “Anyway, there’s another problem.”

“What? What do you mean there’s another problem?” asked Ash in alarm.

“He’s been flirting with you as a guy and as a girl—that’s the problem,” said Bei Bei. “How do you know he’s not just a player that chases after anything hot that comes his way, and it just so happens you’re hot in all forms?”

“I’m not hot; look at me!” Ash waved their hand over their sweats.

“Adorable,” said Bei Bei. “See? What if this guy is just being gross?”

“It’s another thing I was trying not to think about,” said Ash. “But thanks for bringing it up.”

Bei Bei rolled her eyes. “When exactly were you going to think of these things if I hadn’t brought them up?”

“I would have thought of something!” Ash said.

“You mean you would have waited until everything exploded in your face to deal with it.” Bei Bei shook her head. “Ugh, you haven’t changed at all since that time with whatshername.”

“Evie,” said Ash. “And yeah, I know, I didn’t address anything until it was too late. I’m just not very good at this!”

“That’s just an excuse, and you know it,” Bei Bei said. “If you’re going to be like this, I’m going to go and study with Ouma.”

Ash snorted. “Oh, yeah, ‘study.’ That’s totally what you’re going to do.”

Bei Bei rolled her eyes again as she gathered up her stuff and left. Ash tried not to feel too hurt by Bei Bei’s outburst, but it still felt terrible, especially since she was right. Ash was being avoidant again. This wouldn’t be the first time Ash had messed up a relationship because they delayed dealing with their issues.

Bei Bei was a very straightforward type of person, so she never understood why Ash avoided issues instead of facing them head-on. Ash didn’t really get it either, if they were honest. Whenever something difficult came up, they put off dealing with until it blew up in their face. That wasn’t exactly healthy.

Nothing was going to be done about Nolan today. Ash looked at the work spread out across the table and slumped forward. They definitely weren’t going to finish this bloody assignment either, not in the mood they were in.

They drained the rest of their drink and gathered up their stuff, ready to go back to campus.

“Ash!” said a voice behind them.

It was Nolan and his group of friends. Ash realized several things at once. One, Nolan’s group of friends were all dressed nicely for going out. Two, Nolan’s friends were all hot. Three, Ash was still dressed like a gremlin in their sweats and hoodie. Great.

“Hi,” they said weakly, running a hand through their still-messy hair.

“Where are you heading?” Nolan asked as his group caught up with Ash.

“Back to campus.” Ash shrugged. “I was studying, but I gave up.”

“Oh! Hey, this is Kevin—he’s an earth science major.” Nolan indicated a ginger-haired man with freckles. “If you’re still having issues with your assignment, maybe he can help you.”

Ash blinked in surprise. “That would be cool.”

“What are you having trouble with?” asked Kevin.

“Everything,” Ash said honestly, earning them a laugh from the group.

“We’re headed out to watch the Canucks game at the Ox,” said Nolan. “You could come if you wanted to.”

Oh. That was unexpected.

“Are you sure?” Ash grimaced. “I’m not really dressed for going out.”

“What? That’s no problem,” Gabe chipped in from behind Nolan. “No one cares; we were just dressed nice in case the cute server at the Ox wanted to hang out after her shift.”

“Won’t I get in the way of that if I’m there, then?” asked Ash.

“Dude, we know you’re not there for the waitress.” Gabe winked.

Ash blushed and the group exchanged grins.

“Guys, shut up, will you?” Nolan was rather pink around the cheekbones and ears. “I’m trying to invite Ash without being embarrassed here.”

“You hardly need our help,” Another blond man punched Nolan’s shoulder.

“Anyway.” Nolan rubbed a hand through his hair, still looking rather pink. “Would you like to come with us?”

Ash blinked but nodded.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Cool,” said Nolan. “Let’s go, then. The Ox isn’t far from here, like ten minutes.”

“Right.” Ash fell into line with the group.

They couldn’t help but notice they were shorter than all of them, but that was okay. Ash wasn’t competing for manliness anyway.

“Sorry about them,” Nolan said as the two of them fell behind the rest of the group. “They’re just being jerks is all.”

“It’s, um, not a problem,” Ash said. “My friends are like that too.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Nolan seemed relieved that Ash didn’t mind. They walked in companionable silence the rest of the way through Yaletown.

*

The pub was dim. The guys all filed in, sitting at the bar. The room was long and narrow, with the bar on one side and a row of seating on the other. The only natural lights were big windows on either end. The wall behind the bar was made of red brick, and the other side was wood panelling, hard to see in the low lighting.

“Hello again, gents, what will it be this time—oh.”

Ash turned in horror as they recognized the server’s voice. Evie, in all her pixie-like glory, stared at them in a mix of reluctance and acceptance of her fate. No doubt serving Ash was low on her list of things she wanted to do today.

Evie had curly blonde hair cut around her ears and hazel eyes. She was a tiny woman, probably a size zero. She wore a short skirt and heels, looking exactly as she did the last time Ash had seen her.

“I didn’t know you knew these guys, Ash,” she said. “You know, because they’re actually nice. And you’re a jerk.”

“I met them just seconds ago, so you don’t have to worry about them being tainted by my presence.” Ash tried not to sound too defensive. They hadn’t handled their break-up well at all.

“Whoa, hold up,” said Gabe. “You know Ash?”

“My awful ex-boyfriend?” Evie raised her eyebrows. “Why, yes, I know him rather well.”

Nolan looked over at Ash with a grimace. “Your three-month relationship?”

“Got it in one,” Ash replied.

“We’ll get our usual, Evie.” Kevin seemed desperate to redirect the conversation.

“Okay, Kev, for you, anything.” Evie turned on her heel and headed behind the bar to pull pints for the group.

Kevin seemed pleased by this, but the rest of the group turned to look at Ash.

“Seriously, what the hell, man?” asked Gabe.

“We dated,” said Ash. “She hates me now. That’s pretty much how that went.”

“Wait,” said the blond guy whose name Ash hadn’t caught yet. “Does that mean you’ve already slept with Evie?”

Ash groaned and put their head in their hands. “Yes, it does.”

“What?” Kevin seemed to realize as well. “You mean you scored with Evie already? Damn.”

“You have no worries about competition with me unless it’s for how much she dislikes your face,” Ash said. “Our break-up did not go well.”

“At all,” added Evie, who had come back with a tray full of beer.

She plopped a glass of rum and Coke in front of Ash.

“You didn’t spit in it, did you?” asked Ash.

“Don’t tempt me, asshole,” she snapped before going to check another customer.

“Ouch,” said Nolan. “I don’t want to know what you did to make her hate you that much.”

“We broke up over text message.” Ash looked down at their hands and shook their head. “Because I didn’t want to do it in person.”

Everyone winced.

“She donated everything I left at her place to the Sally Ann,” continued Ash. “Then she mailed me a box of cat shit. So yeah, don’t piss her off.”

“Good to know you’ve learned something, Ash.” Evie returned. “So, did you guys want anything to eat?”

“Nachos seem good,” said Kevin. “Two of those?”

“You got it, Kev,” Evie said sweetly before turning a venom-filled glare at Ash.

“Maybe I should leave?” said Ash. “She really does hate me a lot.”

“She still brought you your drink,” Nolan said. “Without you even asking.”

Ash blinked. They took a tentative sip and nodded slowly. She had used their favourite rum brand instead of the cheap kind the bars usually used.

“Just stay, man,” said Gabe. “We invited you; it’s not like we’re gonna un-invite you because of something like this.”

The rest of the guys settled in to watch the Canucks game. Nolan turned to Ash.

“You really broke up over text message?”

“Yeah.” Ash hung their head. “I was too much of a wimp to do it in person. I really hate confrontation, and Evie would have been upset. I know that makes me awful, but I’m terrible at relationships.”

Nolan thought about this for a second and then nodded. “I see.”

Ash cringed and sat in silence. Nolan was probably disappointed in them. The whole situation sucked, and it wasn’t like Ash could go back and change how they had handled it. It had been a jerk move to break up over text. They knew it wasn’t going to go well, but they had still done it, which was awful of them.

“Washroom,” they said, getting up abruptly.

They needed some time to think, and probably Nolan did too.

On their way to the washroom, they ran into Evie.

“Ash,” she said cautiously.

“Evie,” Ash replied with a sigh. “I thought you worked at the Three Brits.”

“I did. I got switched over here,” she said.

“Look, I didn’t mean—”

“I was so—”

They both stopped mid-sentence. Ash grimaced.

“I’m sorry. I was a coward, and I didn’t want to hurt you. But I also didn’t want to have to deal with the fallout of hurting you. I know I’m awful. It was a mistake.”

“I really liked you, you know,” Evie said. “I never did understand why you broke up with me. What did I do wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Ash said. “That’s the thing. You did everything right. You did everything so, so right, I got scared. I thought it was too good to be true.”

“So you shot yourself in the foot.” Evie shook her head. “We could have been good together, you know? But I’ve moved on from that.”

“I did too,” Ash admitted.

“The blond guy?” asked Evie. “Nolan?”

“Yeah,” admitted Ash. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I like him.”

“I think he’s cool,” Evie said, “But damn, Ash, don’t hurt him like you did me.”

“I really am sorry about that,” Ash said quietly. “I fucked up big time.”

“I’m not sure I forgive you,” Evie replied. “Not yet.”

“That’s okay,” Ash said. “I don’t deserve it yet.”

“You could get me Kevin’s number,” Evie said. “That would start to make up for it.”

Ash gave a tiny smile. “That, I can do.”

They made their way to the bathroom and did their business. When they were washing their hands, they looked in the mirror. Ugh. Their hair was a mess, they had dark circles under their eyes, and they were dressed in shapeless grey sweatpants and a dark-blue UBC hoodie. Why did Nolan like them?

When they got back to the table, the guys were mesmerized by the TV. It looked like the Canucks were up 2–1 in the first period, but who knew how long that would last?

“Hey,” Nolan said.

“Hey,” Ash replied warily.

“I saw you talking to Evie,” said Nolan. “What was that about?”

“Apologizing for being a jerk,” said Ash. “She doesn’t forgive me yet. Which reminds me.”

They tapped Kevin on the shoulder.

“Hm?” asked Kevin.

“Give Evie your number.”

“What?” Kevin looked alarmed. “Why would I do that?”

“She likes you.” Ash rolled their eyes. “Just give her your number already.”

“She does?” Kevin seemed pleased. “How do you know that?”

“She told me,” Ash said. “She demanded I get her your number.”

“Oh.” Kevin turned a light shade of red.

“Write it down, and I’ll make sure she gets it,” Ash said. “Here.” They gave Kevin a napkin.

 

The next time Evie walked by, Ash handed her the napkin. Kevin blushed when they did so, but he seemed pleased when Evie winked at him.

“That was nice of you,” said Nolan.

“I’m trying not to be a jerk,” said Ash. “It’s sort of working, I think.”

“Yeah, I think it is,” said Nolan, smiling a little.

“Sorry the situation kind of blew up a bit,” Ash said. “I never expected to see Evie anytime soon.”

“It’s okay,” said Nolan. “It was enlightening.”

“Ugh,” Ash groaned. “I definitely wanted to tell you about that without all the drama.”

“Well, it happened, and you handled it rather well, I thought,” Nolan said.

“I just muddle through as best I can,” Ash said. “I try, but I mess it up often anyway.”

“The best we can all really do is to try,” Nolan said, turning back to the game. “Let’s watch.”

The game went by fairly quickly, as hockey games are generally fast-paced. In the middle of the game, Evie’s shift ended, and she sat with them. She mostly ignored Ash, which was fine by them. They had only just started to make up with her, and she probably needed space. Ash certainly did.

The game ended. Ash was becoming sleepy. They had had a long day of studying and trying to get the assignment done, and then they had an emotional, drawn-out spat with Evie. No wonder they were exhausted.

“You want to go back to campus?” asked Nolan.

Ash was about to answer but yawned instead.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Nolan smiled. “Let’s get the bus back.”

They said their goodbyes and walked towards Granville, where they could get a bus back to campus.

“That was an interesting night,” Ash said as they made their way through the streets.

“I’ll say.” Nolan chuckled. “And to think, you knew Evie this entire time.”

They got on the next bus to campus, which wasn’t crowded at this time of night. Ash and Nolan found a seat next to each other without difficulty.

Ash hadn’t realized how tired they were. One second, they were chatting with Nolan. The next, Nolan was prodding them awake.

“Hey, we’re here.”

Ash realized they were pressed up against something warm and solid. Their head was pillowed on Nolan’s shoulder. They sat up hurriedly.

“Sorry.” Ash blushed.

Nolan smelled amazing. It was unfair.

“It’s fine,” said Nolan. “I don’t mind at all.”

They got off the bus and into the late winter evening.

“Cold?” asked Nolan.

“A little,” said Ash. “Nothing I can’t handle though.” Nolan took off his jacket and draped it over Ash’s shoulders.

“Really, I’m okay,” Ash protested.

“You were shivering,” Nolan said. “Anyway, I’m fairly warm right now.”

Ash wanted to protest more because they were embarrassed. But they were shivering, and the jacket was warm, not to mention Nolan-scented. They pulled it a bit closer around themself as they walked.

When they got back to the dorms, Ash reluctantly returned Nolan’s jacket.

“Thanks,” they said.

“No problem,” Nolan said.

Nolan leaned over, and for a second, Ash thought Nolan was about to kiss them. Instead, Nolan nudged their forehead with his own.

“Good night,” Nolan said, and the doors of the elevator closed.

Ash went to bed feeling warmer than usual. Nolan had head bumped them. Not a kiss, but something affectionate anyway. Despite the whole Evie situation, it had been a good night.