Chapter Five

Ash made their way down Davie Street, crossing Granville and passing their favourite cafe, teetering on a brand new pair of heels. They were wearing green today with black wedges that made them tall enough to tower over most women on the street. They felt a little awkward about this, but there was nothing for it.

I shouldn’t have worn these tonight. Ash cursed inwardly as they walked slowly. These damn heels were going to make them late for their dinner reservation with Nolan.

Getting out their phone, they stopped to text him.

ASH: Hey, running a bit late. Be there in 5. :-)

NOLAN: Looking forward to seeing you.

Ash picked up speed, trying not to look ridiculous. If only Bei Bei hadn’t insisted on these heels! They were beautiful but so difficult to walk in. Ash hadn’t gotten to this level of girl skill yet.

“Hey, girlie, where are you off to?” called a guy from a nearby car stopped at a light.

Ash simply flipped the guy the finger. The guy chortled and missed the light turning green. Ash smirked in satisfaction as the person behind the guy honked angrily. The guy stepped on the gas and shot down the street, leaving Ash behind.

“Bei Bei was right,” Ash muttered. “Guys are jerks.”

They tottered down the street and into the Yaletown district. Minami wasn’t far from here, luckily. They walked as quickly as possible without twisting an ankle. It was difficult to balance. Did ankles and calves ever get used to this?

“Ashley!” said a voice.

Ash smiled as they saw Nolan waving from in front of the restaurant. They had finally arrived. As soon as they took in Nolan in a pair of dark slacks and a navy collared shirt, they were immediately grateful that Bei Bei had made them wear the shoes. Nolan looked incredible.

“Nolan, hi,” Ash said, walking carefully but confidently up to him. “Sorry I was late!”

“It’s no problem. The restaurant is a bit busier than usual anyway,” Nolan said. “We can sit at the bar while we wait for our table to be free.”

“Oh, that’s good,” said Ash with a sigh of relief. “I don’t want to hold up anything.”

A hostess came to seat them at the bar.

“We’re very sorry for the delay,” she said with a slight bow. “You may have a dessert on the house for the inconvenience.”

“Thank you,” Ash said. “It’s really no problem.”

“We appreciate your understanding.” She bowed again and left.

“Would you like a drink?” asked Nolan. “They have some really interesting cocktails here.”

“Oh, yes, that would be nice.” Ash scanned the drink menu on the bar.

“How was your week?” Nolan flashed a charming smile.

Had Nolan figured out their secret? This question seemed to indicate he’d no idea he’d seen Ash earlier that week in class.

“Very productive,” said Ash. “I got a lot of work done!”

It was true. Kevin had offered to tutor Ash in earth science in return for Ash giving his number to Evie. They’d already gone out on a date. Ash was glad—grateful actually—that Evie was moving forward from their awful breakup. It seemed like things were actually running smoothly for once.

“Glad to hear,” said Nolan. “I did too.”

“I can’t wait until the semester is over though,” Ash said. “It’s been a long winter.”

“It has been, hasn’t it?” Nolan laughed. “Rain is common for five to six months of the year when it’s winter here, and I find it so depressing.”

“It’s not my favourite,” said Ash. “But you know, I’ve never been to a part of Canada that gets tons of snow. It seems like it would be interesting.”

“I’ve been to Manitoba,” said Nolan. “But only in summer.”

Ash shuddered dramatically. “I wouldn’t want to go to Manitoba in winter. I’ve heard stories.”

“As have I,” said Nolan. “I think I’ll stick with the rain.”

“It’s almost March, at least,” said Ash. “Just a few more days.”

Ash drew a deep breath, gathering their courage. Time to ask what Nolan thought of trans people. Clearly, he was bisexual, so he was part of the LGBTQ+ community. But some people were a little weird about trans people. Ash never knew how to bring these things up.

“Um, are you on Twitter?” they asked hesitantly.

Nolan shook his head. “I tried it for a little bit, but there were a lot of people picking fights with other people for little to no gain.”

“That’s true enough.” Ash sighed. “I was just wondering if you saw the latest kerfuffle.”

“Nope,” said Nolan. “I’m a little nervous to hear about it, actually. It sounds stressful.”

“Yeah, it is,” Ash said. “The latest thing in the LGBTQ+ community has been really bad.”

“Oh, really?” said Nolan. “The last I heard was that people were mad about rainbow capitalism during Pride.”

Ash laughed. “Yeah, I remember that one. It was a while ago now.”

“I’ve missed out on a lot, haven’t I?” said Nolan ruefully. “Well, give me the Cliff notes.”

“A well-known lesbian activist wanted to cut out trans people from LGB activism,” said Ash. “They keep asking why trans people are part of ‘their’ movement when gender identity and sexuality are supposedly different issues.”

“What?” Nolan shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. She knows that the whole Stonewall thing happened because of a trans woman of colour, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what a lot of trans people are saying,” Ash said. “It’s been causing #BwiththeT to trend on Twitter because so many bi people were saying that they didn’t agree with that other activist.”

“That’s good,” Nolan said. “I would definitely have agreed if I were on Twitter.”

Ash inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently, Nolan harboured no feelings of ill will towards trans people. Maybe they could push it a bit further and see what Nolan thought of dating a trans person?

Before they could say anything, the same hostess who had seated them returned.

“We have your table ready,” she said. “Did you want to order any drinks? We will bring them to you at the table.”

“Oh.” Ash looked down at the menu. “A yuzu soda, please.

“Gin or vodka?” asked the server.

“Vodka,” said Ash.

“I’ll just have an Asahi,” said Nolan.

“Okay, please come with me.” The server led them to a table.

As they took a seat, Nolan teased, “Not a gin person?”

“I don’t mind it,” said Ash. “It’s just not my favourite.”

“I guess that’s fair,” said Nolan. “I haven’t even looked at the menu yet.”

Ash cracked open the menu. There were so many pictures of amazing-looking dishes, their mouth watered just looking at them.

“Holy shit, this is awesome,” Ash breathed.

Nolan grinned. “Yeah, it looks good, doesn’t it?”

The two of them looked at the menus for a few moments, and then Ash said, “Did you want to order a bunch of stuff to share?”

“I was actually hoping you would say that.” Nolan seemed a little shy.

They eventually managed to choose a variety of food to order. First, there was agedashi tofu and pork gyoza.

“I love gyoza.” Ash rubbed their hands together in anticipation.

“I can tell,” said Nolan with a small laugh.

Then, their order of tuna belly sashimi came. Nolan’s eyes closed in ecstasy as he placed one piece first in the soy sauce and then on his tongue. Ash blinked in surprise, blushing at the look of pleasure on Nolan’s face.

Ash coughed to cover their embarrassment. “Good?”

“Delicious,” said Nolan, seeming to catch the red on their face.

He grinned at them, and Ash blushed again.

They also had two different rolls, one with a tempura prawn and avocado in the middle and topped with different types of fish, the other a spicy tuna roll. Ash, who loved spicy food, ate most of the latter while Nolan ate most of the former.

“This was such a great idea,” said Ash in triumph as they finished the last piece. “Thank you for inviting me out. I’m having a lovely time.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Nolan softly.

“Here is your dessert.” The server placed a bowl on the table with three perfect spheres of mango ice cream and two spoons.

Ash picked up one of the spoons and dipped it into the ice cream. They had lifted it to their mouth and sucked the ice cream off before they saw Nolan watching them, seeming struck.

“Mmm, so good,” they said. “You must try it.”

Nolan startled out of his dreamy state and hurriedly took a bite.

“It’s cold,” he said. “Oh, brain freeze.”

Ash laughed and took another bite. Between the two of them, they ate it all. They got out of the restaurant quickly after that and walked down the street towards Granville again.

“Hey,” said Nolan. “I was wondering if you wanted to have coffee on Tuesday?”

Before Ash could answer, they tripped over their damned high heel, pitching towards the pavement. They didn’t even have time to yell.

Nolan swept them up in his arms. Ash went from having a safe amount of distance between them to suddenly being very, very close. Nolan was solid and warm against them, and he smelled clean and fresh, like rain.

Thanks to the high heels, Ash’s nose was very close to Nolan’s.

“Um.” Ash’s face flushed as they felt Nolan’s breath on their lips.

“Um…” Nolan echoed. “Sorry about that.”

To Ash’s grave disappointment, he pulled away, setting Ash back on their feet.

The rest of the walk was spent in a somewhat awkward silence.

“Do you want a cab back to campus?” asked Nolan.

“Sure,” Ash said distantly.

What did it mean when someone you liked was close enough to kiss you and then didn’t? Was Nolan not interested after all? How were they supposed to deal with this situation now?

The cab ride was also a silent affair. Nolan walked with them to their dorm. Ash was disappointed enough that they didn’t even care if Nolan figured out the whole secret. It seemed like he wasn’t even interested.

They got to Ash’s door.

“Well, good night,” said Ash.

“Ashley,” said Nolan suddenly.

“Yes?” asked Ash.

“I…earlier. I was just startled. I…” Nolan blushed and looked down. “I didn’t mean to make you think… I just…”

“Oh,” said Ash, looking up at him.

Suddenly they were looking at each other from inches apart. Ash swayed forward, and Nolan’s hands came up to cup their face. He leaned in slowly. Ash’s eyes slid shut just before their lips met.

The kiss was soft and not at all urgent. Nolan’s lips were warm. He kissed firmly, as if trying to communicate something. Ash’s heart thundered against their ribcage. Nolan broke away a little but then kissed them again, reluctant to pull away.

When Nolan stepped back, Ash’s mouth felt a little tender and flushed.

“Will…will you have coffee with me on Tuesday?” asked Nolan.

“Yes,” Ash breathed.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” said Nolan softly.

He kissed Ash quickly once more and then left. Ash touched their mouth with the tips of their fingers, and their lips throbbed.

And that’s when Ash realized.

“Oh shit.”

*

Ash paced back and forth in their dorm room. What to do?

They had worked themself into a frenzy. Their mouth tasted sour, and their stomach churned unpleasantly. They might even be sick.

There was a knock on the door. Ash jumped before remembering they had invited Bei Bei over.

“Come in!” they yelled.

Bei Bei came in and tapped her foot, looking at Ash.

“You said it was an emergency,” said Bei Bei. “What have you done this time?”

“I’m an idiot,” said Ash.

“What else is new?”

“I said that I’d meet Nolan after class on Tuesday for coffee!” wailed Ash.

“So?” Bei Bei rolled her eyes.

“I said that while I was dressed as Ashley,” Ash explained. “But I go to class as Ash.”

“How are you going to explain that?” asked Bei Bei. “What if Nolan wants you to meet yourself?”

“I hadn’t even thought of that, but thanks for bringing it up!” Ash threw their hands in the air. “What am I going to do?”

“First of all, you gotta calm down,” said Bei Bei. “Have something soothing to drink like tea.”

“Okay,” said Ash blankly. “Tea.”

A quick check of their room revealed that there was no tea to be had.

“What kind of British person are you?” Bei Bei asked.

“Not a very good one, clearly,” said Ash. “How am I supposed to do this? I don’t even know why I said yes when I knew that I had class with Nolan earlier.”

“You have a saying no problem,” said Bei Bei. “You never say no to anyone, and you actually like Nolan.”

“Also he had just finished kissing me,” said Ash.

“Wait, what?” Bei Bei said in shock. “You kissed him and that’s not the first thing that you thought to tell me? Oh my god, dish!”

“Um, it was good,” said Ash. “But that’s not the point. He was kissing Ashley, and it was Ashley who promised to meet him on Tuesday for coffee.”

“It was just good?” Bei Bei said in exasperation. “Ash, you gotta give me more than that.”

“He was shy. It was cute,” said Ash. “But can we focus on the issue at hand here?”

“Shy?” asked Bei Bei. “He doesn’t seem shy.”

“No, like I said. He’s charming and confident usually. It was revealing to see him acting shy,” said Ash. “I didn’t expect it to happen like that.”

“Like what?” asked Bei Bei.

Ash explained the whole falling-over-in-heels incident and their disappointment that nothing happened in that moment.

“So it wasn’t that he didn’t like me,” said Ash. “He was shy. For some reason.”

“Interesting,” said Bei Bei. “This new angle is something we should explore more closely.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked Ash.

“What if his shyness is something that’s affecting other things in your relationship?” asked Bei Bei matter-of-factly.

“I don’t know!” said Ash. “Ugh, you psych majors.”

Bei Bei grinned. “We see lots that others don’t see. Anyway, you should consider what this means for your relationship going forward.”

“We don’t have a relationship yet,” protested Ash. “What if he decides he doesn’t like me because I have to cancel our coffee date? Also, does it mean he wants to scale back because it’s a coffee date and not a dinner date?”

“What do you mean you’re going to cancel your coffee date?” asked Bei Bei.

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Ash asked. “I can’t tell him that I’m also Ashley.”

“Ugh, we went over this,” said Bei Bei. “You’re going to have to tell him at some point, so it might as well be sooner rather than later.”

“I decided to try something else,” said Ash.

“You decided to do something without me?” demanded Bei Bei.

“I thought about it a lot, and I decided that I would ask Nolan some questions about trans people and figure out what he actually thinks,” said Ash.

“Instead of just outright asking him, you’re going to go in a roundabout way that will possibly make him mad later?” Bei Bei said flatly.

Ash slumped their shoulders down. “I’m not very brave, Bei Bei! What else can I do?”

Bei Bei rolled her eyes. “So what kind of questions are you going to ask to figure this whole thing out without giving away what you’re doing?”

“I already started,” said Ash. “I did it on the date at Minami. I tried to figure out if he was transphobic and asked him about that whole Twitter debacle.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” said Bei Bei. “Smart. You know, this strategy might actually work.”

“That’s what I thought!” exclaimed Ash.

“I was worried that you were just going to leave it and never tell him,” Bei Bei continued. “But you’re actually doing something proactive.”

“Way to sound surprised,” said Ash. “And anyway, I’ll only tell him if he’s okay with dating a non-binary person.”

“I still think it would be better if you asked him straight up,” Bei Bei said. “But this plan isn’t too bad, considering what a weenie you are.”

“I’m not a weenie,” protested Ash.

“Well, then tell Nolan that you’re non-binary and that you and Ashley are the same person,” Bei Bei said.

“I—I have a better plan than that,” Ash said. “Anyway, it’ll work better. I’ll know what Nolan is like without putting myself at risk. If he’s an asshole, I’ll just ghost him. If he’s not, then I’ll tell him.”

Bei Bei sighed but nodded. “Okay, so you have a plan for that. What about your other problem?”

Ash moaned and put their head in their hands.

“It’s not that bad,” said Bei Bei.

“It totally is that bad,” said Ash. “I don’t want to cancel it, but I can’t just go from class to the cafe.”

“Why not?” asked Bei Bei.

“Because Nolan will know I’m just plain Ash instead of Ashley,” said Ash.

“Nolan likes you as Ash too,” Bei Bei pointed out.

“That’s true, but I think he likes Ashley better, so he’ll definitely choose Ashley over Ash,” said Ash.

Bei Bei rubbed her forehead. “That would be a problem usually, but you’re literally the same person.”

“What if he’s disappointed that I’m actually just Ash?” asked Ash. “I’m not really that interesting. I’m apparently a hotter girl than I am a guy, so it makes sense that Nolan likes me more as Ashley.”

“I think you’re probably the same hotness,” said Bei Bei. “But has Nolan ever dated a guy?”

“No, he hasn’t.” Ash considered the implications. “Maybe he’s just shy. Even shyer than I first thought.”

There was a long silence. Ash’s phone pinged.

“Agh!” exclaimed Ash. “Who’s that?”

“It’s probably Nolan,” said Bei Bei.

“You’re probably right because it’s not you. You’re right here,” said Ash.

“I’m not the only one who texts you,” Bei Bei said.

The phone pinged again.

“It must be Nolan,” said Bei Bei. “Answer it!”

Nolan: Hey! I’m excited to see you on Tuesday :)

Ash felt a goofy smile on their face as they read the second text.

Which cafe should we go to? I’m sure Timmy’s is okay if you don’t mind it.

“Oh no, he’s asking about coffee on Tuesday!” Ash resumed pacing back and forth.

“So what?” asked Bei Bei. “Just talk to him!”

“But I should cancel, but I don’t want to cancel!” said Ash. “I can’t just change from a guy during class to a girl during the coffee date afterward!”

Or…wait.

Their sudden silence was interpreted correctly by Bei Bei, who immediately said, “Oh no…no. Ash, no.”

“I could do it, couldn’t I?” asked Ash. “I could go to class as Ash and then very quickly change from Ash clothes into Ashley clothes.”

“Ash, seriously,” Bei Bei said. “How long does it usually take you to dress as a girl?”

“Like an hour,” said Ash. “But I have to only take five minutes somehow.”

“Oh my god, Ash, this is not going to work,” Bei Bei said.

“It could work, but I need your help.” Ash turned a pleading look on Bei Bei.

She stepped back, holding up her hands. “You think I’m going to help you deceive this guy? Uh-uh, I don’t wanna be involved.”

“Please, Bei Bei,” begged Ash. “I can’t do this alone!”

“Damn straight you can’t!” said Bei Bei. “Anyway, you have to answer Nolan already.”

“I need your help, otherwise I’m going to have to cancel the coffee date,” said Ash.

“Don’t cancel it,” said Bei Bei. “Just go as Ash and you’ll figure out this whole thing right there and then.”

“I just need to ask one question,” said Ash. “I just need to figure out one thing, and then I can either dump him or go out with him properly.”

“Just one?” Bei Bei frowned.

“Just one,” confirmed Ash. “It’ll take me one conversation, and then I can come clean.”

“Okay, fine,” Bei Bei said. “I’ll help you. I’ll even recruit Ouma as long as you promise that you’ll tell Nolan before March rolls around.”

“I promise I will,” Ash said. “Thanks, Bei Bei, you’re a life saver.”

Ash quickly tapped out on their phone: I’m glad to see you too! Do you want to go to the other one on the other side of campus?

NOLAN: Sure. Whichever one you want.

Ash breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn’t taken too long to respond, and Nolan was fine with going to the other cafe, the one that wasn’t close to their class.

“What did he say?” asked Bei Bei.

“He’s good,” said Ash. “Thank god.”

Then, Ash’s phone actually rang.

“Aaaagh, now what?” screamed Ash.

“Who is it?” demanded Bei Bei loudly.

Ash looked at the phone. “It’s Nolan. He’s phoning me. Oh shit, what do I do?”

“Answer it, dumbass!” yelled Bei Bei.

“I hate phone calls!” yelled Ash in response. “I can’t just talk to him!”

“You have to!” Bei Bei said. “Just answer it!”

“Okay!” yelled Ash.

They took a deep breath and said, “Hello?”

There was a buzzing noise from the other end. Nothing happened.

“Hello?” asked Ash again.

They heard voices talking indistinctly.

“Hellooooo,” Ash said loudly into the phone.

“Ashley?” came a faint voice. Then the voice got closer. “Hello? Ashley?”

“Yeah,” said Ash, feeling weird responding to “Ashley” while dressed as Ash.

“Sorry, I think I buttdialed you,” Nolan said with a laugh.

Ash was almost disappointed that Nolan hadn’t been calling them after all.

“Oh, that’s okay,” Ash said.

“It’s nice to hear your voice though,” said Nolan. “How is your day going?”

“It’s been fine,” Ash said. “I’m glad that I get to see you on Tuesday.”

“I am too,” said Nolan. “I’m playing some video games with Gabe and Kevin right now.”

“Cool,” Ash said. “I should let you get back to that.”

“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to talk to you,” said Nolan. “Here, I’m going into the kitchen to chat.”

“I really liked our date on Friday,” Ash fiddled with a strand of their hair and avoided looking at Bei Bei. “I’d love to be able to have dinner again sometime.”

“That would be great. I had a good time too,” said Nolan.

“What was your favourite part?” asked Ash.

“Um…” There was a pause.

Ash realized what they had asked, and what exact part Nolan was probably thinking about.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I meant about the rest of it, not that I was alluding to…” Ash tugged their collar. Good thing Nolan couldn’t see them.

“Uh, yeah.” Nolan also sounded embarrassed. “It… That was still my favourite part though.”

“Ah,” Ash said, feeling their cheeks turning red. “Mine too.”

There was a yell from Nolan’s end of the phone that sounded like Gabe.

“Gabe is telling me they need my help to beat some people,” Nolan said. “Can I talk to you later?”

“Of course,” said Ash. “Have a great game!”

And then Ash realized that they had almost said “I love you” as a goodbye instead. They hung up, then turned to Bei Bei.

“I have to keep him,” they said. “I need for this to work.”

Bei Bei nodded. “Tell me what we need to do.”

*

Ash liked to think of themself as logical and level-headed. Most of the time, they were. But this situation was a little more trying than most. Ash was not having a great time.

Ash and Bei Bei had gone to one of the smaller classrooms on the UBC campus in order to find a whiteboard and were currently making plans. Or, rather, Ash was pacing back and forth in front of the whiteboard and Bei Bei was doodling pictures of flowers, stars, and an interesting-looking octopus that Ash would have appreciated at any other time.

“First I have to go to class,” said Ash. “And I have to be dressed as Ash. That should be the easy part.”

“Wear something easy to change out of,” said Bei Bei. “And something easy to get into as well. No tight jeans or complicated dresses.”

Ash nodded. “So I have to find something easy to slip off and on. I only have about five minutes to change. Ten at most.”

“What are you going to do about the bathroom situation?” asked Bei Bei. “It might be weird if you went into a bathroom looking like a guy and emerged looking like a chick.”

“Are there any gender-neutral ones near there?” asked Ash. “A single stall one would be best, especially if you are helping.”

Ash drew three squares on the board in different colours.

“This one is the classroom,” Ash said, indicating the red square. “The green one is the bathroom, and the blue one is the cafe.”

“How far a walk is it to each?” asked Bei Bei.

Ash drew a black dotted line between all of them and labeled one with “3 minutes” and another one with “8 minutes.”

“We have to cut down on the time to that cafe,” said Ash.

“What if you met at Timmy’s instead?” asked Bei Bei. “It’s closer.”

“It’s closer, but what if Nolan sees me go into the bathroom as a guy and emerge as a girl? The whole jig would be up,” Ash said.

“Okay, so you’re going to have to walk quickly to get to the cafe in five minutes instead of eight.”

“Right, now what should I wear?” asked Ash. “I can just wear some loose jeans and a sweatshirt to class.”

“I’d almost suggest something similar for when you change,” said Bei Bei. “Girls can wear stuff like that too, you know.”

“But I want to look cute,” Ash said. “I can just wear the cornflower blue skirt and a blouse. That shouldn’t be hard to change into.”

“Right,” said Bei Bei. “Now makeup and hair. If I do your makeup, Ouma can do your hair at the same time.”

“Okay, that should work,” said Ash.

“It shouldn’t be hard for Ouma to finish on time,” said Bei Bei. “I should practice what makeup I’m going to do on you though.”

“Will it take long to do?” asked Ash.

“I can get it down to five minutes, I think,” said Bei Bei, biting her lip. “I’m just worried that if I mess up, I’ll have to redo it.”

“What if we cut out the winged eyeliner?” asked Ash.

“It makes your eyes look different,” said Bei Bei. “It’s part of the transformation.”

“I think we’ll have to risk it,” Ash replied. “I don’t want to have to redo the makeup part, even if you think you can get it right the first time.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll use a different kind of eye pencil, then,” said Bei Bei. “I have a good palette to go with your skirt, at least.”

“I assume you can’t do a full face in five minutes,” Ash said with a sigh.

“Not a chance,” said Bei Bei. “I can’t even do any contouring or highlights to change the shape of your face. It would take too much time.”

“Ugh, this is stressful,” said Ash. “Maybe I should just skip the class and go to the coffee date with everything prepared properly instead.”

“You could do that,” said Bei Bei. “But wouldn’t it be weird if Nolan didn’t see you in class beforehand as a guy? Like, too many coincidences?”

“You’re right—that would be suspicious,” said Ash. “If only I had managed to get that last question in on our dinner date.”

If only they could ask over text. But Ash liked being able to see people’s facial expressions when asking important questions. It cut down on lying.

“True, that would probably have been good,” said Bei Bei. “But you traded that for kissing instead, which I think is fair.”

Ash blushed. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Well, you did,” said Bei Bei. “Anyway, you can’t change the past, so we have to work on this plan.”

“If I had just figured it out sooner, this whole situation wouldn’t be necessary,” said Ash. “But also, I think maybe I’m moving too fast.”

“You always move too fast,” said Bei Bei. “It’s just how you are.”

“Ugh,” Ash groaned and rested their head against the whiteboard. “Why can’t I just be normal?”

“Don’t say that,” Bei Bei said. “Anyway, there is no such thing as normal.”

“Okay,” Ash said, opening their eyes and turning to Bei Bei. “I guess you should practice putting on the makeup now.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” said Bei Bei. “Let’s go to my room.”

“I should stop at my room to get the outfit I’m wearing,” said Ash.

“Okay, good plan,” said Bei Bei. “Come on, let’s go.”

Ash and Bei Bei made their way across campus. As they walked, Bei Bei texted Ouma to meet them at Bei Bei’s room to practice doing Ash’s hair as well. Although they were stressed out, Ash was very glad to have a friend like Bei Bei. She never backed down from a challenge, and she always pushed Ash to do better.

They split up once in the building. Ash made their way back to their room, where they gathered up the clothes they would need. Luckily, they were clean. They put the clothes in a bag and made their way towards the stairs. Just as they were about to go up to Bei Bei’s room, a voice called out.

“Hey, Ash!”

It was Nolan. Gabe and Kevin stood behind him.

“Hey,” said Ash, feeling like they had been caught in the middle of a crime.

“What are you doing?” asked Nolan. “We were just going to go grab a drink.”

“I’m hanging out with a couple friends,” said Ash, shifting so that the bag was hidden behind their body. “We’re, uh, watching movies on Netflix.”

“Oh, cool.” Nolan sounded a little disappointed. “Do your friends live in the dorms too?”

“Yeah,” said Ash. “Just up on the ninth floor.”

“That’s our floor too,” Nolan said. “We’re just going to change out of our soccer clothes.”

Ash hadn’t noticed, but the three of them were all wearing track pants and cleats.

“Oh,” they said. “We can probably just walk up together, then.”

They felt weird taking the lead, but they were the one higher up on the stairs. Also, their bag was now visible. But no one asked about it. Ash should have realized that no one would care what was in the bag; it just felt like a secret because it had their girl clothes in it.

“How is the science going?” asked Kevin from behind them.

“I’m doing okay,” said Ash. “Thanks for helping me. I really didn’t get it before.”

“Hey, no problem,” said Kevin. “It’s not easy sometimes.”

“How are your other classes going?” asked Nolan. “I’ve started doing the research for the final essay for Can lit.”

“Oh, me too,” said Ash. “It’s not too bad. I mean, twelve pages is a breeze once you get the hang of it.”

“For you,” said Nolan. “Twelve pages of analysis is kind of hard for me, actually.”

“Oh, maybe we can write together, then,” said Ash. “Get the essay done early.”

“That would be cool,” said Nolan.

They got to the door of Nolan’s room, and the other two guys went in first, leaving Nolan outside. It seemed to Ash like they gave Nolan a knowing look as they went inside. Nolan certainly reacted like they did, ducking his head and flushing a little.

“Hey, I’ll see you on Tuesday,” said Nolan.

“Yeah, looking forward to it,” said Ash with a small smile.

“Me too,” said Nolan softly.

“Bye,” said Ash with a small wave.

“Bye,” Nolan said and disappeared into the room.

Ash quickly ran down the hall towards Bei Bei’s room.

“What took you so long?” hissed Bei Bei.

“I was just talking to Nolan,” said Ash, out of breath. “I ran into him and his friends on the way up.”

“Damn,” said Bei Bei. “Did he say anything?”

“Just that he would see me on Tuesday. But that doesn’t really mean anything. Probably he means that he’ll see me in class,” said Ash.

“Is he still acting like he likes you?” asked Bei Bei.

Ash frowned. Now that they thought about it…

“Yeah,” they said slowly. “He did act like that.”

“So he still likes you,” said Bei Bei. “Even though he went out with Ashley on Friday.”

“It’s weird,” said Ash. “That’s something I hope that we can get to the bottom of as well.”

“Well, first you have to get the answer to your question,” said Bei Bei. “Now let’s get you all dolled up.”

Ash changed as quickly as possible. Bei Bei ushered them into the bathroom and got them to sit on the toilet. Ash tried to keep still as Bei Bei wiped their face off with a cleanser.

“Okay, let’s time it,” said Bei Bei. “Ouma, come in here, will you?”

Ouma, who had been playing on her phone on the bed, came in.

“We have to be able to do this at the same time,” said Bei Bei. “I’ll do makeup; you do hair.”

“Okay,” Ouma said. “If Ash can turn to face the mirror a little, I can see them better.”

Ash did as Ouma asked, and Bei Bei set up her phone timer for five minutes.

“Ready?” asked Bei Bei. “Ash, stay as still as possible. Aaaand go!”

She pressed the timer on the phone and then went to work. She skipped the usual eyeshadow primer and started with the eyeshadow. She brushed whitish-blue colour close to the edges of their eyes and followed that with a cornflower blue close to that of Ash’s skirt in the crease. Then she switched brushes to press a shimmery light periwinkle over the lids. Another brush switch, and she was swiping darker blue along the outline of their eyes. She finished with a neutral pink lipstick.

Meanwhile, Ouma combed her fingers, coated in hair putty, through Ash’s hair. She picked bits of Ash’s hair to do certain things, texturing the hair with her fingers.

The alarm went off.

“Looks all right, yeah?” said Ouma, looking at Ash’s face in the mirror.

“Yeah,” said Bei Bei, squinting critically at Ash. “I think it’ll do.

Ash looked at their own face in the mirror. They looked more like their normal self than they usually did while dressed as a girl. They almost liked it, except that if Nolan saw through it, it would be a problem. They reached into their bag and found their glasses, slipping them on over their face.

“Better,” said Bei Bei.

“I think we’re ready,” said Ouma.

“We are,” Ash said. “We can do this.”