Chapter Seven

Ash skipped class for the first time ever. They felt their anxiety rising as they stared at their phone, counting down the minutes until class started. Until Nolan realized that Ash wasn’t coming. Ash hated themself just a little bit as they stared at the digits on their phone indicating the start of class.

Their phone pinged. They dropped it in surprise.

Nolan: Guess I won’t see you today, huh?

Nolan’s text message seemed to glare at Ash accusingly. Ash grimaced and turned the phone over. Ignoring Nolan was harder than it seemed.

They got up off their bed and half-heartedly stripped and climbed into the shower. The hot water brought no relief at all to their anxiety. Getting into their boy clothes didn’t help either. They walked down the stairs and to the bus stop. They took the bus alone, remembering how Nolan had met them that first day.

They walked from downtown Vancouver all the way to the sea wall. Gulls soared overhead, and the dark waters of the Pacific lapped against stone. They stared out at the ocean, wondering what exactly they were supposed to do now.

This mess was not Nolan’s fault. He did not deserve any part of this entire stupid situation. This was Ash’s fault. They were the ridiculous one who’d caused this catastrophe. Bei Bei was right; they should have just told Nolan in the first place. Then Nolan could have reassured them that it wasn’t a big deal.

Instead, Ash had run away, revealing just how much of a coward they were. How could they face Nolan now? They couldn’t just go up to Nolan and admit to his face that they thought Nolan wouldn’t accept them as they were. They would have to say that with the direct evidence that Nolan had never held any such prejudice at all and in fact had liked Ash the entire time, knowing that Ash sometimes dressed as a woman.

They viciously kicked a rock across the path, and it bounced away. They shoved their hands in their pockets and scrunched their eyes shut.

What a fool they were.

They were mentally punching themself when a voice said, “What are you doing here?”

Evie stood on the sea wall path, holding an umbrella over her head. Ash blinked. While they had been deep in contemplation, it had started raining.

“Evie,” they said.

“You look rough,” she said. “What the hell are you doing here without a coat or umbrella?”

“I—” Ash said, then shrugged. “I have no idea, honestly.”

“Are you messing it up with Nolan already?” she demanded.

They very definitely were. Ash shrugged and said nothing.

“Ugh, you’re a fool,” Evie said. “What did you do?”

“I lied to him,” said Ash. “I lied to him, and it turned out he knew the entire time and didn’t care, and instead of being happy, I fucking ran away.”

“Classic Ash,” Evie said. Ash winced. “What did you lie about?”

Just what Ash needed. Explaining to their ex-girlfriend that, actually, they weren’t a man and that Evie had in fact dated a part-time girl. Ash stammered out an explanation, staring at their feet. At least Evie’s opinion of them couldn’t get any worse.

“Oh, is that all?” Evie said.

“What?” said Ash in confusion.

“You’ve always seemed like you weren’t exactly a guy sometimes,” Evie said. “Come on, Ash, I dated you for freaking ages. I was bound to notice you sometimes running your hands over my skirt in a fascinated way that had absolutely nothing to do with being horny.”

Ash plunged their face into their hands in embarrassment.

“It looks like you have more issues with your identity than Nolan does,” Evie said. “Seriously, you need to get your shit together.”

“I know.” Ash cringed. “I’ve really messed up.”

“You need to quit running away too,” Evie added. “It’s doing no one any favours.”

“I know,” Ash repeated. “I’m a serious fuck-up.”

“You are,” Evie said cheerfully. “But really, it’s not so hard to fix this one.”

“How so?” asked Ash in surprise.

“All you have to do is explain to Nolan what you explained to me,” said Evie. “It’s not hard.”

“Speak for yourself,” Ash groaned.

“Just tell him, Ash,” Evie said as she turned to walk away. “And for god’s sake, get an umbrella. You’ll catch a cold.”

Evie left, and Ash stared out at the ocean again, watching as the sea birds swooped and dove out over the shore.

Of course, she was right. Ash ran a hand through their wet hair and wiped their face. They had to face Nolan at some point, and they were going to have to apologize a lot. And Nolan deserved that apology.

They finally decided to go through Nolan’s text messages and find out what he had said. They found a bench and sat, not caring about the wetness or the damp air. Taking a deep breath, they opened their message app and scrolled up to look at the messages.

NOLAN:

Tuesday 11:48 a.m. Hey what’s wrong? Where did you go?

Tuesday 11:50 a.m. Did I say something wrong?

Tuesday 11:54 a.m. You know the girls left? They didn’t say anything at all.

Tuesday 11:58 a.m. I called you and you didn’t answer. Are you okay?

Tuesday 12:03 p.m. Did you not realize that I knew?

Tuesday 12:10 p.m. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t think you wanted to talk about it. I’m sorry. Please come back.

Tuesday 1:39 p.m. I keep calling you and you haven’t answered. I guess you want some space.

Wednesday 10:08 a.m. Hey, are you feeling better today? Please talk to me.

Wednesday 2:36 p.m. I ran into Ouma today at the cafe. She said she hasn’t seen you either and that Bei Bei hasn’t seen you since Tuesday. Please answer.

Wednesday 5:47 p.m. Dammit Ash, answer me. You’re scaring me.

Wednesday 8:56 p.m. I feel kind of pathetic texting you all this. Please just answer me. At least tell me you’re okay.

Wednesday 11:13 p.m. Just why. I don’t understand.

Thursday 10:02 a.m. Guess I won’t see you today, huh?

Ash reread all the messages another five times. This was so, so bad. Ash’s gut churned, and an empty ache filled them. Nolan deserved better than this—better than Ash. Was there really any way to make this all better? Evie seemed to think it was as easy as talking to Nolan. But it couldn’t be that easy, could it?

Ash tried to think the situation through. Even if Ash apologized, that apology was probably going to go badly. Even if things went well this time, what about the next time or the next time? Ash would inevitably fuck everything all up again. The problem clearly wasn’t Nolan. It was all Ash.

Ash climbed to their feet and made their way back towards the downtown core. As they did, their phone pinged with another text message.

BEI BEI: I saw Nolan. He seems pretty broken up about the way you left. You should probably talk to him.

Even Bei Bei agreed with Evie. Everyone seemed to think that Ash should just talk to Nolan and everything would work out. But that’s not how life worked. Life just sucked sometimes, and Ash was that much extra special when it came to being a colossal fuck-up. That’s just how it was going.

They didn’t even notice the bus ride back to campus. They went back to their dorm and, without even thinking about it, lay down and curled up on their bed in their wet clothes. Their mind was going around in circles. Like usual.

Ash knew they should do as everyone suggested, but somehow, the task seemed extremely daunting. What were they supposed to say to explain their actions? Everything they had to say would make them seem like a fool.

Ash’s phone pinged again. They ignored it.

They really had to talk to Nolan. Whatever happened, they had to do it. Ash scrunched their eyes shut and breathed in and out slowly. They didn’t want to. Couldn’t they just stay here in the dorms forever and never move again?

No. They had to talk to Nolan. They had to text him and tell him to meet them somewhere neutral so they could explain themself and their actions. There was no way around it. Nolan may hate them in the end, but it was better than ghosting him and leaving him wondering what had happened.

Closure. It all came down to that. Ash’s chest ached fiercely at the thought. They refused to give into the little spark of hope that Nolan would understand or forgive them. Nolan deserved much better than whatever Ash could give him.

What they really needed was help. Bei Bei was great, but not just one, but two relationships ruined by their mental health problems? It was too much for Ash and Bei Bei to handle on their own. Counselling. Maybe counselling would help. Someone proper and more adult than Ash could figure out the mess of Ash’s life.

Ash curled up tighter. Thoughts still whirling around in their head, they drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

*

Ash didn’t know how long they’d been asleep when a knock on the door woke them. It was mostly dark outside, so they turned on the lamp next to their bed. The knock came again, and they sat up. Their clothes were still damp from the rain.

Was it Bei Bei? A third knock resounded, and Ash shook their head a little to try to wake up properly. Ash got up and stumbled to the door. Without checking to see who it was, they opened it.

Nolan stood outside. Their eyes met. A dozen thoughts flashed across Ash’s mind, and before they could even decide what to do, they reflexively tried to shut the door.

Nolan shoved his foot in between the closing door and the door frame. Everything came to a standstill once more.

“Please,” Nolan said. “I need to talk to you. I just need you to hear me out, and I’ll go. I just need…” He trailed off, looking wrecked.

Ash’s heart beat painfully at the expression on his face.

“Sorry.” They opened the door. “Reflex. I didn’t mean to do that.”

They stepped away from the door and let Nolan enter. At first, neither of them spoke. Nolan closed the door behind him. Neither of them even looked at each other, caught in a standstill.

“I’m sorry,” Ash burst out.

“No, I’m sorry,” said Nolan, looking up. “I—wait. Ash, are your clothes wet?”

Ash looked down. Their grey hoodie was very visibly damp. “Um…yes?”

“Christ, Ash. Will you please change your clothes? Just… I’ll turn my back, just get out of your wet clothes, please.” Nolan turned to face the door.

“It’s not that bad,” Ash protested.

“Please just change,” said Nolan. “I’m worried enough without you getting pneumonia on top of everything else.”

Ash dug through their drawers and found an old T-shirt and jogging pants. Very quickly, they stripped off their wet jeans and hoodie and got into their dry clothes. They couldn’t help but think as they caught a glimpse of themself in the mirror that it wasn’t a very attractive outfit. They threw their wet clothes in a nearby hamper and came to the sudden realization that this was Nolan’s first look at Ash’s personal quarters.

“Um,” they squeaked. “I’m done.”

Nolan turned around. Ash flushed and looked at their bare feet. Now what?

“Can we talk?” asked Nolan.

“Y-yes,” Ash stuttered. “Um, we should. You can, um, sit on my bed if you want.”

Nolan carefully sat. Ash did too, keeping a space between them. Ash didn’t know what to say or where to start with this whole debacle. Maybe Nolan didn’t know either because the two of them sat in silence for several awkward minutes.

Finally, Nolan said, “I always knew.”

“Oh,” said Ash in a small voice. “I didn’t realize.”

“I figured that one out myself,” Nolan said dryly.

Another long silence.

“If you didn’t know that I knew, why didn’t you say anything?” asked Nolan softly.

Ash ran a finger through their damp hair, hand trembling. Their eyes filled, and they dashed the tears away. “I was scared, mostly. I really…like you. I didn’t think you’d like me if you knew what I was really like. I wanted to put off telling the truth because if you didn’t know, you wouldn’t hate me.”

“I really like you too, Ash.” Nolan sounded sad. “When I figured out that the hot girl in the club was you, it didn’t seem too complicated to me. I liked you still. I thought that maybe at some point you would explain why you sometimes dress as a woman and sometimes as a man. But the reason didn’t really matter to me when it came to liking you.”

“Oh.” Ash’s heart dropped into their stomach. “I was going to explain. At some point. I just wanted to know if you were amenable to dating someone like me first.”

“Ah, I see,” said Nolan. “You wanted to know if you were safe with me first before telling me.”

“Yes.” Ash let out a breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to imply that you would react horribly. I didn’t really think you would. I just… I didn’t know for sure. And because I didn’t know for sure, even thinking about saying anything made my anxiety skyrocket. I don’t want to blame my choices on my anxiety either, but it did play a big part in not telling you immediately.”

“I should have thought that maybe you weren’t aware I knew,” said Nolan. “It wasn’t at all obvious, after all. No one else had it figured out.”

“Ah, that was another thing,” said Ash. “I thought that because you had it figured out, everyone else did too. I suddenly thought that maybe everyone in the cafe knew…and that everyone thought I was some weird cross-dresser or something. I don’t know. I panicked.”

“I think I get it,” said Nolan. “I knew you had panicked for some reason. But no one had figured out who you were, as far as I knew. Gabe didn’t. Neither did those two girls from class.”

“Really?” asked Ash incredulously. “No one?”

“The two girls from class actually came over to sneer at me, saying that I had scared off some girl and that I had moved on from…well, you. So they didn’t know either,” said Nolan with a slight laugh. “But you know, even if people do realize, it doesn’t mean you’re a weird cross-dresser. There’s nothing wrong with cross-dressing, for one.”

“I know, but I feel like one sometimes.” Ash looked down at their clenched hands in their lap. “I’m just a weird guy who likes skirts. It doesn’t matter if cross-dressing is okay, there are people who will kill me for dressing like a woman when I’m actually a guy.”

“But you’re not a guy, are you?” said Nolan.

“No, I’m not,” said Ash. “I—I’m non-binary. I was trying to figure out what you thought about non-binary people before saying anything.”

“I haven’t met many non-binary people,” said Nolan. “I don’t really understand, but as someone on my Facebook feed pointed out, it doesn’t matter if I get it or not. If I respect someone, then I will respect their identity.” A sense of relief washed over Ash. Their limbs felt limp with the sudden release in tension. They blinked back another surge of tears.

“That’s good.”

“What pronouns do you use?” asked Nolan. “I was going to ask at some point. I just kept forgetting because you always said something interesting to distract me.”

“Me, interesting?” Ash laughed.

“Yeah, you,” said Nolan. “Didn’t I mention that I like you already?”

“Still?” Ash sounded desperate even to their own ears. “You still like me?”

“Yeah,” said Nolan. “Of course I do.”

“Even after all the shit I pulled on you, you still think I’m worth it?” Ash asked. “Because it’s not like I’m different or anything even after this conversation. My brain is still anxious and depressed, and knowing about my issues won’t stop them from making my life difficult. I’m still avoidant as hell. I’m probably going to do something like this again. And again. It’ll make your life more difficult knowing me.”

Nolan laughed. “I can put up with that. You know how relieved I was to see your face when you opened the door? I just wanted to see you. All this time, I just wanted to know you were okay.”

“I wasn’t really okay,” said Ash honestly.

“I figured, and it was driving me crazy,” said Nolan.

He suddenly reached out one hand and very slowly and carefully slid his hand along Ash’s cheek and through their hair.

“Are you okay now?” he asked softly.

Ash could hardly hear him over the pounding of their heart.

“I think so.”

“Ash, I—I really want to kiss you right now,” said Nolan. “Can I please just—”

“Yes,” said Ash quickly.

Nolan leaned over, hand still in Ash’s hair, and pressed his mouth to Ash’s. Ash sighed into the kiss, and Nolan made a desperate noise and pressed harder. Ash tilted their head slightly, fitting their mouths together better.

Nolan broke the kiss and said, “I’m sorry, I just can’t…”

“Don’t be sorry,” said Ash. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not.”

Nolan kissed them again, hard. He slid his tongue along Ash’s bottom lip, and Ash opened up underneath him. The slick slide of their mouths pressing together was loud in the otherwise silent room. Ash gasped and Nolan kissed them. Ash’s arms came up and around Nolan’s shoulders. Nolan groaned into their mouth and brought his other arm around Ash’s back, bringing them closer together.

“God, Ash,” Nolan panted against their mouth.

Ash leaned in to press their mouths together again, and Nolan made a broken-sounding noise against their lips. Ash swept their tongue into his mouth and felt Nolan’s fingers clench in their T-shirt. The two toppled over onto Ash’s bed, and Ash pulled Nolan closer. The blanket was a little damp from where Ash had been lying, but neither of them noticed. Nolan hooked a knee around Ash’s, and suddenly, this seemed to be going very quickly in a certain direction.

Ash pulled back slightly and tried to clear their head. They opened their eyes and met Nolan’s, whose pupils were blown wide with desire. Ash felt like they’d been punched in the gut. It was going to half kill them to pull away, but they had to.

With great reluctance, Ash put a little more distance between them.

“Aren’t we moving a little fast?”

“Um…” Nolan blinked. “I don’t know. I didn’t actually mean for this to go in this direction. I just wanted to kiss you so fricking badly.”

“Are you okay with this?” asked Ash softly.

“Er,” Nolan said. “I don’t actually know what I’m doing after this point, so, um.”

“That’s not really a problem.” Ash smiled a bit. “It’s whether we want to have sex right after having a really difficult conversation that’s not completely over.”

Nolan groaned and closed his eyes. “No, you’re right. This isn’t supposed to happen until after we finish figuring stuff out.”

“Right,” said Ash. “I should probably—”

“Yeah,” said Nolan and pulled away until there was about a foot of space between them.

Ash felt another pang in their stomach region at the sight of Nolan sitting there, clearly trying to rein in the desire to pin Ash to the bed and ravage them. His clothing and hair were a mess, and colour was high in his cheeks and ears. Ash looked away, trying to calm their rapidly beating heart.

“Um, can I use your bathroom?” asked Nolan.

“Yeah, it’s over there,” said Ash.

Nolan got awkwardly to his feet. Ash thought he was moving a little weirdly until they realized that Nolan had the beginning of an erection. They looked away again, blushing hard. Why did they have to stop again?

Right, they needed to talk. Talk, no sex. Ugh. Why did Nolan have to be so bloody attractive?

Nolan went into the bathroom and shut the door. Ash heard running water and Nolan splashing what was no doubt cold water on his face. Ash breathed in and out slowly, willing their heart to stop beating so hard. They also had a stern talk with their libido, which was still adamant that Nolan needed to fuck them right bloody now.

“You’re not helping,” they hissed at their own lap.

They were fanning themself with their hands when Nolan emerged from the bathroom, face and hair still wet.

“You’re stupidly hot,” muttered Ash.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Nolan. “But weren’t you the one who said we had to talk?”

“You agreed,” said Ash.

“I did,” said Nolan with a sigh. “So let’s talk. Where should we start?”

Ash scratched the back of their head. “I guess we should start with this question: What are we?”

“I was hoping that you’d be amenable to dating me,” said Nolan. “Exclusively, that is.”

“Are you asking me out?” Ash grinned.

“Yes. Ashley Kingston, will you go out with me?” Nolan said.

“You knew my name this entire time.” Ash sighed. “I might have known.”

“Is that a yes or a no?” asked Nolan.

“Yes, of course I want to date you,” said Ash. “I said I like you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to hear it from your lips,” said Nolan. “And yes, it’s pretty easy to figure out what your name is since it’s on your student card and everything.”

“Oh, right,” said Ash, feeling a little silly. “I should have figured that out.”

“I just thought that maybe you liked being called Ashley when dressed as a woman,” said Nolan. “I wasn’t sure though, so I just kept it up.”

“Yeah,” said Ash with a shrug. “I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to do about that.”

“No one said you had to have it all figured out right away,” said Nolan. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter to me what your gender is. I like you.”

“Which brings up the other issue,” said Ash. “I have this thing where I get super anxious about things and don’t talk about them until it’s blown up in my face.”

“I seem to recall the situation with Evie,” said Nolan dryly. “I really don’t want to break up via text.”

“Well, that was because I got freaked out that I was getting really attached to her,” said Ash. “I was beginning to really like her, and I wasn’t sure if she felt the same. I kind of panicked and completely shut her out instead of talking.”

“You started to really like her,” said Nolan. “What happens when you start to really get attached to me?”

“I…am already really attached to you,” said Ash, looking down at their lap and blushing.

“You’re in love with me?” said Nolan.

Ash looked up in alarm. “I wasn’t going to start throwing around words like ‘love’ just yet—”

“You looooove me,” said Nolan in a sing-song voice. “Admit it, Ash.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of such feelings,” Ash said.

“What are you, a superspy?” asked Nolan, smiling. “A spy of love?”

“Oh my god, stop saying that word!” Ash covered their face with their hands.

“It’s okay,” said Nolan, still grinning. “I’ll stop teasing you now.”

“Thank you,” Ash said, trying to maintain their dignity.

“But one day I’ll get you to say it to my face,” said Nolan.

“When I get it figured out, you’ll be the first to know, trust me,” said Ash.

“Anyway,” Nolan said, clearing his throat. “What do we do about your anxiety-induced panic attacks?”

“It’s not so much the panic attack that’s the problem,” said Ash. “It’s that no one really knows what’s going on in my head and might jump to conclusions.”

“Yes, I rather recall thinking I had done something terribly wrong and that you hated me, but go on,” said Nolan.

“I don’t hate you,” said Ash quickly.

“I know that now,” said Nolan. “But at the time, I was kind of worried—to put it lightly.”

“Let’s try and avoid a situation like that again,” said Ash. “Also…I decided that I should probably get counselling. I plan to talk with the Wellness Centre on campus.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re getting help. But we still need to communicate. So we need to just talk about stuff if you get anxious,” said Nolan.

“That might be harder than it seems,” said Ash. “I sometimes find it difficult to explain out loud.”

“Write it down,” Nolan suggested. “We can get a notebook or something.”

Ash made a face. “But what if someone reads it?”

“Just tear out the page and throw it out after we finish using it,” said Nolan. “It might make it easier to talk on paper anyway.”

“That’s true,” said Ash. “I want to be able to communicate better with you than I did in my last relationship.”

“We can do that,” said Nolan. “I really want this to work out.”

“Yeah,” said Ash softly. “Me too.”

They sat in a much more comfortable silence than the previous time. Nolan finally said, “I really want to kiss you again. But like you said, we should probably wait.”

“I said that because we hadn’t talked about our relationship yet,” said Ash dryly. “Trust me when I say it had nothing to do with lack of desire.”

“You think I’m hot,” said Nolan smugly.

“You are hot,” said Ash.

“But you like me,” said Nolan. “You’re not just trying to sleep with me because I’m a pretty face. You listen when I talk about my interests and laugh at my stupid jokes.”

“I do like you,” said Ash. “I think you’re interesting and intelligent and funny. The more time I spend with you, the more I like you.”

“I like you too. A lot,” said Nolan. “Does that mean I can kiss you again?”

“Yes?” Ash said hesitantly.

Nolan leaned over and bumped his forehead against Ash’s. Ash met his eyes, and they glowed blue-gold in the lamplight. Ash raised their hands to cup Nolan’s face.

“God, you’re beautiful,” they said and kissed him.

“No one has ever called me that before,” Nolan said against their mouth.

“Everyone should. You are.” Ash pressed their mouth to the corner of Nolan’s.

“I like it when you say things like that,” said Nolan, a flush rising in his cheeks.

“Gorgeous,” said Ash. “Also mine.”

Nolan groaned and kissed them, pressing Ash back against the mattress. Ash went easily, letting Nolan cover them with his body. They ran their hands over his shoulders and back, muscular and hard. Nolan pressed a kiss to their ear and then grazed the soft bit of skin underneath their ear with his teeth. The sensation sent a shock of heat through Ash’s body.

“Nnngg,” they said, very articulately.

“You like that?” asked Nolan against their ear.

All Ash could do was nod. Nolan chuckled before repeating the motion. Ash made another indistinct noise, and Nolan pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses down their neck. Oh hell, how did Nolan know that this was a weakness of theirs? Probably the way they had gone completely boneless underneath him. Yes, probably that.

Nolan’s hands had found their way underneath their T-shirt and were gently running up and down Ash’s sides. Ash squirmed, gasping as Nolan’s thumb found a nipple.

“Please,” they gasped, hand clenching in the fabric of Nolan’s shirt.

Nolan did it again, and Ash gasped wordlessly, unable to say more. Nolan pulled their T-shirt up, exposing their chest. A second later, their lips closed around the small pink nub and applied suction. Ash writhed and made a frankly embarrassing noise.

“I want you,” Nolan said, voice thick and raspy. “I want you so badly.”

Nolan’s erection, pressed up against Ash’s leg, throbbed along with his words. Ash looked up into his face. Nolan’s eyes were intense and heated. Ash needed to kiss him, so they did. They hooked their leg around Nolan’s hip, and Nolan’s cock rubbed against Ash’s through the fabric of their jogging pants.

“Oh fuck,” Nolan gasped.

“Okay?” asked Ash.

“More than okay,” Nolan groaned. “Oh…”

Ash reached between them to thumb open Nolan’s jeans with deft fingers, and between the two of them, they managed to get his jeans and boxers down around his hips. Ash reached for Nolan’s cock and stroked from base to tip. Nolan threw his head back in ecstasy and thrust up into Ash’s fist.

“I want to feel you,” Nolan said. “Please.”

“Okay,” Ash said, a little breathlessly.

They struggled with their jogging pants and managed to get them completely off.

Nolan looked down and blinked in surprise.

“You’re wearing panties,” he said in a strangled voice.

Ash blushed and nodded. “I like them.”

“I like them too,” Nolan said. “I like them a lot as it turns out.”

“They’re coming off,” said Ash, struggling with the lace and silk fabric. It clung to their skin, and Nolan’s eyes dilated as they pulled the panties down their smooth legs.

Their cocks finally aligned. Ash panted as they got a hand around them both. Nolan gasped against Ash’s ear and shuddered as Ash stroked up.

“God, move,” Ash groaned.

Nolan did, sliding them together with exquisite slowness. He looked up and met Ash’s eyes again. Ash didn’t look away, staring into Nolan’s eyes as they slid together. Nolan shivered again, and Ash urged him on with the leg wrapped around his hip.

“Not going to last long,” Nolan said.

“Me either,” Ash replied.

“I want to see you come,” Nolan said.

In response, Ash sped up their strokes. The two panted together, still looking into each other’s eyes as a fire of pleasure built.

“Coming, coming.” Ash gasped, throwing their head back as they spilled.

A moment later, Nolan groaned against their ear as he came as well. The two collapsed together on the bed, limbs tangled. Ash listened to Nolan’s heartbeat slow and become steady. This was nice. More comfortable than expected.

“Well, I’m glad we had this conversation on a bed,” Ash finally said.

Nolan chuckled and kissed the damp side of Ash’s face. “Me too.”

“So. That was sex,” said Ash.

“It certainly was,” said Nolan. “Pretty good sex from my perspective.”

“It was,” said Ash.

“Did you think I wouldn’t like it?” asked Nolan, sounding amused.

“I was just a bit worried,” Ash admitted. “I mean, I thought maybe the panties would throw you off a little.”

“They’re…good. Um…better than good. I…” Nolan mumbled. “I liked them. A lot.”

“Oh,” said Ash. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“We should probably clean up,” said Nolan. “I’m going to grab some toilet paper.”

“Nice plan,” said Ash.

Nolan cleaned them both, which was nice. He then got under Ash’s covers and wrapped a solid arm around Ash’s waist, which was even nicer. Ash hummed in contentment as Nolan buried his nose in Ash’s hair.

“Are you smelling me?” asked Ash.

“Mmmm,” Nolan said.

“I smell like sex,” said Ash.

“I know. It’s a good smell,” said Nolan, nuzzling their hair.

“How so?” asked Ash. “I’m covered in sweat. Surely it’s not that good.”

“Pheromones,” said Nolan. “Makes me feel close to you. Endorphins. Good.”

“If you say so.” Ash closed their eyes.

“I do,” said Nolan. “Good night, Ash.”

“Night,” Ash mumbled sleepily.

Both drifted off to sleep with the certainty that everything would be fine.