Chapter Eight

Warm.

Ash blinked against the sunlight streaming in through their window and yawned. As they stretched, their elbow bumped a solid form. To their surprise, the form snorted.

Last night rushed back to them in an instant. Nolan had come to see them. They had talked the difficult talk. Everything was okay.

Bits and pieces of memory raced across their brain. Lots of warm skin and just the slightest pull of stubble on their neck. Soft lips and a hint of wetness. A rough, desperate hand around their—

“Morning,” said an equally rough voice in their ear.

Ash rolled over to look at Nolan covered in their sheets. His hair was sticking up on one side. Drool crusted in the corner of his mouth. Ash had never seen anything as beautiful.

“Morning,” they said softly, smiling involuntarily.

“Your hair’s a mess,” said Nolan.

“You should see yours,” replied Ash cheerfully.

Nolan scooted closer. Ash felt the heat radiating off him.

“I’m going to kiss you,” said Nolan.

“My breath is gross,” Ash said, making a face. “Can I at least brush my teeth?”

“Nope, no time for that,” said Nolan. “Only kissing.”

Nolan leaned forward and pressed a messy kiss to the corner of Ash’s mouth.

“What was that?” asked Ash, grinning in spite of their words.

“I can do better,” Nolan replied and pressed their mouths together properly.

“Better,” Ash said. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Probably we should reassure our various friends that everything is okay,” said Nolan wryly. “I seem to recall your friend Bei Bei being particularly worried.”

“Oh no,” Ash said, sitting up quickly. “Bei Bei is gonna kill me for not texting her back yesterday.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” said Nolan.

Ash grinned. “Maybe.”

Both got up and located various articles of clothing scattered around the room. Nolan looked at his hair in the mirror and made a face as it refused to lie flat.

“I’m going to have to run back to my room and have a shower,” he said ruefully.

“Walk of shame time, is it?” Ash said with a laugh.

“Hey, it’s definitely more like a walk of fame,” said Nolan. “I just got laid, after all.”

A knock came at the door.

“And that’s probably Bei Bei,” said Ash with no little trepidation.

“I take that as my cue to go,” said Nolan. “I shall return, don’t you worry.”

“A promise, a threat, a warning?” asked Ash with a grin.

“A promise, darling,” answered Nolan. “A promise.”

Ash opened the door. Bei Bei stared back at them, not looking amused. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of Nolan still trying to flatten his hair while looking into Ash’s mirror. She looked back and forth between the two of them.

“It’s no good,” Nolan said. “I’m going to have to just walk back to my room looking thoroughly fucked.”

“Most people would call you lucky,” Bei Bei said dryly as Nolan passed her on his way out.

“Most people would be correct.” Nolan waved a hand as he departed.

Bei Bei slipped into Ash’s room and closed the door.

“You didn’t text me back,” she hissed, glaring at them.

“I was going to text you back, and then Nolan turned up,” Ash said defensively. “I figured that he’d yell at me and leave, not—”

“Not have sex with you? Ash, what were you thinking?” Bei Bei asked in clear frustration. “Clearly not with the right head.”

“We talked,” said Ash. “I even managed to put sexy times on hold in order to talk.”

“Uh-huh,” Bei Bei said, raising her eyebrows.

Ash filled her in on the things they had talked about.

Bei Bei looked surprised. “So he is going to work with you on the super anxiety thing?”

“Yep,” said Ash, popping the p sound.

“And he gets that you are fairly ridiculous most of the time,” Bei Bei said, still sounding incredulous.

“I did explain the whole Evie situation already,” said Ash. “And we did manage to talk through my anxiety that caused this whole debacle as well.”

“All that and also sex,” said Bei Bei. “Wow.”

“The sex was just a bonus,” said Ash, grinning.

“Ugh, you look so smugly sexed up, it’s making me sick,” said Bei Bei. “Go have a shower and we’ll grab breakfast at Timmy’s.”

Ash hummed the entire way through the shower and was still humming by the time they had gotten dressed.

“You’re actually glowing,” Bei Bei said in disgust. “I can’t believe it.”

Ash grinned as the two of them waited for the elevator. A familiar voice yelled at them to wait up.

“Ugh, he’s glowing too,” muttered Bei Bei. “How is it my luck to be stuck with the pair of you?”

Nolan jogged over, looking fresh and clean. But Bei Bei was correct in saying that he did have an interesting all-over, healthy-looking glow.

“Hi,” Nolan said breathlessly.

“Hi,” said Ash in return, trying to hold in a smile and failing utterly.

“Ugh,” Bei Bei said from behind them.

“Mind if I join you?” asked Nolan, seeming suddenly shy.

“Not at all,” said Ash.

The elevator pinged its arrival, and the three of them got in. The tension grew as all three stood in silence. The elevator pinged again as it hit the bottom floor.

“Can I hold your hand?” asked Nolan suddenly.

“Of—of course,” Ash said in surprise.

Nolan reached over and took one of Ash’s hands in his. He looked down at them as if somehow expecting this to be a dream.

“Come on, lovebirds,” said Bei Bei. “I’m hungry.”

“Oh, right,” Nolan said, and they started walking towards Timmy’s. Ash wondered if the pair of them looked like a gay couple because of how Ash was dressed. Did Nolan mind? He must not, since it was his idea to hold hands. Ugh, Ash was just being a jerk again.

“Are you anxious about something?” asked Nolan quietly. “You’ve tensed up.”

“Just being silly.” Ash tried to relax their shoulders.

“We don’t have to hold hands if you don’t want,” said Nolan. “You don’t have to say yes to everything I suggest.”

Ash’s pulse skyrocketed, and they clutched Nolan’s hand tighter. “No, I want to hold your hand. I’m just overthinking things as usual.”

“They’re probably wondering if you mind looking visibly queer,” said Bei Bei. “We are, after all, in a public space.”

“Oh,” said Nolan, looking over at Ash, who was slowly turning red. “Is that all?”

“Yes,” said Ash. “I told you it was silly.”

“I’m bi,” said Nolan. “I’ve pretty much known since I was a teenager, but I didn’t really tell anyone until I left to go to university. I might have worried when I was younger, but it’s okay. Really.”

“Ash is just worried because if you were just by yourself, you’d be able to pass as straight and not be harassed,” said Bei Bei.

“I see,” said Nolan. “I don’t mind people knowing I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community. If people want to say something about it, I’ll be okay. If you’re okay with it.”

“I am okay with it,” said Ash with a sigh. “I just don’t want being seen with me and harassed to add to your list of reasons not to be with me.”

“List of reasons?” asked Nolan in surprise. “It’s the opposite! I have a list of reasons that I want to be with you.”

The three of them were in sight of Timmy’s when another familiar voice shouted after them.

“Oh, it’s Gabe!” Nolan said, sounding cheerful.

Once again, Ash looked doubtfully down at their joined hands.

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Nolan softly. “Gabe’s known for ages that I’ve had a thing for you. He’ll be happy about this development, trust me.”

As predicted, Gabe broke into a huge grin and clapped Nolan on the back as soon as he was in range.

“Yo, you finally got together. About time, fam. I’ve been putting up with this boy pining after you for weeks.”

Ash blushed.

Gabe laughed again, although not in an unkind fashion.

“And you,” he added to Bei Bei. “My cousin has pretty much started planning your wedding by this point.”

To Ash’s unending surprise, Bei Bei blushed too.

Gabe just grinned and opened the door to Tim Horton’s for everyone. They ordered and then sat around one of the tables near the window. Gabe mentioned that the guys were planning to play some soccer later, and Nolan seemed interested in playing. Ash ate their sandwich—sausage on an English muffin—and sipped a double-double, listening to them talk. Bei Bei played with her phone. Judging from her grin, she was texting Ouma.

“Hey,” Nolan said, getting their attention. “I have a question.”

“Yeah?” replied Ash.

“Do you want to go on a date tonight?” Nolan bit his lip and looked at his feet.

“Of course,” said Ash. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Oh, okay,” Nolan said, looking relieved.

“Did you think I’d say no?” asked Ash in concern.

“I was a little afraid,” said Nolan. “See? I can be silly too.”

“It’s okay,” said Ash. “Our last date I ran away from you, so I can understand if you’re worried.”

“You won’t run away on me this time?” asked Nolan.

“I won’t,” said Ash. “And if I start to panic for some reason, then I’ll have to let you know somehow.”

“What about a code word?” asked Nolan.

“That’s probably a good idea,” said Ash. “What should it be though?”

“Something that won’t get confused with everyday conversation,” said Nolan.

The two of them pondered this. Meanwhile, Gabe and Bei Bei had started arguing lightheartedly about a video game.

“I hate it because of the linear gameplay,” said Bei Bei.

“Look, open-world stuff is too confusing,” said Gabe. “It’s better if you have a straightforward method of moving.”

“I really hate olives,” said Ash suddenly.

“Is that so?” asked Nolan in amusement.

“If I say I’m having a green olive day, then it means I’m anxious about something,” said Ash. “If I mention black olives, then it’s a panic attack coming.”

“Okay, sounds good,” said Nolan. “What is your ‘hate-on’ for olives?”

“Too briny and salty,” said Ash, making a face. “Same goes for capers. Also, I hate sauerkraut.”

“You don’t like sauerkraut?” asked Nolan in mock horror. “But the hot dogs at summer barbecues!”

“Will have to do without sauerkraut,” said Ash, but they were smiling.

“I hate peas,” said Nolan. “Too squishy and tasteless. Also celery. Too watery.”

“So where shall we go for our date if we can’t have sauerkraut or peas?” asked Ash playfully.

“We’ll just have to compromise,” Nolan said.

“Okay,” said Ash. “That, I can do.”

“Come on,” Gabe nudged Nolan. “It’s soccer time, bro.”

“Yep, okay,” said Nolan, looking over at Ash. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” Ash echoed.

The two guys left the cafe, leaving Ash and Bei Bei on their own.

“It looks like everything’s working out for you,” Bei Bei said.

“For now, at least.” Ash breathed deeply in relief. “We’ll see how everything goes.”

“Let’s go pick you out an outfit for tonight’s date.” Bei Bei’s eyes lit up.

“All right.” Ash smiled.

Ash wanted everything to go as planned, but they knew that the unexpected always happened. They just had to be prepared—for anything.

*

It was a clear spring night, finally March in Vancouver. It had been misty earlier, but a late afternoon sun had burned off the fog and left behind a cool but not unreasonably cold night. Ashley Kingston, resident overdramatic English major, was throwing clothes around the room.

Bei Bei surveyed the scene from the doorway. “It looks like a hurricane hit in here.”

“I need to find the perfect outfit,” said Ash. “And I don’t know what I need for this evening to be a successful one.”

“How are we defining ‘success’?” Bei Bei asked. “Ash getting boned down again?”

Ash blushed and glared. “Come on, be serious!”

“I am being serious.” Bei Bei grinned. “Are you trying to drive poor Nolan crazy with how hot you are all night or what?”

Ash thought about it for a second. “That would be nice, actually.”

“See, told you,” Bei Bei replied. “So what are we doing here? Boy look? Girl look? Somewhere in the middle?”

“I’m not brave enough to try somewhere in the middle yet,” said Ash with a sigh. “Anyway, I was thinking maybe a girl look, but a guy look could work as long as I don’t look like a gremlin.”

“It’s up to you,” said Bei Bei with a shrug.

“I was thinking girl look,” said Ash. “Because I want to see what it’s like being dressed up like that when we both know what’s going on. But what if it backfires and I just get awkward?”

“Just roll with it,” said Bei Bei. “Not much you can do if you feel awkward. But you’re going to have to at some point.”

“True,” said Ash. “Anyway, I panicked and went and got this black and red dress just in case, but it might be too flashy for me.”

“Nothing is too flashy for you,” Bei Bei said. “Try and be confident!”

Ash sighed. “Maybe if you see it, you’ll understand.”

They got into the dress. They’d already shaved their legs fresh for tonight and scrubbed themself all over just in case. The dress itself was made of a flowy, silky material in black with a bright red floral pattern. The top part was a crossover V-neck with shoulder-length sleeves. It tightened at the waist, then it rippled down, crossing back over in the front, creating another vee. The back of the dress was longer than the front.

Bei Bei whistled as Ash turned slowly on the spot.

“Damn,” said Bei Bei. “It looks good on you.”

“Does it?” asked Ash. “I was unsure.”

“It’s fine. Now let’s get you ready.”

And that’s how Ash found themself waiting outside of Nolan’s door, procrastinating on actually knocking. What if Nolan thought they looked silly?

At that moment, the door opened, and Nolan poked his head out.

“Ash!” he said. “Oh—wow.”

Nolan blinked at Ash in a mixture of surprise and something like awe.

“Um, hi!” squeaked Ash.

“You look…” Nolan swallowed. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” said Ash. “You do too.”

He did. He wore a dark-blue button-up rolled to his elbows underneath a coal-grey waistcoat. An actual waistcoat. If Ash didn’t perish on the spot from desire, it wasn’t from a lack of it.

“Um,” Nolan said. “Should we go?”

“Yeah, probably,” said Ash.

“I, um, borrowed Gabe’s car for the night,” said Nolan. “No bus tonight.”

“My hero.” Ash smiled just a little.

“Okay, well…” Nolan trailed off and offered his arm to Ash.

Ash took it happily, and the two walked to the parking lot.

“I didn’t know what you were going to wear,” said Nolan as he handed Ash into the vehicle. “But I dressed up just in case. Glad I did now because—wow. I just—”

He blushed again. Ash tried not to feel too giddy over the fact.

Nolan was a calm and patient driver, which Ash had expected. Ash didn’t have their driver’s license in Canada, but in the UK, they had been the kind of driver to swear and yell at the other drivers, even if they couldn’t be heard. They said as much to Nolan, and Nolan laughed.

“I’m sure they deserved it,” he said.

“They did,” Ash assured him.

The restaurant was busy, but luckily, Nolan had made a reservation for two. The place was a little more upscale than Ash was used to, but this was a date, after all.

“You know, if I ever treat you to dinner, we’re going to a burger bar,” they joked.

“It’s okay,” said Nolan. “I want to take you to nice places because you deserve it.”

They chatted briefly about the weather and their hope for an even better April, and then they spoke a little about the upcoming exams, especially the one for Dr. Brandon’s Canadian literature class. But then the mood shifted to something a little more serious, and Nolan seemed pensive.

“Penny for your thoughts?” asked Ash softly.

“I don’t know much about gender identity,” said Nolan. “I’ve never taken a women’s studies or gender studies class. All I know is what I’ve read on Twitter and Facebook. And those aren’t the best sources at times.”

“You’re correct.” Ash sighed. “It’s a lot more complicated than people make it sound but also a lot easier than people think too.”

“How so?” asked Nolan.

“It’s easier because all you really have to know is that it exists and to respect people’s names and pronouns; you don’t have to understand it to do that,” said Ash. “Like, you know that Portuguese exists, but you don’t need to understand the language to know it’s a real language.”

“Yeah,” said Nolan. “That makes sense.”

“But it’s also way more complex than even the spectrum makes it sound,” Ash said. “It’s more like an atom or something three-dimensional with quadrants. Even male and female are really complex, never mind the in-between stuff.”

“Okay,” Nolan said. “I sort of get what you mean. So what specifically is genderfluid, then?”

Ash squinted. “I would compare it to a neutron on an atom, whizzing around the gender quadrants and never really stopping. Sometimes I feel male, or female, or somewhere in-between.”

“So, when you dress as a girl, you feel like a woman?” asked Nolan.

“Not necessarily,” said Ash. “And that’s why I said it’s complicated. I sometimes feel like I’m more female, but that doesn’t automatically correspond to how I dress. And anyway, the only reason I call it ‘girl clothes’ and ‘boy clothes’ is because of how I want to be perceived, not because clothes equal gender. I want other people to look at me and perceive me as female, but the clothes themselves don’t make me a man or a woman.”

“I think I get it,” Nolan said musingly. “I might need to mull it over a little.”

“Perfect timing,” Ash said with a grin. “I need to use the loo.”

Ash got up and went in search of the toilets. When they found them, however, they looked back and forth between the two in slight confusion. There was no gender-neutral washroom. They had to pick one.

They looked down at what they were wearing and considered. If they went into the men’s, they would probably be yelled at or even assaulted. If they went into the women’s, the same thing might happen, to be honest.

Ash sighed, took a deep breath, and entered the women’s washroom. The stall at least covered everything, so they could do their business in peace. They came out of the stall, ready to scurry to the sink, wash their hands quickly, and flee.

To their horror, there were two women whom they recognized touching up their makeup in the mirror.

“I can’t believe it’s almost exams,” sighed Navreet, spritzing some makeup setting spray onto her face in an X-shaped pattern.

“Ugh, I know,” said Melanie.

At that instant, they both saw Ash behind them in the mirror.

Navreet’s eyes narrowed, and she said, “You’re the girl Nolan was with in the cafe. The one who ran away.”

“Did you know he was dating a guy in our class?” asked Melanie. “Thought we should tell you.”

“Um…” Ash said, eying the free sink next to them.

If they could just wash their hands and leave, that would be great. This was not the situation they wanted to be in.

“Why did you leave, anyway?” asked Navreet.

“I should go,” said Ash quickly and ran towards the sink.

Of course, that was the moment they tripped on their heel and stubbed their toe. Without thinking, they swore loudly and hopped on one foot for a second, trying to see if they’d broken their bloody toe.

It wasn’t until they looked up that they realized that Navreet and Melanie were looking at them in shock.

“Oh shit,” said Ash. “Right. Voice.”

“Um, are you…?” asked Navreet.

“I get it now,” said Melanie. “Nolan wasn’t dating two people at all, was he?”

“Um,” Ash said. “Not as such.”

Melanie came up and looked them closely in the face.

“I see it now. Whoever does your makeup is very good.”

“Um?” Ash said. “What are you going to do?”

“Oh, nothing,” Melanie said, waving a hand airily. “You’re clearly trans, and we’re not bigots. Anyway, we’ve moved on from Nolan.”

“What?” asked Ash.

“Ugh, just go back to your hottie,” said Navreet. “Some people have all the luck.”

Ash washed their hands, still trying to figure out what had just happened.

They got back to their seat, and Nolan looked up with a smile. He looked quite the picture lit up by the glowing restaurant lights. His hair shone a molten gold and his dark-blue eyes glowed.

Ash smiled back.

“Are you almost done?” asked Nolan.

“I think so, why?” asked Ash.

“I—” Nolan looked away, out over the dazzling city. “I was thinking we could walk on the beach.”

“Oh,” said Ash. “I’d like that.”

*

It wasn’t so dark out that they couldn’t see, and the lamps on the sea wall helped guide the way. Nolan took their hand in his as they walked, warm and solid. The sea was gentle, lapping against the land steadily, a soothing backdrop of noise to serenade them.

“I never got to ask you,” said Nolan. “What are you planning on doing after you graduate?”

“It’s not for another year yet,” said Ash.

“I know, I’m just curious,” said Nolan. “I haven’t figured out the future yet. I’m a biochem major without any idea what I should do later.”

“I was thinking of going to grad school,” said Ash. “I haven’t decided yet, but it could be something I might enjoy.”

“Grad school?” Nolan whistled. “That sounds cool. But a lot of time and effort too.”

“I guess,” said Ash. “I just want to do something worthwhile, and one of those things is possibly being a post-secondary instructor.”

“That sounds difficult,” said Nolan.

“I might not go to grad school,” said Ash. “Like you said, it’s difficult and takes a lot of time. But I like it when I get to talk about literature and how it ties into the bigger picture. And I like researching.”

“That definitely sounds like a grad student trait,” Nolan replied with a light laugh.

“I’d definitely want to stay in Canada, though,” said Ash. “I’m finding that it’s really awesome here.”

“Oh?” said Nolan. “You don’t want to go home?”

Ash shrugged. “Home is nice, but I don’t think I really enjoyed being there. I got tired of living in Manchester all my life. But I haven’t found anything negative about Vancouver yet.”

“Why is that?” asked Nolan.

“More diversity, I think,” said Ash. “Lots of different types of people who you can meet and make friends with. I mean, my first friend was Bei Bei, and she’s from China!”

“That’s true,” Nolan said. “I have met a lot of cool people from all over the world here.”

They walked in silence for a second, and Ash looked out over the dark ocean. They could see boats on the water with lights on to mark their location. The floating gas station, too, was illuminated on the water.

“Do you see us together?” asked Nolan suddenly. “In the future?”

Ash hadn’t considered that question. They paused to think, stopping in their tracks as they did so. Nolan waited patiently for their answer.

Nolan meeting up with them for dates on weekends. Holding hands, just like they were doing now. Getting coffee between classes. Not just today or next week, but next month. Next year. Getting used to knowing someone inside and out.

What about graduation? Would Nolan still be around then? They were in the same year and would presumably both graduate next May. Would Nolan attend their convocation ceremony? Would Ash attend his? Would they eventually move in together? The future seemed fuzzy right now, but if they imagined the future, having Nolan in it made them feel secure. A ball of warm contentment slowly unfurled in their chest.

“Yes,” they finally answered. “I think I do. It’s…a good future. I think I’d like it.”

“What are we doing in the future?” asked Nolan.

“Being happy,” said Ash. “We’re going on a walk on the sea wall in May after convocation, and we’re going to celebrate graduation together.”

“That sounds nice.” Nolan sounded wistful.

“It is,” said Ash. “I think we should try for it.”

“Yeah?” said Nolan. “Do you think we’ll be okay?”

“For sure,” said Ash. “We’re together, after all.”

They sat in silence again, looking out at the ocean as the moon rose above them. The waves sloshed gently against the sea wall, and the briny smell of the water was in the air. It was slightly damp outdoors.

Ash began to hum one of their favourite songs. It was an old one by a well-known Canadian band that had broken up years ago. Ash hummed a little louder.

Nolan started singing the words.

Ash finished the lyrics for him.

Nolan sang louder, and Ash joined in.

Nolan stood up and held out a hand. Without thinking, Ash took it. Nolan spun them around, still singing the song. Ash grinned and continued the song.

Nolan sang the words, his voice soft and fluid.

He was a good singer, better than Ash. He was a surprisingly smooth tenor. Ash enjoyed being serenaded and danced around the sea wall. Nolan’s hands were warm and soft in theirs, and Nolan’s dancing was just as smooth as his singing. He led Ash across the sea wall, firmly but gently guiding them into the next steps of the dance.

Then Ash tripped. They for sure thought they were going to face-plant on the sea wall and look like a fool while doing so. However, Nolan’s arms went around them and held them close, preventing them from falling.

Ash looked up, blinking in the moonlight. Nolan’s eyes were the same colour blue as the sky behind him.

Nolan sang the last line softly, voice still lilting with the song.

He trailed off, still looking into Ash’s eyes.

“If anyone’s going to fall in love while dancing, it might be me.”

Before Ash could say anything in response, Nolan leaned in to kiss them. Ash’s eyes slid closed, and Nolan’s lips touched theirs softly. Ash sighed, relaxing into Nolan’s embrace. Nolan’s arms tightened around them just a little more, bringing them closer. Nolan’s heartbeat was steady and strong underneath their palms.

Nolan broke away and leaned his forehead against Ash’s.

“I like you,” he said against Ash’s mouth. “I like you a lot.”

“I like you too,” said Ash. “I want to stay just like this with your arms around me all the time.”

Nolan’s hands raised to cup the back of their head, and he ran his fingers through their hair. Ash smiled and leaned up on their tiptoes to kiss Nolan again.

“I don’t want to go back to campus,” they said as they broke away again.

“I don’t either,” said Nolan. “I want to stay here, with you.”

“I like being together with you,” said Ash.

Ash shivered a little as the wind picked up, blowing their hair around.

“Are you cold?” asked Nolan in concern.

“No,” Ash lied.

“You are too,” said Nolan. “You’re still shivering, you fibbing fibber.”

“All right, I am,” said Ash. “But I want to stay out longer.”

In response, Nolan drew back. At first, Ash was disappointed, but Nolan shrugged out of his jacket and threw it around Ash’s shoulders.

“If it’s still too cold, we’ll have to return,” said Nolan. “You shouldn’t catch a cold.”

“I won’t.” Ash snuggled into Nolan’s jacket.

It smelled like him, still warm from his body heat. Ash wrapped it around their body and buried their nose in the collar.

“Are you smelling my jacket?” asked Nolan.

“Nope,” Ash lied, taking in another deep breath.

“You are,” Nolan said, but he sounded pleased.

“Aren’t you cold now?” asked Ash.

“No,” said Nolan gallantly.

“Let’s keep going,” said Ash, holding out their hand for Nolan to grab.

Nolan took it, and his fingers were warm and solid in Ash’s own. Ash squeezed Nolan’s hand and looked up at their—

“Are you really my boyfriend now?” asked Ash.

Nolan looked down at them. “I’d like it if you called me that, yes.”

“It almost seems surreal,” said Ash, swinging their hands between them. “I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like, you know? To have a boyfriend who was attractive, charming, and accepting of my gender? It seemed impossible.”

“You think I’m charming?” asked Nolan.

“You are charming; don’t try and deny it,” said Ash. “Case in point: throwing your jacket around my shoulders when I’m cold.”

“I just don’t want you to get sick!” said Nolan.

“It was very gentlemanly of you,” said Ash. “But really. I didn’t ever think I’d be able to date someone who didn’t mind that I was a bit…strange.”

“I don’t think it’s strange,” said Nolan. “I like you the way you are.”

“Which I never thought I’d find in someone I was interested in,” said Ash. “And in someone who was interested in me. And, you know, when you first started flirting with me, and I didn’t realize you knew I was both Ash and Ashley…”

“It must have seemed really weird to you that I was flirting with you as a guy and a girl.” Nolan sounded sheepish. “But really, I just thought you were cool.”

“You confused me so much,” said Ash. “I couldn’t figure you out.”

“You confused me too,” said Nolan.

They walked together in silence for a second.

“We should probably fix that,” said Ash. “I don’t want to confuse you like that ever again.”

“Let’s find a dollar store or something,” said Nolan. “We can buy a notebook.”

They walked back towards the city from the sea wall and eventually found an art store that was open late. It wasn’t difficult to find a section with empty notebooks. The real challenge was agreeing on which one to buy.

“I like this one,” said Ash, pointing at one.

“It has unicorns on it,” said Nolan.

“So?” said Ash. “I like unicorns.

“Unicorns aren’t exactly manly,” said Nolan. “Might ruin my macho image.”

“What macho image?” asked Ash with a huff. “Anyway, you like that boring one.”

“It’s very smart-looking!” said Nolan. “Very professional.”

Ash rolled their eyes. “Where we are going to carry out very professional arguments, I’m sure.”

“What about this one?” Nolan picked up another, similarly boring book.

Ash made a face and pointed to another book with cats on it. “This one?”

“It’s too cutesy,” said Nolan.

“We’re not going to be carrying it around in public!” said Ash.

“But what if we need to carry it around so that if you have a panic attack you can write down what you need?” asked Nolan.

“I’ve got it,” said Ash, smacking a fist into their open palm.

“What,” Nolan said.

“This cat one comes home with me,” said Ash. “We can write in it at home. That boring one—”

“Professional,” muttered Nolan.

“Can come with you when we’re out and about,” said Ash. “That way we both get our desired notebooks, and it fixes more than one problem.”

“Okay,” said Nolan. “Makes sense to me.”

“Good,” said Ash. “Shall we go?”

They quickly paid and made their way back to Gabe’s car. It was a quiet ride back to the dorms, but Ash didn’t mind. Watching Nolan out of the corner of their eye and admiring how handsome he was seemed like a good use of their time. How had they gotten so lucky?

When they got back to the dorms, Ash wondered if Nolan wanted to come back to their room again. Would it be weird to ask him to spend a second night with them so soon? But they really wanted to ask him.

“What is it?” asked Nolan.

“What do you mean?” asked Ash.

“You’re fidgeting,” said Nolan with a soft smile. “I can tell you’re worried about something.”

“I…” Ash tried to come up with something to say.

And then they got an idea. They reached for their purse and found their new cat notebook. They scribbled their question quickly, so that they wouldn’t lose their nerve.

Will you come back to my room with me?

Nolan looked down at the note and smiled. Instead of responding out loud, he took the pen from Ash’s hand and wrote back.

Of course.