Chapter Ten

Ashley Kingston sat in the bustling restaurant on Davie Street staring into their cup of coffee.

They were getting used to this whole being trans thing after all.

“Were you waiting long?” Bei Bei joined them at the table, setting down her bag on the window ledge beside her.

“Oh no, not at all,” said Ash. “Look, my coffee isn’t even cold.”

“Oh, good,” said Bei Bei. “It’s been a while since we had lunch by ourselves like this.”

“Yeah,” Ash replied. “It has been, what with all the chaos going on lately.”

Bei Bei laughed. “The chaos you caused, you dunderhead.”

“True,” said Ash. “Do you know what you want to order?”

“Oh, yeah, let me look at the menu.” Bei Bei ducked her head.

Ash looked out the window again at the people bustling by on the street outside. It seemed like not so long ago it was just them and Bei Bei by themselves. But then Nolan had come along, and Ouma for Bei Bei. They hadn’t had alone time with Bei Bei in so long that Ash needed an update on how things were going with Ouma. At least Ouma was coming to Victoria with them, so they must be doing well together.

The server came by to take their orders. Ash stirred their coffee and took a sip. Just right.

“How have things been going with you and Ouma?” asked Ash once the server had left.

“I guess they’re going pretty good,” said Bei Bei. “I didn’t expect it, but I think it’s okay.”

“I haven’t seen Ouma in a while,” said Ash. “I guess I just wanted to know if you and Ouma are still a thing or not.”

“We are,” said Bei Bei. “We haven’t quite got to the holding hands in public thing yet. For a while, you know, we were just casual.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” said Ash.

“But we keep seeing each other and quite often we go out together to the bar or whatever, and it’s like we’re there together, you know?” Bei Bei shrugged. “We haven’t really had a talk yet about our relationship, but it seems to be getting more serious.”

“Hey, you’re the one who kept telling me it’s all about communication.” Ash laughed.

“Easier said than done,” replied Bei Bei. “Anyway, if we’re going on a vacation together, even if it is with a bunch of other people and only for a couple of nights, it’s still a vacation. Together.”

“I guess that’s a bigger step to take than just going to pubs together,” said Ash. “If you haven’t sat down and had the relationship talk yet, I assume she doesn’t know how you feel.”

“No, not yet,” said Bei Bei. “It’s just that once I ask her how she feels and we have that discussion, it’s real, right?”

“I guess,” said Ash. “Do you want it to be real?”

“I don’t know yet,” said Bei Bei. “I’m so used to everything being casual.”

Just as she said that, Bei Bei’s phone rang. Ash motioned for her to answer it.

“Hello?” she said. “Oh, hi, Ouma. Yeah, I’m just out having lunch with Ash.”

She waited a few seconds for Ouma to talk. Ash wondered what was going on because Ouma didn’t usually call, as far as they knew.

“Your ex-girlfriend did what?”

Ash blinked in surprise. Bei Bei sounded angry…and jealous?

“That’s not cool,” Bei Bei said. “What did you do?”

Another pause, during which Ash could hear the sound of Ouma’s voice but not the words.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right over,” said Bei Bei.

She hung up and said, “Sorry, Ash, I have to go.”

Ash laughed. “What about brunch?”

“Ouma needs me,” said Bei Bei as she flagged down the server again.

After Bei Bei apologized for canceling her order, she grabbed her bag and was out the door without a backward glance. She must be more serious about Ouma than she thought.

Ash stirred their coffee again. What to do with the rest of their day? They were supposed to be hanging out with Bei Bei all morning, but that hadn’t panned out. They looked out the window at Davie Street and smiled. It had been so long since they’d had some time to themself.

Brunch came, and Ash slowly but surely ate their way through a huge eggs Benny and hash browns. The hollandaise sauce was perfect, and they savoured every bite.

They were going to go back to the UK in June. Their parents had paid for their flight back, and while it always made Ash a little uncomfortable to accept money, they were grateful. Spending time with their family for a few weeks would be nice, even if they sometimes got a bit overzealous when it came to protecting Ash.

Ash wondered what their parents would say if they told them about Nolan. They knew Ash was pansexual, but having a partner of any sort was new for Ash. Their parents were blissfully ignorant of Ash’s promiscuity during university, and they had never met any of Ash’s dates. Nolan would be something of a surprise for them.

Ash twiddled with their coffee spoon and wondered if Nolan would ever meet their parents. Nolan was friendly and outgoing, so they were bound to like him. Their parents were fairly progressive and seemed to accept that Ash was queer. The fact Ash was dating a man would not really surprise them so much as the fact that Ash was dating anyone.

Ash’s mom was as friendly and outgoing as Nolan, so they’d probably get along just fine. Ash’s dad was more of a quiet introvert, so he’d probably leave the socializing up to their mom.

Ash realized then that they were considering their family dynamic with Nolan included even though there was no indication that Nolan even wanted to meet their parents. Ash frowned and twiddled the spoon again.

“Are you needing more coffee?” asked the server as she came by with the pot.

“Oh, yes, please.” Ash gladly accepted another steaming cup.

They stirred in cream and sugar and sighed as they looked out the window. Being at a loose end didn’t mean they couldn’t do something by themself.

Ash wondered what Nolan’s parents were like. Nolan hadn’t really said anything about them except that they were rich. Ash, who wasn’t a huge fan of class politics, wondered if they were snobs. It wasn’t a very charitable thought to have about their partner’s parents, but Ash couldn’t help worrying. Ash didn’t like interacting with people who thought they were superior because of their money.

Ash finished off their second cup of coffee and got the bill. They glanced at it and saw that they’d also been charged for Bei Bei’s tea. Oh well.

Davie Street was busy, but not the busiest it ever got. In summer, tourists from all over the world packed these streets. Ash wandered down towards the beach, passing stores and restaurants on the way. They had no destination in mind, but that didn’t matter.

The sea was calm. Ash sat on a log that had washed up on the shore and stared out at the ocean and the ships on the horizon. They always ended up at the ocean for some reason. They didn’t think they’d ever be able to live somewhere without a large body of water to stare at. It was a good place to think.

The breeze ruffled their hair, and gulls circled above their head. It was a lovely day. Ash sat and stared at the waves for a long time, thinking about nothing in particular. After a while, their phone chirped.

Bei Bei had sent them a text.

BEI BEI: Hey, crisis averted. Are you still out and about?

ASH: I’m sitting by the sea wall. Did you get breakfast?

BEI BEI: No, lol

ASH: Well, then grab something and come sit with me.

Ash put their phone away and decided they would have to tell their parents about Nolan. They’d be thrilled, probably. At least, their constant questions about if they were dating anyone indicated their interest.

Bei Bei and Ouma arrived about half an hour later. They both had shawarma from a nearby shop and cups of coffee. Bei Bei had brought Ash one as well. Ash mentally forgave her for running off without paying her bill.

“So you think this summer is going to be fun?” asked Bei Bei.

Ouma had gone down to the water and was busy throwing rocks into the waves. Bei Bei was watching her as she talked.

“I hope so,” said Ash. “I think it’ll be great. I’m really excited to visit Victoria. I’ve never been there.”

“I think Ouma is taking this vacation as an indication of an advance in our relationship,” said Bei Bei. “I’m honestly not sure what to think of that.”

Ash laughed. “Hey, you ran out on brunch without any qualms as soon as Ouma called. I think you’re definitely moving in the direction of having a more serious relationship.”

“It was an emergency,” Bei Bei protested. “Her ex was posting lies on social media about her and their relationship.”

“Yeah, but if you didn’t at least care about her, you wouldn’t have gone so fast,” Ash said with a shrug.

“I guess,” Bei Bei said begrudgingly.

They sat in silence for a while. Ouma returned with soggy shoes and sand all over her legs. Bei Bei helped her brush the sand off, and Ash rolled their eyes. Bei Bei liked to say she wasn’t in too deep, but she often got in over her head without realizing.

Their phone pinged again, and Ash looked down.

NOLAN: Hey good-looking. What’s up?

Nolan’s text made them smile.

“Oh, let me guess,” said Bei Bei. “Your boyfriend is texting you.”

“Who else texts me besides you?” asked Ash.

ASH: Just at the beach with Bei Bei and Ouma.

NOLAN: Want to grab a drink later with me and the guys?

ASH: Will I have to see Evie?

NOLAN: I thought you and Evie had made up.

ASH: We largely have, but she still likes to needle me about it. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Of course I’ll go with you.

“Want to go to Tavern later?” Ash asked Bei Bei and Ouma.

“Yeah, sure,” Ouma said, looking at Bei Bei.

“Sounds good,” Bei Bei assented.

The walk back from the beach was fairly silent. Tavern was in Yaletown, so it wasn’t too far. The trees were starting to blossom. It would soon be cherry blossom season, and these streets would be arrayed in pink flowers.

Nolan was wearing a blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black fitted jeans. Ash was wearing an old UBC hoodie and worn-out jeans with holes in the knees. They once again felt a bit like a gremlin who had somehow ended up with Prince Charming.

“Hi.” Nolan immediately swept them up in a kiss.

Ash blushed but allowed Nolan to take their hand and pull them into the pub. Nolan twined his fingers through Ash’s and smiled. It was, as usual, a breathtaking sight. Would Ash ever get used to it?

“I’m happy to see you,” said Nolan as they took their seats at the bar.

Ash hoped they would never lose this feeling of wonder.

“I am too,” said Ash.

And they were.

*

Exams were finally over, and Ash was ready for summer to start in full swing. Bei Bei, who was part of the Pride Society at UBC, had volunteered everyone to help decorate the pub for the big end-of-the-year bash. Ash was currently untangling a string of mini Pride flags.

“Can I help with that?” asked Nolan from behind.

Ash looked over their shoulder and immediately came nose to nose with Nolan. Unexpectedly finding themself within kissing distance of their boyfriend sent a blush scorching across their cheeks. Nolan laughed a little breathlessly and leaned in to kiss Ash. As usual, a kiss from Nolan sent their gut swooping like it was full of a nest of birds.

“Hey, break it up, lovebirds,” Bei Bei said from the centre of the room. “We have to get this thing done sometime today.”

Nolan broke away and turned to grin at Bei Bei. “We’re helping. I promise.”

Bei Bei put her hands on her hips and mock glared at them.

“We’re going. We’re going.” Ash returned to trying to untangle the string of flags.

“Let me help,” said Nolan.

Working together, they managed to untangle the string within a couple of minutes. Nolan helped them hang the string of flags from the bar. Ash stood back to admire their handiwork and then looked around the bar to see how everyone else was faring.

Bei Bei was directing Ouma and Gabe in the corner to hang multicoloured streamers from overhead. Kevin and Evie were at a table writing out the drink menu for the event. Others who Ash didn’t know were arguing about whether or not confetti and balloons were necessary.

“I think we’re done,” said Nolan with a grin. “It looks like everything else is handled.”

“I think you’re right.” Ash checked their phone for the time.

“It’s only five thirty. The party doesn’t start till seven. Want to go grab something to eat?”

“Sounds good,” said Nolan. “We should probably let Bei Bei know.”

After getting permission to leave, the two walked across campus to a nearby cafe to get sandwiches.

April was a warm month, and for once, it wasn’t raining. They sat on a bench and ate their sandwiches in relative silence. Ash leaned their shoulder against Nolan’s and munched their sandwich in contentment. It wasn’t a bad sandwich, it was a good evening, and Nolan was here—altogether, a satisfactory night.

“Hey, how do you think your exam for Can lit went?” asked Nolan after a while.

“Ugh, I don’t know,” said Ash. “I keep thinking I did okay, but when I look at the notes from the class, it seems like I missed some stuff during the exam and put other stuff in.”

“I think I did okay,” said Nolan. “But then again, who knows until the grades come out.”

“True,” said Ash. “I just want to get good enough grades that I can consider grad school.”

“Are you going to apply next year?” asked Nolan.

“Yeah, I’m thinking of it,” said Ash. “If my grades are good enough. I really hope so. My GPA for last semester was pretty good.”

“You’ll do fine,” said Nolan. “I think you’re really smart.”

“You do?” asked Ash in surprise. “I do weird stuff all the time though. And let’s not forget the catastrophe that was Evie.”

“That’s different,” said Nolan. “That’s all emotional stuff, which is tough. You’re really book smart.”

Ash laughed. “I guess you’re right. I’m not great at emotions at all.”

“You missed the part where I think you’re really a great academic,” Nolan said dryly.

“I’m trying, at least,” said Ash. “The notebooks are coming in handy.”

Ash had already been using their notebooks to write down anything they were having trouble processing. One notebook sat at home on Ash’s bedside table, and the other was in their bookbag. Both had multiple entries in them. Ash found them incredibly useful for getting through panic attacks and also getting their thoughts on paper.

“Yeah, I think they are,” said Nolan. “But I really do think you’re a really smart person. You always have interesting stuff to say about the class we were in.”

“I just find it cool,” said Ash. “I enjoy it.”

“Yeah, exactly,” said Nolan. “Not many people actually find classes interesting the way you do.”

“I guess?” Ash shrugged.

“What classes are you thinking of taking next year?” asked Nolan.

“Well, I think there’s a Romantic lit course next year that sounds interesting,” said Ash. “And also women in Victorian lit. Oh! And I think there’s a cool African diaspora lit class too.”

“And you’re in honours, aren’t you?” asked Nolan. “You’ll have to finish an honours paper.”

“Don’t remind me,” said Ash. “It’s making me nervous just thinking about it.”

It really did make them nervous. An English honours paper was supposed to be twenty to twenty-five pages in length and required a lot of research. Ash had only ever written substantially shorter papers. Writing an honours paper seemed like a very daunting task. Plus, they only had a term to write it.

“You can do it,” said Nolan. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

“You have so much confidence in me,” said Ash. “But I have none in myself.”

“I’ll be cheering you on,” said Nolan. “Anyway, it’ll be a tough year for us both, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Ash. “Don’t you have lots of labs to complete?”

“Yes, but I think I’ll do okay,” said Nolan. “Maybe not good enough for grad school though.”

“Don’t say that,” said Ash. “If you want to go to grad school, then you should.”

“I still don’t know if I want to,” Nolan said. “It’s a tough goal to complete.”

Ash considered this idea. It was a tough goal to complete. If they thought their honours paper was going to be difficult, they hadn’t even thought about a master’s thesis. That would be a substantial document.

“Are you ready to head back?” asked Nolan. “It’s almost seven.”

“Yeah,” said Ash.

They got to their feet, and Nolan took their hand.

Back at the pub, people were starting to arrive for the party. Bei Bei was standing at the door, taking entrance fees and checking IDs.

“About time you arrived back,” she said as she stamped their hands. “I was just beginning to think you’d decided to skip the party.”

“As if,” Nolan said staunchly. “We wouldn’t miss this party for anything.”

Bei Bei laughed and ushered them both inside.

The lights had been dimmed, and a line had formed at the bar. Ash and Nolan joined the line-up and looked around in interest. Ash didn’t like to stereotype too much, but it was extremely clear this party was aimed at queer people. They had never seen so many undercuts and hair colours in one place before.

“I never thought I’d fit in here, you know,” Nolan said in their ear. “I look like a straight jock type and figured people would generally peg me as such.”

“What changed your mind?” asked Ash.

“I realized it doesn’t matter what other people think. I’m bi, and that’s it.”

“Yeah,” said Ash. “Being genderfluid made me wonder if I would be laughed at by other trans people, and while I know some people are jerks, it doesn’t really matter.”

They got to the front of the line, and Ash got a vodka cran. Nolan got a grapefruit ale, and Ash stole a sip. They found an empty table to sit at.

Ash thought back to their first outing dressed in feminine-looking clothes and smiled to themself. They had come a long way since then. They glanced at Nolan and remembered seeing him across the dance floor at the club. He still looked just as good, but with one difference—he was theirs.

“Hey, you two!” a voice said behind them.

Gabe plopped himself down in a chair next to Nolan, and Ouma sat on the other side next to Ash.

“Hey,” said Nolan, grinning. “Pretty good party, yeah?”

“It’s going to be an interesting night,” said Gabe. “But Ouma is sulking because Bei Bei is still busy on the door.”

“She said someone would take over for her in a bit,” Ouma reported. “But I miss her.”

Ash grinned at the obvious longing in her voice. “She probably feels the same, honestly.”

“Do you think so?” asked Ouma. “Sometimes I wonder.”

“She definitely feels strongly about it,” said Ash. “Remember that she immediately abandoned brunch with me for the emergency with you.”

“That’s true,” said Ouma. “It’s just sometimes she pulls away unexpectedly, and I don’t understand why.”

Ash nodded sympathetically. “I know she seems a little reticent, but she’s trying.”

Ouma nodded but still seemed doubtful.

“Hey, we should dance,” said Gabe. “Getting our groove on will get you outta your funk.”

Nolan stood up and offered Ash a hand. “Dance with me, beloved?”

“Always,” said Ash and took his hand.

A popular dance song started up, and Ash moved to the beat. Nolan danced close to them, putting his arms around Ash and pulling them closer. Ash put their arms around his neck and followed the rhythm of the song.

“Did I ever tell you that you’re a good dancer?” asked Nolan in their ear.

Ash laughed and shook their head. “No, but that’s okay.”

“I should compliment you every day,” said Nolan. “To make sure you know how wonderful you are.”

Ash blushed. “I’m not that wonderful.”

“You are to me,” said Nolan and spun them around on the dance floor.

“You two are so lovey-dovey,” said Gabe. “What’s with that?”

“You need to stop being so cute,” Ouma agreed. “I could get cavities from watching you.”

“I’m happy like this, so there,” Nolan said. “You can always stop watching.”

“Hey, can anyone join this little dance party, or is it invite only?” Bei Bei had finally joined them.

“Bei Bei!” Ouma said excitedly. “I’ve missed you.”

“I have missed you as well, my lovely,” said Bei Bei.

“Aw, if you both pair off, I’ll be dancing alone,” said Gabe.

Nolan laughed but pulled away from Ash so they could form a dance circle. Ash was disappointed but understood. Leaving Gabe alone would be kind of rude. They all danced and laughed together for a while until Ash noticed that their cup was empty. They went to get a refill with Nolan.

Nolan put an arm around Ash’s shoulder as they waited in line again.

“Are you having fun?” asked Ash.

“Yeah, I am,” said Nolan. “It’s a good party. I feel like I can be myself here.”

“Me too,” said Ash. “I like it.”

They rejoined the others. Ash wondered if the future would be like this, too, with all of them together and happy. Bei Bei held Ouma’s hand as they danced. Nolan was laughing with Gabe. They really hoped nothing had to change, and if they looked back on this moment five years from now, they would feel no regret.

“Ash, you need to dance,” laughed Nolan.

“I am dancing,” said Ash.

“No, you’re thinking,” said Gabe. “This is dancing.”

He demonstrated a dance that made everyone break into giggles.

Ash laughed with everyone else. “Okay, okay, I’m dancing.”

The dance lasted all night. When Nolan stumbled home with them at four thirty in the morning, Ash could feel nothing but contentment.

*

Today was the day. Ash had been waiting for the beginning of the vacation to Victoria since they had first started the planning. It didn’t matter to them that they had to take the bus from Bridgeport Station all the way to the Tsawwassen Ferry Terminal in Delta. All that mattered was that it was the beginning of summer, and they were with their friends on the way to Victoria.

It was early in the morning, but the bus to Tsawwassen was full to bursting. Luckily, the seven of them had found seats at the back of the bus, even if they were a little squished. Ash was too excited to be anxious.

Nolan smiled at them and squeezed their hand.

“We’re almost there.”

“I can’t wait to get off this bus,” Gabe said from his other side. “It’s so crowded!”

“I hope I don’t get seasick,” said Evie across from them.

“I didn’t know you got seasick,” said Kevin in concern.

“Look, there’s the ferry!” said Bei Bei.

They all looked out the bus window to see the ferry docked at the terminal. The bus soon pulled up and opened its doors to let them all off. Ash couldn’t stop staring at it, excitement making them almost jittery. Or maybe that was all the coffee they’d had in order to be awake on time.

They walked towards the terminal and got in line to buy tickets for the ferry.

“I love summer,” they said to Nolan. “This is honestly so awesome.”

“You’re cute when you’re excited,” Nolan said.

Ash just grinned and looked at the ferry again. It was huge. The cars in line for the ferry started moving. Boarding had begun.

Ash bounced on their toes and looked around. No one else seemed as excited as they were, but that didn’t cause them any worry. They arrived at the front of the ticket line and fumbled with their wallet.

“I can—” Nolan started to say.

“It’s fine,” said Ash. “I’m going to get a summer job anyway.”

Nolan liked to buy Ash things, but it made Ash feel weird. They knew that Nolan often felt like he should buy stuff for others because he didn’t have to worry about finances. Ash understood, but accepting too often felt strange.

They got into a different line, this time the one to actually get on the ferry. The queues were annoying, but this wasn’t as bad as usual. Ash walked up the ramp with Nolan’s hand in theirs but let go to run to the side of the ship once they were on deck.

The ocean was a sapphire-blue colour. Ash had no idea that it could even get that colour before they’d come to Canada. The Atlantic Ocean was mostly a grey-blue tone in England. They’d seen pictures of the Pacific and assumed it was a filter that made it that blue, but it was actually that colour. Almost the same colour as Nolan’s eyes.

They looked over their shoulder to see Nolan watching them from afar. Once Ash turned to look at him, he came to stand next to the rail with them.

“Beautiful,” said Ash, staring out at the wide waters.

“Yes,” Nolan said simply.

It wasn’t long before the ferry blew its horn and started its journey across the channel. Ash, excited to watch the progress, grabbed Nolan’s hand and dragged him to the front of the ferry to watch their departure. It was windy at the front of the ferry, and Ash’s hair blew every which way. Their T-shirt ballooned out in the breeze.

There were smaller islands dotting the horizon, their surfaces a lush green. The ferry steered between them, making steady progress towards their destination.

“Aren’t you getting cold?” asked Nolan in amusement as Ash held their arms out like Rose on the Titanic.

“Not at all,” Ash said, but even as they spoke, they felt goosebumps rising on their arms.

“Liar.” Nolan wrapped himself around Ash like a blanket.

“This is better.” Ash leaned their head back against Nolan’s shoulder.

They stayed like that for several minutes, but soon Evie came looking for them.

“You two are gonna catch a cold if you keep that up,” she said. “Come inside.”

Ash had thought the inside of the ferry would be boring compared to the outside, but how wrong they were. There was a cafeteria and a shop on board to buy souvenirs. Nolan had to talk them out of buying a carved wooden duck.

“What are you going to do with that?” Nolan said.

“Display it in my room,” said Ash. “What else would I do with it?”

“Then it’s going to watch us sleep, which I find creepy,” Nolan argued.

Ash settled for a keychain in the end, but it was close.

Everyone in their group made their way from the onboard shop to the cafeteria. Everyone else on the boat seemed to have the same idea, as the cafeteria was busy. They joined the line anyway because what else was there to do on a four-hour ferry ride?

Ash got a coffee and a sandwich, and the group found a big enough table for all.

Ash looked around at everybody. “This is actually kind of fun.”

“It is.” Nolan grinned. “It’s an adventure.”

“I can’t wait until we get to Victoria,” said Evie. “There’s an ice cream shop there that I want to go to.”

“Dang, I’m lactose intolerant,” said Gabe.

“Don’t worry, there are dairy-free options,” Kevin reassured him.

“It’s going to be great,” said Bei Bei, looking over at Ouma. “I’m so glad we could all get time off around the right time.”

“Me too,” said Ouma.

“All you couples.” Gabe rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure you can find someone too,” Evie said.

“I’m ace and aro; it’s not even on my radar,” said Gabe with a grin. “But it does mean I can complain about all the sweetness happening in front of me.”

The group bantered back and forth for a while, and Ash finished their coffee. They still felt the call of the ocean, wanting to go back out on deck to look at it.

“You’re fidgeting,” Nolan leaned over and said in their ear.

“I want to go see the ocean,” said Ash.

“Fine, but if we catch a cold, I will blame you,” Nolan said, getting up.

“We’re going back out on deck,” he said to the group. “We’ll be back in a while.”

“Fine, lovebirds, abandon us.” Gabe smiled to indicate he was only joking.

“We will,” Nolan said primly, then grabbed Ash’s hand.

They walked back to the front of the ship and leaned against the railings. It was still a bit chilly with the wind and moisture from the ocean, but Ash didn’t mind. They looked out at the ship’s progress. Ash couldn’t see the city behind them anymore, just the far away shoreline. On either side of the ferry were islands, once distant. Now, Ash could pick out individual trees as they passed by.

“You’re thinking again,” said Nolan.

“I am,” said Ash. “I think this is the start to a great summer. We’re on the start to a great adventure, but it’s not just this weekend. It goes on and on into the future.”

“A great adventure, huh,” said Nolan as he put an arm around Ash. “You seem so sure of that.”

“It’s this feeling I have in my gut,” Ash said. “I feel like we’re all progressing, and I am looking forward to the future.”

“Were you not anticipating it before?” asked Nolan.

“It seemed like the future was far away,” Ash explained. “It didn’t seem real or even achievable somehow. I was just stuck in limbo. But something changed, and now I feel prepared to face the future. I’ll be okay, even if something challenging comes up.”

“You’re prepared to write that honours paper, then?” Nolan teased.

“Yes, I think so,” said Ash. “It’s going to be difficult, but it’s not something I can’t do with enough hard work.”

“What changed, then?” This time Nolan sounded more serious.

“I realized I can be myself, and people will accept who I am,” said Ash. “I never thought I’d be able to find a partner, you know. I told you this before, but I really believed I’d be adrift forever.”

“I did too,” Nolan said.

“Yeah,” said Ash. “And I don’t want to say it’s because I found a great partner that I became better, although that might be true. I don’t know yet. It’s just that I realized I was always good enough. I didn’t become good enough overnight. I guess you could say I came into my own, as cheesy as that sounds.”

“It’s a cliche for a reason,” said Nolan. “I know what you mean, though.”

They stared out at the ocean for a little while, watching as the ferry steered between islands.

“I think I just figured it out,” Ash said. “I didn’t know before that I could do it. I felt that no matter how much I struggled, nothing would ever turn out all right.”

“It sounds like you really had a hard time,” Nolan said.

“I did,” said Ash. “My anxiety gets the better of me sometimes. But I’m getting better at handling it, and I’m getting a more positive outlook on life in general.”

“I’m glad.” Nolan seemed content listening to Ash’s concerns.

“I don’t think I won’t continue to struggle sometimes,” said Ash. “But there’s light on the other end of any panic attacks I have or other mental health issues that arise.”

“I’m glad you told me all this,” said Nolan. “I can remind you about this conversation if you ever forget.”

“I won’t forget,” Ash protested.

“No, but you might forget the feeling you had today, the feeling that says you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it,” Nolan said.

“I know it sounds idealistic to imagine, but I really think I can achieve all my goals,” said Ash.

“What’s your top goal right now, then?” asked Nolan.

“My goal right now is to get to our one-year anniversary and to celebrate by going to the same restaurant we did on our first date,” said Ash.

“You think we’ll make it that far?” Nolan asked softly.

“Yeah, I think we will,” said Ash. “In the very least, I’m going to try for it. I want this to last.”

Ash meant it. They had been considering the future for some time now, and they wanted Nolan to be in it. At first, it had been difficult to imagine someone would stay with Ash that long, but they thought to themself—why did they have to put themself down like that? They were just as good and deserving of love as anyone else.

It had taken a lot of thinking, but Ash had realized they wouldn’t have a future with Nolan if they couldn’t visualize it themself.

“I’m going to work towards my goal all year,” said Ash. “What do you think?”

“I think I like your goal,” Nolan said. He leaned over and kissed them. “Let’s do it. One-year anniversary, here we come.”

Ash kissed Nolan again and said, “Promise me?”

“Promise,” said Nolan.

They linked hands again and stared out into the ocean. Nothing could stop them now.