2018
‘Sorry about the mess,’ Quinn says. ‘I’ve been doing some thinking.’
Zoe takes in Quinn’s chaotic living room. Books scattered across the floor and piled up on the armchair. The Yogi’s Way, The Shamanic Heart, A Guide to Reincarnation.
‘Sometimes the hardest journey of all is to go within,’ Quinn says. Dark pouches of skin sag beneath her bloodshot eyes. Her unshaven scalp bristles with tufts of silver hair. It is now mid-morning and Zoe wonders if Quinn has slept at all since they found Blake’s body last night.
Yet despite her dishevelled appearance, Quinn is a point of tranquillity in the messy room. Her aura placid and unruffled. ‘You’ve made your decision,’ she says.
Zoe nods. Unlike Quinn, she intends to take full responsibility for her actions. ‘Mel told you?’
‘Yes.’ Quinn’s small, agile body sways.
‘Maybe you should sit down?’ Zoe says, concerned Quinn is about to fall over.
‘That’s very thoughtful of you, Zoe. Thank you.’ Quinn removes a pile of books from her armchair and sits down as instructed. ‘That’s better.’
Quinn’s calm manner is unnerving. Zoe is sure it’s an act, and she wishes Quinn would drop it. This would all somehow be easier if Quinn was cowering before her.
‘Have you told Sofia?’ Quinn asks.
‘Yes. This morning.’ When Sofia joined them in the kitchen at breakfast time, Zoe announced their decision. She wasn’t sure how Sofia would react. Would she gloat? Celebrate? Weep? Sofia greeted the news with a curt nod and, before leaving the room, told them they should do it soon.
‘Was Mel there?’ Quinn asks.
‘Yes.’
‘What did she say?’
‘She said she would do what was best for the community.’ Seeing Mel humbled didn’t give Zoe as much pleasure as she’d imagined. In the kitchen this morning, Mel looked tired and sad and somewhat pathetic.
Quinn’s face pales. ‘I see.’
‘I’m afraid Mel isn’t who we thought she was. Sofia had a full background check done on her. You can read it if you like?’
‘She told me about her past. I know everything.’
‘Really?’ Mel couldn’t have enjoyed that fall from grace.
‘The past is the past. She’s a changed person.’
Zoe suspects that’s what Quinn needs to believe just now.
‘Mel has honour in her soul,’ Quinn says. ‘She has no idea how special she is.’
Zoe fights off a surge of envy. ‘Mel’s no better or worse than the rest of us. And she won’t save you.’
‘That’s up to the universe now. There’s nothing I can do to influence events.’
Does she mean that? Zoe isn’t sure.
‘It won’t be as easy as you think,’ Quinn says.
Zoe swallows. They haven’t decided yet how to do what Sofia is asking of them. Making the decision has been enough for now.
‘Not that.’ Quinn’s green eyes narrow. ‘I don’t know what that part of it will be like. I’m talking about leading.’
‘We haven’t discussed a new leader,’ Zoe says. ‘It won’t be that kind of hierarchy.’
‘Pure Heart is a hierarchy? I thought we were a community?’
‘Your community.’
‘And soon it will be yours.’ Quinn smiles. ‘It’s fine, Zoe. I always knew you’d step into your power one day. It’s what I’ve always wanted for you.’
Quinn’s benevolence is freaking Zoe out. Has she misjudged her? The fear must be there, beneath the mask of serenity. She wants to pull the mask off and see what Quinn is really feeling.
‘That frightened girl you once were has vanished,’ Quinn says.
Vanished? Zoe has a mask on too. She doesn’t want the frightened girl that still exists inside her to make an appearance.
‘When I die, you’ll have to deal with the consequences on your own,’ Quinn says. ‘I won’t be here to advise you.’
When I die. The reality of what they are about to do curls tight around Zoe’s heart. She can no longer pretend this is a disturbing dream. It is time to wake up.
‘I know you think I’m responsible for Eva’s death and for what Blake did to Holly,’ Quinn says, ‘but all I’m guilty of is following my beliefs. You think I’m outdated, and my time is over, but one day someone will come for you. A younger woman who will point out your mistakes and judge you mercilessly for them.’
‘I don’t doubt it,’ Zoe says, although she’s given that possibility no thought.
‘Now that I’ve had all night to think,’ Quinn says, ‘I think I’ve worked it out.’
‘Worked what out?’
‘I thought I’d misread the signs, but I haven’t.’ Quinn’s eyes light up with a manic zeal. ‘Not at all.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘We prayed for help and Sofia came to us. We hoped she would offer us financial abundance and she did.’ Quinn is aglow with wonder at her own thoughts. ‘But now I see she came here to offer us an abundance of growth and learning. To test us.’
‘You’re saying this is a test and we’ve failed it?’ Zoe says.
‘Perhaps I’m meant to die for you. If that’s what Spirit wants, I’ll do it willingly.’
Zoe’s brain is spinning, trying to keep up with Quinn’s latest take on reality. ‘This is nothing to do with Spirit. Sofia wants justice for Eva’s death.’
‘If we truly are a soul family and we’ve reincarnated together over many lifetimes, then we chose this path for ourselves. We wanted this to happen.’
Zoe stares at Quinn. Does she really believe what she’s saying? The woman’s ability to reframe the narrative has always frustrated Zoe but perhaps in these circumstances it could be a blessing. She sees now that Quinn’s serenity is a sign of her delusions, not her strength.
‘If I must be sacrificed for you to grow then so be it.’ Quinn presses her hands together in a prayer position. ‘It’s the only explanation I can think of.’
‘I suppose the signs have led us here,’ Zoe says gravely. ‘No one understands these things more clearly than you.’
‘I meant what I said up at the viewpoint. I love you so much I would die for you.’
Quinn’s certainty is infectious, and Zoe’s old conditioning creeps in. It’s tempting to believe a version of events that would exonerate their actions and lead Quinn peacefully to her death.
‘If I truly believe death to be a rebirth,’ Quinn says, ‘then it’s time to put that belief into action. We’ll make a ceremony of it. A fitting ritual.’
‘Of course.’ Zoe executes a solemn, ceremonial bow. ‘We wouldn’t have it any other way.’