When I wake up, I don’t remember where I am. Then I feel the ache in my limbs and the sweet soreness between my thighs. It all comes rushing back.
Ash.
Holy shit.
I slept with Ash last night. And it was un-fucking-believable.
I twist to look at him in the pale morning light. Somehow, we made it to the bed last night, and now he’s sprawled out beside me, one arm thrown around my shoulder.
I still can’t believe I’m really here in bed with him after all this time. I feel a shiver as I run my eyes down his body admiringly. His stomach ripples with taut muscles, a trail of dark hair leading down his abdomen and under the covers.
I take a peek under the sheet and grin. Yup. Still magnificent. I lost count of how many times I came last night from the thick thrust of that cock, but man, I know it was a world record. We were so in sync, I’ve never orgasmed so much. I imagined he would be amazing, but this was beyond my wildest dreams. He knew exactly how far to push me: when to make me beg, and when to pound into me hard until we were walking the razor edge between pleasure and pain.
I’ve never been fucked like that in my life before, and God, I want him all over again.
I drag my eyes up to his face. He looks so peaceful sleeping. I reach out and gently stroke my fingertip over his jaw and across his lips. Then I realize.
We still haven’t kissed.
My chest tightens. Emotion suddenly crashes over me. It’s such a little thing, but it means so much. I’ve had his tongue lick inside me, felt his cock rub up against me from the inside out; hell, I’ve even had his finger penetrating my most private place, but right now all I want in the world from him is one little, simple kiss.
I catch my breath. My heart is pounding. I slowly inch closer, and press my lips against his.
Sweet. Soft. I sink into it, his lips cool against mine. He parts them, still sleeping, and I nudge my tongue into his mouth to taste him and feel the wet, warm depths of his mouth.
Longing rolls through me. Not lust, although I feel that too. No, this is something deeper, a yearning I feel in my chest.
Shit.
I flinch back, suddenly panicking. I scramble out of bed and stand there, frozen.
I didn’t think this through.
All this time I’ve wanted him, I focused on the sex. Now I stare at his sleeping body and realize in horror that it’s so much more.
This is real.
My heart twists with fear. I can’t do this. I have a plan: to pass the bar, become a kick-ass lawyer. Leave my shitty old neighborhood in the dust, and make sure my mom and sister have a future that doesn’t involve minimum wage jobs and mountains of debt.
I never planned on a real relationship, not right now. Law school is over, hell, Ash is leaving in a few hours. He’s getting on a plane and flying off to England, back to his fancy life full of classy, titled rich girls who don’t chug beer and eat cold pizza straight from the box.
This was his version of goodbye.
The truth chills me. I feel a stab of pain, but I grit my teeth and fight it back. It’s for the best. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? One last shot at the big man on campus. Well, I sure gave him a farewell party he’ll never forget.
Ash stirs. He yawns, and rolls over. I bolt from the room before he can wake.
Chill, JJ. I find my shoes and purse in the hallway, and sink back against the wall with a groan. There’s carnage out here: broken lamp, overturned table. It all reminds me how explosive the sex was last night.
How you came screaming -- over and over again.
Dammit! Part of me wishes the sex had been crappy. At least then it would be easy to walk out the door. But this is Ash: the best man I know.
For a moment, I let myself imagine a future with him, if we actually tried to make this work. One-upping each other. Having crazy, mind-blowing sex every night -- and half the day too. The thought is thrilling. Amazing.
And terrifying as hell.
Because he’s the one guy who knows me better than anyone -- which means he could hurt me more than anyone too. I’ve never given my heart to someone. It would be the dumbest thing I could ever do, to offer it to a guy who’s already walking away.
Resolve hardens in my bones. We’re both heading off in different directions now. There’s no use wishing we could be something more. And it’s not like I’m never going to see him again. He said his business in England would only take a couple of months, and he’d call me when he was back.
I open the door, and quietly shut it behind me with a bittersweet smile.
At least we went out with a bang.