Mum seemed really pepped up by her time out. The next morning, I found her making sandwiches in the kitchen.
‘We’re going to the beach for a picnic,’ she said.
‘Isn’t it a bit cold for that?’ I asked.
‘Nonsense! The sun’s out today. Anyway, it will be invigorating; a brisk walk along the front and then I promise we’ll go and play in the arcade on the pier.’
I do quite like going to the arcade. They’ve got this great shooting game where you have to team up with the vampires to kill all the zombies. Me and Chloe are on the top scorers list.
‘Unless you’ve got other plans?’ Mum asked.
‘Nope. Absolutely nothing.’
Chloe appeared in the doorway.
‘What about you, Chloe? Do you want to come to the beach or are you going out with Thunder?’
Chloe pulled a face. ‘I’m not that keen on Thunder at the moment.’
Mum put down the butter knife. ‘That’s a bit unfair, isn’t it? It’s not his fault they won’t let girls on the youth squad.’
‘I know it’s not! But I can’t help it; whenever I see him, he talks about rugby and it makes me cross, so I’m just . . . avoiding him a bit.’
‘Come and sit down, sweetheart,’ Mum said, pulling out a chair for Chloe and another one for herself.
Chloe sighed and sat down.
‘I’ve been thinking about you and Thunder. Because you remind me of myself and Imogen.’
‘Really? I hope I’m you because Imogen has got hair coming out of her ears.’
‘Actually, you are me because I think we’ve both had to struggle with the same problem with our friends.’
‘What problem?’
‘Well, you know that Imogen and I have been friends for a long time? Ever since we first started teaching, we’ve been mates. We don’t see each other so much since we moved out of London, but we used to spend a lot of time together.’
‘And?’ Chloe asked.
‘We both got married at around the same time and we were both really looking forward to having children. But although it seemed like all of our friends were getting pregnant it didn’t happen for me and Imogen.’
‘I didn’t know that,’ I said.
Mum smiled at me. ‘I’ve never mentioned it before; it seems incredible now that I’ve got you lovely lot, but for a year or two I worried that I would never have a baby.’
‘But then you did,’ Chloe said.
‘Ah, but before that Imogen got pregnant.’
‘Did you feel bad?’ Chloe asked.
‘I did.’
‘So I bet it was hard being around her,’ Chloe said. ‘Did you avoid her?’
‘It was certainly tempting. The thing is that we all know how important it is to look after your friends and be there when things are tough for them, but it’s important to share their good times too. If you care about your friends then you need to show them friendship when times are hard and you need to be happy for them when they get the things they want. Even if that thing is what you desperately want for yourself.’
Chloe flopped forward. ‘I know I’m supposed to be happy for Thunder, but I’m not. I’m just not. It’s not fair.’
‘I think you’re mixing up how you feel about what’s happened to you and what’s happened to Thunder. They’re two different things. You’re allowed to be sad that you’ve missed out on joining a rugby squad, but that shouldn’t stop you from being pleased for Thunder. You want Thunder to do well and be happy, don’t you?’
Chloe propped herself up on her elbows. ‘Yes, but . . . you’re making it sound easy. Maybe it should be different things, but it isn’t separate inside me; it’s all mixed up like when Lucy swirls her shepherd’s pie together. I keep trying to be pleased for him, but I’m not.’
‘Then sometimes you have to do what I did at Imogen’s baby shower. You pretend. You take all the friendship and love you have for that person and you use it to cover up how bad you’re feeling and you say, “Congratulations!” And sometimes, if you’re lucky, saying that will help you to really feel it.’
‘Do you think Imogen knew how you felt?’ I asked.
‘I expect she had an idea. And I think she appreciated the fact that I didn’t push her away or tell her it wasn’t fair. Sometimes being a really good friend is as much about what you manage not to say as what you do say.’
I could see Chloe was mulling this over. ‘So you’re saying I have to say well done to Thunder?’
‘You don’t have to do anything. Just remember that Thunder hasn’t got on to the squad to hurt you.’
‘OK, I’ll think about that.’ She stood up. ‘And Mum?’
‘What, love?’
‘When we get to the beach, am I allowed to go paddling?’